I am worried about my physical and mental health now. The heated blankie helps me recover that much faster and I have the latest mystery pain at the moment.
My left shoulder is hurting from doing any sort of stretching with it.
And of course being able to write is also very beneficial. It means that I'm not drowning in emotions, I can share what's on my mind and deal with it.
In the past I have shut down completely and it hasn't turned out well.
I've now eaten some sandwiches and feel calmer. The chicken and rice didn't appeal at all. It was a dull flavour.
Anyway I think when I was preparing the food and able to think rationally..
I found myself pretty angry that I was feeling forced to apologise over and over to her, that she couldn't hear me.
I even said Good morning, having checked the time and she laughed at my respectful politeness and repeated it.
That is the way I was raised to be courteous to others and she's continually being nasty or sarcastic and I have to put up with it!!!
I feel crummy and let down with myself because I can't confront her and be equally rude as she holds all the cards.
I guess I'm feeling like a doormat and not proud of myself that I'm unable to say, I'm a human being with feelings, could you readjust your attitude as it is horrendous and you should be ashamed of yourself!
It just reminds me of other times with friends, family, acquaintances that mistreated me and for various reasons like fear, I stayed silent and took it.
Or I couldn't form an articulate response back and was worried about sounding pathetic and not justified and clever.
But again, it helps to explain and share these frustrations with you so Thank you for reading, listening and understanding or at least trying to meet me halfway, even if you don't quite get where I'm coming from.
I appreciate it all the same.
Sometimes I feel heaps better, my appetite comes and goes but I'm still feeling drained.
I did a grocery shop for tomorrow though. I'm going to do some homemade style burgers with various fillings.
And for some strange reason I decided to try out Nando's garlic perinaise sauce.
It's £3.50 a 465g bottle, I always like the garlic and herb sauces. I like mayonnaise so maybe a combination will be tasty.
I hope it's not too spicy but maybe the heat will flush out the remaining cold?
I do like sriracha but the one I tasted before was really mild. I'm also going to try the linguine but dump the prawns as I can't stand those.
And I'm happy that the huge Lil duck max kitchen towels are back in stock as well as the creamy chicken bakes, those were both really high quality, so I stocked up.
