#BlogLife791 - A lil bit of what you fancy..

Finally got around to cooking some mini dal puris and the singhara.

I was looking for the pakoras but I'm not sure where I've put them, so they have to wait but I've kept the packaging so I can tell which is which, I hope.

It's nearly 3pm but I'm not that peckish so I just did a lil bit of each to try them out.

I'm still greatly enjoying my Christmas movie binge and I've put the names of the movies up on Twitter, some new, some old.

But it's relaxing to see how others celebrate and kinda what falling in love or being treated well looks like, even though it's all la la make believe tv land ha.

In real life, half the couples would not put up with the bs, they would be ghosting like crazy but in imagination land, it's ooh let's forgive and forget.

It's weird how my brain wants to eat everything and know what's good and what's unappealing and my stomach is saying.......Nah, let's just eat the bare minimum.

First up is the dal puri, which has a lil kick of spice but it's bearable, deliciously flavourful, I think it's stuffed with potato and it's soooo good.

Oh my heavens, the singhara is amazing, but more peppery, potato and veggies I think, really well seasoned, probably needs a dip, it's not dry but the dip would tame it.

It's probably like a veggie samosa but better! I'm thoroughly enjoying the range but poor Mama, half the selection wasn't available in her area and then she was having log in issues.

What I might have to do is get it from my side and then carry it to hers for Christmas but it depends how heavy my bags are.

So far the singhara pops out the most so I want her to try that as she will adore it.

There is even a coconut version of the dal puris, she wanted to try all of them, I would just stick to the plain original.

I just realised December is going to be packed with the Christmas Advent competitions, there will be even less time to work on the story.

I'm not sure how I will manage with the UC obligations piled on top.

Oops just tried the pakora, spicier than I prefer and I overcooked it, but tasty, the singhara is better though, I would prefer to get that I think.

It's now Thursday morning and I am freezing, my monthly is just off and on, no nausea, slight cramps, think I'm overly tired.

I had the UC morning phone appointment, with his colleague, actually she was really nice, better than him.

 I explained the health issues and trekking there is painful to walk halfway and luckily, she gave me another phone appointment.

Wow, was not expecting that, it's at 9am which isn't great but then I suppose it leaves the rest of the day free.

I'm shocked because he was adamant that the next meeting had to be in person and after just explaining to her I'm long term ill, she was way more helpful and understanding and said because of your circumstances, we'll be more flexible.

Yay :) I was dreading it to be honest but next time, maybe I will pick up some sandwiches or snacks.

I'll have to see also if just before Christmas if I need to get my brows done or if the shape is still held.

I'm not really hungry but while I'm waiting for the heating and blankie to kick on, I might have a hot breakfast.

I'm quite sure I definitely don't need to do a grocery shop this weekend, the freezer is still packed.

I'm not really missing meat that much, the Crown Farms veggie range is so enjoyable that it just fills and satisfies me on its own.

I still feel weird, it's like some people at the Job Centre hear that I'm ill and are prejudice and think it's not a big deal that I struggle to do the basics.

Then on the flip side, you get someone that realises, wait this person has additional needs, maybe we should make her as comfy as we can?

I think it just annoys me, that they push me to speak to disability advisors that seemingly advocate for people like me.

But the reality is they don't give a damn and push me past my physical limitations for the fun of it and they take immense joy from my suffering.

In lots of situations, it's gotten to the point where my whole body has seized up and I couldn't even function, all I could do was lie in bed.

I couldn't walk, couldn't cook, couldn't stand and they just had no concept of what it's like to be ill and depressed that you can't even feed yourself and all you want to do is just weep uncontrollably because you feel utterly useless and helpless.

You question, what is the point, when I have no purpose? Others can manage easily, and I struggle and I tear myself down and blame myself and it's an unhealthy vicious cycle.

This is why where possible, I try to take care of myself and listen to what my body needs, even if it's just to be still, lay down, switch my phone off and recuperate in silence.

I hope you do the same, really look after yourselves and realise that your needs are important.

Sometimes space is good. I'm going to add one last thing. I never mention or add it to my CV that I'm a writer.

I want that secret all to myself, blogging, creating stories is just my personal thing.

I don't want to be an obligation or get to the point, where it feels like work, I always want it to remain a pleasure.

My lil outlet against all the frustrations, pain, anger and suffering I face.