#BlogLife1057 - Don't apologise then..

I was already up but still in bed at 10ish maybe when the phone rang and this company keeps confusing me.

There are different maintenance companies for different tasks around the home and this one keeps mentioning the boiler but it has nothing to do with that.

I mentioned that Friday I had an appointment with them, where no-one showed or called..

And she was like, Oh did you make that through your landlord? I said Yes and she said, Oh we weren't aware so it's separate and that's limited to them....

Ummmmm Listen nitwit, the appointment was made on your behalf, they would have contacted you and said she's free on that day, have someone call around...

So I don't buy that, they didn't know about it. She should have just apologised for the inconvenience.

Suddenly now she's rushing me for a meeting at the end of the week....

I said I don't have my lens on and have to check my diary. I was not about to squint.

It's difficult to see clearly, it's all blurry, so I asked for a direct number, got it and said I will call later.

I'm going to eat and charge the phone first. I should get it over and done with.

This week is free but I might make it for next week instead. I want a bit of peace.

I'll see, the worst part of it, apart from her snobby attitude, was that, they are making it sound complicated, like it needs several visits and not just one and done....

Ugh, not looking forward to that either. I've done the sweeping.

I actually liked spacing out the cleaning over several days, it was so much kinder to my body.

I'm waiting for the washing to dry. I'll change the duvet and wash it and then mop and the rest is done thankfully.

My thing, when I know it's a legitimate number is to add it to my phone and usually wait for them to call me.

There was no way I was getting stuck in the Operator loop.

Oh something else she said that tickled me. Why do they keep saying I'm with the previous landlord, when we switched ages ago?

Ok ok, I was responsible and called them back and decided to put my needs first and make it for next week Wednesday.

8-1pm. The UC is on Tuesday, Bank Holiday is on Monday...

And just got a text, on the same Wednesday between 11-2pm, they are conducting emergency fire alarm and lightning tests.

Lol, so a crazy week, but they said it's for the public areas, not people's homes.

Last thing. I'm not drinking enough and I'm starting to get really painful foot cramps at night.

It always happens when I'm dehydrated but currently for some reason I'm just not thirsty.

It's a chore to drink, I'm trying to add the flavoured ice poles to my water....

It's like a long thin fruit lolly and I add it, in summer. Today's one is lemon.

I think I drink more in winter weirdly.. I don't have much of an appetite.

I've just ordered the groceries for tomorrow, I didn't see any new items as such and because it's household heavy order, I just could only afford the basics I usually get.

Kitchen rolls, cleaning wipes, they are so expensive. I'm sure they used to be a £1ish and now it's £3/4.

My debit card is going to expire in January, I wonder when they will send the next one.

Ugh I wonder if I can pick it up in person? That's the last thing I want my neighbours getting..

I think the ID is a passport but mine is expired, I don't know if that makes a difference or if you are even permitted to collect it..

#BlogLife1017 - I need to take my power back and reclaim my strength

I feel like I've lost my joy and only now am I getting it back. I'm stressed all the time and that's become my norm and I'm sick of it.

My family, my friends, dating, health, all just taking from me and leaving me empty.

I'm more serious in this mood, less capable of having a silly chat.

There's a guy I semi regularly chat too and because he's a J, he doesn't ask a thing about me.

I've tried to steer the conversation, drop hints and it's like, he's trying to say the supposed the right thing, but really, he's still only concerned about himself.

And I completely lost it, when he said Jeez, You've been hurt or something?

Instead of acknowledging, Hey maybe she wants to have an intellectual conversation.

Instead it's Oh she's lost her mind, heartbroken, so hates all guys and her feelings aren't valid so she's not capable of being rational and coherent.

Ugh I just ended it and said, Women, think and Men don't, we are built differently.

I want to chat to someone real that I can open up too and maybe flirt with and although he says he understands and was following my queues..

He really doesn't because he kept saying Are you ok? Because normally you're fun, he didn't say that last part, but that was the interpretation.

I ignored that because either he gets me or he doesn't, there's no point saying....

Look the truth is, I'm ill all the time. I'm worried all the time. I have trouble sleeping, my brain goes to dark scenarios.

I usually feel empty or not lonely really, just in need of someone to talk too.

I was cold and snippy and said Maybe you need a woman with no brains, so let's not talk anymore.

But then I realise, talking to men that are just asking me personal questions or trying to get me to date them or flirt back isn't helpful either.

I guess I want to be coaxed with the right enquiries. How are you? How's your day going?

My lil bouts of happiness come at the end of the day, where my duties are done.

It's me time, gaming and nothing else matters. No scary monsters in my head, no more bad thoughts about the future.

Just trying to get cosy, switch off and enjoy a lil highlight. As hard as it is to just put aside these things.

I'm going to try. I have to be brave and carry on. I want to make myself proud by publishing a lot more stories and the occasional spoof or serious topic.

Dagnabit, I over ran the bath with too much hot water, now I hope the cold will balance it out, it didn't seem like it will fill that fast.

It's not my day today. I'm trying to be positive despite all these obstacles.

Got to admit, it was a horrible day. Dust blew into my eyes as the bus was pulling up, I barely saw the number and was holding onto things to see.

They had the laziest assistant working at the library, glued to her phone, she didn't want to help me print, she's like follow the instructions on the wall, the others just do it for me and are friendlier.

They made it so bloody complicated, scan this, load this, what the hell.......

She was no help at all, then bloody yahoo is saying we'll text you a code to log in, nothing, nada, by the time they did, I was late for UC appointment and every second question was, Do you have an update?

Asked and answered numb nuts! So me and my big mouth blurted out about the printouts, so he said you can give it to me Thursday.

And he always asks Are you volunteering anywhere? Ugh I've told you that a thousand times, try making notes or paying attention.

He asked how long I do it, now there is no way to answer this question so that it pleases them, if you say too many hours, Oh that's too much...

I said 1 hour, he said Oh you should do 5/6, it's not like you've got anything to do......

Schmucky schmuck shmuckiest. I have writing dodo! Just because you're inept at your role, doesn't mean, I'm not fulfilled in mine!

Ugh I have to leave early tomorrow and get it done via the library or Rymans.

I didn't get rained on though and I was so fed up and drained, I didn't bother go to the cafe or shop, I just wanted to go home, so I ordered Chinese but got a discount and because it took so long, maybe an hour, ha, they threw in prawn crackers too, which was the highlight of my day.

I didn't eat much, I'm not that hungry but I had some opal fruits and a biscuit or two and the rest maybe I'll save for Thursday.

I really miss youtube working on the laptop, I could play asmr or anti nausea or anti cramps, now I have to play that via the phone only.

Oh well tomorrow I can relax and then Thursday I'll probably miss the start of Looney Tunes new event.

Well after complaining on Twitter, Youtube works again on the laptop, which is good because last night instead of listening to sleepy asmr....

I had to play the pmt which sometimes helps settle my tummy, I felt like I had to burp or get rid of the bloating or something before I could sleep and eventually it did help but it was relaxing binaural beats music.

#BlogLife934 - Checked off

I had such a gloriously long deep sleep last night and it's put me in a great mood, because the insomnia was pretty bad due to stress.

The last of the chores is done. I booked the cleaner for tomorrow morning, an ouchy estimate of £109.35 to a £145.13 reality jump and there was nowhere to put the 10% promo code sadly..

I just added it into the comment section, I doubt I will get the discount for the deep clean, but it is a Bank Holiday weekend.

I just prefer booking cleaners for the weekend, it's way less hectic for me.

I can't see it lasting 4 hours just to mop 5 rooms, even though it's a deep clean service.

But afterwards maybe they will wipe the tub or sinks or help me declutter.

Either way, although I feel guilty about not doing it myself. I'm also sorta proud of myself for reaching out to get assistance as that is so difficult to not be seen as capable.

My hands are already tender and I feel devoid of energy just wiping a lil bit.

I still feel the flu is lingering, bit stuffy, bit sneezy but I feel heaps better being productive now the energy has returned somewhat.

The washing is drying and smelling delightful. I can't book the Optician and get my spare lens until the bus station opens in September so that has to wait.

I will also get my pedicure done afterwards and that's it really. Very high expenses but if it gives me peace of mind, so be it.

I'm not frivolous, I don't spend heaps on myself, I continue to budget and seek bargains.

Oh and will probably book the Surveyor appointment for the week after next, this one is already busy.

I forgot to ask for female cleaners and if I could stay as I don't fancy going out and Ohh just realised I'm definitely staying, the buses aren't running all the way to the Market.

It's weird I remember things and then instantly forget, so foggy.

I think Scratchy is done. I needed to talk and let things out and I did that.

Alright, a strange morning indeed. I woke up to see conflicting texts and emails from the cleaning service.

One said, Sorry no-one is available. The other said, Yes we have 1 person, so relieved it's a female yesss.

I woke up at 10am called them, they were busy and I was just about to email and they called back.

I do like them for that, they don't leave you hanging in that respect.

When they cancelled I felt a bit deflated. I didn't sleep until 4/5am but then it was bliss.

I would have preferred a morning slot, I did book for 11am, but 2pm was all they had.

I wanted it out of the way so I could eat but I'll munch after. I don't know why my stomach is in knots..

Maybe it's the uncertainty of them not showing up and then this matter is still pressing.

Or maybe it's the judgement of, this is you responsibility not an outsider.

Or maybe it is having an unknown person in my home. I'm sure the cleaners are vetted.

I had to Googly it and yep there are background checks. We shall see how this experience goes..

The first was a mixed bag, good outcome but damage was done and no apology.

Plus I think he was late and didn't stick to instructions. I just wanted to sleep.

I think I was just tense, a male cleaner roaming the rooms, making lots of noise..

That's why I didn't let him mop the bedroom floor, it was my safe space.

Argh I forgot to enquire about the promo code discount. I'm really curious as to whether or not I will get it.

I should for all the faffing around. You advertise for short notice, lots available and then say, Nope nobody is around.

At least she will get double pay as it's the weekend. Umm, let's just say, things did not go according to plan...