#BlogLife1081 - I did an oopsie.... Eek/ Toasted fondue?

I shouldn't multitask but I can have about 7 tabs open and switch between them easily.

While I was munching and chatting, I meant to copy and paste the last sentence I wrote and for some reason it copied and pasted the blog link...

Oh my goodness, I cringed so hard. No no no, that was not supposed to happen.

So I quickly blocked him, closed the page, turned red and normally it hides the messages and says this person is offline now.

I hope that is what happened. I like to keep my private life, private!

That is the first time I've done that, I think. I've just done the shopping for tomorrow, I didn't feel like ice cream or ice poles because the weather is chilly, even though it's sunny.

The day started off raining, which was heaven to my ears. I've actually seen appealing stuff at Iceland but I am waiting for the sale.

Lemon loaf cakes are delicious, it's £3 for 4x I think but it doesn't say how small the mini is... Lil pricey for me.

I recall they stocked it years ago as a single, maybe a £1 or £2 and it was so good.

I'm glad it's back, but prices keep creeping higher ugh! On the plus side there was 6x cupcakes for a £1, now that's amazing value, I bought that to try.

And for a change beef meatballs, I'm going to make sandwiches/burgers with those.

Oh ok the frozen berry fruits mix is Iceland branded, I thought it was someone else.

2x 430g bags for a fiver. I guess that's ok. Insane the amount of different fruits included.

I wonder if it will be equal. Fruits are so versatile, it could be paired with waffles, yoghurt, pancakes, solo, smoothies..

Or in my case a (Nutini) Nutella knock off and croissants/toast...

I've never done this before so I'm excited. I'll grill the bread first and not sure how I'll defrost the fruit, maybe when I wash it in warm water possibly..

It just makes me think of a fondue, even though I've never experienced that..

Chocolate liquid and then various fillings, smothered in it, with the bonus of hazelnut also... :)

Hmm I don't think I want warm chocolate spread either, will add it after.

It's going to be messy and a lil extra work. Oh I just thought of another weird addition from watching Jamie Oliver..

He did a chocolate avocado thingy dessert. Hmm not sure about that blend either...

If I'm missing savoury, the bread and croissants will give that edge..

And if I get tired of the sweet sandwiches, I got a Philadelphia cheese garlic and herb for the beef/fish/chicken burgers, plus I might go mad and put some veggie spring rolls into it...

Mix it up, so the flavours are all different and wild, ha. Even though I don't cook really, I'm trying to be a lil more adventurous.

I'm already getting bored of bread, so hopefully this will give it a new dimension...

Oh and I even tried that burger sauce with a plain cheese toasty and it gave it a kick, not spicy, just more flavour.

A really good investment.

#BlogLife1080 - Reality vs Reality...?

I know reality shows are a bit of fun and escapism. I want to shut off my brain and tune in for the dramas and different types of behaviours and revelations..

And to learn about how couples relate to each other because I've never been a part of a couple and doubt I ever will be, so this is the only way to observe it.

It brings up questions for me..... Should you change for someone?

Or is it personal growth? How do you maintain a semblance of yourself while trying to please someone else?

Is that healthy? Will you end up with resentments or be thankful you've grown with confidence?

I've seen instances where someone is shy and reserved and they are paired with someone outgoing and talkative..

It doesn't really mesh well, the confident one, loves the sound of their own voice too much and the quiet person, observes and takes it in..

I'd take it personally if someone said I don't like your dress style, let me take you shopping to pick things out for you.....

Hmm, my style is my own, if you don't like it, don't wear it.

But if they said it differently.... I would like to treat you and further explore some more feminine outfits that I think you would feel and look great in, obviously the final decision is yours..

Then I would be more receptive to it. I'd still have my own input and to be honest, I do mainly wear trousers and pretty tops because I'm not the most comfortable in dresses or skirts.

To be honest, I haven't tried on a dress in years. I wonder now with this significant weight loss, would I look better?

I look in the mirror and I see this heavy set person, when I don't look in the mirror, I see a smaller version of myself.

With dating, I know you have to put the effort in and look nice for one another, but you also have to feel good in your chosen attire, otherwise you spend it awkwardly self conscious..

Hmm I kinda stick to the same toastie routine, cheese, egg or meats..

I'm thinking of changing it up and making it sweet toasties instead.....

Jam is too sweet, I thought there was a reduced fat one in Iceland but nope.

The problem is, so is hazelnut spread but what if I tapered it with something savoury?

I thought fruits but it's a lil pricey... Then lemon curd, is an interesting ingredient... Sweet, yet tangy...

I know most would pair it with bananas, but that's not my thing. Pears would be interesting but again, pricey and I need something to stretch it out for the week...

I've seen the frozen berry fruits are on sale 2x £5, which is better than paying £3 for 1 bag and it won't spoil..

Could be like a brekkie dessert type thingy...?!

I know it seems like sweet on sweet, but sometimes blueberries, raspberries and redcurrants have a slight bitterness to them.

Plus there is blackberries, strawberries and blackcurrants. It just sounds like a tall glass of Vimto, which was a blended berry drink, yum.

I'm not completely sold on the lemon curd.... I'll keep looking...

The other crazy thought I had was adding cereal to it or oats, sounds strange but intriguing or nuts...

All this has to fit into a budget.. I might just leave it to the fruit and chocolate...

I could do the same with croissants, make them loaded with chocolate and fruit....

#BlogLife1071 - Double toastie sandwich within a sandwich/ Bullying has ended omg...

Looking at the post, makes me stressied and it's giving me chest pains.

I thought as it's 11amish I would fix brekkie. I was trying to work out, how to get everything into the cheese toastie without it melting or being undercooked..

I took out 2x strips of the turkey rashers, did them for about 6 minutes separately in the oven.

I put the bread and cheese on the panini press and grilled them for 3x minutes I think and I looked at them thinking, I want more than a cheese filling..

So when they were done... I had a clever thought... I put the rashers on top of one side, put the egg mayonnaise on the other side and folded it back to back..

It's really tasty but I'm struggling. I didn't really feel like the cucumbers, I have a feeling I'll end up just having it with the salsa...

Mind you cheese and cucumbers go together nicely, I didn't really think of that..

I will just say the turkey took over everything, I couldn't taste much of the cheese or egg, maybe next time, I'll just put one?

I don't think I'll eat for hours.

I'm slowly going through the mail, it is weird. I'm leaving the brown envelopes for last..

One said, we've tried contacting you to be an investor.... What?? When did I win the lottery?

Nobody told me, good grief, trash, how did they get my details?

The other said we are doing a crime survey in person, let us in to your property......

No way. I actually would have been tempted if it was a phone or online one..

I could have reported the anti social behaviour, postal thefts, attempted break ins..

But I don't want strangers in my home, too unnerving. I don't care if they are the police or akin to that..

Another spam something about a refund on a car, what...? I don't even have a driving licence...

Ok and now to the DWP one... My heart is beating but at least the chest pains have stopped.

My next UC appointment is in a week and a half, I'll post it then.

If I can never have a relaxing time anymore, at least let it be doable, whatever cutthroat instructions she is demanding of me..

Oh my goodness I cannot believe it, after being hounded for what was it? 1 year and a half or 2 years...?

20x months, so yea, it's nearly 2 years.

They have finally made a decision about how much I owe them,

I need to call them and arrangement a repayment schedule thingy.

It really is not as bad as I thought, I mean, yikes, but the amount plus a £50 fine for carelessness about the claim..

But here it is altogether the amount I will repay them is this.. from 10/2/22 to the 2/7/24 is.....

£3041.48...

My brain wondered if it would be £10k or something or more.

Just over £3k. It will take some time. Ok let me call them and set up the repayment schedule.

Unfortunately I can't pay it all back at once. I don't have it.

£200 in paypal and maybe £600 in the bank after the council tax is paid.

Did they actually become human and realise, all that time, I was paying towards the rent, when I should not have been?

Or was it everything I had told them straight about the home abuse and the hospital stay??

Or being long term ill?

Well after all that, they cut me off from being on hold. Pfft if you don't call them in the mornings, you've got no chance.

Tomorrow I will try them again. Omg, it's over. No more witchy phone calls...

No more mocking me. Telling me to go to the bloody library, print out pages and pages, while my legs collapse and my body can barely move..

I can't wait to tell Mama, honestly.... I really hope it's no more £50 a week..

There is something else, which I haven't done, which I could do, which I probably won't....

So because I've had savings, they deducted about £30ish from my entitlement, I could share that isn't the case anymore..

Maybe I will eventually... or Maybe not. I don't really feel like asking them for anything, when I owe them...

Doesn't seem appropriate... But heavens do I feel lighter. I know it's a big debt, the first real one of my life..

The jail thing is still ambiguous... But my worst case scenario didn't come true...

It wasn't over £10k.

I mean she was gunning for me, non stop disrespecting me, squeezing the life out of me. Making me out to be a party girl socialite, spending endlessly..

Pfft yea right... The statements tell it all, bills and food..

I am in shock. I know I'll truly feel better when it's paid off. But this has been hanging over me for so long.

I was so depressed, so drained, questioning whether life was worth living anymore?

I'm still worried about the future expenses...... But strangely it seems almost manageable.

I can't believe one ill mannered bully is finally gone.. She took so much delight in torturing me for over a year..

Oh I'm going to close your Paypal......... No you can't just email it to me as a file......

Oh you want an extension....... (Condescending tone).

Oh answer these questions............ Answer the same questions.....     And then more, that I already know but I want to see you suffer!!!

Send me this, send it again, send it again. I don't care if you're ill or the buses aren't working....

I almost collapsed so many times..........

You have until this deadline...... Or you face prosecution...

On and on and always with this rude tone, that I had to be polite too........ 

Just like at home, don't argue, don't talk back or face being hit......

When am I allowed to fight for myself?

For fear that she would spitefully send me to jail or bump up the fine or both...... And she knew it and loved every second of it.

The only saving grace was that I got to tell my reality. Growing up in fear, supporting myself...

What a bully!!!!! You know funnily enough, if she didn't enjoy being so nasty for 20 months...

She could have had the whole damn thing in one go..... All £3k in one beautiful payment....

But now it will be slowly for however long it takes..

I'm not ready to stop writing, I don't know why... I'm not ready to let go of the anger.

One sibling bully reporting me to another government bully and me being vulnerable, helpless and slowly just driven out of my sanity...... 

All over again.

I really really hate not having an expression. No power..... No strength and no way to shield myself...

Defenceless. I may need some time to recover..

#BlogLife372 - Let's make a toast(ie)

I've consciously been eating less carbs, I mean still the same amount of pasta and rice but less bread but at the moment, it's really chilly as winter is settling in and I fancied toasties.

I have my trusty unadventurous panini press which only gets used for cheese toasties usually.

I've done baguettes and paninis and bagels but I think my favourite is good old fashioned toast.

I decided to shake things up and bought beef, chicken and cheese to make various fillings and thought I would try eggs for the first time.

Ummm it did not go well. I tried to get the smallest eggs possible but they only had medium and free range seems to be the healthiest so that was the choice for me.

Except Iceland ran out of wholemeal bread, so no bread. I'll pick some up Monday.

I had an inkling so I also bought wholemeal rolls. I cracked the egg but it took a few other whacks and saw a video that recommended turning it so the crack is on the top and less shell will fall.

No shell debris but the egg just rolled off the roll lmao. I pressed in the bun but it's a slippery sucker and I was just laughing so hard.

I ended up just mopping the roll with the egg mixture (I'm not going to waste it). 

Then I poured the remainder straight onto the roll sitting on top of the press, which again..... To my horror........

Slipped right into the press lol. Again I dabbed what I could and put some cheese on one side of the roll but most of the concoction is now caked on to my press.

It's mocking me I tell you!! I'm waiting for it to dry so I can clean it off.

I'm cooking some beef burgers to add to it but that was traumatic lol.

I don't have the non stick oil spray as I don't cook messy foods on it usually.

This is why I stick to easy foods and not anything complicated as it goes wrong.

I could have just placed the egg straight onto the press but it gets flat and squishy. I didn't want that but that's what happened anyway.. I know I know..

On the plus side it cooked really quickly. I left it at least for a few minutes but it was definitely done.

It also didn't smoke, crackle and hiss as much as I expected either. I'm gonna put it together as the burgers should be done and watch the rest of Chicken Run....

I've not seen the sequel. It's a shame they didn't want Julia aka Ginger the title lead to reprise her voice actress role.

What made me think I was suddenly going to turn into a competent cheffy overnight?

I've cleaned the press and it was actually quite easy with water and a kitchen towel. I don't think you're supposed to add washing up liquid but I did to disinfect it. Just an eensy diluted bit.

Alright mayhem aside, it's actually really delicious. I'm too embarrassed to upload a picture, maybe if I do something more presentable and that turns out accurately.....Then but it's yummier than usual.

The egg makes it. To correct my mistake some cut the middle of the bread out and pour the egg inside to detract from leaks.

I think I'll just do it directly onto the pre-heated press but next time to avoid it being toooo thin. I'll just double up!

Ooh I had a brainwave, those cookie cutter shapes would make the egg stay in place. I just have to get one that isn't plastic.

Alright well my egg rings arrived today as well as my cleaning solutions so I thought let's finish up this post, in the right way..

Except in true fashion, I messed up again! You're getting used to this by now right? Well I am a trial and error person so learn from my mistakes :)

After I washed the egg rings, I placed them on the heated Press. The egg seem to overspill on one of them so once again, an eggy mess on the Press.

But it looked like it was working well but I started to smell it burning so I decided to prematurely remove the rings to flip it over to cook evenly....

Hmm I probably should have waited longer as it fell apart and flattened out ugh!

What can you do? I replaced the rings and cracked two more eggs? Am I getting to be an expert? No lol.

This time I totally just left the ring and closed the Press lid for both sides to cook.

This technique worked better, although the overspilled egg had less and the normal one looked round and thicker.

I've just waiting for the meat to cook and then it'll be done.

On to the Special K crunchy oat granola review. I used to buy Jordan's fruity crunchy oats I think it had nuts, berries, coconut (which I wasn't a fan of and it was delicious.

I tried it with milk but having it with yoghurt was much tastier. The berries were soft, chewy and never tasted stale or over sweetened.

I love berries as you can tell by my Vimto fixation so I thought this would be a good thing to try. 

It was half price at £1.50 so this was the best time to sample it. The oats are tasty and indeed crunchy.

It's just the right blend, not too sweet and surprisingly big clumps actually.

The berries were what I was most excited about. I don't think I'll buy yoghurt I'll just randomly snack on these when peckish.

It's freeze dried fruits and omg they are nasty!! It leaves the tangiest, most bitter taste and aftertaste.

It's totally ruined the oats. I would happily munch them but I am binning the berries, it is that bad!!

What were Special K thinking? Yuckkkk! I wouldn't recommend it.