#BlogLife1059 - Things insomniacs wish you knew..

Well as usual I thought I was going to have a writing break over the long weekend but my brain was whispering to me, even though I was drifting in and out of sleep..

I'm going to try and recall it all. First of all with the Things series, or whatever I write, I'm not speaking for everyone, just my own experiences.

It's not right or wrong textbook, this is what I've lived/live through.

The other thought I wanted to mention was that at school, I took it upon myself to boost egos.

I'm not sure why I did that, was I expecting someone to boost mine or did I genuinely want to make someone feel good?

I still don't know and I cringe thinking how aggressive I was about it and knowing that I felt completely inadequate and lost and not many cared..

It's not surprising, it probably came off as disingenuous and not helpful, but I was young and naive and thought I was being nice.

I'm bringing this up now because my mindset has shifted. When I'm helping out during the volunteering, I don't feel like I'm sacrificing my spirit, in order to support other people.

I feel more wholesome about myself, that when I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I'll step back and shut myself away and deal with it, instead of repressing my needs.

So I am maturing which is nice and it shows me, that I've neglected myself for so long, it still feels selfish but each time I do it..

I focus on how my insides feel, which is really relaxed and calmer.

Back to the main topic....

1. People keep foisting their opinions on their perception of what condition I have and what I should do but unless you have it, you can't expertly claim to be right.....

2. Just because I am a self diagnosed lifelong insomniac, it doesn't mean I never sleep.

I'm not up 24 hours a day. What it means is, I have always struggled to fall asleep, stay asleep and sleep for long periods of time.

3. It's not simply a matter of going to bed early, or even getting up early.

That has no difference. If my body or mind doesn't want to sleep, even though my body is lifeless and my brain is empty...

It just won't. There have been times when I have zero sleep and it's horrible.

It has various causes, sometimes it's stress, sometimes I'm having really vivid nightmares and I don't want to go back to sleep.

Sometimes the pain is so bad, I can't get comfortable and I'd like to weep my heart out but there are no tears.

Other times, I don't know, I just can't sleep and I have to accept it.

4. What do I do during these times? Do I get up? Do I try to tire myself out? Do I get a drink? Or a snack?

Around my teenage years, I used to go for walks and that actually did work, I came back zonked out and drifted off.

But of course it wasn't safe.

Nowadays, I'm too exhausted to do anything, so I just usually lay there, trying to sleep, or sometimes, I'll switch from asmr to music..

Or I'll let my mind wander or maybe I'll game or watch a tv show on the phone.

Mostly though I don't want to do anything but let my body recuperate from being active and almost strained.

5. I'm trying to adopt a sleep philosophy where I don't get up straight away. I stay laying down, where I may or may not fall back asleep.

6. What are my tips? It's better to go to sleep when you're thoroughly exhausted, it makes it easier, than faking you're tired.

Asmr works at least to relax me and get me in the switched off state, which may or may not lead to sleep.

There was also a sleep hypnosis app I installed and her voice was like butter, it used to knock me out.