#BlogLife294 - The reason you're ignored.. Updating

..Is because of lazy conversation starters.. Turn these around if you expect any type of response. Bear in mind how competitive it is, you need a hook..

1. How's you?

No shortcuts, just say How are you? That will make the other person realise, hmm he/she has a brain and isn't too slovenly to use it.

2. Tell me about you?

Nobody likes vagueness. Be specific and it will be way more engaging, instead of the other person floundering and being unsure what information to share.

3. What are your hobbies? What is your occupation? What...

Stick to one question, unless they are related to each other. 

Flooding someone with enquiries proves you have no conversation skills.

4. Talking of which, today..... 

Don't just ask question after question, mix in some personal stories or anecdotes, other wise it's just debate mode Zzz

5. I'm bored

Never say that because it instantly makes you sound uninteresting and that you can't entertain yourself.

6. Make your feedback and inquisitiveness delicate and intriguing.

Find fun ways to phrase things and answer, make it amusing but still provide the relevant information. Possibly a play on words..

7. Don't go under or overboard.

Keep it light and playful. Nobody needs your life story and heavy details, straight away, just keep it informative but a tiny bit vague.

8. Keep it mostly relevant.

It's tempting to go off on random tangents because there's a great story involved but if you do it too often, it will be hard to keep up and confusing for the listener.

Your goal is to enthrall, not leave them stuck and praying the phone rings to escape.

9. Be the best version of you.

You only have one chance to make a first impression, make it a unique one. Be polite and respectful. Everyone appreciates good manners.

10. Only ask questions that you are prepared to answer in return truthfully.

You will see how fast they skidaddle when you clam up about something, you've needed to ask them.

Refusing equal civility towards them by withholding the identical details.

11. Don't ask stupid, obvious questions.

If you're still not sure about something blatantly obvious, then disguise a follow up enquiry to get the details you need.

Otherwise once again, the listener loses all respect for you and thinks you lack insight.

When someone does that to me, I rip them apart with sarcasm. It's not hard to use your intelligence to grasp simple facts.

#BlogLife219 - No gentleman

Hey all. I hope you are having a good week. If you are curious about what happened with J (the latest)?

Why are they all called J? Don't ask me, I had to do a double take and thought, another one? Why not Q or Z or X for a change?

My gut instincts were saying don't get in touch and it started to stress me out a bit.

Right or wrong, this is why I made this decision...

1. He is eerily similar to the last guy. Noticing the footwear. Asking me to get in touch and wanting to go to the same Pub.

It's kinda freaking me out, it's really peculiar.

2. Again he said "Text me when you get home." 

He should be the one to get in contact and say "Nice meeting you, hope we can get together again, no pressure."

Or something along those lines, without putting it all on me. I think that would have been a better approach and put me at ease.

I don't chase, I am chased! The last guy did the same thing and I'm not a fan of it. Have some courage and reach out.

3. At one point he brought up the subject of sex and massages. 

I find that inappropriate for a first conversation or even between acquaintances, it's too much.

4. I found it amusing and effeminate that he was fussing about the rain. 

It wasn't heavy but you could feel it and he was fiddling with a broken umbrella as we left.

He stayed under the shade and for me I have to keep moving and let the pain follow me, but not catchup.

I think not walking with me was just too dainty for words. When I had no problem with it.

The UK is famous for it's rainy weather. Am I going to constantly halt, under some shelter, instead of keeping my momentum going and managing the pain?

5. The insistence or enthusiasm you can call it for meeting him twice in one week?

I was put off by that a lot. I've never even seen a boyfriend that much, let alone a stranger?

It felt a bit too romancey/datey for my liking. As though he would bide his time and wait for me to get some mushy feelings or be an opportunist and make a sleazy move.

I could be ovethinking. Maybe he is just lonely or in a rut or expanding his social circle but it felt way too much.

6. Every time I tried to explain how drained and exhausted I felt with socialising and in general daily life, he kept getting more and more bewildered.

Either he thought I was lying or exaggerating. Either one of those is not flattering. 

Just because you don't understand someone's medical conditions, there's no need to be that cynical.

"I'll look it up on the internet."

"If you find this tiring. I'll definitely be too much for you/not right for you."

7. "I don't like independent women."

Granted he mean't in a romantic setting and I pointed out that most men want to feel needed and maybe a lot of us women now are finding we actually don't require them to be happy but they do.

It certainly is an imbalance but I feel like they should build up a more rewarding life, getting to know themselves and developing further interests/hobbies.

Possibly discovering what they want out of life or in a partner instead of lying their asses of saying, Yes I want a relationship, wait, No I don't!!!

Perhaps then they wouldn't feel so clingy and instead have more enriching experiences out of life.

8. His eye contact was all over the place. 

He did maintain a bit but he also kept looking all around for the majority of the time as though he was bored or waiting for someone.

That makes a poor impression in my opinion as though he isn't having a good time but instead just obligated to be there as though I was forcing him to stay like a hostage :D

 <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

As I was mulling all this over. I realised that I find being around people is sapping my strength.

They just draw out all my happy, peaceful vibes and leave me empty.

I think the most I would be comfortable seeing people, would be every 3-4 weeks.

It seems like a lot of time but I'm pretty much comfortable doing my own thing and keeping to my own schedule.

It's unnerving to be thrown off that timetable and scrambling to get the energy to fit all that in before the day ends and I feel miserable because it's been unproductive.

It is a nice feeling to unwind and be outdoors, shaking up my routine but I don't need it that often, just once in a while.

The same as phonecalls or chats. It's nice to share details occasionally but if it's too often, it turns out to be a burden and chore, instead of something pleasurable and meaningful.

#BlogLife203 - What constitutes a good chat?

I was waiting for someone that didn't show and got talking to someone else and he said I'll distract you.. 

And it made me think about how picky I am, when I am in the mood for a good conversation.

1. Don't fire a zillion questions at me, at once, as though you are interviewing me to be your bestest buddy or future wifey. Ick! That puts me to sleep. Zzzzz..

2. If you ask me a question and I reply, don't ask me the same thing a few minutes later. You have to listen!

3. When we are chatting, debating, however it is going. Wait until I've finished my point. Don't just ignore my words and proceed to talk over me.

4. You want me to do something? It's unwise to shout or try to guilt or force me into answering or acting in something that isn't in my best interests or would make me uncomfortable.

Give me some options, then who knows, I may compromise?!

5. If you mention stamp collecting and I have no earthly interest in discussing it further. Don't keep harping on about it all night, thinking I'll join in, I won't!

6. Sex isn't a hobby, if its yours, no wonder you're single,

7. At some point, you have to laugh. I don't mean that maniacal sinister cackling. I mean a chuckle, here and there.

Tell a funny story, be amused at something I've said but if you're there and haven't smiled or giggled once. Step aside!

8. Open up, give a lil of yourself, you don't even have to go into grand details but if I'm the only one trading insights. Nexttttt!

9. Don't ask me if I use messengers, when I've said I don't have any installed. What about Skype, Whatsapp? It just makes you out to be an even bigger idiot.

What happened to texting? That's quick and easy and requires no useless app taking up additional space.

I'll tell you why you want me on messenger. To showcase hideous, unflattering, unsolicited pictures that I don't want to see in high definition no less, blown up and the face images are no better!!

If I don't ask to see you, keep them to yourself. It's enough to put me off my cocoa!

10. Don't make assumptions about me. Fine you have an inkling, just ask me to clarify or for more details. I don't mind that, unless it's a sensitive area.

11. If the answer to the question, How are you? Is I'm bored. Then you're a dull person with no imagination and why would I waste my time on you?

You can't read a book? Watch a tv show? Do a crossword? Bake a cake? Nothing? Pfft..... Ta ta!