#BlogLife1071 - Double toastie sandwich within a sandwich/ Bullying has ended omg...

Looking at the post, makes me stressied and it's giving me chest pains.

I thought as it's 11amish I would fix brekkie. I was trying to work out, how to get everything into the cheese toastie without it melting or being undercooked..

I took out 2x strips of the turkey rashers, did them for about 6 minutes separately in the oven.

I put the bread and cheese on the panini press and grilled them for 3x minutes I think and I looked at them thinking, I want more than a cheese filling..

So when they were done... I had a clever thought... I put the rashers on top of one side, put the egg mayonnaise on the other side and folded it back to back..

It's really tasty but I'm struggling. I didn't really feel like the cucumbers, I have a feeling I'll end up just having it with the salsa...

Mind you cheese and cucumbers go together nicely, I didn't really think of that..

I will just say the turkey took over everything, I couldn't taste much of the cheese or egg, maybe next time, I'll just put one?

I don't think I'll eat for hours.

I'm slowly going through the mail, it is weird. I'm leaving the brown envelopes for last..

One said, we've tried contacting you to be an investor.... What?? When did I win the lottery?

Nobody told me, good grief, trash, how did they get my details?

The other said we are doing a crime survey in person, let us in to your property......

No way. I actually would have been tempted if it was a phone or online one..

I could have reported the anti social behaviour, postal thefts, attempted break ins..

But I don't want strangers in my home, too unnerving. I don't care if they are the police or akin to that..

Another spam something about a refund on a car, what...? I don't even have a driving licence...

Ok and now to the DWP one... My heart is beating but at least the chest pains have stopped.

My next UC appointment is in a week and a half, I'll post it then.

If I can never have a relaxing time anymore, at least let it be doable, whatever cutthroat instructions she is demanding of me..

Oh my goodness I cannot believe it, after being hounded for what was it? 1 year and a half or 2 years...?

20x months, so yea, it's nearly 2 years.

They have finally made a decision about how much I owe them,

I need to call them and arrangement a repayment schedule thingy.

It really is not as bad as I thought, I mean, yikes, but the amount plus a £50 fine for carelessness about the claim..

But here it is altogether the amount I will repay them is this.. from 10/2/22 to the 2/7/24 is.....

£3041.48...

My brain wondered if it would be £10k or something or more.

Just over £3k. It will take some time. Ok let me call them and set up the repayment schedule.

Unfortunately I can't pay it all back at once. I don't have it.

£200 in paypal and maybe £600 in the bank after the council tax is paid.

Did they actually become human and realise, all that time, I was paying towards the rent, when I should not have been?

Or was it everything I had told them straight about the home abuse and the hospital stay??

Or being long term ill?

Well after all that, they cut me off from being on hold. Pfft if you don't call them in the mornings, you've got no chance.

Tomorrow I will try them again. Omg, it's over. No more witchy phone calls...

No more mocking me. Telling me to go to the bloody library, print out pages and pages, while my legs collapse and my body can barely move..

I can't wait to tell Mama, honestly.... I really hope it's no more £50 a week..

There is something else, which I haven't done, which I could do, which I probably won't....

So because I've had savings, they deducted about £30ish from my entitlement, I could share that isn't the case anymore..

Maybe I will eventually... or Maybe not. I don't really feel like asking them for anything, when I owe them...

Doesn't seem appropriate... But heavens do I feel lighter. I know it's a big debt, the first real one of my life..

The jail thing is still ambiguous... But my worst case scenario didn't come true...

It wasn't over £10k.

I mean she was gunning for me, non stop disrespecting me, squeezing the life out of me. Making me out to be a party girl socialite, spending endlessly..

Pfft yea right... The statements tell it all, bills and food..

I am in shock. I know I'll truly feel better when it's paid off. But this has been hanging over me for so long.

I was so depressed, so drained, questioning whether life was worth living anymore?

I'm still worried about the future expenses...... But strangely it seems almost manageable.

I can't believe one ill mannered bully is finally gone.. She took so much delight in torturing me for over a year..

Oh I'm going to close your Paypal......... No you can't just email it to me as a file......

Oh you want an extension....... (Condescending tone).

Oh answer these questions............ Answer the same questions.....     And then more, that I already know but I want to see you suffer!!!

Send me this, send it again, send it again. I don't care if you're ill or the buses aren't working....

I almost collapsed so many times..........

You have until this deadline...... Or you face prosecution...

On and on and always with this rude tone, that I had to be polite too........ 

Just like at home, don't argue, don't talk back or face being hit......

When am I allowed to fight for myself?

For fear that she would spitefully send me to jail or bump up the fine or both...... And she knew it and loved every second of it.

The only saving grace was that I got to tell my reality. Growing up in fear, supporting myself...

What a bully!!!!! You know funnily enough, if she didn't enjoy being so nasty for 20 months...

She could have had the whole damn thing in one go..... All £3k in one beautiful payment....

But now it will be slowly for however long it takes..

I'm not ready to stop writing, I don't know why... I'm not ready to let go of the anger.

One sibling bully reporting me to another government bully and me being vulnerable, helpless and slowly just driven out of my sanity...... 

All over again.

I really really hate not having an expression. No power..... No strength and no way to shield myself...

Defenceless. I may need some time to recover..