I got thinking yesterday about how stubborn I was. I no longer offer an olive branch unless I was the one who did something wrong.
I think I have gotten to the point with mostly randoms but some people in general where I care less about maintaining a strained relationship.
I feel like I was always the one to be vulnerable and put myself out there, to avoid any stress or tension lingering in the air but now I feel more ruthless.
I do or may miss them but sometimes parting ways is a good thing, it makes it possible for someone new to come along who could be more suitable in the long run.
N has reconnected with me twice and he sought me out to make amends and figure it out. He said he stepped back, did get my replies but assumed he was pushing me into something by force not choice.
I mean I wasn't super keen on the idea but now I don't mind it. For anyone that hasn't tried it. It was easy to download Whatsapp and install it on my chromebook.
It's in the Play store and I verified my number when they sent me a text message. I did start from scratch though, no numbers were present.
I found out that if I also wanted it on my phone, it's really technical, for me anyway. I have to scan a code to link the devices but I don't want to activate my webcam to do it so that is a bust.
On my phone it just quits my account, while I am signed in via chromebook and vice versa. I have to do it all again and no chat history is saved.
Luckily when I reactivated it on my chromebook, it was there, phew. Also if you select the option for *use less data* the call quality is noticeably poor.
I could hear the person clearly but to them, I sounded distorted. Whereas prior to that all calls were easy to understand.
I think overall I want continuity and to know that, it isn't just me making an effort but that person will be doing it two, otherwise is there any point?
If I call/email or text you, then reply or acknowledge it, give me some sign that you are not dismissing me. No I don't expect it to be instant or when you are under duress but you can't wait a month either.
I need it to be a regular fun occurrence but nothing that is daily. It should work for both of us, not just me. I'm tired of being dissatisfied in my friendships now.
Either get on board with it or walk away because frankly I am tired of the disrespect and being the one to reach out. I like having you in my life but I don't need you.
On a lighter note, I got my certificate of completion from the voluntary position and it was so satisfying to see it. I took my first chat in ages today and it was short and I am grateful it was an easy one :)
