#BlogLife963 - Quietness

I know I'm supposed to be a chatty blogger but it's difficult at present, there's too many things swirling in my mind, so I've retreated.

The landlord's bugging me about this boiler non mandatory appointment, they say reach out only if you're free and yet bombard you anyway.

If I don't need to have male strangers in my home I won't volunteer and what if there is a creepy bunch of them??

No thank you!!

I wanted to do a grocery shop for tomorrow but as they are lurking aggressively unannounced I'll save it for the weekend, usually they don't come around then.

I could agree and get it over with but I'm not feeling charitable, I feel tender and vulnerable.

Not in the mood to be around people. 

My hands/arm and shoulder keeps being restrained. That's why I don't want to type.

I'm struggling doing things like stretching or holding things and saying Ouch, ouch, ouch.

I can deal with the emotional stresses but the physical aches take their toll on me.

It just feels like I'll never be normal and have a pain free day. It's almost 2pm and I should eat.

At least Looney Tunes is starting the new event soon, that's just a relaxing highlight.

Once I start blogging, I don't usually like to take a break, until I'm done.

Things with Mama are still strained. I think I'm just angry with her and tired of letting her off the hook.

What I can't seem to shake is the fact that the siblings and both my parents got away with mistreating me constantly.

It's the fact that she let the siblings torture me and never sat them down and made them accountable or punished them.

Her retribution was solely directed at me. You should know better, it's your duty to forgive, this is on you, blame, blame, blame.

I'm hard enough on myself as it is but growing older is making me reflect.

Before I was too scared to speak and now it's built up internally.

Their behaviour isn't right. I don't know what to do with these feelings as talking to her, isn't satisfying.

There is no closure because she won't admit fault. It's like she'll hear me and then carry on doing the same thing.

What is the point? How do I get over it or come to terms with the horrors of my past?

I forgot I had another noodle pot of the fuel snacks. This time was the chicken, as the cupboards are mostly bare, reluctantly tried it.

Not good either, dry and powdery is the taste. I do not recommend them at all, worst noodles I've tried.