#BlogLife809 - The Devil is in the details

I was going to add this to Yesterday's post but it slipped my mind.

And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll be posting regularly even though I'm home, I'm still struggling with my thoughts and energy levels.

Anyway it was two things. One Mama brought up dating and said Oh yea you didn't start until late it was early 20's right?

And I said Nope, I was 17yrs and she was surprised, when did you go out and who with..?

In my head I was thinking, it's better you don't know and I stopped myself blurting out that I'll never forget the age as I was assaulted and that tends to stay with a person.

She's so clueless but at the same time if I brought that up, I'd have to say, Well yea, those days, I found any excuse to stay out as late as possible, anything to avoid being at home, surrounded by threats.

And that I was seeking affection, anywhere I could find it, not knowing what a dangerous world we live in.

I don't want her to take on the blame for it. I want her to acknowledge our home life was a scary place.

Anyway, the other thing that irritated me was her relative, grilling me on what benefits, I'm claiming, if I'm working, that my hair is thinning.

And I wanted to say, What the hell does it have to do with you?? Mind your own bloody business!

But good manners dictate otherwise and plus I could barely stand straight so I just rattled off answers and hoped she would leave soon.

To be fair, she did bring us some rotis and curry and travelled in the cold weather, without a car.

But this is what I don't like about the relatives, they feed on information, to spread gossip and act judgemental.

They are gleefully eager to criticize. I know my hair looks like crap, I don't need to bloody hear it.

Why couldn't she have just said. I've found a nice product if you're interested, it's castor oil for the hair and it worked well to thicken mine up.

Oh also thankfully, the boiler is working and the pipes haven't frozen in this wintry supposedly snowy weather.

But to be safe I'm still leaving it on for a further few hours and to be honest, I'm still cold, but not freezing any longer.

Nice to be back in the warmth and I just tried the bathroom tap and it's back to normal, woohoo.

I didn't do anything but before I left, I had dumped the whole bottle of washing liquid and it wasn't filled with water, it was empty but draining slowly, when I turned the tap on.

But I was still nervous that maybe it would turn out to be a bigger problem and heaven knows if the landlord would take responsibility.

They fix what they feel like and ignore the rest, recently, there was a mass message saying we won't replace taps anymore.

It's your responsibility! Cheapskates!! That's a big relief at least.

I didn't even check the post, the Witch has probably written demanding something else.

I had a really bad night even though I waited until late to go to bed.

I kept waking up and having nightmares about murder and bullying.

I didn't eat or drink anything last night, I just didn't feel like it but listening to the binaural beats and gargling with salt water helped as I just had some water and no pain.

I'm cooking some chicken spring rolls and will probably do an Iceland order some time this week.

The boiler was acting strangely, it wasn't making any noises but thankfully it did start. I'm leaving it on medium again.

I guess I'm still stressing about the video call in 2 hours. It will be my first ever one and visual close ups make me cringe.

I feel so raw and uncomfortable but I had no choice, if I don't do it, I'll get into trouble.

Even though I'm not craving food, it was fun to discover Iceland has new chicken based meals that don't have pork included.

Maybe I'll nap later as my throat is starting to burn and I'm still frozen with the heating on and blankie, except I don't feel remotely tired, just agitated.

#BlogKife434 - Mama's secret

Afternoony all, how are you all doing?

I feel I am over the worst of this bug, aside from a lil stomach unsettlement.

It just doesn't feel quite back to normal and the tiredness and coldness is seeping into my pores.

I am well rested though and I'm relieved that my special fitted sheet is arriving today with Evri/Hermes.

I don't have an issue with them, I always tend to get my stuff, sometimes with a time listed and other times without.

Last night I set out the protein tablets to do my lenses as I hadn't done it for this month and could I find them???

Nope.....My eyes feel especially dry and I keep forgetting to take the drops out of my vanity case.

I'll try and remember to do them tonight. Let's get on to the title as I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about this and if there would be enough material but here goes......

While I was at Mama's she let something slip that I had never heard her say before....

That when she moved into her new place, she had was infected with the corona virus.

Now you know I've actively avoided this subject but my head exploded when she told me.

She had not said a word of this, at the time and my gut was telling me not to react.

I could not have been around for the move because of my health conditions, heavy lifting is a no-no.

Waiting on my feet, is a no-no. She never asks me to assist her, instead the other two do it, which I'm grateful for.

Anyway I kinda wondered why she was mentioning it now and the other half of me was relieved that she was alright and had recovered.

But it took me back to a few years ago, when she was acting ridiculous when I developed that nasty cough and infection, accusing me of having it and that she's going to catch it from me.

That massive guilt trip and hysteria. I didn't lose my taste. I didn't have flu-like symptoms, it was just a really bad probably chest infection.

That lasted maybe a week... But she kept making these snide comments and I offered to leave but she said no, no, it's fine.

She didn't want to share food, she didn't want to stay too near to me, to me it was overblown and ridiculous, I should have just left her.

And the other thing was the constant nagging to get the anti virus shots and I refused to have any of them.

Partly because I'm fed up with being jabbed with needles, when you're in and out of hospital and they can never find your veins, it's hideous.

Moving on, oh wait, the other reason was because it was affecting women's periods and a GP I know confirmed cases of it.

Mama is now praising me for not having any doses as she has had adverse effects, lots of issues and pains from it.

She kinda said, I don't think you would have survived it, if you got it and I thought..........Purleaseeeeee.

I've lived through abuse, near death, injuries, mental cruelty, crippling depression, assault, suicidal thoughts, bad parenting and lack of support throughout my life..

This illness would have been tough but I would have beat it. I have faith in myself, that others do not.