#BlogLife932 - Wimping out on the spice

I'm in the mood for that Kabuto chilli chicken noodly thing. I've forgotten how long to warm it up.

I put it in for about 6 minutes in the microwave, it does smell nice when I opened the lid.

I'm hoping it's mild and not sweet. I want savoury only. It is spicy but nice and tasty, thin noodles, I quite like it and veggies maybe.

It's actually not salty, I think I put lots of water but the right amount for me, so a lil soupy for the flu/cold whatever.

It's way too peppery and it increases with every bite.

My eyes are watering but I'll still finish it. Nope too spicy. It was burning my mouth off and admittedly I am a spice wimp.

I tried the Marks and Spencer's cream of chicken and I didn't like it either. Too strong and seasoned well.

I think with soup I'm looking for a particular flavour and I haven't found it.

Niknaks crisps ending up taking the taste away as did the yucky Sunny D.

I'm glad I bought it though, as it sped up the cure.

I'm trying a weird combination as I preferred the cheesy ravioli to the beef one.

I decided to combine macaroni with the ravioli and see if tastes good.

What shall we call it? Ravironi? Macioli? You decide. I like it actually, it goes well surprisingly.

But I couldn't finish it, nice easy leftovers for tomorrow or next week.

Ha me and P had a mini almost domestic. It kinda makes me laugh, at night he's quite sensitive and doesn't take to me winding him up at all.

Whereas I am lighter because the day is over and I get to be irresponsible.

Sometimes we flirt over text and he wants to continue that over the phone but I get shier and if I'm not feeling well like yesterday, I just want a tame chat but I always make that clear prior, so he's aware.

Usually he still tries to flirt and he was trying to do that over text but I get to a point where I'm poorly and the mood is lost.

So because we haven't talked in a while, well actually the day before yesterday, we attempted it but I started cramping so postponed it.

Anyway he did behave himself for once, ha. He said he's going away for a boys weekend so I was teasing him about going on the pull and his friends being his wingmen and he reacted strangely, like that isn't my scene.

And I thought hmm, but you're single and free, why wouldn't you mingle with the opposite sex?

Maybe he's downplaying it to spare my feelings but we're not an item.

We're not dating or lovey dovey. It's been just over a month since we met online.

We're just acquaintanceships who chat a lot about anything. I just said as you're away, you don't need to text, enjoy yourself.

He said Well to let you know it might have been hard to get back to you and I said that's fine and I'm not bothered.

But I think I said, if a weekish passed with no contact, then I would assumed you ghosted me.

And he said I wouldn't do that, I would let you and he has been so I believe him, unless we have a huge row or something..

Yesterday I was plagued with headaches during the course, maybe because I'm squinting or it's been so buggy, so I get a lot of eyestrain and wearing one contact lens does not help.

So I was explaining my frustrations with the whole experience, that I kinda feel dumb really.

(He didn't touch that one. It would have been nice to hear, Oh don't be silly you're more than capable, especially as I'm encouraging to him).

Oh I did bring up that he's not complimentary actually ha, and he apologised and said I think I do it to you a fair bit.

(And I thought, When? Ha. But he probably has just mainly at the beginning and that's it).

I'm not looking for an ego boost. I just think it's nice, when you know someone is low, just to have a kind word or two..

I was explaining that it's been like 3/4 days without a tutor and I expected better.

The course is buggy, you can't select answers and have them accepted, they promised a smooth registration and it was complicated.

When I reached out for help, the advice was poor and didn't fix it. The third lot of assistance did and only because I called up.

This whole thing is stressful and more time consuming that it needs to be.

And my points were that, I'm sure they are aware of all of this but refuse to fix it.

I'm not the first person to do this course. I'm sure I'm not the first that's complained.

And he was saying either I should go somewhere else or raise my concerns or how would they know their are bugs?

Purleaseee they know, they just don't care. So I called him bossy and that did not go down well.

I explained I was teasing him, but he said it's too late at night for that, which made me laugh more.

Oh and that's it my responsibility to have it all sorted out. I think because I hate confrontation and assume they won't do anything I avoid it.

I did just get an email finally from the Tutor so that's one thing.

The other thing that kinda not bothered me as such but felt a lil judgy was when he said Oh you had a late start.

And I thought Yea I got up at 11amish because my body needed the rest.

I'm not over the flu. I'm longterm ill. I'm an insomniac and I don't feel guilty about that.

I didn't utter the second bit just the first and he was like Ok fair enough ha.

I don't know maybe it does annoy me. If you're healthy and able bodied, you don't need to think about the impact lack of sleep gets you.

I find the pain comes on faster. I find my mood gets frustrated and low.

I struggle more and beat myself up. Today I woke up 9amish maybe and thought Nooooo too early.

I'm at the point of 12pm and my hands are hurting and I know today will be another long day.

He mentioned that was part of his job to troubleshoot so maybe he took it personally.

I still think they are aware of the bugs. The other strange reaction and I almost felt like he bit his tongue...

Was when I said there was a video chat support feature but I had no intention of using it, it's horrifying to see close ups of people.

And  he said Horrifying? I said Yes, it's not my thing. I've never done it and will never do it.

And I felt because it's routine to him, he was about to say, Push past your doubts and do it, but stopped himself lol.

Because he knows, with certain things when I say No, I mean it.

I sorta wonder if he's disappointed that I'm not into that video chat thing, he's aware of my insecurities, I don't feel the need to hide them.

I won't do something I'm adverse too, unless I decide it's right for me, no amount of pressure or influence can sway me.

He does seem to respect my decisions but maybe there are times when he truly doesn't see my point of view.

Hmmmm as long as he doesn't bully me, the differences of opinion, I'm fine with.

I just detected an irritated tone and if I call him out on it as I have before, he will say he was just tired. Ha I don't buy it.

Just because you think or act a certain way and it's fully logical to you, it doesn't mean I have too :)

Last thing I promise as this is already way too rambly, more than intended but what can you do?

I always feel when it's just a regular chat, he's way more abrupt, it's way shorter and I wonder if it's a bit of disappointment or resentment that it's not friendlier...

Let's call it, instead of routine?! I wish he would say something like I really miss catching up with you.

Or let's chat about our days when I'm not dripping in exhaustion.

Instead of feeling like he's using me to get to sleep because obviously his bedtime is earlier than mine.

I would rarely go to bed at 11pmish unless I had an early start, I have to be shattered and that's midnightish.

So knowing that I will not be sleepy, Why can't you call at say 9pm and have that 20 minute clean chat?

I could easily ask him that but I already know the answer, he's thinking about his needs, not mine.

To put it in perspective....... The cosier chats can last an hour, so that should tell you a lot.

And now I've also made it clear I won't talk to him if he's half asleep as that's just disrespectful.

It's like saying Hey thingy, my time is precious, more so than yours.

I will waste the evening watching TV, tire myself out and then call you, inconvenience you while you're relaxing watching Married At First Sight, clearly not tired..

Chat for what seems like seconds and then say, Goodbye my eyes are closing, while you have interrupted your fun to cater to me.

Quick random tale, was chatting to someone and I had made it clear I wasn't looking for anything and then he started badgering me for meets.

He said he would come down and we could go to the cinema so finally I explained, I had health stuff so only short outings would be feasible.

I was hoping that would put him off but No, he then suggested coming to my place?

What............On.......Earth, makes you think I'm that dumb to invite a stranger around???

I said there was no possibility of that happening, I take my safety seriously.

He reeked of desperation. Luckily he hasn't contacted me and I was able to block him.

Never a dull moment with the randoms, well actually maybe one or two :D