#BlogLife1138 - Rainy day Solero

I was not expecting that. I just cooked the puff pastry steak and cheese bake..

I'm so glad it wasn't overly cheesy, just a tiny amount and it was really nicely seasoned.

Very tasty. The older I've gotten big chunks of meat, turn my stomach, but these were small.

I'm glad I tried it. It was steaky, but not unpleasant. I would get that once in a while, quick and easy.

The knock off Magnum ice cream almond lollies, are divine, very creamy, tasty, ample size.

I miss my lollies lol. Oh and I'm not sure if it was new but for the same price as I usually pay..

They had southern fried fries. It's quite nice actually but the cooking is weird, some were perfect after maybe 18 minutes..

Some needed a bit more but then my appliance is so old, that could be the cause.

At least with chunky chips after 25 minutes they are all crispy. This weeks breakfast is probably going to be..

Cheesy toast, baked beans and if I can be bothered, sliced chicken meatballs, which are yum.

I'm trying to make heartier meals. I should eat more fish and not just salmon and cod, come on woman..

Expand. I'm thinking about mackerel. I don't think I've had that and sardines I had a lot when I was younger so as an adult, steered clear.

The taste wasn't bad. It was the repetitiveness. These would be good on crackers or toast or even fishy bagels..

I just felt a bit wimpy about seeing eyes, but they are headless, phew, an option is boneless too, which I would opt for...

I choke way too easily.. Pity Iceland doesn't sell kippers, those are lovely.

I forgot about that, another £10 is waiting to clear, cashback on my card.

I have to be sure to request it before the end of the month, otherwise it expires.

It's wonderfully miserable today. No sun, overcast all day, probably rained.

I was shivering and didn't need the fans. I got out the heated blankie and decided to try the berry Solero...

Hmm lolly and inside is vanilla ice cream. This tastes like a diet food.

Not very sweet, but luckily, not too bitter either. It surprisingly held it's shape and didn't fall apart, like most do.

I enjoyed it. Citrus is preferred. I wouldn't pay the regular price but it working out to £2 was reasonable.

It was a nice blend. Each day I've been opening a packet of 3x of a kind Hills biscuits.

They are crunchy, tasty and varied. I've been loving it. It's like high quality biscuits in a tin but the budget version and not skimping on the taste.

Where else would you get such a mix? I love ginger, orange, chocolate. I even loved the coconut and that's not my preferred taste.

What might be the only downside, is the custard cream, we'll see.

Granted they are small, but by the time you have the 3rd one, you're satisfied.

Not many would want more than that. Well maybe if you're famished but for me, I'm good.

I would definitely recommend it and Yes I'll be buying it again :)

I can't think straight but I swear the Chippy is usually open by the time I get home from my UC appointment.

Maybe I got back way earlier, this time around 11am and the appointment was 10.10am, good actually for all the walking I did..

Ugh I'm irritated I have a strong feeling the same bus driver is not stopping deliberately at my home..

I'm bloody exhausted. I hate him. Anyway good news, no horrid advisor, the stand in bantered about the weather, was genuinely concerned about me not feeling well and gave me an authentic phone appointment..

Woohoo!! So time to heal up, well rest really. I don't know, I just felt really sicky today..

Quick review, I used the Xpel argan conditioner with my own hair oil..

Umm.. It's not very luxurious looking. A white think gunk. It was easy to use and rinse out.

But no premium feel, my hair is flat, but soft but it styled really nice, cute flicks out...

But based on today. I would not get it again. It's very basic and if I'm paying for something, I want benefits..

#BlogLife1128 - Lil sweet, lil fiery....

Nope I'm not talking about moi... It's time for some foodie reviews.

I just tried the McCain triple cooked chips. I did them for about 25 minutes which was perfect, the smaller ones were a bit crispy..

The large ones, just right and I thought I would dip it in Nando's sweet chilli jam.. Good crunch to them.

Yummy combination, like a sweet relish or ketchupy type.. It's not too sweet or peppery and I'm glad I tried it..

I wasn't sure at first. I think the more you have, the more the pepper kicks in, it was a lil tongue tingly but not harsh, just gentleish, if you don't like a lot of spice.

It's different to the usual mayonnaise or hummus or even garlic dips that I buy.

Oh it pairs really well with beef. I put it in a toastie and just small dabs, the lid is really hard to open.

Actually with every single thing I've tried, fish, cheese.. It's complimented it well, very versatile.

Something driving me crazy all weekend was this phone popup in all the games, cpu, fps I think..

Anyway I finally got rid of it. I opened up the plus tab in a game, unpressed System monitor and boom that solved it.

Even though my stomach is lurching, I do feel better now. I updated this previous post as more information came today.

Ah this means I'll have to do a grocery shop for Thursday or Saturday..

Oh my it's nearly 2pm and just had my first meal. I decided to do a burger toastie as I didn't have any buns.

Oof this was more like steak. I can't recall where I got it from, the same one with a short expiry..

I think it was Sainsbury, pretty tasty so what I did was grilled the bread, cooked the burger separately for 20x minutes.

Then when the toast was done, put Philadelphia cheese, garlic and herb one and a bit of the sweet chilli jam..

Delicious. I actually ended up slicing the burger to cover the whole toast, it was better.

Oof I am so bloated, still no monthly, but the symptoms are brutal.

I need to sip more water and see if that helps. An old show that is only 2 seasons long I love is called The Catch.

Basically a conman, seduces a woman, proposes, to get access to her company and client base..

To swindle her cashflow also but she's no simpleton that will lie down and sob and take it, she fights back.

It's an investigative firm and he just walks out on her and she tracks him..

But the kicker is, he has real feelings for her and she for him.

But he's also got a stranglehold partner who won't let him go. I like it, interesting.

I'm a bit scatterbrained today. I keep forgetting the topics.

The last thing I want to say. I'm extremely petty.

So me and Mama were talking and she said Oh if you're finished with that, don't throw it away because I can give it.... To so and so..

I would have no issue giving it to her, for private use but I'm guessing the person she is referring to...

Is my, I can't say it. The person, the sibling that's been destroying my life, bullying, threatening, etc..

His wife is who she is referring too and when she said it. I didn't even react. I have had absolutely no interest in them whatsoever.

They have a kid and I've never asked to see a photo or how he is doing.

Any enquiries, would be like me saying.... Yea being treated like crap is instantly forgotten and forgiven...

I can't do that. She would like that, but she's living in bloody la land.

She doesn't mind being treated disrespectfully, verbally abused, threatened with violence...

But I do! It's the fact that she has no compulsion and would ask and not think about how I might feel, which infuriates me...

So thoughtless and clueless. Really??? My patience is wearing thin.

I still feel like she's patiently waiting for me to say Yea I'm over a lifetime of fear.

*Shrugs* and to be honest, I was just overreacting to constantly running and locking myself in my room to avoid violence..

Silly me. Rolls my eyes. I think she's deathly afraid of looking inwards and realising she enabled all this toxic behaviour and still does.

I wish she would leave me out of it though. The more she includes me, the more it says. I don't give a damn about you.

I choose the abusers over you! She always blames me. One day I will snap.

Hateful things will pour out and the saddest thing of all, is that I will mean every single one...

Not because she's a bad person or because I'm evil. It will be due to holding back all these years.

Like how can someone as religious as you make me feel so small and insignificant??

How did you not see your own daughter didn't care about life?

You never questioned why your daughter stopped dating? Because you know what?

You didn't give a damn.

You never asked, Why is she so cold and detached? Why doesn't she have friends?

Why why why?

Maybe I would have told you. You pushed me to socialise with people that hated me...

I in turn couldn't stand myself. What did you expect?

And you know the funniest thing of all? In your eyes, they were perfect princesses.....

Could not do anything wrong. Model figures, winning personalities. Always smiling...

The daughters you craved and yet the one you had, that only wanted to please you..

You threw away like trash. I told you, how disgusting their behaviour was....

Your response? Oh just forgive them.....

My conscience is clear. Yours not so much....

Oh and Reddit is different now, when I post I don't have to choose a community, it's gone automatic I guess.

Some still get removed, saying Oh you're Karma is too low. Numbnuts, what the hell does it matter?

It should be based on offensive comments..

#BlogLife1120 - Do you like trying new foods or prefer classic safe favourites?

The non foodie random ghosted me. It's been over a week and I'm glad because I didn't know what to talk to him about.

I'm waiting for my Morrison's order. To save 50p I did a late afternoony one from 2pm-6pm.

They predict 5pmish. A shame but I'll eat late. The whole day I've been muddled as I normally shop for groceries and have it delivered at the weekend.

And today is Thursday but we had rain, finally, short burst but a lovely sound.

I hope we get more, much much more. It has calmed down. I can function without a fan but it's still humid.

I forgot, a uc appointment is tomorrow, unfortunately. I'm not sure if same day delivery is an option but it's too risky.

I'm pretty sure I've never seen a salmon and broccoli quiche before. That looks and sounds really nice for something different.

I'm hoping the broccoli is tiny or well seasoned.. We shall see because Morrison said finally, everything is in stock.

I had to swap items initially, no Mr Freeze ice poles. There was a Korean chicken and rice meal that looked appetising, not in stock grr.

Those mini chicken pizzas, not available.. The non spicy Yo sushi, not there, so I picked the spicy chicken..

It won't really be peppery will it? The other interesting new thing was by Cully & Sully, salmon and haddock chowder..

I've never experienced chowder so I thought why not?

It really made me chuckle at one Morrison reviewer stating, I've looked all over the site and it's all low reviews..

Surely everything can't be bad. Ha, so true. It's subjective so hard to judge really.

I don't like spice, you might love it. Our taste buds are just different..

Also I opted for the Rana bolognese ravioli as the other pasta bolognese, wasn't fantastic..

A few foodie reviews, soon. I should clarify, these products are new to me, not necessarily just released.

There is more but these standout. I'll talk about the rest as I'm trying it.

Sometimes there's a bunch of food reviews in one post. It doesn't mean it's consumed the same day.

I can write in advance, store some and see what needs padding.

The Yo Sushi chicken was the least favourite I've tried. No spice at all. Teensy weensy bit in the sauce pot.

Quite bland but when you mixed it with the sauce it was better. I didn't bother with the soy sauce it case it was too salty.

The should have seasoned it better, bit of a crunch but needs more flavour.

I mix and match. I'm curious about new products but I hate wasting money if they are awful.

I'm just trying the blue raspberry Mr Freeze, forgot how good these were, no sickly sweetness, more natural taste, heaven on a hot day.

The southern fried pasta was surprisingly really good, nice flavour, but the pesto was just awful. I will never buy that again.

My brain is a bit scattered so I'm trying to think straight as I keep forgetting things.

One last comparison review before I forget again. Iceland had these potato pops for a £1 that were round crunchy mini roast potatoes, buttery, well seasoned lusciousness.

I think they discontinued or were a seasonal item. Anyway I saw something similar in Morrisons, these were square though.

A bit bigger, called potato bites, for £2.50. To me these are slightly more like chips than roast potatoes, still good, still crunchy, but the Iceland ones had that edge, especially for single people that don't want huge roasties.

#BlogLife1114 - Don't tell me what to eat...

I feel awful with the cramps and heat, just yuck, wanting to lay down and not do anything..

But my brain is ticking away so I thought might as well get it down.

Firstly the randoms, the new one G isn't bad, interesting to talk too, about a variety of topics but one thing I find weird, he doesn't seem to shop or eat much..

Shops are all around him, so I guess he just grabs what he needs, but what if, he felt tired or injured himself lightly where it was just convenient to be at home, making a light snack..?

The couple times I've talked to him, he's just having a sandwich for dinner or nothing at all, just seems peculiar, that you'd be hungrier at the end of the day, unless he's fibbing?

And he will never double message you, if you haven't responded, sometimes I want to be chased or checked up on lol.

He did do it actually, after I had written this. I can talk about food endlessly though, it's harmless but with him, I don't think I will anymore, it's just too strange, which is disappointing.

Although I did note, as soon I mentioned the voice chat at some point, he initially agreed but that could be a reason for the quietness too...

The other random chat, I haven't really been in the mood, was also food related..

He was saying Don't eat too many carbs, it's not good for you and I thought sod off...

It's about moderation and not expecting everyone to weigh the same and only eat healthy, that's why so many people have eating disorders, other people's perceptions..

I always feel like I have to justify myself and food habits, by saying, I don't exercise, but there's been steady weightloss because I know what to do now, for my health.

So then, he sent this cringey message.... Love yourself or something and I thought you just made it worse, instead of apologising..

But for the first guy, I just want him to eat properly, so I did suggest, other light things, that don't need to be heated up in this heatwavey weather.

Oh yea turns out, I either haven't shopped with Sainsburys or it's been so long, it's disappeared.

There might not be a discount code, I saw some, but I'm sceptical if they will work.

But I still want to try them, probably £3 for delivery. They have a mud mask, lip balm and more I want to try..

Oh yea Morrison did send me 3x£12 code off my next 3x shops.

I don't know if I will use it. I miss Iceland's chicken pasta, also them bringing me sturdy bags, when It's G, delivering..

I tried the Morrison's chicken chow mein, I really liked that, small but £2 so good value and not too salty.

I was initially put off by how saucy it was but actually it had a good flavour so it blended nicely.

I forgot to rate the Linda McCartney sausage rolls, good heavens they have shrunk, tiny now.

The cooking seems hit and miss, first time I did it for 20 minutes and it seemed overcooked.

The second time, maybe 17 minutes and wildly undercooked, did it some more and still undercooked, the pastry didn't fluff up.

The taste is umm, bland, it's ok but it needs herbs.

The other nice thing is accumulating cashback from the different grocery stores, it's £10 now, which is sorely needed.

It's odd they don't give you much time to spend it, I'm waiting for the full £10 to clear and then I will add it to my balance.

I can't remember the minimum cashout, hence why I'm waiting.

My balance is just shrinking. I don't know if soon, there is enough to cover the bills each month. It's scary..

Today I feel like getting takeout but I also feel too guilty for spending..

There are 25% off deals but I'll stick with what I have at home, crackers, snacks and not much else.

The Sainsbury order is due tomorrow, so will probably post that on Monday, unless I feel like doing one tomorrow..

#BlogLife1111 - More weird foodie combinations.. Introducing croiss-oras :)

Hmm dips was really the other thing I should have gotten, to not make the sandwiches/crackers too dry.

Anyway I kinda fancy croissants and the pakoras, so I might mix them together..

I don't think the pakoras came with a dip. I'll add pimento olives, cheese and maybe break up some pakoras and stuff it in the croissant...

I'm liking the meat free meals, more and more. I'm not fully converting to being a veggy but the break away is nice.

What do we call it? Croiss-oras? Ha! It's nearly 2pm, I should have eaten ages ago.

I'm still in that, hungry, not hungry, not sure phase, but I don't want it to go any later.

Ok disappointing, the pakoras taste nice but they are onion bhajis, missing those pakoras herbs and spices.

I'll enjoy them, but it's not the same as biting into a real pakora, that burst of a zillion flavours, maybe slight hint of spice..

Anyway, it's unfortunately typical in the supermarkets, they can't tell rotis from wraps, nor pakoras from bhajis...

Thumbs down!

I quite like that combo, olives, cheese, croissants and pakora. It's tasty.

Yes it needs a dip, hummus or garlic and onion. Also the chilli cheese is very mild, the cheese is a bit strong, not mild, my preference..

But for something different, I like it. It's good to switch up, not huge on spice, but in tiny doses, I can tolerate it.

Another twist that I randomly thought of, is a hit :) Later on, I don't really know what I fancy.

Most of the meals got low scores, so it was a bit offputting.

I just checked the packet and it felt like I had 2x croissants but I only had one, I kinda broke them into sections so I could stuff them.

There was only room for the cheese and olives mainly, I had to squish the pakoras but yea it was great and after the hula hoops, I'm stuffed but I might get dessert...

There's cake or cereal bars or lollies.. Yum... Although, the cramps, nausea and bloating are increasing.

I hate pmt time..

I decided to combine the Rana mozzarella and garlic gnocchi  dumplings with the limited edition Morrison Marry Me girasoles, basically ravioli type pasta stuffed with chicken, tomato, ricotta and mascarpone cheeses.

I'll add olives at the end. I'll check after 5ish minutes. I'm peckish but not starving because the cramps are bothering me.

I just want a quick small dinner and then I'll sip water or have an ice lolly later, to try and settle my tum.

I'm not sure which binaural video to play, anti nausea? Cramps? Or the pmt one?!

Right, it cooked perfectly, but the water didn't evaporate, so I just drained it.

The gnocchi is a bit bland, nice but missing black pepper, more herbs. I expected more.

The chicken pasta one is spectacular, lots of flavour, I expected to like this less.

Now I'm really glad I put them both in the same them bowl together.

The chicken one should not be a limited edition one, it's too good.

At least my tum has settled and adding the olives, just gave it an extra bite of flavour.

#BlogLife1107 - Slimming world hi fi bars, tasty or a wastey?

While I remember and it's fresh in my mind, the Seabrooks worcester sauce crisps were really tasty and not overloaded with salt like McCoys.

I highly recommend them and with the ridge, had a nice crunch. To me just the right amount of seasoning, not spicy, just enjoyable and different.

The Slimming World hi fi fruit and nut bars, I'm bitterly disappointed, a layer of chocolate at the bottom, very small and thin.

But maybe it's the raisin taste, which makes it seem like you're eating something stale, yuck....

There is an orange version I might try, not sure... The other nut or mint one was so good......

How can this be, so bad? I wasn't expecting to hate it. I'll still have it but not relishing it and I did check, it's not expired..

I gave myself a manicure yesterday, some of my nails were chipping, so I cut them really short.

I only leave them long around birthday/Christmas and that's passed now.

I'm still feeling run down, developed a bit of a cough/sneeze but resting a lot and taking it easy still, until I feel stronger.

I think I'll alternate between the peppermint essential oil, as that's long lasting, compared to the lemon which seems to disappear really quickly, which is not beneficial to my sinuses.

I'm still enjoying the crackers and salmon, different to my usual meals and I found some veggy samosas in the freezer that are good for a snack.

I also trimmed my hair, it's only been 2x weeks but with the weather being as hot as it is, or at least humid, I want it as short as possible.

It only just occurred to me that it's the summer holidays so the students have broken up for a break until September..

Ahh no wonder it's noisier. I just tune them out with the earbuds.

I was looking for a new game to replace Looney Tunes, Profile Perfect is similar to That's My Seat but in a grid form.

It still challenges my brain but the clues are given gradually and then unlocked with correct placements.

Plus there is also a story mode that costs 1k ingame coins, ouch. It is way more difficult because the clues aren't comprehensive, so guess work is involved..

At first I thought hmm.. But now I quite like it, although, the next game, has to be vastly different, so I don't get bored.

I thought I was improving, but walking around tells a different story.

I am really sore, it's hard to move around, the weather is getting hotter, which is not helping.

I feel feverish, without the fever.

Well it's now just Friday afternoony, ugh the earbuds are already only barely lasting until the morning..

But I feel well rested, walking around and using my hands, there is less intense pains, I don't want to scream anymore, so that's good.

There's a new random and we were typing a lot back and forth.

I feel the pressure of that, so taking a break, I told him already and he seems fine with it.

Oof and I'm happy that I remembered to pay my rent as it came in today..

I get the nasty impression, if it's even a few days late, the landlord is charging interest...

So I'm going to make sure, I try to pay it whenever it comes in, last day of the month or beginning, whenever...

Money is tight but I still have birthday money so gonna order food for later, macaroni cheese and maybe chicken..

Then do a grocery order for tomorrow or Sunday but the less typing the better..

That's why it's not been a proper blogging week, the pain takes over sometimes and I need to learn to just stop and rest.

Sorry about that, but it's par for the course, when you have severe health conditions, they don't just disappear, they get worse, until your body strains itself, which is what happened to me.

I just started limping, the pain was agony and my hands were just screaming to be left alone.

So I had to listen and forget the obligation of publishing and take care of myself.

And it was a good thing because my mood is starting to lift. I'm not 100% yet but maybe next week will be an improvement?

At long last, solved the issue of how to restock beauty items online.....

This weekend, instead of my limited Iceland order, I'll do it from somewhere else, probably Sainsbury's or Asda..

Whoever stocks more face washes... Phew problem solved :)

#BlogLife1106 - Low quality ice poles

I'm not sure where I found the energy today, on a few hours sleep.

The only morning Iceland slot was 8-10am which means 7.30am wake up, oof brutal, drifting in and out of sleep, from 6ish, trying not to miss the alarm.

But managed to take the bins out and have a morning dance party workout with party music, invigorating while packing away the shopping.

It's worth sacrificing sleep, because G delivered in bags, so no bending self packing or confrontational drivers...

I needed snacks and grocery ordering is hard when there's no hunger, so I thought stick with the basics..

Crackers, cheese, pasta, hotdogs, croissants, and a whole load of snacks...

The new things this week will be Tango blue raspberry icepoles, 12x £1.75, hopefully much nicer than the R Whites, couldn't stand it, had to bin the rest...

Mr Freeze, the milk lollies and the orange lollies are still all out of stock and the cornetto didn't appeal, actually if the almond Magnum had been on sale, or the knock off Majestic, I would have been tempted, but nope..... £3 I think...

Too much money! Next Seabrooks worcester sauce 6x £1.60, me and Mama used to love this flavour in McCoys crisps, but it was too salty...

Maybe it's improved? Worth a shot. I can't stop yawning..

The next, I'm not sure I've tried Slimming World, fruit and nut hifi bars, I know, years ago, they had a nutty cereal bar, that was scrumptious, let's see how this is...

Pricey, 4 or 6 bars for £2.65, ouchy but supposedly healthier..

That's it really. It feels good to use the face brush again, I didn't pack it, trying to keep the bag light..

And my face is once again butter smooth, a few light pimples but not surprising, as I'm due on soon.

I almost forgot about the weekend pampering, but yesterday, remembered to use the face mask.

My elbows are healed from the cracking. I'm almost finished with the second mini Garnier face wash...

Ugh I am so desperate to find a grocery shop, that takes cash. I don't have the physical capabilities to browse while the buses aren't running and I need stuff...

All the items came, but it was funny, they were out of tissues, so must have broken apart a four pack of Kleenex and gave me 2x I think..

I only ordered 1x, but I think the Kleenex is smaller? I'm not sure but happy because I was completely out and down to my last box, so that was kind, to give me 2x.

I just made brekkie because being up early, I felt peckish, had a jam doughnut first, I want sugar..

Then checked, oops the waffles expired, so got the Ryvita, rye crackers, tried one with butter and cheese, one with salmon and cheese and yum, that was tasty actually.

What I will say, is because it's on the dry side, you need butter, or fake butter as I use, less calorific...

And then it's more enjoyable to eat, but that was a nice lightish snack, which will fill me for a while maybe, not eating much, so I wanted more snacks than meals really.

I have wine gums, crisps, cereal bars, mini strawberry trifles and starburst/opal fruits, chewy fruity sweet that's refreshing to munch.

Lastly the Viennese biscuits with cream and jam because all this has to last a week or maybe two...

During hormonal times, my appetite wildly ranges, one minute it's small and the next, can't get enough food...

It's a relief though, to be at the stage of eating and not putting on weight since 2022..

I just could not maintain weightloss at all, unless I resorted to starving myself and I was fed up with that..

Pretending I wasn't famished.. But now I can balance, between healthy and regular and not crave excess.

It makes life and my mood so much easier.

Yesterday tried the tango blue raspberry icepoles, yuck, that same sickly artificial sweetness, I hate it.

I can't catch a break on them.

#BlogLife1101 - Swishy mermaid

I just tried Pub Originals lemon and scampi crisps (potato chips), those are yummy, not too salty, good flavour and really crunchy, tiny bag but a great snack.

I'm not sure if my skirts will arrive today or maybe tomorrow, they are with the Yodel courier, who knows?

I just had a spinach and chicken alfredo dinner and just added an avocado and some olives, delicious but so fulling.

Oh Mama bought back Hershey's chocolate pretzels, very sweet but nice, also plain Kisses as she didn't see the hazelnut, yum..

The Organic Shop pumpkin and honey balancing oily skin mask arrived today, not really scented, disappointingly..

More like a cream, not a mask, it didn't harden sadly, I left it for 15 minutes and it easily washed off.

I think it's 75ml, £5ish. It was easy to rinse off and left my face super smooth. 

Wow just got the notification Looney Tunes World of Mayhem is discontinuing, it was a sorta fun game.

Been playing for 5/6 years. I just left the alliance and uninstalled, new game needed.

Today a strange breakfast of drinking hot creamy chicken soup, like coffee and an almond croissant, which was delicious.

I feel dehydrated and bloated, all at once. Half the parcels are not even posted yet.

Hmm, well got some avocado sushi, tuna, salmon and chicken but a waspy is haunting the room, so I'll eat later..

The skirt arrived and it is more fabulous than anticipated, yes long, but swishy at the end and thicker than I thought, yay.

Fits perfectly, gorgeous material and bright colour, red leopard...

What is the downside??? The multi leopard (blue, didn't get packed with it and they are both marked as delivered)...

Quite gutted, either they are trying to take advantage or it's not in stock, they should have emailed or refunded me though and there has been no correspondence...

Bit underhanded... What if I forgot I ordered 2x?? They would just keep the money and skirt..

I contacted them and will see what the response is.. I am not pleased!

Hmm, just pretended to buy it, to see if it would say Out of stock and nope.

See that blue, was the prettiest shade out of all of them.. I'm wondering if they wanted to charge a higher price....?

Anyway I'll find out this week hopefully.

I tried another kookie combination today, a mock trifle, no custard, just chocolate and cream yoghurt..

Then I dumped an almond cake finger into it, blooming marvellous, shouldn't work, but it does..

I guess in the end it was nice being away, getting that change of scenery and just letting the pressures go for a bit.

I'll leave on Wednesday or Thursday

#BlogLife1079 - Hello again blankie

So because the weather has changed, I can use blankie again. Even though the pain is gone mostly..

It really helps to soothe my body but the only downside to it, it makes me so sleepy so by 8pmish, I found it so hard to keep my eyes open.

I'm not sure if I'll use it today, because I have to put the boiler on for about an hour, to keep it working..

It's 11amish but not hungry yet. I can't stop yawning. I think I had a succession of dreams that I don't remember but it felt like I was awake..

It's a very weird feeling and it just doesn't make me feel properly rested.

Dreamless nights are so much better for me. The brain needs to switch off.

Typical Just Eat sent me a £10 voucher, then an £8 one but I can't use them. Sensibleness now.

Ha! Why are the randoms so weird? RL returned after a 3x day ghost. Perhaps too soon to block, but seems a lifetime..

They all say the same, yea I was chatting to you normally, but you weren't, my replies were ignored or unread..

I can't recall which.. Anyway so we resumed, not on messenger because I give a chance, but if you ignore me, then, I'm going to uninstall it..

But then he decided to talk at me and flood me with information, I was so put off by that....

Literally read like a personal advert, name, age, hobbies. I kid you not!!

Why would you do that??? So I said this is not chatting organically..

I felt like I was on a damn dating app, not a chatroom..... Yeesh!

He said I was trying to familiarise you but nevermind take care lol.

Do men not think about what impression they give to others? It's just too much.

Another random, every sentence was innuendo...... My heavens.....

Seriously, why?? After a few minutes of realising, he had no substance, I just said, It's pretty pathetic that's all you can talk about and blocked him.

Then lastly L said I'm not giving up, which made me laugh... I could have sent a mean reply about him being gutless but I don't want to encourage chatting, so I just left it.

I'm mostly finding if I want an earthy chat, mainly women on the volunteering site are posting about important topics.....

What get's you through hard days?

How do you cope with burnout?

Compared to male questions.... What do you look like? What's your best feature? Where do you live?

Pfffft, ignore, ignore, ignore!

Well I did it. I found out how to update my profile on Cups and amended it to I'm not taking on any chats.

I like the Listener status of being able to message friends privately, but listening to members repeatedly behave disgustingly towards me is not acceptable at all.

I will not tolerate it anymore.

I've tried the Birds Eye waffle fries, it was on sale for £2, 80p discount maybe.

Really small bag but I have a small handful and it's fine, quite tasty, tiny chunks.

Good seasoning. I would get that again but not for the full price.

So far everything goes with that burger sauce, really versatile.

Next I saw Cajun chicken burgers so I'll try that, if it's too spicy, the burger sauce will taper that.

I'm sure that was on sale too but I can't see the discount.

The Cajun chicken burgers are just ridiculously over spiced. I don't taste seasonings just pepper.

I won't buy those again, my face is still tingling, red, but it didn't linger too long.

I probably now, would dump more sauce on it. It's not really enjoyable to eat but I won't discard it. I will finish the rest of the box.

Now is the time, I wish I had cornettos or lollies.. Whether I like the new products or not, it's something out of the ordinary.

I'm actually glad I got a mixture of the healthy and non healthy yoghurt because I'm really craving sugar and chocolate, during this pmt moment.

I'm actually surprised I haven't started my monthly yet. I seem to always need that sugary fix.

I seem to wake up exactly around 10am every day, I kinda wish on the weekends, it would be a bit later but at least I'm getting chunks of sleep.

I think what happens to me, with the insomnia, is that I wake up a lot, but sometimes, it might only be for a few seconds, so I don't notice but it's still broken sleep which means my body is not resting and healing 100%.

#BlogLife1058 - Things you don't realise when someone isn't as healthy as you..

Although the eye drops are doing a good job of lubricating my eyes, I've noticed I'm getting a steady increase of headaches.

Actually today I feel fine now, yesterday it was thumping. As per usual, I wasn't sure what to talk about until I went on 7 Cups and a topic idea sparked interest for me.

I don't comment on the precise diagnostic threads, I'm too private for that but as long as it's not too personal, I might share.

Ugh unfortunately G didn't deliver the groceries and this nitwit, stood there, while I was slowly struggling painfully to unpack the shopping from the crates into my bags....

While he remained watching, eventually, he offered to help, to which I accepted.

But that's what your butt should have offered to do in the first place, not to hurry me along, but to be accommodating!

Anway it was all there, I think, hang on, let me double check. It was only the Pukka pies that were out of stock.

Speaking of which, they have new flavours, a balti chicken and a vindaloo.

I'm not keen on super peppery, but what if it's just got more flavour to it?

Back to the Things series...

1. If it's a mobility issue, then stop racing us, I need to walk slowly, with small steps.

The highlight of going out alone was being able to go at my own pace without the constant guilt trips....

Oh you're walking sooo slowly..... Good job we're not in a hurry..

2. For some reason, sometimes I can't walk in a straight line, so if you're behind me, good luck to you.

My legs kinda jerk or get wobbly and switch paths like I'm drunk, it's just what they do. I'll apologise but it's my body..

3. I don't feel physically capable of going to multiple places, if you want to do that, go ahead, I just won't join you.

I don't want to trek too far, staying local is limited but it's also all I can manage.

I used to wince, exhaust myself and try and forget how much pain I was in, just to accommodate you and your needs.

Those days are long gone! The fact that you're asking me too, shows how self centred and thoughtless you are.

4. Again just because I can do something but it's still very taxing for me, it doesn't mean you should push me into doing it.

I know the ill effects of exerting my body too far, limited functionality, risks of strain etc..

5. Illness doesn't care about your age. People assume you bounce back quicker because you're young but it wasn't like that for me.

My body used to burn and beg me to rest and I still ignored it because people were pressuring me to be active.

Sorry my brain is scattered so decided to eat, veggy spring rolls, good but need a dip.

The Namdong noodle pots were buy 2 get 1 free. I got 2x chicken, decided to risk, a beef.

Holy moly it's delicious. I'm glad I put lots of water. I only microwaved it for 6 minutes and water hadn't evaporated.

But by the time I left it to cool, it did and it's just right, soft, more chow mein style, not thin noodles, which I prefer.

There was a spice packet, which I binned, incase it was too salty or too spicy and ruined it.

But it's just a nice beef flavour, seasonings and herbs and goodness.

I'm only struggling to eat it, as I'm full. Oh the further you get down, there's a tiny bit more saltiness and spice.

When I say goodness, not healthy, just really enjoyable to munch :)

#BlogLife1055 - Waiting on nitwits........ All day disrespect

Ha, I said I was going to leave the cleaning until the morning and then I thought the sun has gone down, there's only a bit to wipe, sink and the tub, why not just do it?

That's exactly what I did, somehow found the energy and then took out the bins.

I was going to change the duvet but then there will be a pile of washing left out.

I've done enough. There's still a soreness lurking. I'm glad I did it. Tomorrow I might see if there's anything else before they arrive and then that will be it.

Mind you, they might leave a mess and their trash, which sometimes happens..

I'm all done, I should have actually mopped the floor but there is no way I have it in me. It's all presentable, just not spotless.

I slept quite off and on so maybe a few hours and then woke up before the 7ish alarm.

I just want it over and done with then I can relax, eat and be normal for the weekend.

My eyes feel so much better with the eye drops, maybe the saline will come tomorrow..

It's only 9amish. Two hours I've been up and they could come at anytime before 12pm, unless they run late...

I was hoping they would be here by now. Time is going too slowly.

Hmm it's nearly 11.30pm. Have they forgotten? There's still no texts, emails or calls...

They could have been done by now. What was the point of me waking up at 7amish??

I'm drained. I can't even concentrate. I can't turn on the heating or close the windows, even though it's chilly...

If I do when they get here all the windows will be open and I'll catch a chill.

Luckily the blankie is nice and toasty. I can't munch because I don't want to open the door all messy..

I can't nap incase the phone/door buzzes.. I can't change either, even though it's nearly 2pm.

2 hours late! At what point do I give up? I've got no appetite.

Alright just stop everything. It's just gone 3.33pm so over 3 hours and that's it.

I'm done. I'm going to eat and chill and they can go jump off a cliff!

I'm going to try that truffle pasta thingy.

You know what's funny? Being distracted and then not realising, I still had the heated blankie on, when the sun is raging and hot now. Oops.

Holy moly the truffle chicken macaroni pasta is delicious. It has zero truffle taste woop woop.

It's elevated seasoned up mac and cheese, that's what it is, I thought I would hate it, but it's wonderful.

The Muller Mississippi mud pie is not great. The yoghurt part is fine, toffee, coffee, more coffee..

But the other side is like a dry bitter biscuity and it's not sweet enough and not exciting to eat.

That I assumed I would love but I don't, crazy day. I'm glad I munched but that's my limit for today.

Oh one last thing, so it was mostly a good chat with Mama until the end...

One of the siblings asked at what point did I finally start talking in school?

And the whole conversation took a nasty turn because although I don't remember it.

I know why I didn't talk. At home constantly criticised and told to be silent.

I thought I was an embarrassment to myself and representing my family.

Idiots shouldn't talk blah blah blah.. 

And I thought really Mama? You're making a joke and laughing at this?

A traumatic childhood is amusing to you? The fact that I hated myself and thought there is nothing positive about me???

For decades is not a joke. You're bringing up his name and once again, I am the butt of everyone's mockery.

I was half tempted to tell her straight....... The reason I didn't talk was that I believed I was dumb!!!!

That was hammered into me at home, on a daily basis. Did you conveniently forget that??

Anyway I've touched on this so many times, she will never change and wise up.

Heaven forbid she do some soul searching or inner reflection, and even if she does, it won't last.

I don't want to be bothered by it this time, so I'm writing it out and getting rid of it.

Err unfortunately my brain has other ideas and it keeps replaying it in my head over and over.

And I was trying to figure out why? And then it came to me. It's like she wanted a daughter but didn't.

She didn't want my personality, she wanted her bubbly niece's. That's why she continually compared me to them and said...

Why can't you be like them? Skinny, popular, confident, friendly. (She didn't name the traits as such but it was loudly implied).

She conveniently ignored their obvious defects, which was disrespectfulness, being unkind, bullying and a shatterer of confidence.

And I always wondered why, she only saw the good in them, yet only saw the negative in me?

It gave me the biggest complex........ Why am I so unappealing? What's wrong with being myself?

So her view of me, plus my siblings and cousins and Papa and friends made me think Wow, nobody will ever love and respect me for being me, because they keep harping on about my inadequacies so it must be true right???

I just had to shut out and silence all their hatred in order to love myself and know I deserved better treatment and care.

I don't know but I think I needed that reminder today. No matter how arrogant I pretend to be, just to feel semi ok and normal.

When family brings it back...... It's like they are saying it's obvious, You are not one of us.

We barely tolerate you and don't accept you, remember that....

Why can't I just have the good relationship I crave, instead of a bitter one?

At this point I'm glad Mama's is off on her holidays for 2 months. I need a break from her, like she excels on ruining good times.

I just don't want to speak to her or wish her safe travels, I'm too angry.

By the time she comes back, I'll have simmered. I think what's also infuriating is that, even if I said, You of all people know what our home life was like.

Because she gleefully pointed out to all the Teachers, she's fine at home, talks normally.....

She doesn't need extra help or special attention..

Yea even if I said the older sibling in particular told me to shut up, every singe time I talked....

She would have found a way to negate and say, well it was only a few times or I've forgotten or I think you're exaggerating, it was a joke......

I don't feel heard and validated to say my childhood and your version do not match up.

And even though you don't agree with mine, I need you to accept it and realise my reality was real to me.

She'll never give me that closure though. She acts like I should be over it and mentions their names, without filtering or sparing my feelings.

I know I'll eventually snap and blurt out home truths about trying to harm myself.

And the real reason I don't date and the fact that I feel unattractive on the outside and inside..

Plus my confidence fluttering, one minute I'm good and the next just feel I can't do anything successfully....

Or the fact that, the only way I knew I would survive life was to stop hating myself and fight my mind against layer and layer of being despised in my surroundings.

But it took years and years before that happened and I wasn't sure I had it in me or even wanted to live and put up with it.

I know my faults and as negative as my family is...... I want to show someone in the same boat as me, that there is positivity out there.

There is a way out of the darkness, it just takes time, healing, patience, self love and purging your soul from toxicity.

Ok sorry you had to read all that but I had to say it and get rid of it.

#BlogLife1048 - When is a chapati not a chapati?

Yesterday I realised I was out of eye drops, ugh I thought I had a few, my eyes are so dry.

I'm wondering if that is an expense I can leave out? I feel like they are permanently fogged at the moment, not blurry, just not super clear.

I just unpacked the Iceland order and everything but the pies were in stock, I got the Iceland version which is pretty tasty as a backup, I should have bought 2x packs.

I ripped off a bit of the Elephant Atta chapatis to try. Hmm, they are thin like wraps, but wholemeal which is good..

It's 8x for £1.70 I tore a bit to taste, it has got a nice flavour, roti-ish..

Maybe it will be stronger, when they are reheated on the press and I add butter to it. I bought different fillings, cod, to see if I can tolerate it..

Chicken tikka strips, egg, cheese and sausages, so lots of variety as this will be a main meal throughout the week.

Yesterday I had a phone chat with a random. I always forget that 90% of the time, I can't stand their voices.

At least I warned him beforehand, it's a dealbreaker, young sounding or not deep, is not my type.

I prefer masculine but he took it well and I was polite about it and apologetic.

Can't win them all. Well I enjoyed the fish that was good. The chapatis were a let down, nothing like rotis.

But it was something different so it was ok in that respect.

I won't be buying them again. I want authenticity, otherwise it's false advertising.

I just remembered, although there's no Indian restaurants nearby, there is a Caribbean place and they might sell fresh rotis, although it is to find the energy to go.. Hmm..

Also an update on the Avon mud mask, obviously I cannot recommend it because my skin has dried out.

Well it's in a much better state since the Blink eye drops have finished.

Roti's are a flaky soft very flavoursome flatbread. It's got a unique taste so we used to have them a lot at home and when it's freshly made, with oil or butter, it's so delicious with practically anything.

Oh Mama called about the earbuds and she's leaving on her holiday at the end of April.

She said the reason the links weren't working was maybe me being on the USA website, not the UK version, so it's easier if I do it in person, if I stay with her this summer.

I guess it depends, if she treats me like crap again. I feel like I'm demanding respect but feeling bloody guilty about it.

Ridiculous!!

Ugh I am so irritated. It's April so normally the rent increases. Only my landlord has changed it to October.

Every single time I call up, they change the rent amount. Universal credit wants an up to date record of it.

How do I say it's changed but yet they are still charging me more than they are saying it is???

Ugh it's doing my head in. The same thing, every time, a million contradictions. I want my whole rent to be covered.

Let's be clear in my own head. The last time I spoke to the landlord my total rent was £666.81 for the month.

That's including the service charge. Now suddenly they are saying it's £591.80. 

What amount am I supposed to give?? I am already struggling with the expenses.

I suppose I'll give the lesser amount, I mean they confirm with the landlord anyway, they don't take my word for it.

Cripes, why is it so hard to get a straight answer? Well one of the maintenance appointments is booked for next Friday morning.

Ugh busy week, a UC appointment, meeting Mama and then no peace until Saturday.

Hmm ok, according to UC, last time I submitted, the housing costs it was £122.42 for the weekly rent and £31.46 for the service charges.

Now according to the landlord it is £125.73 for the weekly rent and £22.22 for the service charge, so higher rent, lower service charge.

Yet the landlord still insists I pay £666.81 and not £591.80. Why is it so shady???

Ugh whatever it's done and they can sort it out between them. Leave me out of your lies!

I hate that question, when did it change? How do I know?? They change it on a bloody whim!

You know what? At the end of April I will ask them what is the rent amount to pay, and if they say a different answer. 

I will report it to UC because it's on them, not me.

#BlogLife1041 - 2nd period, six days later

I just took out the bins and unpacked the shopping but this time I did it separately so I wouldn't be as tired, a much better practice so I can do it all at once without resting.

Which is also helpful because the mornings are getting really dizzy for me, I get up and then fall back down on the bed.

Anyway I'm wondering if Iceland is experiencing a shortage of toilet rolls because twice now they haven't been in stock and this is why I bulk buy.

Ugh kinda miffed. I was sent pepperoni instead of chicken pizza. I don't like pork I'll probably get a refund. I don't know whether to bin it or not. I don't want to waste food..

I just realised, I can just pick off and bin the pork slices.

On my next top up shop I'll get it from whichever supermarket gives me the best deal.

At least my regular Iceland guy delivered today G, because I'm running low on bags and went to greet him with a fistful and he laughed and said No need, so I said Great, because I'm nearly out of them.

Oh and just before that, I was buzzed and I assumed it was Iceland and it was some random was asking for a different name/address..

How do you not notice the wrong road signs and they always ask me for directions.. How do I know, where you're supposed to be, use your GPS, that's what it is there for!

Ugh swines, Just Eat sent me another grocery voucher £10 off when you spend £25 which is way more than the £15 minimum spend.

But I would still have used it, in a fortnight's time, if it didn't expire in 2 days, dodo, that's too quick!

Ugh the blog didn't auto save so a small chunk of what I wrote disappeared, oh well..

Ok just tried one of the Pukka beef and vegetable pies. I liked the veggies and the pastry. The beef was a bit bland, minced but I didn't mind that, it wasn't over salted but it needs more flavour.

I don't think I would buy it again, the chicken is probably heaps better. I usually only steak pies and for some reason big chunks of meat, turns my stomach, minced is fine though.

I miss fish, I could eat a bigger range, choose between fish, chicken or beef meals..

Now it's typically cheese toasties or crackers, beef or chicken or veggy stuff.

Ugh ok that's not good. I only have 1 fan now. I found the correct ordinary usb wire but now it's not charging.

I didn't really want to buy another one. 

Hmm well I didn't need the fan anyway, it was coldish. I tried the cannelloni that was tasty but the lemon pepper wings were dryish and bland.

Very disappointing, not much lemon, not much pepper, they could have created a delicious seasoning, lemon chicken is a lovely flavour when done right.

The chocolate chip hobnobs are kinda nasty. There is a dry, slightly bitter taste and it's really off-putting.

They ruined it. It's small and crunchy but that taste is yuck.

My period stopped but I didn't better. That sensation of my skin being on fire returned and I felt my appetite increased and the cramps lingered.

I thought I was crazy because all that is supposed to stop. Today my stomach was really paining me.

Then I realised nearly a week after the first one stopped. I'm on again.....

Ugh leave me alone!! It is so hard to function, all I want to do is lie down.

The blankie isn't heating up. I thought I put the heating on but I didn't.

My internal temperature dropped again. I am freezing! And I can't even think straight.

But now it all makes sense, why I'm still feeling rotten. Ugh please let it pass soon and then forever stop.

At least I don't have to go anywhere this week. Oh this probably is part of the reason I feel so dizzy..