#BlogLife969 - I must be more productive..

I was hoping for a lot more sleep, I think I kept waking up again, but chunks of rest is at least something.

I'm craving cheesy gooey toasties, I might add marmite to it. It's freezing so waiting for the heating to kick in, plus got to unwrap and switch on the blankie.

I got to fully unpack the bag Mama handed over, or should I wait for Christmas?

I already spotted cheetos and Hershey's kisses. Oh my goodness, when we used to holiday in Iceland with family, that's where we discovered them.

And everytime relatives would visit they would bring some, I thought it was native to Iceland and who knew there were different flavours?

For anyone unfamiliar, it's a lil chocolate in the shape of erm, half an hourglass, or a lil mountain or a lil bottle lol.

I don't know which version she bought me, hopefully one with nuts but I haven't had them, since I was a youngster.

I wonder if these will be proper cheetos, crunchy crisps, our UK version is a lot softer, more like wotsits.

No UC cv appointment, so it must be next week, I hope he forgets to book it, I'm shattered.

I still got loads of pakoras left, oilier and not as crunchy, but totally delicious and fresh.

For some reason this time the dip was spicier, I prefer it mild.

Oh I tried the teriyaki itsu bao buns, quite bland actually. I was expecting better seasoning.

I would not get that again, I'm curious about the soup dumplings but I've never seen the chicken ones in stock.

2 minutes cooking time wasn't enough, 4 minutes was better. I'm quite stuffed from the toasties.

I tried the Hershey's kisses, lovely chocolately taste, plain but still good.

The cheetos are magnificent, these are all childhood favourites from when we vacationed abroad, so it reminds me of my younger days, munching these different flavours.

I put an image on Twitter, I might upload more, there's an envelope, which I will save for Christmas.

Plus other stuff I'll let you know about later. At least my stomach has stopped flip-flopping, I don't think I'll be sick like yesterday.

I'll try to drink more today. Nope the food stayed down, I'm incredibly bloated but famished and thirsty but I think sipping the ice water helped.

Plus I had a pepsi, I ran out of cold water so had that, I think it helped my tum anyway.

I keep saying I'll find a way to put the stress and illness aside and yet I can't seem to compartmentalise it.

It's just always there. The only time I seem to relax is when I'm gaming or there's a uniquely entertaining random.

What will it take for me to write more, finish the stories and be consistent?

I have no idea. I just feel overwhelming trapped in a type of confinement, where I'm locked in place and not free to be creative.

If I escape to la la land, is that embracing insanity or is protecting myself from other people's harming nature?

So in la la land. I'm married and the guy has all the responsibilities on his shoulders, not mine.

There's noone haunting me, in dreamland or when I'm awake.

I'm left to my devices, to write or not too write.

There's a calm quietness but it's not eerie. I don't jump out of my skin when the phone rings or when the doorbell goes.

I guess it would mean, I'm in a safe environment. I'm accepted for who I am, nobody is asking me to change or be more than I'm capable.

And I have my freedom back and my mind, it's no longer held hostage.

It's a much nicer place to dwell, I feel serene even writing it.

I guess the pressure is finally off. Love or something akin to it, has healed me or maybe I healed myself?!

I wonder if this feeling will last until tomorrow..?