#BlogLife794 - 3 consecutive phone calls

I just had my UC phone appointment and now the groceries are here, nice timing.

I was waiting for him to say, you need to re-do you CV, it's not what I asked for, but he said, that's all fine, sheesh, what a relief.

It was a short call and then he said, Oh you're next phone appointment is next Thursday...

Hmm what about all that stuff regarding, not having all phone meetings and that I would definitely have to come in?

I admit, the negative side of me was thinking, he was going to say, Oh I know you gave my colleague a sob story, about how the buses aren't running and you're in pain, boo bloody hoo, get your ass in here (lol).

But although I was dreading trekking it again, I'm used to pushing myself past my limitations because that's life.

I'm pleased though, I don't have to go in and hopefully soon they will close for Christmas.

The buses will hopefully start running all the way there from the 20th December, but by that time, I might be done for the year.

Altogether there is probably 3 meetings left for the year and one is a phone one so that's not too bad.

Although if it snows, that's hazardous. I do have a feeling, his colleague, the nice lady I spoke to, reminded him that I was long term ill, hence why she gave me another phone appointment, which was kind.

I'm used to the Job Centre dismissing the concerns of those that have serious health conditions, because I've experienced it and seen that they expect everyone to be able-bodied and life doesn't work like that.

And they blame you personally for being sick, like you can help it, some are quite nasty with the attitudes and that upsets me, as it leaves me even more stressed, emotionally and physically.

Anyway I just go with the flow and don't make waves, unless they try to force me to do something I'm physically incapable of doing.

Like I remember one insensitive advisor smugly smirking and asking me, Oh what would you do if you got a job that required stairs, (this was a long time ago).

As stairs is one of those no-no's. It seems to aggravate my body to the point, where I feel strained and like I'm splitting apart and the pain builds and builds and then I can't move at all.

Anyway I looked at him and just simply said, I would take the lift. (Schmuck)!!

I didn't add the insult, I just thought it. What was he expecting me to say?

Yea I'm going to put myself at risk, climb the stairs, feel dizzy, fall, break my neck, because the job comes first, my health is second? Twit!!!

That's just one example of the prejudice I face as a sick person.

I'm having an unorthodox brekkie because I didn't feel like toast or rolls, so I got some crackers and bought a few sandwich fillers, egg mayonnaise and cheese and onion and am having those together and loving it.

I did get some things to try, why not? First up is the chocolate cake slices, 4 x £1.50 is tremendous value, especially as it has such a strong flavour and filling, it tastes more premium than what it costs.

Highly recommend that. Next is the Crown Farms chicken frankfurters £1.25, maybe 8 or 10 inside.

I probably over cooked them for 20 minutes as they split, but I didn't care, it's like they have this smoky flavour, not over salted, just delicious chicken and subtle.

I only buy the vegan sausages but I wanted a change and these are really tasty once in a while.

They had no spice to them, which I love. I bought more of the vegetarian pakoras, singharas, so it's nice to add a meat dish in-between. 

I'm full already, one minute I wasn't bloated at all, then I just puffed up and now I'm feeling the cramps and nausea with this off and on monthly.

It would be nice to skip next month so I can have a pleasant time at Mama's.

Last year we were both so sick, we could barely move. We were just resting and not eating that much at all.

This year I hope will be trouble-free and relaxed. When I'm poorly, I miss my own bed, I just want to wallow and shut out the world.

Oh cripes, I need to find out for definite, that no other family is going to be present.

I hate that I have to ask, instead of her reassuring me, it's just us.

It's another stressful thing to potentially be in the face of someone that's tortured me and still to this day, I feel dumb and unwanted.

No matter how much I build up my self-esteem, I remember my childhood and how I was made to feel small.

That's why I live in the fictional in my head, it's a safer, kinder place to be..