#BlogLife545 - How did you lose weight?

I remember being asked this. Suddenly my weightloss had become everybody's business, well no not suddenly but more people commented and asked questions, which they felt was their right.

My yo-yo up and down journey was my own affair. However a part of me was proud of it and the rest didn't want to talk about it.

I did not want my looks to be the only thing that fascinated people. I had brains too.

The truth was I discovered what had finally worked for me. It wasn't sensible eating and moderate exercise.

It was self loathing, bullying myself to avoid temptation. You're pathetic, can't you even resist going for seconds?

Do you really need dessert? Look at you, totally bulging out and unattractive. No wonder no guys are interested...

On and on I went and joined in with everybody's else's critiques of me, why not?

It did seem to be the general consensus and then when I reached my goal, which seemed to be skinnier and thinner.

It just didn't make me happy. There were more eyes on me but this time, it was compliments and shock and surprise and maybe even jealousy..

I felt like the only way to turn this around was have a heart to heart.

I think I only said it to one person who insisted on knowing my secret and she was horrified at the answer.

I lost the weight by starving myself and exercising non stop all day.

I looked at her and said, don't do what I did and she nodded and found her own way to trim down.

It was probably a mixture of the journalling and talking to myself and saying.

I don't know about you but I'm tired of hating myself and not being my own best friend.

How about we switch it around, retrain the brain and be kind and supportive?

It didn't happen overnight but I started to catch myself saying something and spun it into positivity.

If someone asked me now? I would say do it in stages, don't just throw out all the desserts and go hard core, it doesn't work.

Find an activity or exercise that you hate the least, maybe even enjoy.

Mine is dancing so the workout videos that incorporated dancing were my favourite.

Find the unhealthiest thing in your life and try to find an alternative that is better for you.

I like fizzy drinks but I won't have it daily. I will buy it once in a while and when I first started out, I transitioned to fizzy flavoured water.

I try to buy fruit where I can but it's expensive and doesn't last the week so low calorie treats are what I seek.

Certainly the inches are coming off a lot slower but I have a healthier mindset and I prefer being bigger than the alternative of being slim but depressed.

#BlogLife241 - Stuck self sabotaging

That was a great episode of This Is Us. I feel like some of us are are own worst enemies, we get stuck and the sensible thing is to get on and move forwards, make progress but the brain just freezes and it can't always be done.

I didn't find a suitable cleaner, some were booked, some wanted pre-payments before even beginning and I don't want to do that again, for the overcharging alone and cancellations.

I think I'll just do what I can in tiny baby steps and hope for the best because I'm too exhausted to make anymore calls.

When I use the steam mop, it takes hours to dry, when anyone else uses it, it feels like it's dry almost immediately. I don't know how they do that.

I'm constantly stepping and leaving shoe prints on the damp floors. Maybe they use another mop head to soak up the excess water so that it dries quicker?

But I'm sure he only used 1 for the bathroom, kitchen, living room and hallway. I offered 3 just in case he needed them and 2 were left over.

It's not nice but at least when someone else is stuck, there is a comfort in it. They are struggling too and it normalises it.

It's easier to bear the burdens but when they snap out of it and progress to a new level, that feeling of loneliness, disappointment and self loathing takes over.

I don't have a vacuum cleaner. I bought one and it didn't really work so I didn't feel I could return a used product like that.

It put me off buying another one. I do have a broom, pan and brush though.

I've been reading tips about cleaning floors and some recommend white vinegar and others do not. A lot of contradictions out there.

I know you can't add bleach, which is a shame. I think I might add a bit of handwash soap to the water tank. That feels gentle enough.

I swept thoroughly and did one round with the steam mop and water, it made the dirt looser and easier to shift but it's not free off muck yet.

I am shattered and now boiling from the steam. I know most clean barefoot to avoid leaving shoe marks but I feel too weird doing that so I just use slippers. Plus I need some lift and support under my feet.

I have to walk past the area I've just mopped anyway. I've just taken off one mop head and will switch it out tomorrow.

I might try and use the broom or brush to do a bit of scrubbing before I do the mop again.

At least it didn't leak water and didn't feel as dripping wet as it usually does. It's starting to look a lot better.

Ahh I forgot to put essential oils on the pad. Ugh the floor's still wet and so are my slippers and the dirt is sticking to the back of them.

I don't want to ruin the rest of the rooms so I guess I'm stuck until it dries. Everyone is so much better and more efficient at cleaning than I am.

I have tried to find hints and hacks but everyone is usually specialised or dodgy products and I just have the basics. I was going to purchase a floor cleaner but that's also contradictory.

Ugh it's confusing to know what is safe and what is harmful. I'll probably just sigh and do what I typically do and use plain water.

A slow and tedious, repetitive painful action which I can only manage in short bursts. 

I wish I could find something that is powerful so I wouldn't have to use it for a long time. That would be way more motivating then knowing I have to clean, clean and clean some more.

I think weekends are a nicer time to purify the home, it seems less frantic. I'm going to tidy as I go and use wipes for lil spillages and the steam mop for a shine and freshen session.

The only tip I have is, wipes and sponges are too small and dainty. I like to use old clothes that I'm going to bin anyway to wipe up any leftover residue.

I find that really works exceptionally well and my closet is lighter. Plus I'm slowly de-cluttering. The sweeping, mopping and wiping has done half of it.

Tomorrow I hope to have the strength to do the remainder. As for the footprints it's only one set and I just wipe it clear afterwards.

It's actually nice not having a stranger lurking around adding to the guilt of watching them doing my chores. After the floor is done, the other goal is clearing the window sills. 

I have old papers and beauty products resting there and they are all garbage basically.

It's been 4 and a half hours and my floor is still damp and the other floors are shiny and mine isn't. Of course the other possibility is that, my slippers are wet and that's what's causing the stickiness underfoot.

I'm keeping this as a long post because this is my process. It takes ages to get motivated but when I am I just like to get everything done at once, even if it's not realistic.

It's been difficult but I thought it was going to be much worse actually. At least I've made some progress. I should have concentrated on one area and finished it before moving on.

Oh and I have to get the cobwebs also. I use peppermint essential oil sprinkled around and that's supposed to deter spiders/flies, it half works.

I do forget to douse the areas at times. My beats headphones have picked up an atrocious habit, they keep randomly disconnecting.

I'm right next to the laptop so it's not a distance thing. I understand when I'm in the kitchen that's further away and that's normal but not when I'm right here. Grr!

Another tip to avoid dragging dirt is probably to wear thick socks that you change afterwards,

I plugged in the steam mop, ready to go, determined to finish and the damn thing is broken. Arghhh!

Tried to hand scrub the floors but it needs more elbow grease. I just saw a clever hack on youtube, someone cut a hole in a towel and threaded it through a broom and is using it as a mop.

I don't have towels to spare but I'll try it with an old shirt and just soak it in hot water. Wish me luck as it's getting really annoying.

I tried out the method which felt more like dry mopping but was nicer as it wasn't wet, sticky or slippery.

Eventually the shirt came off and I carried on using the broom as a scrubber.

Then the power went off and I couldn't get my room sockets to work, eventually did which was freaking me out.

No laptop or phone chargers. Eeek. Anyway this method seemed to work better than my steam mop and I still have more to do but it's looking cleaner and cleaner.

I'll be curious to see tomorrow if the floor has shoe marks and dirt as on it or if it stays fresh. I have 3 patches left and then done.

I'm looking at the robot vacuum/mop cleaners. I need to do some research but that would certainly make my life easier, if it worked effectively.

I woke up to find the floor areas I mopped had stayed clean and didn't have bits of debris from when I walked in my slippers, last time.

Steam mops are not for me I've realised. I haven't got the technique and I'm ruining the spotless visuals and giving myself more to do, which is frustrating.

I did make a big effort today and most of it is gone. I got creative and used the back of a spoon to scrub some parts and then binned it.

I think a broom-mop is the last part. I just can't do anymore today. I wanted to but all of me is done for the day.