#BlogLife916 - Crazy Self Therapy 10 - Breaking point reached

Hey Doc....... Guess who? Did you think you saw the last of me? Not bloody likely..

SS is that you? Wasn't our last session in August, I assumed you were cured. Ha just kidding, I got bills to pay. What's new?

Umm I don't know where to begin, I'm always a lil sensitive around my birthday which just passed and normally me and Mama celebrate together..

But this year, she just cast me aside, to let the other sibling come down and ruin the celebrations.

July is normally our month and there was no reason for him to be there, except to disrupt our plans.

I tried to swallow this irritation and say Ok, well it's only postponed a lil, it's not completely cancelled.

Alright SS, sounds like it bothered you more than you let on, why is that?

Because I've lived with my needs always being trampled on, like it's not important and I'm sick of it.

I don't get on with the other family members as they are too violent and scary to deal with.

I don't ask for much but July should have been the time for us. Instead she's like blah blah sure he can come down.

You know what SS? Ummmm come down later instead...

Again I wish for once in my life, she would have fought for me and said No, you travel here in August, let her have July.

She's never picked up for me? Why should it be any different now?

SS What is different about this time?

I don't know actually. The resentment is just growing and I feel like I'm tired of being treated like I don't matter.

I'm trying to finalise the plans to see her and for 2 days she's completely ignoring me.

But it's like when she's ready or needs something, She'll say drop everything cater to me.

On the third day, now, she calls and I stare at the phone, thinking, I'll change earbuds and answer, though I don't want too.

I do pick it up, but it's rung off at this point and I realise, I have no earthly wish to talk to her.

She couldn't be bothered to call on my birthday and arrange things.

I've never successfully confronted her about how she treats me.

She doesn't listen and take it on.

What happened next?

After feeling neglected and like her lowest priority, once again. I don't feel like a daughter, more like an acquaintance at times.

I allowed myself to get angry. Why do I let her get away with treating me like worthless garbage?

I realised that I didn't want to spend time with her and make it okay.

I wanted to stick up for myself so this is what I texted her a while later.... (no reply)..

I don't feel like coming down anymore so if the other twit isn't there for Christmas I'll see you then, if not next year.

That's pretty huge for you. I know you don't like confrontation. Do you regret being harsh and blunt?

I probably should right? But it feels too glorious, to put my needs, my wellbeing first, for this one time.

To show that, Hey, I have feelings, I'm only going to put up with so much and then I'll snap.

I almost feel guilty for not towing the line and accepting this usual mistreatment but then I remember how much her actions damage my self esteem.

It's really not okay for someone to keep on acting the way they harmfully do, without repercussions.

Relationships are very messy indeed. What do you think her response will eventually be?

I personally guarantee, she will sweep it under the carpet and say, OK, no problem, see you at Christmas.

One thing I did do, which I don't usually. I typically avoid the randoms but I was annoyed and sad, so I said to BB/P..

Bit of an overshare. Do you ever get tired of being treated like you're nothing?

And I wasn't expecting a response. I thought he'd be like whoaa stick to the flirting babe.

But he said...

I have definitely felt that way before yes.

So I eventually got a blase response....

No, he's gone anyway. I can always see you for pedi. Talk soon.

Just leaves me with an empty feeling, like talking to a brick wall.

She didn't even read the text properly, I didn't ask if he was still there, I mentioned Christmas time.

*Rolls eyes*

If there's nothing else. Can I just say, I'm proud of your continued progress, recognising your self worth.

Standing up and confronting the family that you feel most afraid off.

You clearly don't want to hurt them but with this continued growth you're recognising soul destroying patterns and saying Hang on, I object to this disrespect.

All I see is a positive difference, you might not see it, but you're getting stronger.

Years ago, you wouldn't have said anything. Today you're vocalising your hurt.

Keep going SS. I want to see more....