#BlogLife922 - Belated birthday dunkin doughnuts

I've been craving doughnuts but never got them so decided I would try the hazelnut dunkin doughnuts again.

2x large for £2.50. It's not the cheapest but it is fulling. I had the weirdest breakfast.

A quarter of a doughnut, it is filled with chocolate or nutella type filling, very generous with it. Plus it has sprinkles on top.

Then I had krackawheat crackers and butter, then I had some watermelon ha.

Everytime I have something savoury I want something sweet afterwards.

It was great though and half of it is covered in chocolate too, as if there wasn't enough.

It's probably like a treat I would get a few times a year, if I fancied it.

Actually I was going to get the Gregg's yum yum's version but I see less and less sandwiches now, it's more desserts, however I just got texted a £10 voucher when you spend £15..

So I'm tempted. Pret would have been my preference though, they have more variety.

I didn't wanna jinx it so only mentioning it today as they fixed it, ha, the UC website was down for over a week, so noone had access to it.

They text you a stupid code to get, but apparently noone was receiving the texts so it was impossible to input anything or read messages.

That was glorious and I'm going to say well I had no access so that's your fault that you didn't fix it sooner.

I knew by the time I wrote this I would forget half the things I mean't to share... Ugh.

That was the other thing, it's really rare to find an intelligent scrabble opponent on the ScrabbleGo app.

I found another one though, he's only itty bitty, but plays better than the vast majority of adults.

What is astounding me though, is that I have to far bested him 5-0.

In his defence it's been really close but it's really working my brain to keep up.

I'm not keen on the speediness but I can choose to play my turn at my leisure.

Ugh I am so pissed off. The snake advisor said Oh your CV is a mess, you'll have to sort it.

WTF. You approved of it, after the last time you made me alter it. Are you fucking bored you spiteful bastard???

The buses are stopping halfway so it's a long walk in the heat and I just wanted to collapse, plus tiredness and wanted to vomit.

And the bastard was still like Oh you gotta come in again this week to meet with someone Fuck the hell off.

The way he said it though I wanted to swing for him, because he said Oh they might be here.....

So that means I'll trek and may or may not be seen or probably wait around.

The other thing that was insult to injury was him like Oh that's funny you say the website was down other people were messaging me.......

Such a dickhead and that Oh you say the buses aren't working but they take you halfway.

I'd like to scream you absolute tit of a man!!! Walking halfway is nothing, an inconvenience to someone able-bodied.

Trying to trek let's say.. A twenty minute walk, when you've got chronic pain, chronic exhaustion, dizziness and nausea is like walking a marathon.

I need to rest, hold onto things to stop my legs giving way. This is what I mean by..... I'm not perceived as disabled because I'm walking un-aided.

Even though I re-iterate time and time again, that I struggle, it's dismissed as a whining over exaggeration.

He wouldn't last a day with health conditions, you sorry excuse for a human being!!

So easily could have given a phone appointment but because you're an asshole you didn't well Fuck You!!

I am so drained and exhausted. I've just got in. I don't want to do anything but wait until I get some energy

The only highlights of today is that I got my brows done, oof gone up to £8 now, I think way back when it was £3ish..

I needed to rest so badly otherwise I would have kept going home.

I also needed to get a fizzy drink to replenish me and help with the sickness.

As Asda was right there, I went in and the only fizzy available was lucozade, yeesh, so I had to get it.

Plus a chicken salad sandwich on brown bread woop, and a chicken pesto and feta also on brown bread.

I'm quite surprised those three items cost me £6 only, I was expecting way more.

I don't know if there was an offer, I was too impatient and had limited standing power so quickly got them, if I had seen egg probably would have got that instead.

I usually pick out the tomato and leaves, not keen on the sogginess.

I'm not hungry, I don't know if I should eat for energy?!

#BlogLife896 - Sunny world

Is it the weekend here already? I don't really feel like writing but most days it's like a compulsion to jot down some observations or whatever is going on with me.

Zoom sent me an email with some new products listed, no sign of the caesar sushi but they did have lemon eclairs, which looked fabulous, pistachio tiramisu and I've only seen the cafe version which is amazing, so I wonder how it compares?

I don't need to do any mini shops at the moment though, so it has to wait, assuming it will ever be in stock.

My stomach is still cramping off and on. I'll probably munch soon but not sure what on.

I always do this, I say I'm not ordering but checking the supplies, I'm out of snacks and that's more appealing than food at times so I might do an order this weekend..

Mostly everything was on sale, saved £7, got some Neutrogena face wash (saved £2 nearly), some more gnocchi but this time the cheese and tomato as the plain one needed some flavourings.

Also some new munchies, Laila mini poppadoms 90p, yoghurt, mint and coriander style.

They seemed fun, like it incorporated the raita dip into the seasoning.

Also Laila chilli and lemon grills crisps 90p, hope it's not too salty, tried a different brand and it's great but oversalted, which ruins it.

Got the chicken sushi, they were out of the regular so got the dragon one, hint of spice with that, although some might be a lil extra but delicious all the same.

I'm not totally against pepper, it's just when it's so strong it's uncomfortable to eat, it's off-putting because that's all I end up tasting and I never want to finish the rest of the dish.

I thought while I wait for Zoomy, I'll moisturise and apply the mud mask. It's very cooling actually on this humid warm day.

Oh ha, and as I predicted no tiramisu or eclairs, I knew it, good taste some customers.

To be honest, the salmon avocado probably still beats them all, but it's never in stock :(

I should have written a list of what I needed but I think I got everything, it was only a few bits really.

I was mostly full after the sandwich and some sushi but I wanted to try one of the snacks.

I settled for the mini poppadoms from Laila, yoghurt mint coriander, highly unusual.

Wow, for 90p, there was a lot in the bag. I don't recall ever trying a poppadom or a crisp that's been creamy before, I don't know how they did it.

It's a nice size, not too salty, great marriage of favours. It's absolutely delicious, I feel like I've dipped it into a raita already.

Brilliant concocotion. Crunchy, fresh, I would definitely recommend it. Now I can't wait to try the lemon grill one.

I'll pack the rest up, no more nibbling for me today. I'm so glad I tried that and didn't stick to my usual choices.

I definitely recommend that, if you like those flavours, lush. Hmm just tried the cheese and tomato gnocchi..

I sorta expected to like it more, it's ok, bit cheesy, bit tomatoey, still blandish but not as nice as the plain one weirdly enough.

I wouldn't buy this one again, I'll stick to the plain and add cheese and/or garlic dip.

I really should probably eat it with something else but I feel so bloated and full, yet hungry ugh, irritating.

Ok that's one thing done, horridly reliving everything answering the DWP's questions. Filled in the form and because they were so sarcastic/nasty.

I also just told them all about how I was struggling on crutches and healing from the hospital and that my place was woefully not furnished even a lil bit.

Go ahead DWP, keep making me out to be a monster, oooh the big bad crippled girl. Good for you hassling me, continue gloating to yourself.

Now I have to screenshot the job applications and course rejection for the idiot UC advisor, I'm dealing with clowns!

Alright, got back, munched because I felt depleted, still going between nausea and normality.

I did 2/3 chores, not bad. I posted the letter, finally got my eyebrow shape done, I feel fabulous.

And even though I felt a bit rough, for once I didn't feel self conscious about my size.

I mean I was covered up completely but I wore this red flowy pretty top over a plain top, in case it was chilly and I felt so cute.

Make up was done, a lil red/purple eyeshadow, foundation and the sun was finally out.

I mean I know I love my storms but I wanted to try the new pilot sunnies and they are glorious.

I don't know if it's unisex but I don't care, it was a goldy purple style and then the tinge is yellow so I could see clearly and still be protected.

And even though I oiled my hair and did a mini scalp massage, it looked really thick and styled, so I was pleased to look polished, even fighting sickness all morning.

In my haste to deal with the DWP letter, I forgot to sign and date it so I quickly opened it and used the other spare envelope.

That's what frazzleness and trauma does, I just lose my common sense.

By the time I got to the Market, I was fried but somehow through that yellow tinge, everywhere looking like sunshine, I just pretended I had boundless energy and that I was carefree.

Just like everyone else, window shopping, looking all chic and as I kidded myself, I swayed my hips, just like the old days and I thought, Nah I'm not poorly today, I'm healthy.

This mental trick worked for a lil bit, but after the brow shape. I thought alright, I'm done for the day.

I posted the letter, started to feel sick and thought I could go into the library risk it and print out the emails, or I could will myself to make it to the bus stop and sit and rest.

I chose the bus, there was a tiny bit of energy left, so I thought let's be sensible and not over exert ourselves.

I did want to grab a sandwich and drink but I couldn't do it. I have to encourage myself to carry on walking to get to my destination.

I think actually the nausea is not only caused by stress it is always heading outdoors.

Even on calmer days, I still feel that trepidation, it's not fear exactly, I think it's the possibility that something bad could easily happen, once again.

But for the most part, today was good, got leftovers for later and tomorrow and now I have to do the UC stuff and then I can unwind.

#BlogLife841 - Rare wandering adventure

Today was good but a bit strange, there was lots of glitches, the bank wouldn't let me log in.

Just Eat wouldn't load. It was a nice sunny day and I had a late UC appointment so now I'm lounging.

I really fancied the roti wraps and the Indian restaurants don't usually open until the evening but I saw one and decided to try it out.

It's a pity they didn't have the veggy pakoras or the chicken samosas or the traditional desserts but hopefully they will find my address easily.

I ordered some chicken wraps and a fudge cake and a sprite. It's nearly 5.30pmish and I haven't eaten or drank anything all day.

I still don't feel particular hunger pangs but maybe when I get going I will.

There's a new noodle place and a kebab place locally that I didn't realise, maybe Mama would like to try it some time.

It's a good job I'm not hungry as they predict an hour and 30 minutes has passed already.

Oh I finally got my brows done £7 but I told her no threading and she still did it.

Ughhhh why don't they listen? That really annoys me. I keep feeling like my eye area is bleeding but it doesn't seem to be.

It's stopped pulsating with discomfort. I can't wait to change when the food gets here.

I also had just about enough energy to pop into the EE phone shop and they said there isn't any £19 deals going.

I had a feeling, my best bet is the crappy phone customer service malarky.

I just feel drained and disappointed with them so I guess that's why I'm not eager to call and deal with them but I will when I have some free time.

Oh surprisingly my UC advisor gave me a phone appointment, it's a video call but he said probably will be a routine phone thing.

Ugh I hope so. I refuse to stress about that, I have enough on my plate.

I checked the post and no face wash or other appointments. I'm going to have to chase it up and tell them I haven't received it.

Aside from stressing. I feel good today. I got a lot off my mind. Hmm ok well it wasn't really rotis.

More like fresh soft greek type bread, tasty but I prefer rotis, was very mild and plenty of leftovers for tomorrow as the bread was thick.

Oh the puree wrap was more like a roti, a bit dry maybe but it satisfied my cravings, quite tasty topped with a burger sauce and chopped veggies and/or onions I think.

Except for the cramps and nausea, there wasn't much pain today, my back twinged a bit but I guess that's why I shopped as it wasn't so taxing.

There's something else, although I don't want to gossip but sometimes I want to shake people and say Grow up and think rationally.

Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth? Take a breath, think things through and then decide.

Why rush in when you have time and maybe you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

I'm trying to be helpful but I lose patience when people blurt things out and you wonder if they have lost their damn mind.

What are you expecting me to say? Go ahead, to hell with the consequences??

Jump into something crazy, see how that works out for you... In the long run..

I have no time to do the softy softy approach. I just call it like I see it.

That's it, brain unpacked, now I have to tidy up and relax for the night.

#BlogLife484 - Triple massage/triple pleasure

I'm beginning to think the Postie has run off with my curlers which is pretty funny because he has no hair but I'm surprised they are still not here, grr.

I was up and out early to Meet Mama but I was running late due to the roadworks and dry heaving.

I think I'm okay now, aside from being insanely tired. She opted out of the pedicures, poor thing as she was chilly and had under-dressed.

I'm so surprised she liked my hair shorter. Normally I point out a new thing and ask her opinion, not because I need her to like it, I'm always just curious.

But she noticed it and loved it, I tousled it and pinned it back because it's not curling properly and I said Oh okay, I thought I had done it too short and she was like Nooooo.

I love it, it suits you. I gotta admit it does have volume and has a style of it's own but it needs a lil wave, here and there.

Her side was sunny, but my area (an hourish), maybe away, starts off really cold and then warms up around lunchtime or late afternoon.

By the time I was coming back home, I was all toasty and warm because I always have a long top on and then I added the top/cardigan all in one, plus a heavy jacket ha.

I actually wasn't in too much pain today so I hopped on another bus to go into town and finally get some pampering done.

I'm always glad I go to the beauty salon but the journey there I dread, with the possible pain and lack of energy.

It's just taxing. Anyway they were kinda busy and luckily it's the same price, £5 for an eyebrow wax/tweezer and £25 for the pedicure.

I kinda wish it was more Americany, where if you're getting more than one treatment done, you stay in the chair and they just adjust it so you don't have to move..

But it was still really nice, she did go gentle because even the bones, that weren't actually broken, seem quite damaged and sensitive.

I'm very susceptible to anyone being heavy handed, I really do feel sore afterwards and during.

I think due to the fact that I'm a semi regular, she knows that I'm kinda fragile because I was getting ready to yelp in pain but it wasn't too bad.

I asked her to start the chair massage and oh my........ That sent me on a warm and fuzzy plane.

I didn't realise how much I needed that. I suppose with all I'm going through it makes sense.

She did the scrub foot and leg massage and she also did the cream one.

I didn't think she was going to do it actually but it felt so great, my eyes were closing and she did ask if I was ok.

But the funny thing was she kept repeating something with a face mask on and it came out muffled.

It sounded like How's bomb? And I was racking my brains to work out what on earth she was talking about, until it dawned on me and I laughed.

How's Mama? That's what she mean't. The only thing I didn't like was that while she was holding my head, she left wax on my scalp.

I'm too tired to have another shower/bath so I took some wet wipes and sprayed some leave in conditioner.

It's not a massive amount but it's annoying to have sticky hair and worry that a clump will fall out.

#BlogLife395 - The annual legs epilation

It's the second day in a row of no naps. Sigh but actually I've been sleeping earlier and getting blocks of it, so it's not that bad.

Do I honestly shave, sorry no epilate my legs yearly only? Well no but it feels like that.

I switched my epilator on, did one leg roughly and moved on to the other and the battery died ha so I'll finish it off tonight.

There isn't that much hair, some patches here and there so I'm not bothered about it as I don't wear short skirts any longer.

On my thighs, it's even scarcer just a tiny bit of fine hair and that's it. The epilator did the permanent hair removal for me.

Gone are the leg flashing days for me. I only tend to do some hair removal when I go for my pedicures.

After my Opticians appointment as it's nearby, I'll finally get my eyebrows shaped and then get a pedicure/back massage in the chair.

Iceland delivered my shopping and as I was unpacking there was three extra bags of Sea Bass.

I got somebody else's order again. Supermarkets don't collect items once it's handed over, so you always keep the surplus uncharged.

I rang up mama to see if she wants them as I wouldn't know what to do with it and she was delighted.

She's going to meet me on Monday (might be today, depends when I post this).

And we are off for pedicures and lunch maybe. Why do freshly smooth legs itch so much?

I hate that. I think the only thing I haven't worn from my haul is the red trousers.

I'll see what I feel like wearing nearer the time. The reason I epilate before an appointment, is they always ask me if I want a leg wax and seem bewildered when I say no, ha.

Plus if I'm lucky I get that lovely leg massage. I just hope they don't do the leg slapping, that's horrible but funny..

I'm thinking about getting some red Christmassy hair clips as I don't have any but then I would drawing attention to my thin messy hair, which doesn't style properly....

I've seen some cute ones though. Ugh Monday was supposed to be a stress free day but I have another last minute appointment with no warning so gotta postpone that til lunchtime.

I'm not cancelling the Opticians or the pedicure, so Mr X,Y,Z go screw yourself and wait patiently by the phone for once.

You like keeping me waiting, how do you like it when the shoe is on the other foot?? Not nice is it?!

I keep staring at my clothes strewn all over the bed hoping they will clear themselves but no dice :(

I didn't get much sleep last night so I was a bit groggy, no time for makeup, my hair went into ponytails as it's just easier.

and I was gonna call and delay my phone appointment but instead I just vomited.

Normally it's just a few rounds of dry heaving but this was upset stomach day.

I didn't really know why but then I started my period and all made sense, the lack of appetite, the bloating, the cramps..

I put on my red trousers and sweet though they are, it's just enormous around the waist/hip areas so cannot be worn at all.

I'm gutted but I wore those new favourite, grey/black/white patterned ones and set off.

Mama told me the bus station had been closed and that was another stressy thing as there were heavy roadworks and stops were closed too and I didn't want to be stranded again.

However luckily it remained open and there was just a tiny bit of congestion. I'm glad I set off early.

In the late afternoon it will be horrendous. My eyebrows really needed fixing.

Now, afterwards, oh they look so pretty and stylish and thinnn. Just how I adore them.

I was stressed a bit as mama wasn't answering her phone and I had only a bit of cash on me, they don't take card payments annoyingly.

So I didn't want to have the pedicure and not be able to pay for it, even though they know me, so I stalled a bit, until she arrived late and explained she was just a tad delayed.

It was glorious, I didn't know the chair could massage your derriere also. I was fiddling with the controller and oh heavens it was all good.

It wasn't busy at all, so they took their time, got a leg/foot scrub massage and cream massage, so doubly therapeutic for the tensions.

Then we went to lunch and I had a tiny can of Appletiser, lush and I was peckish but not hungry so struggled to eat.

They always cut the panini in four and by the first or second piece, plus the coleslaw and salad, I'm bursting so I just had them pack it away for me and I'm still satisfied.

I feel bad the bags got mixed up and I handed mama some extra large bin bags and protein tablets for the lenses and she got me some roti and curry and some sweets and sandwiches but her pakoras accidentally got in my bag, oops.

The weird thing is I didn't see that yummy mint or cucumber raita dip included so she probably has that in her bags.

I'm not into spicy food but sometimes the roti wraps are just delicious. Minus the pepper.

Tomorrow I'm heading to the market again. I gotta post a letter and pick up some bits and pieces.

I'm yawning but napping won't take for now, perhaps later. Oops..

Forgot to tell you the best bit. Well I don't have to collect my lenses, I'm supposed to but because he knows me, he asked if I preferred them posted and I jumped at it and he didn't even charge me, like Morefields used to. Pfft.

Also I missed a few calls from Mr X,Y,Z he's not important enough to have an initial hence the letters.

Anyway I ignored them because outside there's too much traffic noise. I can barely hear them and vice versa, so no point answering until I was back home.

His appointment was 10am and I didn't get back until 1pm haha. I called up and his secretary said Oh we've been trying to reach you, he's ill, so not in today.

Instead of me saying....Oh what a shame, I just said, well please pass on my apologies and the reason I was delayed etc.

You know the weird thing was, they didn't have the decency to cancel the appointment, with a text or email, knowing he wouldn't be present.

They called afterwards. Well maybe being poorly will teach him some much needed compassion for others.

But knowing him, he'll probably be a man-child calling for his mama, saying I'm ill, with slight man-flu wah wah wah...

I don't want to wish others ill-will but he's been mentally/physically pressuring me so I kinda hope he stays unwell for a lil longer.

Sorry but I need a break!!

Beauty and mind cleanse (fiction)

I dial your number and wait patiently for you to answer. Hey listen, if you're free.. I have a surprise for you. I know you need to decompress and I have the perfect setting.

Mmmhmm. No hints. Just get your butt over here pronto. It's all arranged. Ok. I will see you soon. No need to thank me, what are friends for?

I click play and my YouTube playlists cycles through my soft tunes. I start humming and sway to the music as I add the final touches.

A little time later, the doorbell rings and I greet you with a warm hug. It feels like forever since I've seen you. I nod agreeing, things are crazy at the moment.

I lead you in and ask if you need anything before we begin. Uh huh. I may just have that. I smile and bring out an assortment of goodies.

The heating is on at full blast and I hand you a chocolate milkshake with soft scoops of chunky mint ice cream, followed by crumpled bits of milk and dark chocolate Ferrero Rochers and the best bit? 

A chocolate wafer to use as a straw? Do I know you or what bestie? Huh? Weren't expecting that right? I laugh as your eyes light up and grab the drink eagerly.

Good right? What is tonight about? Umm, well I get the impression you have something on your mind and you want to be heard.

I don't pry but you know I'm here to listen, When and if you choose to confide? Uh huh. I thought so. I've been following your blog and your recent posts were....

Yea I know. Look I hear you. It's not easy thinking about the future. Plus Christmas and your writing commitments. Just prioritise whichever one you feel the most passionate about in that moment, alright?

Wow that was quick. You practically downed that milkshake. Bahaha. Of course there is more. I think we should get started though or this will turn into a slumber party. 

I know we are a bit too mature for that.. On the other hand.. Well we'll see, how the time passes? I hang up your coat and drape a smok over your front tying it at the back and then I pull your hair out and back. 

I then tie a soft silk bandana around your hair and secure it out the front, tucking it in. I think I'll start with your brows first. I ask you to lay out on the sofa and get a cushion for your head. 

I push the makeshift headband back as far as it will go. I then reach for the wet wipes. Next I dab some micellar cleanser onto it and stroke across your face, until all your makeup is removed. 

You're lucky you know. You're naturally beautiful. You don't need makeup to enhance your looks. However, similar to me, you just love experimenting with it. 

You're back to feeling out of sorts huh? You feel it is unnatural to enjoy your own company and push people away? It's a tricky thing, to be honest. 

Um I know you felt like an outcast everywhere you went. I know that you tried to make friends and be part of a group but it never worked out. 

When you wanted to socialise nobody seemed to want to join you and when they did. You never felt inclined to join them. Suddenly instead of feeling empty and alone and sad that you didn't belong.. 

You did your own thing. Developed your own interests. Got to know what you liked. You didn't have to please or change or compromise. You just got on and adapted. 

I know because we are alike. We had similar experiences and feelings. I do understand you. I get that you are two halves. One side is independent and creative and needs solitude to conjure magic, onto a page.. 

While the other side craves brief interactions, which give your mind a rest and rejuvenate you, when you are feeling empty and uninspired. 

That's why the random acquaintances don't make an impact. They are but mere distractions. What matters to you and makes you feel alive is writing, not people. 

All people are to you is disappointing. They don't ever see you. Your whole essence, which can be cranky, impatient, angry, scared, lost and vulnerable. 

Or sweet, funny, charming, flirty, intelligent and confident. They see you as good or bad. You are all of those things though. Noone has unearthed that yet. I sigh, nod and get the wax strips. 

Ummm lol disclaimer hon. I've never in my life used these, so if I end up making your face bald and hairless by ripping your eyebrows off... 

Promise to give me a head start before you kill me? Deal? Phew. Thanks sweetz. Er I'm just going to read the instructions again. Have a lil patience. 

I'll scar you for life soon, I promise. Just let me read it. Yeesh and I thought I was demanding.. Huh? I didn't say anything. Your highness. 

First I gotta heat them by rubbing them between my fingers. I'll explain and act accordingly. Then I cut the strips. Then the scary bit. 

I press firmly applying it to both your brows. I smooth it down and wait for a few seconds to pass. Cringing for you, while you're perfectly at ease. 

I hold your skin tight and rip those suckers off. Honestly I'm scared to look. I shove the mirror in your hands. Just tell me. Are your eyebrows still attached? 

For the love of hair. Please say yes!! It's not funny. Can you stop laughing. I feel like a butcher. You're fine? They are both still there? Pheww. I can breathe now. I was nervous. 

I wipe away any excess residue and start tweezing the remaining stragglers. Keep your face still and stop smiling. I did not look like death warmed up. 

I was merely the tiniest bit concerned. I did not freak out!! I take more wipes with aloe vera on them and sweep across your brows. 

Actually they look pretty impressive for my first time. I hand you back the mirror and you nod in gratitude. I put a stool in the bathroom and tell you to get as comfy a you can, while leaning forward. 

I remove the bandana and turn the shower on. I move my hands through the length of your hair and make sure the hot water coats it completely. 

I then flip open the dandelion shampoo and squeeze a generous amount into my palm. I wet my hands and let the shampoo get sudsy by blending it. 

Then I work up a foamy lather and start with your scalp and then coat the length of your hair, right until the ends. I reach deep into your roots and start massaging in lil circles. 

My hands start wiping all your hair from around your face. I make sure no shampoo drips into your eyes. I start smoothing all your hair back and scrunching random parts. 

I make sure the shampoo dissolves deeply as I continue rubbing it into your hair. I make loose fists and start touching your scalp in circular motions from each side. 

I apply gentle pressure and start from the front of your face, down to the sides. Then from back of your neck. I drive both hands up and into the middle of your scalp, softly.

I then rinse it away until your hair is squeaky clean. I wring your hair so it isn't soaking wet and spritz a few pumps of leave in conditioner over your hair.

I wrap the pre heated towel around your locks and seal it tightly and the flip it behind you. I lead you back to the sofa so you can sprawl out again.

I refill your drink and hand it to you. I dab some moisturiser onto your face and using my fingertips I blend it in, swirling around each area until it is absorbed.

Then I grab two sliced cucumber pieces and place them daintily over your eyes. You can't say it isn't a real spa experience now.

I then use the creamy L'Oreal fine flowers cleanser and dot it into your forehead, cheeks, nose and chin. I grab my pre moistened face brush and switch it on.

I press deeply moving it across your forehead. Then I drag it down the side of your face, under your eyes, down your nose and all over your cheek.

I then slide it across your chin and repeat the same on the other side. I grab my wet wipes to stroke all over your face and remove it completely.

Your face feels so soft already. I open up the thinnish Rivage mud mask and coat it on both of my fingers. I dab it on your face and then massage it all over your forehead, cheeks, chin and nose.

I'll leave it for about 10 mins. The pack says about half an hour but who has time for that? I peek under your cucumbers to make sure you're still alive as you haven't said anything in ages.

You seem to be fine, so I move to the other room and continue watching Hercai. Time passes and I nudge you awake. I remove the cucumbers and bin them.

I then get a new face sponge, wet it and start slowly removing your face mask. I sweep along your skin and it seems to disintegrate fairly easily.

I take a wet wipe and do a last freshen up over your face and honestly it is glowing. You look radiant. How do you feel? Like royalty huh?

I unwrap your hair towel and gently comb your hair straight with my fingers and then I tousle it to get some natural volume going.

It is practically dry already, so I just gather it all together and pop it into a messy bun. I give you another hug and we sit down to watch Hercai together..