#BlogLife943 - More Iceland

Wowser I'm trying the chicken and red thai curry. At first with the green beans I think it is, I wondered if it was the green thai.

It is really just gently seasoned but not salty, not spicy, just a great flavour.

Delicious, enough chicken, enough rice. Another winner. I also remember the green thai bag they did which had the same flavour but was double the price and they thought people would pay for it..

Nope! I'm sure I only bought it on offer, anyway I avoided this dish all my life because I assumed it would have that strong curry taste but it doesn't, maybe it's part of the 3x £10 meal deal.

There's just a touch of sweetness to the sauce but nothing to ruin it.

Coriander, lime leaves, pineapple and loads of other stuff, highly recommended.

The fajita bake, hmm, the pastry is good, the filling was just ok, too blended.

I would not get that again. The waffle fries cooked weirdly. A few were perfect, others were massively overdone so inedible.

I did less than a handful just as a snack to try them. I guess 20 minutes is too long, I'll try 15 next time.

It's so funny, I've gone from no appetite, to what can I have next?

As I bought chicken and beef to make burgers, I also got the yoghurt and mint sauce that I previously liked..

But I'm not enjoying it, my taste buds want something tomatoey or like a burger sauce.

I'm trying to be healthy!

I'm doing these reviews over a few days by the way. The beef and potato curry with sticky rice was also exceptional.

Lots of beef pieces, the sauce was the best part, mild flavourful.

Another good quality meal, I didn't try the potatoes, sometimes I'm not keen, prefer crunchy veggies, the rawer the better.

That is absolutely bizarre. It is Sunday right? I just got a loud buzz at the door..

I ignored it, it's always the disgusting neighbours and then I got a letter pushed through the letter box.

My heart sank, my first thought, was I'm in trouble, I'm getting evicted or going to jail, this is it.

So what was the letter with a sticky note containing the wrong postcode???

Was it serious? Was it scary? Was it imperative it was opened immediately?

Nopeeeeeeeeeeeee! It was a rent statement. What the hell. Post it through the bloody postbox outside.

And why didn't you buzz anyone else? Actually this is the first time you've buzzed for a statement.

Idiot landlord! I don't know why I panic so much but it's the fear of DWP and they love hounding me.

As predicted, it's September, nearly a year of being hassled and no closer to resolving it.

It's excessive cruelty that I have to worry about bills, jail, eviction, homelessness, debts, for 11 months and there is no sign of them stopping..

Eventually probably just before Christmas she will probably say give me more printouts or write more statements of the exact same thing, just for laughs.

They have no interest in wrapping it up. It's just having something over me and inflicting mental cruelty to someone that's already sick.

Because after a year of me providing proof and evidence. In her mind, she had expectations of me living the high life..

She thought I will break this woman down into fits of tears, make her depressed and highlight that she is irresponsible..

That she spends money on holidays, cars, spa days, jewels, designer gear, nightclubbing and anything preposterous that you can imagine..

Instead of the actual reality of it being, grocery shopping, bills, landlord arrears, rent and cleaners.

To her, it doesn't make sense, so even though I'm transparent, she continues making my life a living hell and will drag this out for probably years.

It's like she won't be happy until I self harm or commit myself to an asylum.

And yes all this stress, does worry me. I can't escape from it. It's the same thing of growing up and trying to survive my childhood that was a terrifying atmosphere.

The bullying is ongoing and the worst thing is, she's always turning it around on me, saying I am not co-operating, when I've done everything asked, multiple times, but yet she infers I'm holding things up.

What's the term for it? Gaslighting!!

Anyway on to yesterday and today, I am so stuffed, decided to try the Chinese chicken wings and they have that ginger spice added, glorious.

Even though I just finished the monthly, I feel like my body is preparing for another period.

I feel bloated, nauseated and crampy. I'm still tired from yesterday's walking.

I'm glad today is free and then tomorrow, one morning follow up appointment and that's it.

I'm waiting to see if they will knock and request the windows to be opened for the painting that seems like it's all done but still wet.

With a yucky strong smell attached. I have some chicken fried rice as leftovers I'll munch later, even though it's lunchtime now.

And P has man flu so he has worse insomnia than me. I'm trying to offer some advice but not sure he is taking it.

I offered to call this afternoony, as my voice always makes him sleepy, we'll see if he takes me up.

I specifically didn't say nighttime, as I don't want any flirtiness and sick or not, men always provide that element.

The volunteering is increasingly weirder. Just because it's anonymous people share anything and I don't know if it's trolling or the weird truth but good grief.

I want a normal chat please. I'm sick of the oddballs. It's too much to cringe, ugh, yuck!!!

#BlogLife942 - Off route...

I guess I forgot what I actually had in the freezer, there was a chicken bake and some chicken kebabs so I'm just cooking them up together and maybe that will be it for today.

I also had some mixed nuts that are rawish and unsalted but that's my preference, maybe they could have been cooked but it's not a dealbreaker.

} haven't heard back from the course and I hope that is the end of it.

I can't be bothered to look back and see if I mentioned this but P got me slightly irritated the other day.

I know I could do this too, so it's not all on him but to be honest, I'm not sure I fancied a call until now.

When we get friendly flirty, that's the only time nowadays he seems to say, Let's have a phone chat tonight.

We went from daily phone chats, to just daily texts and I don't mind that, he's busy, I'm busy and neither of us are in the mood to chat before bed at times.

But no matter what I say, he steers it back to a flirty banter and sometimes I'm just really put off by it.

So I just said Listen, I would have much rather you said, I've been missing our calls and can we catch up via phone properly..

Instead of Oh let's use her for flirting and then I can doze off, so suffice to say we didn't chat that night but he wasn't annoyed.

He's quite approachable and understanding, we don't really bicker as such, we might kinda snap at times but we tend to talk it through.

It's weird because I might not say everything but I am telling him, today is hard, instead of yea yea yea I'm fine.

It's not a romance and I'm not sure I would call it a friendship yet, I don't know why.

It's an acquaintanceship, probably because I take my time with people and want to get to know them slowly.

I'm guarded and don't trust anyone, so that's my process. I wish I had a dip for the kebabs..

Hmm other items I can't find is the small scissors kept in the kitchen drawer.. Plus 2x hand sanitisers.. My tongs..

Oh crap another thing is the expensive electric toothbrush charger, I don't think I've seen that since the cleaner left ffs.

I really don't understand the moving or stealing or trashing things, it's like playing hide and seek with my own bloody possessions!

Was the cleaner bored and thought hmm, let's just bin random items for fun??

As usual, full, but I wish I had some crisps to munch. As I'm trying to empty out the stock..

I'm going to do another weird foodie combination, macaroni cheese and a beef bake pie.

What shall I call it? Mac-ake? Beefaroni surprise? Today eating was just more natural.

I'm glad that the wipes and eye drops arrived about 12pmish, weird they didn't even buzz or knock.

Luckily I got the notification it was dropped off outside the door.

After a while the macaroni is just too concentrated as is the beef.

I overcook it so it's solidified not a fan when it's runny. I always end up burning my tongue on the bakes anyway, this way they get to cool down while I cook the macaroni..

And by cook I mean heat up. Actually loved it, the blend was so good I was gutted when the bake was finished.

My own version of a pasta bolognese I suppose. Oh I found out what the maintenance was about when I took out the bins and checked the post.

For some odd reason, they were painting the interior and exterior.

I don't see the point and what was the banging about? There are more important repairs. Pfft.

Fuckity fuck, just double checked, no sign of the toothbrush charger ffs, these cleaners are disgusting!!

How do you steal from someone disabled?? 

I was wrong about the chicken burrito it's only 1 inside not 2, a medium size £4 though, yowser.

I wasn't sure I would like it, it's delicious. It reminds me of the Asda one I used to get but better.

It's delicately seasoned, lightly sauced, a tiny peppery kick. The pastry has a slight cheesy flavour.

There's enough chicken and rice and veggies, it's so good, I would get that again for sure.

Actually the whole thing is enough for a meal, now that I've cooked it, probably needed 5 minutes more, so 20 would have been better to crisp up all the sides.

But yea nothing is overpowered and that's the way I like it, nice and mild, good job Iceland for stocking it.

I feel so silly, the towel just arrived and it's huge can easily fit around me with room to spare, almost matches the hand towel and other towel too.

On to today (Monday), it's been a weird day weather wise as I think it was raining, very hot and very cold.

There were barely any market stalls out, which was weird so the food truck sadly wasn't available, darn.

The buses are still stopping half way, ugh they have extended the road works, until mid September grr.

It took me absolutely ages to cross the road but I got to the UC appointment and actually explained the situation and he gave me a phone appointment for next time.

Finally!!! You didn't even offer that when I was fluey. Sod it, getting Chinese as there is a discount and I'm too tired to get up and get water even.

#BlogLife932 - Wimping out on the spice

I'm in the mood for that Kabuto chilli chicken noodly thing. I've forgotten how long to warm it up.

I put it in for about 6 minutes in the microwave, it does smell nice when I opened the lid.

I'm hoping it's mild and not sweet. I want savoury only. It is spicy but nice and tasty, thin noodles, I quite like it and veggies maybe.

It's actually not salty, I think I put lots of water but the right amount for me, so a lil soupy for the flu/cold whatever.

It's way too peppery and it increases with every bite.

My eyes are watering but I'll still finish it. Nope too spicy. It was burning my mouth off and admittedly I am a spice wimp.

I tried the Marks and Spencer's cream of chicken and I didn't like it either. Too strong and seasoned well.

I think with soup I'm looking for a particular flavour and I haven't found it.

Niknaks crisps ending up taking the taste away as did the yucky Sunny D.

I'm glad I bought it though, as it sped up the cure.

I'm trying a weird combination as I preferred the cheesy ravioli to the beef one.

I decided to combine macaroni with the ravioli and see if tastes good.

What shall we call it? Ravironi? Macioli? You decide. I like it actually, it goes well surprisingly.

But I couldn't finish it, nice easy leftovers for tomorrow or next week.

Ha me and P had a mini almost domestic. It kinda makes me laugh, at night he's quite sensitive and doesn't take to me winding him up at all.

Whereas I am lighter because the day is over and I get to be irresponsible.

Sometimes we flirt over text and he wants to continue that over the phone but I get shier and if I'm not feeling well like yesterday, I just want a tame chat but I always make that clear prior, so he's aware.

Usually he still tries to flirt and he was trying to do that over text but I get to a point where I'm poorly and the mood is lost.

So because we haven't talked in a while, well actually the day before yesterday, we attempted it but I started cramping so postponed it.

Anyway he did behave himself for once, ha. He said he's going away for a boys weekend so I was teasing him about going on the pull and his friends being his wingmen and he reacted strangely, like that isn't my scene.

And I thought hmm, but you're single and free, why wouldn't you mingle with the opposite sex?

Maybe he's downplaying it to spare my feelings but we're not an item.

We're not dating or lovey dovey. It's been just over a month since we met online.

We're just acquaintanceships who chat a lot about anything. I just said as you're away, you don't need to text, enjoy yourself.

He said Well to let you know it might have been hard to get back to you and I said that's fine and I'm not bothered.

But I think I said, if a weekish passed with no contact, then I would assumed you ghosted me.

And he said I wouldn't do that, I would let you and he has been so I believe him, unless we have a huge row or something..

Yesterday I was plagued with headaches during the course, maybe because I'm squinting or it's been so buggy, so I get a lot of eyestrain and wearing one contact lens does not help.

So I was explaining my frustrations with the whole experience, that I kinda feel dumb really.

(He didn't touch that one. It would have been nice to hear, Oh don't be silly you're more than capable, especially as I'm encouraging to him).

Oh I did bring up that he's not complimentary actually ha, and he apologised and said I think I do it to you a fair bit.

(And I thought, When? Ha. But he probably has just mainly at the beginning and that's it).

I'm not looking for an ego boost. I just think it's nice, when you know someone is low, just to have a kind word or two..

I was explaining that it's been like 3/4 days without a tutor and I expected better.

The course is buggy, you can't select answers and have them accepted, they promised a smooth registration and it was complicated.

When I reached out for help, the advice was poor and didn't fix it. The third lot of assistance did and only because I called up.

This whole thing is stressful and more time consuming that it needs to be.

And my points were that, I'm sure they are aware of all of this but refuse to fix it.

I'm not the first person to do this course. I'm sure I'm not the first that's complained.

And he was saying either I should go somewhere else or raise my concerns or how would they know their are bugs?

Purleaseee they know, they just don't care. So I called him bossy and that did not go down well.

I explained I was teasing him, but he said it's too late at night for that, which made me laugh more.

Oh and that's it my responsibility to have it all sorted out. I think because I hate confrontation and assume they won't do anything I avoid it.

I did just get an email finally from the Tutor so that's one thing.

The other thing that kinda not bothered me as such but felt a lil judgy was when he said Oh you had a late start.

And I thought Yea I got up at 11amish because my body needed the rest.

I'm not over the flu. I'm longterm ill. I'm an insomniac and I don't feel guilty about that.

I didn't utter the second bit just the first and he was like Ok fair enough ha.

I don't know maybe it does annoy me. If you're healthy and able bodied, you don't need to think about the impact lack of sleep gets you.

I find the pain comes on faster. I find my mood gets frustrated and low.

I struggle more and beat myself up. Today I woke up 9amish maybe and thought Nooooo too early.

I'm at the point of 12pm and my hands are hurting and I know today will be another long day.

He mentioned that was part of his job to troubleshoot so maybe he took it personally.

I still think they are aware of the bugs. The other strange reaction and I almost felt like he bit his tongue...

Was when I said there was a video chat support feature but I had no intention of using it, it's horrifying to see close ups of people.

And  he said Horrifying? I said Yes, it's not my thing. I've never done it and will never do it.

And I felt because it's routine to him, he was about to say, Push past your doubts and do it, but stopped himself lol.

Because he knows, with certain things when I say No, I mean it.

I sorta wonder if he's disappointed that I'm not into that video chat thing, he's aware of my insecurities, I don't feel the need to hide them.

I won't do something I'm adverse too, unless I decide it's right for me, no amount of pressure or influence can sway me.

He does seem to respect my decisions but maybe there are times when he truly doesn't see my point of view.

Hmmmm as long as he doesn't bully me, the differences of opinion, I'm fine with.

I just detected an irritated tone and if I call him out on it as I have before, he will say he was just tired. Ha I don't buy it.

Just because you think or act a certain way and it's fully logical to you, it doesn't mean I have too :)

Last thing I promise as this is already way too rambly, more than intended but what can you do?

I always feel when it's just a regular chat, he's way more abrupt, it's way shorter and I wonder if it's a bit of disappointment or resentment that it's not friendlier...

Let's call it, instead of routine?! I wish he would say something like I really miss catching up with you.

Or let's chat about our days when I'm not dripping in exhaustion.

Instead of feeling like he's using me to get to sleep because obviously his bedtime is earlier than mine.

I would rarely go to bed at 11pmish unless I had an early start, I have to be shattered and that's midnightish.

So knowing that I will not be sleepy, Why can't you call at say 9pm and have that 20 minute clean chat?

I could easily ask him that but I already know the answer, he's thinking about his needs, not mine.

To put it in perspective....... The cosier chats can last an hour, so that should tell you a lot.

And now I've also made it clear I won't talk to him if he's half asleep as that's just disrespectful.

It's like saying Hey thingy, my time is precious, more so than yours.

I will waste the evening watching TV, tire myself out and then call you, inconvenience you while you're relaxing watching Married At First Sight, clearly not tired..

Chat for what seems like seconds and then say, Goodbye my eyes are closing, while you have interrupted your fun to cater to me.

Quick random tale, was chatting to someone and I had made it clear I wasn't looking for anything and then he started badgering me for meets.

He said he would come down and we could go to the cinema so finally I explained, I had health stuff so only short outings would be feasible.

I was hoping that would put him off but No, he then suggested coming to my place?

What............On.......Earth, makes you think I'm that dumb to invite a stranger around???

I said there was no possibility of that happening, I take my safety seriously.

He reeked of desperation. Luckily he hasn't contacted me and I was able to block him.

Never a dull moment with the randoms, well actually maybe one or two :D

#BlogLife921 - Inside out stress

I'm a lil frazzled, I got a text to say they made me another surveyor appointment next Friday, ugh strangers in my home, unsettling.

I'm going to try not to focus on it. I got ready for the Iceland guy and it turns out the top is inside out, I don't think he noticed as I had the robe on on top of it.

Then for some reason I changed back into house clothes and forgot to take the bins out.

Worry seems to make my brain stop. At first I was a lil irked, sometimes when supermarkets have special offers, they don't fulfill it and claim to be out of stock.

The cut up melons were buy 2 get 1 free but I did get it, actually the other fruits are still 3 for £5 so I'll get that next time.

The melons ending up being 3 for £3, having them chopped is pricier but it means I can limit holding a knife for too long.

The chronic pain is just ever increasing doing minimal tasks so I have to be conscious and not over exert them.

It's hard to function when the pain is intensely throbbing and I don't take painkillers so I just have to deal with it, as best I can.

You know what's strange? I hate cooking, heating up, whatever it is, I get bored waiting as normally I am starving at this point.

I've been busy writing and have lost track of time. My stomach is grumbling for food but I don't feel hungry yet, soon though as it's nearly 12pm.

I try to live by that, eat when hungry, stop when full philosophy. Good on you, if you can have set mealtimes, even on the weekends, I'm famished at different times.

Anyway I cooked the cheese and broccoli pasta for exactly 7 minutes and for once it turned out perfectly, every single noodle was just right.

I tried the same with the tomato and herb pasta....... Umm, I think I deserve an award because it seemed burnt and undercooked at the same time.

I put in the same amount of water, ha and it was a disaster. Strange.

I bought a chicken and mushroom one to change it up. Heaven knows how that will turn out....

(Cooking wise it was fine but because I added so much water, the flavour in half of it disappeared so it was a lil bland).

Maybe that's why I prefer sandwiches, there is sometimes no cooking involved and it's just immediate and simple.

I can't remember if I bought this and hated it but I'm making a note now.

I got the My Protein sticky honey, ginger and sesame chicken with rice (£4) for a tiny portion but it sounds delicious.

I love ginger, now I'll add to this once I've tried it and will know whether or not to get it again.

I don't know if it's me but it's like they've made the pasta packets the same size but smaller portions.

Or maybe the pasta itself is smaller, I used to struggle to eat a whole packet and now I still feel peckish afterwards.

Forget to mention about the Willow fake butter, as it's wrapped in paper I was a lil worried it would melt all over or be hard to spread.

It pretty much stays in shape when it's refrigerated back and it's easy enough to spread, that was also my concern.

I would be tempted to get it again but would probably look for another one that is even less calories, it just seems way too creamy and delicious ha.

The My Protein meal also has broccoli and green beans. At first glance, it just looks white, dry, dull, without much chicken..

But then you mix it up and see actually there is big clumps of chicken and a yellow sauce underneath, must be the honey.

It's actually quite flavourful, not too sweet, needed lots more ginger, that was too mild but it's pretty good.

The broccoli had an ever so slight tartness so with the honey, it balanced each other out.

Yea I would get it again, needs a lot more rice but it was worth it.

#BlogLife918 - Paratha Vs Tortilla wrap Vs Pittas? Not exactly sorry

I'm really missing the egg roti paratha thingy's I used to make but Iceland doesn't have the wholemeal parathas or rotis so I'm going to get the wholemeal wraps instead.

I typically don't like these, they don't cook properly or taste of much but desperate times..

Maybe the recipes have improved? I'm trying the Slimming World version 5x £1.60.

A bit steep really, I don't know if they are thick or thin? But I just add butter and eggs.

I could be adventurous and add chicken kebabs or maybe beef something?

I think I just like it simple, the less the better it tastes, for me anyway.

I just remembered the turkey bacon strips, they would make a good addition.

Scrap that I got fruits instead, more of an offer 3 for £5 so for a change, I got plums, then grapes and strawberries lol.

It's usually the same thing and olives with feta cheese, although not so keen on that type of cheese, too dry.

Uh oh, the title is wrong, Iceland just called and said the wraps are expired so can't send it and there's no replacements, just the white version which I don't want.

So she suggested Warburtons soft pittas I think, I've already forgotten.

I can't remember if I tried it and wasn't so keen, why isn't more stuff in the brown bread variety? Ugh!!

And I just realised these will be small, I wanted to crack the egg over the large wrap, I can't do it with tiny pittas.

I might do a Zoom shop, they have rotis, parathas and wraps but not all in wholemeal.

I just toasted the egg on the pitta, it's a half and then you open it up, thin I would say.

Typical me, didn't realise I was out of spray oil for the press, so I used butter.

I have a feeling that really helped. Even though I grilled it well, it's like eating really soft toast.

It's tasty though with the ingredients, maybe on it's own, not so much.

I put an egg, olives, feta cheese, butter from the press and even the feta mixed well with it, I wasn't sure it would.

I was going to add more but it would have been too much for me.

But as there are only 4 in a pack, later on I might do a Zoom shop, I'm kinda struggling to eat this, even though I really like it.

My stomach is churning and not from nausea or cramps, it's all the emotions I'm feeling.

I think though because I like BB/P I'm sharing way more than usual.

I even said that my instinct is to push you away, not because I want too, it's my usual habit when really stressed as I have to support myself through illness/family stuff and it's always been that way.

Arghh forgot to add, I don't usually buy butter, it's like salt, an addition that isn't necessary.

But due to having a dry wrap and cooking with the press, I wanted it.

I bought Willow, an alternative to butter, rich and creamy but not overly so.

Oops it's more for cooking not spreading but I wanted something small and cheap as I won't use it, apart from in sandwiches.

It's got vegetable oils and buttermilk and is lower in fat. It was £1.35 for a 350g block.

I am so full. Iceland said another weird thing to me, that if I didn't like the tissue substitution, they would re-deliver the normal one tomorrow lol.

I said No thanks, I didn't trust them to re-deliver ha.

#BlogLife913 - New nibbles

I'm not sure if they were all on sale or just some of them but I saw some interesting things to try.

Vegan starburst, formally opal fruits. I wonder if it will still be as juicy and fruity? £1.25 for a 138g bag.

Quanta hazelnut daybreak choccies, 6 for a £1. McVities chocolate cream oaty hobnobs for a £1 they are teeny tiny ha.

Oh that's it, I thought there was more ha. I think I also bought the Whitworths nutty mix prior.

My memory is so bad. At least all the shopping is unpacked but when they're late, I hate when they don't apologise, that's why you get shouted at.

I mean not me personally, but I understand other people's frustrations at wondering how long they have to wait, with no updates.

For some reason this morning, I just felt really hungry so if they were excessively late, I have a feeling I would have ordered breakfast maybe fruit and a sandwich,

One day maybe I'll try their pancakes but it's a big stack and I don't have the appetite for it.

I'm still enjoying Married At First Sight Australia, even though it's really old, a lot of drama and fakeness but romance also.

I didn't bother to chase up the perfume as I got an email to say it's out for delivery but it's also raining and you don't see Posties in this weather so...... Hmm... It's past 1pm already.

It's annoying Mama's panini press grill toaster thingy hasn't arrived either.

Holy moly a special Postie delivered the perfume, even the box is gorgeous.

It is worth it for £20. It will last ages hopefully. I'm glad I get to relax now.

Oh I'm happy I bought the daybreak choccies, they are just like ferreros, actually I got to put them in the fridge, all melty with this crap warm weather.

Even raining all day it's soo warm. Anyway it's like a chocolate wafer with a melted gooey hazelnut centre, it's so good.

It's very small but with the sweetness, you wouldn't want anymore than that.

The sandwich chocolate hobnobs are great, there is enough chocolate, it's just a tad dry for my liking, still good but not perfect.

Just tried the vegan starburst think I had most or all the flavours, it's exactly the same, that bit of sweetness, fruitiness, juiciness, I don't see any difference between the two.

Actually I don't know if there is a price difference but I would prefer this version, I have them maybe once or twice a year so it's nice to have this option.

I don't know if it's the humidity or pmt, I'm just feeling very weak and horrendous.

Cramps, nausea, breast pain, unable to stand for too long. I came back from the bathroom after washing my face and I had to lie down for a bit.

But I feel alrightish now, so I can get on with the day. I have to pluck my brows a bit.

File my nails a lil, I've already chopped my hair short. Oh and I'll probably recharge the electric toothbrush again.

Other than that I'm all set. I need to order some more essential oils, I'm running out, not sure if I should it before I leave or when I return?

#BlogLife910 - Grow up I won't indulge your immaturity!

The lion cereal bars are disgusting. I expected something completely different because I like lion bars.

These are like eating stale cocoa puffs, with a nasty white coating underneath, I don't know if it's yoghurt, white chocolate or what but yuckkk.

It's got a horrible taste. I think it's the syrup. It's like eating something that is not fresh, not crunchy but chewy.

I was hoping for a bit of chocolate and nuts but nothing of the sort. I do not recommend them, no wonder it was on sale. Ick.

Strange Iceland sent me the invoice and refunded me the samosas that they said were on the way today?

That's what I don't get, why would they deliver something they're not charging me for?

I don't think they are coming back. I also forgot to mention, I saw something different.

Called Bulls in blankets, no pork whatsoever, just 12 lil mini beef sausages for £2.

I've never really seen mini versions so I thought why not. I don't feel I am eating much but the food is disappearing so I must be.

I'm having lots of small meals, that's probably why. Oh and the Crown Farms chicken burgers which look huge but are teensy weensy.

Severe false advertising there but maybe they are delicious. I'm cooking one and some onion bhajis just to snack on.

I don't feel like much and luckily they are tiny also. Oh my, my face is burning..

The onion bhajis are really nicely seasoned they taste more like pakoras which I love but spicier than normal, oof red face.

Then the chicken burgers turned out really tasty but again, there's spice, it's not unbearable but with the heatwave it's really warm.

I'm so glad I tried it though, just seems different to any other chicken burger, it's almost like a kebab but in burger form.

I'm glad I got the hummus dip, it's cooling everything down and adding a creaminess to it.

Let me get this off my chest. I just blocked AA/J for the second permanent time.

Why didn't I notice he was a J before, ha, no wonder he got on my nerves.

They all start off well, there was easy flowing banter, he knew my circumstances and was fine with it (as they are at the start).

Then he asked for my phone number in Discord and I thought Why?

So again I have to repeat myself and say I'm not interested in meets/picswaps as long as you're fine with that, I don't lead people on, I'm crystal clear.

And he was like Oh I assumed you wanted to meet me now. Nope, don't frigging assume anything about me.

So after that rejection he went hot and cold. Oh and why did I block him the first time?

I heard that married word, but afterwards he said he was long separated. Hmm I don't know..

So he went from being chatty to barely replying or initiating and then I thought, ok well he's not interesting in gabbing anymore, whatever.

The final straw was him the next day, sending a short message and me politely enquiring how he was..

Only to receive a one word response and nothing else. So screw that, I'm not chasing anyone and certainly not forcing anyone to talk to me, if you don't want too, then block me and move on, I don't give a damn.

I like straightforwardness. I just carried on with my day, I wrote posts, I was unpacking the shopping, I was busy.

Then he messages a few times, I check back and he's like Where were you??

WTF does it have to do with you?? His clingyness was soo offputting, have your own life and do your own thing, don't rely on me constantly to entertain you.

I'm always multi tasking so why can't you do the same??

So I was really irritated at this point. He doesn't own me, my time is my own. I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

I eventually replied that I was busy and not at his beck and call, not that there was anything much to reply too in any case.

So then he started this passive aggressive BS, Oh you want to block me again.

I said No, you're the distant one, you want that, but you're just to chicken to do it.

So then he tries to flip it back on me and say, I messaged you multiple times with no answer.

Pffft, all he said was Hey, and Oi. I don't respond to Oi, that's the most rudest greeting ever.

He was expecting me to start a conversation and then he said Oh I would have chatted more after that.

Grow the hell up! You wanna chat to me? I'm fine with it, but make the bloody effort to start.

Ask a question, talk about your day, share, don't expect me to do all the work because it makes you look like an empty fool!

All he said after that was Ok and then nothing and I thought You're gutless and a timewaster so I waited until the evening..

Nothing still and I blocked him. It was like dealing with a child demanding attention and then throwing a tantrum, not getting his way. Pfft.

#BlogLife896 - Sunny world

Is it the weekend here already? I don't really feel like writing but most days it's like a compulsion to jot down some observations or whatever is going on with me.

Zoom sent me an email with some new products listed, no sign of the caesar sushi but they did have lemon eclairs, which looked fabulous, pistachio tiramisu and I've only seen the cafe version which is amazing, so I wonder how it compares?

I don't need to do any mini shops at the moment though, so it has to wait, assuming it will ever be in stock.

My stomach is still cramping off and on. I'll probably munch soon but not sure what on.

I always do this, I say I'm not ordering but checking the supplies, I'm out of snacks and that's more appealing than food at times so I might do an order this weekend..

Mostly everything was on sale, saved £7, got some Neutrogena face wash (saved £2 nearly), some more gnocchi but this time the cheese and tomato as the plain one needed some flavourings.

Also some new munchies, Laila mini poppadoms 90p, yoghurt, mint and coriander style.

They seemed fun, like it incorporated the raita dip into the seasoning.

Also Laila chilli and lemon grills crisps 90p, hope it's not too salty, tried a different brand and it's great but oversalted, which ruins it.

Got the chicken sushi, they were out of the regular so got the dragon one, hint of spice with that, although some might be a lil extra but delicious all the same.

I'm not totally against pepper, it's just when it's so strong it's uncomfortable to eat, it's off-putting because that's all I end up tasting and I never want to finish the rest of the dish.

I thought while I wait for Zoomy, I'll moisturise and apply the mud mask. It's very cooling actually on this humid warm day.

Oh ha, and as I predicted no tiramisu or eclairs, I knew it, good taste some customers.

To be honest, the salmon avocado probably still beats them all, but it's never in stock :(

I should have written a list of what I needed but I think I got everything, it was only a few bits really.

I was mostly full after the sandwich and some sushi but I wanted to try one of the snacks.

I settled for the mini poppadoms from Laila, yoghurt mint coriander, highly unusual.

Wow, for 90p, there was a lot in the bag. I don't recall ever trying a poppadom or a crisp that's been creamy before, I don't know how they did it.

It's a nice size, not too salty, great marriage of favours. It's absolutely delicious, I feel like I've dipped it into a raita already.

Brilliant concocotion. Crunchy, fresh, I would definitely recommend it. Now I can't wait to try the lemon grill one.

I'll pack the rest up, no more nibbling for me today. I'm so glad I tried that and didn't stick to my usual choices.

I definitely recommend that, if you like those flavours, lush. Hmm just tried the cheese and tomato gnocchi..

I sorta expected to like it more, it's ok, bit cheesy, bit tomatoey, still blandish but not as nice as the plain one weirdly enough.

I wouldn't buy this one again, I'll stick to the plain and add cheese and/or garlic dip.

I really should probably eat it with something else but I feel so bloated and full, yet hungry ugh, irritating.

Ok that's one thing done, horridly reliving everything answering the DWP's questions. Filled in the form and because they were so sarcastic/nasty.

I also just told them all about how I was struggling on crutches and healing from the hospital and that my place was woefully not furnished even a lil bit.

Go ahead DWP, keep making me out to be a monster, oooh the big bad crippled girl. Good for you hassling me, continue gloating to yourself.

Now I have to screenshot the job applications and course rejection for the idiot UC advisor, I'm dealing with clowns!

Alright, got back, munched because I felt depleted, still going between nausea and normality.

I did 2/3 chores, not bad. I posted the letter, finally got my eyebrow shape done, I feel fabulous.

And even though I felt a bit rough, for once I didn't feel self conscious about my size.

I mean I was covered up completely but I wore this red flowy pretty top over a plain top, in case it was chilly and I felt so cute.

Make up was done, a lil red/purple eyeshadow, foundation and the sun was finally out.

I mean I know I love my storms but I wanted to try the new pilot sunnies and they are glorious.

I don't know if it's unisex but I don't care, it was a goldy purple style and then the tinge is yellow so I could see clearly and still be protected.

And even though I oiled my hair and did a mini scalp massage, it looked really thick and styled, so I was pleased to look polished, even fighting sickness all morning.

In my haste to deal with the DWP letter, I forgot to sign and date it so I quickly opened it and used the other spare envelope.

That's what frazzleness and trauma does, I just lose my common sense.

By the time I got to the Market, I was fried but somehow through that yellow tinge, everywhere looking like sunshine, I just pretended I had boundless energy and that I was carefree.

Just like everyone else, window shopping, looking all chic and as I kidded myself, I swayed my hips, just like the old days and I thought, Nah I'm not poorly today, I'm healthy.

This mental trick worked for a lil bit, but after the brow shape. I thought alright, I'm done for the day.

I posted the letter, started to feel sick and thought I could go into the library risk it and print out the emails, or I could will myself to make it to the bus stop and sit and rest.

I chose the bus, there was a tiny bit of energy left, so I thought let's be sensible and not over exert ourselves.

I did want to grab a sandwich and drink but I couldn't do it. I have to encourage myself to carry on walking to get to my destination.

I think actually the nausea is not only caused by stress it is always heading outdoors.

Even on calmer days, I still feel that trepidation, it's not fear exactly, I think it's the possibility that something bad could easily happen, once again.

But for the most part, today was good, got leftovers for later and tomorrow and now I have to do the UC stuff and then I can unwind.

#BlogLife879 - Am I cured?

I feel even better today, my throat hasn't been bothering me much at all. I've been sleeping quite deeply but waking up in a sweat at times, so I think I'm back to having nightmares.

I don't know what they are about, as soon as I partially awake, I have no memory.

I'm glad I bought the orange juice, it helped with the throat and the monthly, it all seems manageable now, especially with sprinkling essential oils on my pillow.

Of course the binaural beats youtube videos played their part too, eventually. A slower natural cure, if you like.

I finally remembered to do the feedback for the mask, actually I'm starting to quite like it.

The black marks are faintly there but much less prominent than before and overall, my face is smooth and clear.

I also have to mention that I don't feel that excessive bloatiness for once. I normally suffer quite badly with that.

I m trying my best to drink lots of water, even though I failed today, late start but I needed the rest, so that's acceptable.

I also just contacted Iceland about the missing snack so they should refund this week. 

It's only a pound but I don't like paying for something I haven't received or bad service.

I just did the oil scalp massage and my hair is all clean but flat ha.

I don't recall the last time I did it so at least it's done and I'm not heading out so no-one will see I have no volume today.

I also did the protein tablets so my eyes are less irritated wearing the contact lens.

I did a mini Zoom shop too, unfortunately they were sold out of the sushi and sandwiches so I had to do my own version.

I bought the salmon veggy pasta, removed the salmon and added some egg and that was delicious.

I don't think I've put fish and egg together before, great combination.

I also saw a bag of Pagen cinnamon rolls, 12 inside for £2.20. I was expecting it to be a lil sugary, and have an overwhelming taste of cinnamon.

It's more like a diet snack, very disappointing. There is barely any sweetness and hardly any sense of cinnamon.

If I had known it would lack flavour, I wouldn't have bought it. It's soft enough but not mushy, a good individual size for each piece but come on, stop being stingy with the calories and taste sensations!!

I just cooked the Ranna pan fried gnocchi, £2.75 for a 300g bag, they are small so there is quite a lot inside.

I cooked for about 3 minutes but it needed one extra, some are soft and some are a lil tough.

I liked the idea of these ever since Mama bought some and fried it up with corned beef and onions and it was sublime.

These ones don't have much taste at all, I mean they had various cheese, pumpkin (fancy), and veggies ones but I wanted something simple.

Just plain potato dumplings for me but when I tried them to see if they were done, it's just too plain ha, lacking any seasoning.

So what I did was add some garlic and herb dip and some Philadelphia cheese and it's perfect.

I just wanted a lil snack really, after my sandwich and that hit the spot, for something different.

As usual just when I assume the throat is fixed, it's starts burning again, I'm all stocked up on lollies and it's so soothing.

Oh Ps, I know the dumplings are designed to be accompanied with a main dish to balance the flavours but they would have still been bland.

And I don't have a huge appetite at present so it's best I don't over-eat.

#BlogLife877 - What's good for you, doesn't necessarily suit me..

My face has turned into a strawberry, as usual I bought some new things to try, shake things up a bit.

However I should have paid closer attention to the packaging. I thought nacho cheese pasta sounded interesting.

It is tasty, nicely seasoned, however I didn't realise they dumped a whole load of pepper in there, Oh my, my face is on fire.

Why did you do that to me Iceland? I thought we were friends? What would have gone perfectly now, is the milk lollies, but noooo, you were sold out of those :(

I also decided to try Regal puff pastry finger biscuits. I thought these looked more on the cakey side or at least a soft chewy biscuit.

It's so light, it's like eating air, not keen on those, sweet enough, not overly so but lil bit tasteless and dry.

Good job it's a cold day, I did need to warm up. Holy moly, I'm scared to eat more, it is really good though..

(The pasta, not the biscuits). I don't know if I've tried these before but I want a small snack so it was finally in stock.

Crown Farms chicken kebabs, I don't know if they are spicy or seasoned nicely.

They're not bad actually mild spice, bit dry, definitely needs a dip with it but plenty in the bag.

We used to get some from the local butcher and nothing has rivalled those, lil spicy, very tasty, extremely expensive but it was a huge size.

I think it was £5, ouchy. These were £4 plus I got TGI Friday's wings, I didn't realise it came with sauce that is frozen solid so I won't be trying that.

The wings are alright, nothing special, I wouldn't recommend those, takes ages to cook.

On to the Naked Thai style chilli chicken version, smells better than the rest.

And has the least amount of impression, it's fine, just no spice and very weak, I don't recommend as I put less water in and it still doesn't taste of much.

I still feel lousy. It's funny I was talking to Mama and she said she constantly feels like she has a headache and now that's how I am, my head is pounding constantly.

She was telling me about her trip to West London as she won an afternoon tea for 2 at some posh hotel, I forget the name.

She did ask me if I fancied it, but trekking all that way, is too much for me, buses, tubes, train, or maybe just train, I'm not sure.

Anyway, I was hoping they would be treated like royalty, completely made a fuss over and over fed.

Now comes the reality. I think it was one tiny sandwich, probably one drink, the waiter buggered off for an hour, didn't bother to check in on them, ask if they needed any top ups or extras.

Then it was maybe a scone or mini cakes and it was just so basic and extremely horrid service.

I'm sure she travelled an hour and probably trekked a bit, so I was disappointed for her and afterwards they joked, they should get McDonald's or something to tide them over as they were starving afterwards.

It should have been a lavish experience and if that was me, I would have gotten in touch with the Promoter and said....

Thanks for my competition win but as an elderly person without a car, it was a long taxing journey and although I was looking forward to it.

A glamorous hotel, a posh area, we were treated shoddily. Barely fed and the customer service ignored us.

We were so famished and exhausted after that, we picked up a cheap and cheerful takeaway that cost a couple quid, but was a vastly superior extravaganza of an experience.

What a waste of travel fare and our precious time! In reality, she came home and cooked herself a meal and was happy to at least have caught up with her bestie, who she hadn't seen in a while.

I don't think she will complain, normally we just accept bad service, confrontations are hard.

And half the time, maybe more than that, we as women, face offensive men, that happily talk down nastily, no matter what we say.

Instead of apologising and rectifying it, immediately. If a man confronts another man, however, it is a whole different attitude.

They can't fix it fast enough. I've had mixed altercations really. I pick my battles.

Somebody laughing in your face though, does tend to humiliate you.

I'm hoping this bug or whatever it is, from the weekend fades fast.

One more thing while I'm on this thread. As another tooth is wobbling and will come out soon I hope.

I realised years later why I have an aversion to dentists as well as doctors.

I know it was because he said I had no choice, I had to put up with the students observing all of my treatments.

Which is, as I've said wrong, they should get the patient's permission, each time.

It is because when I'm laying there in the chair, feeling my vulnerablist, in loads of pain, blood leaking out, drool dribbling, wincing from the procedure.

I feel like I'm on display, strapped down, being pointed and laughed at and there's nowhere to escape from.

This has never been the case but that's how it always felt to me, an intense atmosphere and that sense of being confined against my will and ridiculed.

I had too much of that at home, that's why I made so many excuses to myself to avoid the dentist.

There was no way I was willingly walking into another traumatising situation.

It probably sounds a bit exaggerated but the mind has a way of protecting us from perceived dangers and because I have faced so many, mine is overly cautious and always suspicious.