#BlogLife1060 - Not the person I used to be..

It seems kinda insane to me how much I used to do in a breeze and not think about it, just get on and now the simplest things, halt me.

I finally got around to changing the bed and washing the duvet and pillow cases and I thought yep no problem I can mop too..

Who am I kidding? I can barely walk around, my legs feel very collapsey..

So that's my taxing limit, tomorrow will be the mopping. It's just seems so easy, so routine but my body is like nope nope nope. I don't even like you did two things....

I'm calling a strike for today. I still haven't done the floors and not sure I will.

I just started my monthly, ugh was hoping I was going to skip, so that explains the bloating and cramping and nausea and tiredness.

I hope I have the energy to pick up the pakoras and some snacks because I'm mostly out of goodies.

I wonder if the buses are stopping normally yet and then I can hop off and hit Tesco which is a lot easier.

I didn't do any UC stuff today, it's a Bank Holiday and I'm cramping so sod it.

I got back not long ago. The UC appointment was fine apart from being kept waiting and asked for a list of stuff I've applied for.....

You lazy sod!! It's all in the journal. Are you blind, just look it up, ffs.

I may be the teensiest bit aggravated because of the tiredness, sleepiness, pain...

I'm still not mopping because my hand is on the verge of a sprain, it's painful so I'm not risking making it worse.

It's clean but not spotless, I still might do it tomorrow morning, who knows.

But right now, my back is hurting, no seats coming and going on the bus so I'm quite lifeless.

And because the buses aren't stopping inside, I forgot there's not usually a free bench to sit at.

I'm not sure why there is a Police van outside. I just walked past casually...

I really want to sleep but it's bothering me. the UC crap is still left to do..

As I was early and the pain hadn't jumped in yet, I actually browsed the Market, highly unusual for me..

It's too taxing but even though the dizziness was there, legs were wobbly, I did it anyway.

And I'm paying for it now. But it was a nice day and I forgot about the top with the inbuilt jacket, it's light but warm, smart but cute and a lot slimmer, than most of my baggy clothes.

Wearing that was nice because I feel yuck and bloated and my hair is sticking in all directions..

I am a lot less than I was, figure wise. There was no checking me out but I'm glad, I wanted to blend into the crowd.

There's a poundy type shop Sam something I had never been in, discounted things, mainly snacks and household.

I didn't really see a moisturiser or face mask but by that time, my legs wanted to sit and rest.

There is also a new beauty place that might do brows, I didn't bother to go in, next time.

I did get the pakoras but there wasn't much left, maybe half a bag so I got all of it, forgot to ask about the dips..

It was £3.50 so not bad.. I went to my favourite shop and didn't get the cupcakes but some hazelnut cookies.

I might post a picture on Twitter if I ever feel I can move again..

I ordered some rotis and salad because I forgot I had chicken tikka bits in the freezer and mayo which will make a nice wrap.

It actually looks fresh, big and wholemeal, yum, that's tomorrow or the next day when I can stand to be on my feet..

I'm quite enjoying no fizzies, getting fruit juice, especially orange is a natural booster.

I don't really have an appetite to be honest but I'm munching because it's lunchtime and I need fuel.

#BlogLife1057 - Don't apologise then..

I was already up but still in bed at 10ish maybe when the phone rang and this company keeps confusing me.

There are different maintenance companies for different tasks around the home and this one keeps mentioning the boiler but it has nothing to do with that.

I mentioned that Friday I had an appointment with them, where no-one showed or called..

And she was like, Oh did you make that through your landlord? I said Yes and she said, Oh we weren't aware so it's separate and that's limited to them....

Ummmmm Listen nitwit, the appointment was made on your behalf, they would have contacted you and said she's free on that day, have someone call around...

So I don't buy that, they didn't know about it. She should have just apologised for the inconvenience.

Suddenly now she's rushing me for a meeting at the end of the week....

I said I don't have my lens on and have to check my diary. I was not about to squint.

It's difficult to see clearly, it's all blurry, so I asked for a direct number, got it and said I will call later.

I'm going to eat and charge the phone first. I should get it over and done with.

This week is free but I might make it for next week instead. I want a bit of peace.

I'll see, the worst part of it, apart from her snobby attitude, was that, they are making it sound complicated, like it needs several visits and not just one and done....

Ugh, not looking forward to that either. I've done the sweeping.

I actually liked spacing out the cleaning over several days, it was so much kinder to my body.

I'm waiting for the washing to dry. I'll change the duvet and wash it and then mop and the rest is done thankfully.

My thing, when I know it's a legitimate number is to add it to my phone and usually wait for them to call me.

There was no way I was getting stuck in the Operator loop.

Oh something else she said that tickled me. Why do they keep saying I'm with the previous landlord, when we switched ages ago?

Ok ok, I was responsible and called them back and decided to put my needs first and make it for next week Wednesday.

8-1pm. The UC is on Tuesday, Bank Holiday is on Monday...

And just got a text, on the same Wednesday between 11-2pm, they are conducting emergency fire alarm and lightning tests.

Lol, so a crazy week, but they said it's for the public areas, not people's homes.

Last thing. I'm not drinking enough and I'm starting to get really painful foot cramps at night.

It always happens when I'm dehydrated but currently for some reason I'm just not thirsty.

It's a chore to drink, I'm trying to add the flavoured ice poles to my water....

It's like a long thin fruit lolly and I add it, in summer. Today's one is lemon.

I think I drink more in winter weirdly.. I don't have much of an appetite.

I've just ordered the groceries for tomorrow, I didn't see any new items as such and because it's household heavy order, I just could only afford the basics I usually get.

Kitchen rolls, cleaning wipes, they are so expensive. I'm sure they used to be a £1ish and now it's £3/4.

My debit card is going to expire in January, I wonder when they will send the next one.

Ugh I wonder if I can pick it up in person? That's the last thing I want my neighbours getting..

I think the ID is a passport but mine is expired, I don't know if that makes a difference or if you are even permitted to collect it..

#BlogLife1022 - Yay got my second £10 off/2 hours late!!

I was beginning to think I botched the discount and wouldn't get another £10 off a grocery shop but nope it just got delivered to my inbox and it has a decent expiry date, not until the 4th March..

Two weeks to use it, so probably Friday after my UC appointment, I'll be shattered then and can get some snacks, anywhere but Waitrose but damn the food was delectable..

If I don't find anything appealing, I'll be tempted to give them another chance but I'm normally really hungry, I don't want to wait 4 hours to eat and then relax, no thanks.

Sorry about Thursday's no show, there was nothing in my head, I think I'm just consumed with Sunday's nerve wracking appointment.

Are they going to be civil? Rude? Creepy? Will there be more than one of them?

Ahh interesting, probably because there's an Indian holiday, Iceland are selling Pani Puri, mini flatbreads, I'm not sure if they are filled with potato.

But I've gone off bread and rolls, so this seems fun. £4 ouchy. I hope it's nice, I can dip it or have it with cheese or meat..

You're probably supposed to have it with curry. I'm used to the bigger, thinner versions..

Ok as usual, I left the cleaning and thought it would be easy to do it in one day.

It took an hour to do my room because I was going after every patch with paper towels to dry it and it's still not spotless but I can't do anymore, I don't physically have it in me.

Suffice to say, my back is killing me, my legs are barely functioning and I'm very weak.

But I'm going to take a break. I hung out the washing. I'll do the grocery order for tomorrow, surprising how lil I have of cleaning products.

I want to clean the bathtub and then leave the rest for tomorrow. I have a feeling I shouldn't do anymore exertion today..

But I so want it over and done with.. Ugh I am definitely done now. Cleaned the tub and with all that productivity, I can eat and relax.

I'll sweep the floors tomorrow. That felt never ending.. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I'm trying out nutty granola to see how it compares to Jordan's crunchy oats.

I used to love that with yoghurt, it's the wrong season because it's still cold but I wanted a kinda snacky fulling thing, that would last a while and cereal is a good thing to get to stretch the budget.

No fruit pieces though, Jordan's dominated in that respect because it wasn't really dry, somehow they made it tasty juicy and sweet.

Never found anyone else that does that. It was a bit too moreish though, I used to really heap up the bowl.

Anyway foodie reviews if it arrives.

Ugh I am pissed 9-12pm was the appointment time for the surveyor and it's now past 1pmish.

No call, no text or email, yeesh you could have said sorry it's cancelled something came up..

But it's the bloody waiting around, I've been stressing and sore all weekend.

And now, I didn't connect the blankie as I didn't want the wire in the way..

I haven't eaten because I didn't want to be messy. I don't want to clean anymore or mess everything up.

I want to change and relax, this ruined my Sunday. I'll have to call the landlord on Monday and say they were a no-show, for Pete's sake, I wanted it over and done with, yeesh.

What is wrong with these people???

I just got a call, he'll be a further 30 minutes late and apparently will take 5 minutes, I thought it was longer but at long last after 2pmish I can relax....

Yeesh long day! Ugh that was so horrible. I'm glad it was just one of them but the faffing about and disorganisation made it last longer.

You kept me waiting for 2 hours at least could you stop wasting more of my time?

Coming in and then going back out because you need your tablet and then waiting for it to load, good grief.

While I felt so yucky, anxious, nervous, vulnerable, ick. I just stayed near the door and out of his way.

He looked everywhere and then re-visited the lounge/kitchen and bedroom, I didn't understand that and every time I heard a door open/close I literally jumped out of my skin.

He was polite and everything but my safety was not reassured.

I'm so glad he's gone, 5 minutes my ass, it was 10-15 with the nonsense and the funny thing was, he didn't measure anything nor did he seem interested in the boiler..

It was something about the bedroom and the lounge or kitchen.. Very suspicious...  Because the whole reason for the appointment was allegedly to measure the boiler and generally take pictures and I don't think he did any of it....

So what was it really about? To spy on my home? I doubt if it's to make improvements or fix anything.

Liar landlord!!

Yay I can finally eat but not much because my stomach is still churning, tomorrow I'll eat properly, today, I'm not going to force it.

At least now I only have to spot clean because everything is done.

#BlogLife1001 - Samsung eccentricities

I'm having the oddest thing happen on the Samsung, everytime I access Playstore to see if there are updates for the apps or games, the whole Playstore freezes and it won't let me do anything.

I can close it and reopen and still doesn't work but in the morning it's accessible again, I don't get that at all.

Why doesn't it like night time?

I feel a bit empty so there's nothing much on my mind, I have a feeling this will go out on Monday instead of Thursday.

I finally remembered I have the Crown Farm beef burgers to try out, I prised them apart with a knife as they were stuck together.

So I wonder if I will like them, are they going to be a lil spicy? Well seasoned or bland?

I feel like lots of carbs for next week so I'm getting hot cross buns, teacakes and muffins.

There is a whole load of Easter stock in, so the cupcakes are back as well as Easter eggs and I don't get those, too chocolatey.

Hmm well the burger came out peculiar, I think they mixed onions with it so it has a crunch and tastes both bland and slightly peppery.

I don't think I would get it again, good value but subpar taste, I'd rather Iceland's own make, they have a better flavour, beefier.

They shrank a lot as well itty bitty patties.

Although it was good reminiscing yesterday about the first story, it didn't inspire me to finish the rest of them so once again they'll have to wait.

I finally remembered to pluck my brows, they weren't in a really bad state so just a bit of maintenance needed.

I've not seen or heard a Postie this year at all, unless they've arrived when I've been in the kitchen.

Spoke too soon, when the Iceland guy came, I saw the post I've been waiting for and cleared out my postbox.

2x letters for me and a ton for the neighbours good grief, hopeless Postie.

I'm shattered but I'm going to run the bath and do a deep conditioning hair oil treatment, just let me catch my breath and rest for a moment.

That was relaxing, my hair is all soft and moisturised and I've done most of the cleaning now.

I just need to clean the bath and that's it, the kitchen and bathroom floors are mopped, the rest are clean.

I am drained but I feel more resilient so one appointment from the Landlord is coming tomorrow anytime from 8-6pm..

I think that's the gas boiler inspection one, that wasn't mandatory before but suddenly is now.

Then I'll make the Surveyor one, where they take pictures of each room and measure them.

I want to get them over and done with. Oh and I have to hang out the laundry at some point too.

Plus make brekkie/lunch as it's lunchtime but I want to wait for the floors to dry..

Oh darn I was supposed to open the windows to let them dry faster.

I'm still not hungry yet anyway but at least all that energetic housework warmed me up.

The last thing eventually is to change the bed sheets and duvet but that can wait.

I always mean to do one room and then stop and save the rest for the next day but I think I worry I will put it off again..

So once I start, no matter how painful and taxing it is, I try to do as much as I can until I can't physically stand any longer.

What I found easiest is to make the water piping hot, do my usual mix of soap and bleach, mop or use the brush from the pan and brush to loosen the dirt..

Then mop it all into one corner and pick the dirt up and then I was done.

Plus of course having a loud party playlist or song on, grr my cleaning playlist was deleted so I picked a loud song and got on with it.

It's the bending my body doesn't like, I'll be paying for that in the next few days and of course my hands are beginning to get really tender.

Luckily today I wasn't walking over the dirt and making more mess so it stayed clean.

Thank goodness the UC appointment isn't until Thursday I can take it easy until then.

I knew it I feel very tender and stiff today and I tried to make the Surveyor appointment but no-one available again grr.

I wish they would tell the Landlord that so they could stop sending me threatening non cooperation emails.

#BlogLife890 - Outspoken fears

Writing that post Turning over a new leaf just made me able to breathe again.

There's so much on my plate, it's stifling but the hold over me felt somewhat released.

Family, the landlord, the UC, the DWP, just causing me no end of grief and problems and then me just exhaling and thinking, you're no longer going to take over my life, I'll just tackle it as best as I can..

Was the first time in ages I felt comforted. I'll be honest, if I can postpone the maintenance appointments, I do that.

I'm really on edge, with the male visitors prowling around like they own the place and they do no respect my personal boundaries.

But one coping method is to get it over and done with, to book or not cancel the appointment, so tomorrow's one is still on, though I was so tempted to put it off, I didn't, so good for me.

For enduring something that makes me shudder. Today (Wednesday), I've wiped around the bathroom sink and that alone tired me.

Going back and forth, getting the various cleaning supplies and mixing the hot water concoction of bleach and liquid soap and/or washing up liquid.

I also need to hang the washing and wipe around the bathtub. Oh another tip because I think the sink is unclogged again.

While I was looking in the cupboards I saw some old bath liquid soak and because it was cheap I had stocked up, not knowing the store brand would irritate my skin.

So I had a few bottles of that leftover that I forgot about, so instead of buying and wasting washing up liquid, instead I used those to pour down the sink overnight, maybe 3 bottles I think.

And I also got around to using the mini cute red plunger, Mama bought me.

Those two combinations helped. I watched a Youtube video explaining how to clear the sink and his advice was to plug up the hole gap at the side.

Fill the sink with some water, then plunge a few times. I didn't plug it up because it seemed to be fine already but that was the advice for clogs, so though I would share it.

Gosh I also have to take out the bins. I'm spreading out the chores throughout the day, it's doable then.

As usual I haven't munched so I took out the pakoras and some ice water and will eat that and it's only 1pmish so a normal time for once.

Oh yesterday the craziest thing happened. I woke up at maybe 6 or 7 and I checked the phone, the screen was fully bright and it was boiling.

I had it under my pillow and it never switches the screen on, to wake it I have to press the side buttons a few times, so how it got on is bizarre, plus put itself on high illumination is nuts. 

I quickly switched it off and left it on a cool surface. I wanted to charge it because the screen had drained the battery but when it's hot like that, leave it alone, do not risk frying the battery.

By the time I woke up a few hours later it was nice and cold and I stuck it on the charger with no issues.

You'd think they would have addressed that issue by now, I've always had overheating phones, it's ridiculous as most batteries are not even removable.

#BlogLife888 - Turning over a new leaf starting today

My method over stressing about every lil thing is not helping me. I need to find a new coping approach.

Whatever the messy future is I'm resigned to it. I've tried my best to be careful and budget. I will continue to do so.

I try to do the right thing, it doesn't always work out well but I have good intentions.

I just need to accept I can't fix everything, some things are designed to drag on, it happens..

I'll just do what's in my power, survive it, as usual like I've been doing since I was lil and afraid, even back then.

I have to stay calm, be strong, know that whatever happens I have my own back, if the worst happens, then so be it.

Thus far I've been able to be independent, fight my own battles, live alone and give myself soothing pep talks.

I feel like because I'm polite, others mistake me for having no backbone but I'm as deadly as they are, I'm just sneakier.

I get my own way, I just don't demand it. I have convenient excuses instead.

I'm not sure what to do about the course he's trying to bully me into taking, coding is not for me.

I'm currently taking a break from the cleaning and tidying. To be honest I've only done one thing and that destroyed all my energy.

I was changing the bed and looking for the pillowcases and the other duvet was tangled up, I couldn't find the edges and I just felt sickly and depleted.

So just doing that, took me an hour, which is ridiculous but that's what being sick is, simple things take longer and longer.

I'm trying not to be frustrated with myself but I have insanely high expectations, that even though I'm weaker, I still should be able to push past it with ease.

I have to be kinder to myself because I knew it, the pain is beginning to spread around my body and that's going to drain me even more.

I just feel really sore and fragile today, the pain is not my friend, although I did sleep well in sections, deep enough to dream about moving and mingling, it was odd.

I haven't eaten yet and I don't really feel I deserve it as I haven't finished with the bathroom, I wanted to scrub the tub and wipe around the sink first before relaxing with a meal or snack.

I just remembered the rent was due so I practically paid off the last of the rent arrears, only a couple of pence needed, well under a pound really.

So at least now, I have £50 extra a month to help with the bills and groceries, at least that's something positive.

#BlogLife851 - Functioning poorly

I'm not sure I have it in me to write and put out today's post but I'll attempt it.

My stomach is just all over the place, the nausea is hitting me hard with any movements but I'm slowly persevering.

I managed to change my bed, nice multi covered duvet. Then I took a rest, took out the bins, wiped around the kitchen and bathroom and then gave up.

I like to play music when I clean but I kept switching to the binaural anti-nausea video instead.

Standing upright is doing me no favours whatsoever. I haven't had any news about upcoming appointments, as I checked the post, aside from today's boiler check up.

It's just gone 10amish and he was due from 8am until 6pm I think.

I have to do some laundry soon also but that can wait. I should mop the floors too but that also has to be postponed, until I can stand and not want to vomit.

The Yash herbal lip balm I bought in a squeezy tube I might just have to bin.

The scent is nice, it's moisturising enough but as I squeeze it, it leaks all over and I'm constantly having to clean up the excess,

I will not buy that again for the problematic usage. I will stick to the Joy brand as that has no drama attached to it.

I still feel that tenderness in my chest area, I can't wait for that to disappear.

As I still feel horrendous and the maintenance guy just left, after phoning me he would be arriving soon..

Actually turned out to be an hour later but he was friendly and no issues raised.

I thought I would just do a mini either takeout or lunch order. Finally I saw the chicken samosas in stock and on offer but sadly they ran partially out.

I'm not surprised, they are lovely and I've been craving some, it was supposed to be 3 packs for £4.50..

But only 2 were available so they've charged me £4.40. I can't remember if it was a couple in a packet or just one.

Guess I shall find out as they keep rebranding it, not spicy, just nice mild and well seasoned.

The pizza express dough balls were also on sale, £2 off so I got that too.

Plus some flavoured water, apple and orange separately and some chicken sushi and sandwiches.

Oh and the clean and clear face wash. I am started to hate the beaded one, it doesn't wash off, just sticks to my skin ugh.

Here it goes, Zoom's tracking page has crashed as usual. I just feel like snacking, not a full meal as such.

Ooh that wasn't bad, about 40mins later it arrived. Hmm, they have yet again changed the samosa recipe.

It wasn't as great. I think they removed the peas also. I doubt I will get that again.

The Clearasil wash has a nice enough scent but it contains the dreaded fine beads ugh!

I swear I read the descriptions carefully, they don't mention it and I get it, only to be disappointed.

I think it just irritates combination skin. I'm breaking out slightly, due to sugar and hormones and my skin feels slightly worse.

Although I do feel like it's been deeply cleansed too, I'm not sure I need a moisturiser afterwards.

I'm still using it though as it's still winter-ish although the weather seems nicer and warmer unfortunately.

I miss the rain. I still can't find my glasses after I changed the bed, I wonder if I chucked them away by accident?

It's weird getting up and not putting them on briefly to see my surroundings.

I'm waiting for the Iceland order to arrive, it was nice not getting up at 7ish to answer the door.

Maybe I'll stick to the 10ish time slot.

#BlogLife835 - Let's face it

Ugh I was hoping the knock on the door was the Postie, but no it was from the landlord, one of those Surveyors, actually 2, which unnerved me.

Talking about an appointment to look around, draw a map, take photographs.

I sooo hope they don't need to come into the bedroom, I cringe so hard, I just feel scared,

Male workers seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to make inappropriate comments or barge in and it freaks me out.

Umm nope, I need to tidy up first, put the laundry away. I told them to come back another time, I didn't know anything about it.

They took it well and said they will send me another meeting time and I'll deal with it then.

I finished the Eveline wash, it wasn't bad it was just tiny. Now I am onto the Fixderma.

It's a clear gel, smells nice and orangey, quite thick though and has beads, ugh, didn't realise that.

It washes off ok though considering the awkwardness and it does leave my face soft.

You do need a moisturiser afterwards, my skin feels pretty stripped.

The Glow wash and the tops I guess are still on the way. I finally decided to give the chocolate custard a try....

Hilarious, it's Ambrosia Ready chocolate custard pots, 2x 120g £1.60 I don't know if it was on offer.

The size is fine, the cost is a lil steep but the taste is nothing like custard at all, not even a lil bit.

It's just chocolate yoghurt, that's all it is. I thought it would be something cute and different to try but nope, false advertising.

I mean it was really creamy and tasty but not what it was supposed to be, so disappointed.

Now that the Neutrogena moisturiser is all used up, I am onto the Astral face cream.

It's a big tub, the price was expensive but it's quite a good size, thick and on the greasy side.

It smells nice too, generic perfumey but nice.

It's definitely a winter cream. It's what my face needs at the moment.

I might only use this once a day though. Oof I'm shattered. I checked through my old post I had forgotten to read and did find the appointment letter for the Surveyors, so not scammers trying to gain entry.

It's official from the landlord, I still don't see the point of it but I made my peace with it.

For safety reasons if they do need to see my bedroom, I will not be in the room.

I'm going to wait outside. It's just too much of a freak out, to have 2 grown men and me alone in a room, actually in my home.

I've been worrying nonstop and keep waking up fretting about it but it's mandatory so no choice.

I just hope it doesn't take an hour as predicted. I'm going to be in a lot of pain and tired from standing all that time.

I cannot to be seated with strangers roaming around nearby.

This is one of my worst nightmares but anyway, I'm going to try and keep it in perspective, they just have a job to do and I have to cope with it as best as I can.

I've made a start on tidying. I've mopped all the floors but my bedroom.

I'm exhausted. It's only 4.30pmish and I've eaten so I don't want to go back in the kitchen until it dries.

I have to wipe down the bath and sink, mop the bedroom floor, change the duvet, empty the bins.

Put away the washing and then I'm done. That can wait until tomorrow, I don't want to move.

I love that washing up scent, fruity, strawberries maybe? It's been 2 and a half hours, floors are still damp ugh, will leave them until morning now.

For touch-ups I normally get some old clothes or rags, wet it with hot water, bleach and just wipe around and that seems to be easier.

My body is not a fan of bending but it works better than the mop.

There's no sign of a new appointment. However the DWP bank consent form arrived, so I signed it and posted it today.

Come hell, what may.....

#BlogLife716 - New boiler not warming up to me

When did I get the new boiler installed? This year or last? No idea but it was January, anyway since then I haven't any problems, we have been co-existing famously.

Ahh I had to look it up, it was October 2022. It didn't seem that far back. Nearly 2 years ago. Hmm.

Until yesterday when it seem to stop-start and everything appeared normal on the monitor but on the boiler itself 000.

Apparently it's supposed to be 1.00 or 1.05 something like that, and I'm supposed to press something underneath twice and fiddle with pipes?

Umm no lol. I can barely see and read at the moment, everything is slightly blurry and then after all that, he said, Just call us back if it happens again hahaha!

Too right I bloody will, I'm not trained as an engineer, that's your job matey.

But jokes aside, that may have been the fastest response time ever!

I reported it wasn't working at maybe 11am or 10ish and then by 4.30pm he had fixed it and left.

They always worry me though and make out it's a huge dramatic issue.

He said it's losing pressure too fast and there maybe a leak but then he said, Looks good lol.

Goodness me, scared me, I thought it was going to be another long procedure, with them coming and going.

What concerned me was that for a combi boiler, he only seemed to be focused on the water bit, not the heat bit.

When he left, sure there was hot water, but no heat, so I fiddled with the screen until the flame was present and now I can feel it working.

I will do my usual tricks and leave it on for an hour and then switch it off and do the same tomorrow, just to keep it happy.

Good gracious it is moody when you neglect it!!

I've lost my appetite a bit. I am enjoying the veggy pakoras and the dessert but nothing else really.

Stress is getting to me. I think I'll be happier when I get my spare lens, Oh I hope he gives me a full spare set.

Just ordered Mama's birthday giftset of essential oils, peppermint, lime and orange, lavender (yuck), ha and I got her a bonus lemon as we both adore citrus :)

Then I'll get her a Just Eat giftcard and maybe some other goodies.

Oh that's funny there was discounts and other credit available so I saved £6 ha! Fabulousness :)

Mama also offered to refer me to her dentist. I'll see what happens, the rate things are going, we won't meet until both our birthdays have passed.

I just really want my other lens so I can seeeee. Hmm, ha, J's been suspiciously quiet today, he did reply this morning but I've been winding him up a lot of late.

He thinks we shall talk tomorrow and I said tonight, who is going to be holding all the cards?

Who is going to win victoriously and do a winner dance? It's Thursday afternoony now J hasn't replied but that's not my concern.

This morning I heard the radiator making noises but I was too tired to get up.

I switched it on today and assumed it was fine but I didn't check it and I felt cold, once again the monitor display is normal but the boiler has the three or four zeros again, signifying an issue.

Oh crumbs it's brand new, this shouldn't happen. I'm going to call them back tomorrow, I can't deal with them today.

Too many headaches. I just want a simple solution and what's putting me off, is that there is a radiator in my bedroom and he will need access to all of them.

I just tidied up a bit and then thought I might as well see if they are still open.

I called expecting them to be closed but they were available and once again classed it as an emergency 24hr ongoing repair job.

From now until 8 or 9pm or definitely tomorrow from 8am. She said they would call prior but texting is fine.

I'm not heading out and to be honest, my stomach is feeling queasy from the stress.

Hmm I probably shouldn't have mopped the floors but it was a good distraction with the music blaring.

I should take the bins out too but I am wiped out. I wonder if they will make it today?

As it's 4.30pm and the day is almost over for most. I almost feel guilty for being a priority customer, but then again not really.

I am long term ill. Just feels a bit wrong to jump the queue, instead of waiting my turn.

I want to curl up and nap but not tired enough, it's just the weight of problems that is exhausting me.

This should be a carefree month but I can't shower, can't wash my hair, can't do laundry, can't dry my clothes..

I feel so yucky. Hopefully he will arrive tomorrow when the floors are dry.

#BlogLife522 - The first step is getting up..

Afternoony all. How's your day going? Mine has been exhausting! I'm now just resting from a 11amish - 2pmish cleaning frenzy.

In my head I thought do a lil by lil each day, to make it easy on myself.

But having a heavy period means I was shattered before I even begun.

I just decided to do everything this morning. I made sure I had a proper rest because I knew I would need every ounce of energy not to quit halfway.

Then I got up, got my icy citrus drink, put my party music on and changed my duvet, mopped the kitchen, hallway, lounge floors, emptied the bins and rested a lot in-between hence the time frame.

I got to do another manicure, pedicure and massage chair soon. Maybe I'll ask if Mama wants to do it with me for a treat.

I procrastinated so much this morning but I knew I would get to it. I was determined to cross it off the list and I guess the treat was wearing the new fluffy slippers I bought.

The floors aren't spotless still but they are more presentable. I can't bend down anymore, else I'm going to get backache again.

I got rid of some more old clothes, wiping up the water which was fun because I need the hangers for the new tops that are arriving maybe at the end of the month.

It took me roughly an hour to change the duvet, which is ridiculous but I couldn't find the opening, I wasn't sure if it was a zip or buttons.

Then by the time I was flipping it to spread it out over my bed, I was so drained, it only did it halfway and I had to manually uncurl it.

I mean it's mostly smoothed out and I forgot it's reversible so I put the ugly stripey side on the front but the pillowcases are this bright blue and white colours.

I haven't been napping lately so I'm going to bed early and sleeping deeply but waking up frequently too.

One dream somebody was telling they were being chased by molten lava melted cheesy tomatoey pizza haha.

Then it was after me. I have been craving pizza but I haven't ordered it, maybe that's why it haunted me..

The other dream has slipped my mind. I don't often remember them. It's usually just bits and pieces.

The nice thing is I haven't had a nightmare in a while, those can be frequent-ish especially when I'm stressed.

Normally the maintenance appointments bring me anxiety because it's usually men and some of them are rude or creepy.

As annoying as this probably is to them, my coping mechanism I've realised to calm me down and make me feel safe, if it's a short meeting..

Is to hang out with them in a sense, a good few feet away from them and chitchat.

Some of them are alright with it and some are irritated by it but it's my home and I deserve to feel at peace in it.

I've found when I leave them to it and the doors are opening and closing (especially the front one) and I don't know where they are...

I don't have a full blown panic attack but I'm definitely on edge as though they are going to burst into my bedroom any second.

The fact that it's happened before is pretty unsettling but hopefully tomorrow is routine, just the kitchen, where the boiler is going to be checked and that should be it.

I haven't eaten yet because I didn't want to feel sluggish after and not get up and clean but now that everywhere is tidy, I don't want to mess it up...

#BlogLife519 - Cleaning gave me a mental boost

As promised (to myself), I started off in the bathroom and scrubbed the sink and then mopped the hallway floor.

I could not be bothered to dry it off. I hope the sun takes care of it as it is very warm today.

I did have to create yet another energetic playlist but then I soldiered on until the pain and tiredness hit me 20 minutes later.

Feels great to flop on my bed and switch the fan on. I actually wanted to carry on and do more but I made a start and it's more than I thought.

The gleaming surfaces are smiling at me. The bathroom, bedroom, lounge and kitchen floors are left to do.

I might tackle more later but I am totally depleted now and will continue resting and having my icy ribena.

The hardest part is always getting up and beginning the cleansing journey but once the momentum is going, you'll wonder why you were procrastinating in the first place?!

I just realised tomorrow when I get back I will be shattered. I will give myself until 4.30pm, an hour later and see if the hallway is dry.

It was partially damp still. Then either back to the bathroom or I will move on to the kitchen and living room.

Sometimes I have to do 2 rounds with the floors because the dirt smears itself around and I can't bend down to wipe every lil speck of grime.

Mopped the kitchen and lounge, just as the earbuds disconnected and the music stopped grr.

But I was too hyped up to stop so I just carried on. Tomorrow or Saturday will re-mop and do the bathroom/bedroom floor.

Ah I got another tip, I poured out the excess mixture onto the floor and left it, which will mean less mopping but also, longer to dry...

I also remembered to rinse the broom head in the sink. That's it for today, can't manage anymore.

It was the right day to clean because there wasn't any nausea so I didn't have to keep stopping midway.

I might skip dinner, I had a big late lunch. All I feel like is a 100 lollies but I'll settle for one.

It is the total opposite of yesterday, I feel really sicky and tired. I'm going to see how I feel in a few hours.

Dic didn't say much and I wasn't volunteering any information so it was a quick appointment.

I just called up about the gas meter expiring and that is booked for next Friday between 12-4pm.

I normally get morning meetings but I don't want to wake up early and hustle to get ready, I want to take my time leisurely.

I also called up about the door, apparently it's a safety thing, fire-proof I think.

It's been measured already so in a few months they will call to arrange a time to fit in.

Oh I'm thrilled that the new gas meter, isn't going to be a smart one, woop woop, it's just a regular type.

No skyrocketing energy bills yay :) My slipper order from Shoezone got cancelled as the address label was printed on incorrectly.

I can't believe in this day and age they would screw that up. If the shoes weren't so distinctively comfy, I would be tempted to write them off completely.

I'm sure last time there was an issue with them too. I thought they would have sent a replacement pair out but nope just a refund.

I already ordered a new pair and that should arrive tomorrow when I'm out grr.

I finally started my period yesterday so I'm feeling extra bloated, tired, grumpy and cold.

#BlogLife518 - Invasion of the mind snatchers

I finally went through my mail as I had ignored it when I sprained both my hands and found out what the mystery call was about.

It wasn't about the smart meter as such, the regular one had expired and needed replacing.

Even though it's outdoors, they needed to check out my gas appliances to make sure nothing was interrupting their service.

I have to book that in. Ugh strangers in the home for up to an hour, cringe.

Then I have another meeting, something about the front door and making sure it's..... Safe? Lol, I have no idea.

Goodness knows how long that will take, measurements, questions, someone else invading my personal space.. Yuckity!

I'm going to see if I can arrange them both for next week. Even though I have appointments on Tuesday and possibly another with Dic...

I'm seeing him tomorrow morning so I will know the schedule then.

I always try to tidy up before my home is invaded. Actually, surprisingly, I'm maintaining the spot cleaning.

Everywhere is mostly tidy, the only places that need work are the floors and I just need to wipe around the bathroom sink.

I actually read through the cleaning posts I previously composed to see what the mixture was.

Hot water, washing up liquid/soap and bleach. I recall that because of the steam mop I was using cold water and had gotten used to that.

But now I'm doing it by hand with sponges, wipes and my trusty broom, steamy hot water is better.

For the newbies who are wondering why I am not using a mop? 

It broke and the replacement was rubbish! I hate wasting money.

I have a few Amazon reviews to write but I cannot be bothered at the moment.

I am getting really hungry but I don't know whether to make a start on the cleaning or eat first.....

I think I will at least sort the sink out as that won't take long. I dread doing the floors, it's so slippery and then I have to kneel and wipe the excess water with a rag or old clothes.

But I'm pumped up and motivated and I'm holding on to the relief I will feel, when it's all sparkly and disinfected.

Knowing I will be able to rest and relax, having done what I set out to do.

The weekend will then be changing the duvet cover and pillowcases and that will be the last of it.

Oh I saw a few movies, Love again with Priyanka Chopra, it's cute, lots of musical stars.

Then Bean again with Rowan Atkinson. I think I first saw it in the cinema with my family and my cousin and Aunt.

She was mortified to be seen in public with her family but I thought it was fun to have us altogether, enjoying ourselves.

When I can't find anything new, I cycle back to the favourites, just to put my mind at ease before bed.

Oh the Amazon top updated the tracking, it's on a plane so it isn't lost :)

#BlogLife367 - How I loosened and spruced up

A rest never felt so good when you've been on a cleaning jag. I was only going to do one room but then I actually got into it and had fun with.. tidying??!!

Who am I and what did I do with the woman who hates sprucing up??

As the boiler guys are coming tomorrow I just wanted to make the place smell as fresh as possible.

1) I forgot to add that I deliberately didn't turn the laptop on until after I finished cleaning. 

I am sooo easily distracted that I would have said just a bit longer, one more episode, pleaseeee.

2) I dressed in light loose clothing, as I always get too hot and rest and give up and I wanted to finish the goals I set for myself.

Which was pick a room and clean all of it. I picked the bathroom, that entailed the sink, toilet, floor. The tub I'm leaving for tomorrow and maybe one last wipe around.

3) I created a new upbeat party cleaning playlist, (as youtube deleted my songs arghhh). 

Music where you can't sit still as your toes are tapping too much. I need the energy boost as I always feel achy and drained.

Have at least maybe 7 or more songs, otherwise you'll get fed up and stop to add more and you'll never get back up.

4) Get an big icy bottle of your favourite drink and have that with 70% ice so that you won't stop for a refill and can sip and go and that will keep you going.

5) Have a fan going so that you keep cool and you are not tempted to just sit and rest because you're burning up or have the windows open, even better.

6) I realised that I missed the simplest most basic thing in my cleaning routines and it worked superbly well. You're probably already doing it already.

I half filled a bowl/jug with boiling hot water and added handwash (but some add regular soap or washing up liquid) and bleach to it and kept dunking the tips of my sponge/wipes to the mixture and it took care of the dirt with ease.

7) For the floor I just tipped the mixture out and got my broom and started scrubbing and within seconds the dirt was collected together.

8) I got some old clothes/rags and wiped as much of the dirt and water as I could and then discarded them. The rest will dry naturally.

I came into my room and thought hmm. I still feel I could do more and the music was making me so productive.

I decided to turn the fan up and change my sheets, duvet and pillowcases.

I'm so happy that this time, it was so satisfying and bearable. There was minimum effort and I don't think it took that long at all, which is encouraging for the future.

If you are curious about my playlist here it is...

Soy Como Soy - Nicole Cherry/Joey Montana

Shake Senora - Pitbull/T-Pain +

Kiss Kiss (remix) - Mohombi +

10 Outta 10 - Machel Montano

Just A Lil Bit - Destra

Too Real - Kerwin Du Bois

Looney Tunes - Yellow Bird (makes me laugh and is catchy)

#BlogLife263 - Ebay splurges

I am down to my last bottle of saline and I wasn't looking forward to pricing around but I just saw the best deal for the 500ml saline solution bottles.

8x500ml for £19. The last time it was £12 for 3 bottles, this is so much better, woop. Plus I only have a small hand sanitizer left so I bought 3x100ml for £6.50 which is also the cheapest I have seen for ages.

I couldn't remember what I needed to stock up on and then it just came to me. I spaced and didn't realise Monday was a Bank Holiday.

I'm hoping that my parcels don't arrive on Tuesday but from Wednesday onwards, I could have paid extra for priority postage but it all seems to amount to the same so free it is.

While I was waiting for Iceland to deliver my shopping, there was a knock on the door and it was one of those political canvassers asking who I was voting for.....Ickity.

Actually though he wasn't rude or slimey, to give him credit, he just asked the question and then made notes and left, which I was relieved about.

I finally got around to using my cleaning tool and it's umm not quite what I expected for something aimed at chronic pain sufferers, it's extremely awkward and heavy.

Affixing everything together wasn't too bad, I watched a video and knew what to do but pulling it apart is a nightmare. I can't even do it, it's still attached.

I love how they always make it look easy but reality is a different matter. I just had to rinse it off under the tap and then wipe away the excess dirt with a paper towel.

Then I just put it away and finished up the review I wrote. It's acceptable for polishing an already clean surface but as for scrubbing something dirty, you have to be patient and go over the same spot for ages to see any difference.

I'm going to use a combination of sweeping and wipes to remove the dirt and then this scrubby mop to go over it. It is disappointing but I did just use hot water.

The next time I will experiment with a bigger brush head and bleach or a floor cleaner and hope for a better result. I do love that it is cordless though.

I don't think my Ebay stuff has been posted yet so probably by the end of the week I'll get it and then I'm meeting mama next week and can give her some of it too and she found some thick cleaning cloths for me that I can make better use off, instead of the wipes.

#BlogLife257 - Will I be a cleaning machine?

I wasn't even sure what I was looking for in a new cleaning tool but I found something yesterday and it was a fraction of the price I was willing to pay.

I thought about a basic mop and bucket but I'm trying to limit what I have to carry in my hands and make it as easy as I can because it's really going to be spot cleaning here and there.

I just need to maintain an already clean surface. I figured a mix of a scrub and mop would be my best bet, different head attachments would serve me best.

I saw this cordless spinning brush with multiple attachments. Most are varying degrees of sizes and one hopefully is some sort of sponge which would be ideal for mopping.

The brushes I would use for stubborn stains and the spongey thing would be to polish the floors. I figured that would cover everything.

It's aimed at people who struggle to use their hands from chronic pain and is supposedly lightweight and easy to assemble and take apart, we'll see...

I hope I can shorten the handle because that worries me. I find that one of the most painful parts of cleaning, gripping objects tightly is really overbearing for me.

I could have had it today but I wanted to sleep late so have picked tomorrow and it will come side by side with the groceries.

I really hope this makes cleaning easy and maybe even fun. I need something that does the work for me. I don't and can't be on my knees scrubbing away.

Apparently the customer service is good and the battery is supposed to last for 2 hours, and charge in an hour which seems a lot longer than I've ever heard about.

It will probably last an hour which should be more than adequate for all the rooms. I watched a video where a woman put a shower cap over her slippers and I thought that was clever.

I will still have the issue of treading over the wet floor but I'll either try to avoid it or maybe I'll wear socks or maybe I'll get some shower caps. I haven't decided yet.

I'm always nervous that I've bought the wrong thing and it will be ineffective but I'm trying to stay positive. I'll let you know, how it turns out.

#BlogLife241 - Stuck self sabotaging

That was a great episode of This Is Us. I feel like some of us are are own worst enemies, we get stuck and the sensible thing is to get on and move forwards, make progress but the brain just freezes and it can't always be done.

I didn't find a suitable cleaner, some were booked, some wanted pre-payments before even beginning and I don't want to do that again, for the overcharging alone and cancellations.

I think I'll just do what I can in tiny baby steps and hope for the best because I'm too exhausted to make anymore calls.

When I use the steam mop, it takes hours to dry, when anyone else uses it, it feels like it's dry almost immediately. I don't know how they do that.

I'm constantly stepping and leaving shoe prints on the damp floors. Maybe they use another mop head to soak up the excess water so that it dries quicker?

But I'm sure he only used 1 for the bathroom, kitchen, living room and hallway. I offered 3 just in case he needed them and 2 were left over.

It's not nice but at least when someone else is stuck, there is a comfort in it. They are struggling too and it normalises it.

It's easier to bear the burdens but when they snap out of it and progress to a new level, that feeling of loneliness, disappointment and self loathing takes over.

I don't have a vacuum cleaner. I bought one and it didn't really work so I didn't feel I could return a used product like that.

It put me off buying another one. I do have a broom, pan and brush though.

I've been reading tips about cleaning floors and some recommend white vinegar and others do not. A lot of contradictions out there.

I know you can't add bleach, which is a shame. I think I might add a bit of handwash soap to the water tank. That feels gentle enough.

I swept thoroughly and did one round with the steam mop and water, it made the dirt looser and easier to shift but it's not free off muck yet.

I am shattered and now boiling from the steam. I know most clean barefoot to avoid leaving shoe marks but I feel too weird doing that so I just use slippers. Plus I need some lift and support under my feet.

I have to walk past the area I've just mopped anyway. I've just taken off one mop head and will switch it out tomorrow.

I might try and use the broom or brush to do a bit of scrubbing before I do the mop again.

At least it didn't leak water and didn't feel as dripping wet as it usually does. It's starting to look a lot better.

Ahh I forgot to put essential oils on the pad. Ugh the floor's still wet and so are my slippers and the dirt is sticking to the back of them.

I don't want to ruin the rest of the rooms so I guess I'm stuck until it dries. Everyone is so much better and more efficient at cleaning than I am.

I have tried to find hints and hacks but everyone is usually specialised or dodgy products and I just have the basics. I was going to purchase a floor cleaner but that's also contradictory.

Ugh it's confusing to know what is safe and what is harmful. I'll probably just sigh and do what I typically do and use plain water.

A slow and tedious, repetitive painful action which I can only manage in short bursts. 

I wish I could find something that is powerful so I wouldn't have to use it for a long time. That would be way more motivating then knowing I have to clean, clean and clean some more.

I think weekends are a nicer time to purify the home, it seems less frantic. I'm going to tidy as I go and use wipes for lil spillages and the steam mop for a shine and freshen session.

The only tip I have is, wipes and sponges are too small and dainty. I like to use old clothes that I'm going to bin anyway to wipe up any leftover residue.

I find that really works exceptionally well and my closet is lighter. Plus I'm slowly de-cluttering. The sweeping, mopping and wiping has done half of it.

Tomorrow I hope to have the strength to do the remainder. As for the footprints it's only one set and I just wipe it clear afterwards.

It's actually nice not having a stranger lurking around adding to the guilt of watching them doing my chores. After the floor is done, the other goal is clearing the window sills. 

I have old papers and beauty products resting there and they are all garbage basically.

It's been 4 and a half hours and my floor is still damp and the other floors are shiny and mine isn't. Of course the other possibility is that, my slippers are wet and that's what's causing the stickiness underfoot.

I'm keeping this as a long post because this is my process. It takes ages to get motivated but when I am I just like to get everything done at once, even if it's not realistic.

It's been difficult but I thought it was going to be much worse actually. At least I've made some progress. I should have concentrated on one area and finished it before moving on.

Oh and I have to get the cobwebs also. I use peppermint essential oil sprinkled around and that's supposed to deter spiders/flies, it half works.

I do forget to douse the areas at times. My beats headphones have picked up an atrocious habit, they keep randomly disconnecting.

I'm right next to the laptop so it's not a distance thing. I understand when I'm in the kitchen that's further away and that's normal but not when I'm right here. Grr!

Another tip to avoid dragging dirt is probably to wear thick socks that you change afterwards,

I plugged in the steam mop, ready to go, determined to finish and the damn thing is broken. Arghhh!

Tried to hand scrub the floors but it needs more elbow grease. I just saw a clever hack on youtube, someone cut a hole in a towel and threaded it through a broom and is using it as a mop.

I don't have towels to spare but I'll try it with an old shirt and just soak it in hot water. Wish me luck as it's getting really annoying.

I tried out the method which felt more like dry mopping but was nicer as it wasn't wet, sticky or slippery.

Eventually the shirt came off and I carried on using the broom as a scrubber.

Then the power went off and I couldn't get my room sockets to work, eventually did which was freaking me out.

No laptop or phone chargers. Eeek. Anyway this method seemed to work better than my steam mop and I still have more to do but it's looking cleaner and cleaner.

I'll be curious to see tomorrow if the floor has shoe marks and dirt as on it or if it stays fresh. I have 3 patches left and then done.

I'm looking at the robot vacuum/mop cleaners. I need to do some research but that would certainly make my life easier, if it worked effectively.

I woke up to find the floor areas I mopped had stayed clean and didn't have bits of debris from when I walked in my slippers, last time.

Steam mops are not for me I've realised. I haven't got the technique and I'm ruining the spotless visuals and giving myself more to do, which is frustrating.

I did make a big effort today and most of it is gone. I got creative and used the back of a spoon to scrub some parts and then binned it.

I think a broom-mop is the last part. I just can't do anymore today. I wanted to but all of me is done for the day.