As we all know I usually only post Monday - Thursday as someone that's getting increasingly ill, I need me-time.
However due to stress and temporary ailments sometimes I don't post at all.
This weekend I felt stretched in a million different directions, I should be doing this, thinking that, writing, being organised blah blah.
There was so many cluttered thoughts I needed to release them to make way for new ones.
I don't know when this will be put out, I don't want to put more pressure on myself.
I feel stuffy in my nose, my throat is sore and I'm incredibly tired.
Those are my symptoms and although I didn't want to get up, my brain said Wakey Wakey..
Granted I know BookLife8 wasn't in my traditional style but it came out effortlessly, not one for Wattpad but here for the blog.
If my brain feels like adding more it will. I cannot think straight at the moment at all.
I don't want to do anything but there is a to-list growing. I keep thinking of things to say and then I forget them
One of them was from Married At First Sight. They don't matchmake the same sex couples well at all, polar opposites.
Anyway I guess it was interesting, How would you deal with someone you are paired with but have no attraction too?
It's really awkward to do anything physical with them, it would feel forced and unnatural.
But you could get to know their personality. I think in that situation, it's tougher.
You want to make the effort but not give false hope. It's hurtful too to be rejected but I guess if you can put your pride aside and try and have fun with the activities, surely that's a start?
It's not helpful when someone's really flirty and expecting to be intimate straight away, I know you're married but this is arranged, it isn't a love match, slow down.
Emotionally I feel better and physically I feel worse but I got the ball rolling on a few things.
Ordered the new duvet and a spare fitted sheet. I called up and spoke to a lovely person about the Surveyor appointment and she said call back when you're better and make it then.
That was a relief, my fear was that they would be insistent about penciling me in this week and I'm just not up to it.
The rest I'll do later or along the week. I need to munch, finish this up, do the UC stuff.
It's stressing me out thinking about Thursday's UC appointment, especially if he's referring me to a course that's inaccessible.
Plus I got to sign up to another course, I'm not interested in, just to get him to be silent.
I doubt I'll be feeling better by tomorrow. I think what's really ticking me off, is how he was gloating about forcing me to attend an appointment that's unnecessary.
It's tantamount to what I've always heard, I don't give a damn about your disabilities in fact, I'll punish you for having them.
Even when I was trying to explain the female colleague was looking over.
I hope she was thinking What a dickhead. I know I was. It's when you're mocking someone that's ill and I can't say anything because he would happily stop my payments..
It's that stuck feeling. The same as being bullied, there's no retaliation.
That's why I'm thinking depending on how I'm feeling tomorrow, I may message him and say I need a phone appointment.
He will hate that and probably giving me a warning, sanction for failure to attend.
At this point. I don't think I care. I'm getting tired of him belittling me and making me feel small.
The only other pressing thing is to sort the cleaner but that should be fine, they have last minute, minor and major services.
Lastly not impressed with the chat support as someone seeking it out.
The only person I got through too hasn't bothered replying. They should have it where, only online people are contactable.
The forums are way more responsive but you can't really go into details there.
Also the private messages, I feel obligated to reply too and that's a bad feature.
At least today I stood up to someone being deliberately inappropriate, it was making me feel so icky.
I avoided them until now. It's like people think just because you volunteer, you can say anything inappropriate and they'll accept it.
Hell no!!
