Changes afoot

A few things recently happened and will possibly result in a big change and I don't know how to feel about it. 

When I was growing up I found very few people were reliable and gave me the time I needed to air out my grievances and feelings.

I learnt from young to be independant and not ask for help because I was let down so frequently that I felt I needed to be even stronger and self sufficient.

I still find it really difficult to admit I am not superhuman and struggle with tasks that should be straightforward but with my limitations they are not. My biggest struggle was cleaning. 

After a few minutes the pain would set in and I could not continue so had to leave it for another day. I finally decided to hire a cleaner to get my place refreshed and spotless while at the same time getting rid of unneeded clutter.

It was not straightforward at all with the first cleaner I hired not showing up and avoiding my calls when I enquired about the absence of her staff. 

The next company I went with were a little better but did not heed my request for a deep clean so she had only the basics and relied on my equipment which was disappointing but she did do a fair job in between taking calls and not following my instructions. 

The whole ordeal was supposed to be a treat for myself but it was quite stressful however in the future a friend of a friend has offered their services so I would rather pay her than random companies that have poor customer service.

I recently had a checkup at an eye hospital and although hospitals will never be my favourite place. It is so much more knowledgeable than when I was attending a high street optometrist. 

They answer all of my queries and have given me some very useful tips for my contact lenses. 

The journey there was a nightmare. I got panicky, nauseated and dizzy, when I left the car I was so unsteady on my feet and then burst into tears. 

It didn't help the driver was road raging either.

The only positive was that for my high susceptible prescription my eyes are in good condition with no added issues developing. 

I remember even from school, somebody would come around, pull me out of class and ask me how I was doing and if I was experiencing any visual difficulties but it was only in secondary school that I had the hardest time with teachers and their joined up writing. 

I squinted so much and then in the end had to resort to copying my friend's notes.

If I really think about it and cut myself a break I know that these changes should they happen will ultimately be beneficial for me. 

It will take away a lot of stress and anxiety from my life and I will still be able to retain my independence but with some additional support should I need it. 

I am slowly learning to accept that just because I am reaching out, it doesn't mean that I am a lesser person. 

It just means that I can see that there is no need to struggle to do every little thing myself when I can reach out and get some assistance on anything that is too much for me to deal with.