#BlogLife731 - Pick me up, put me down

I've just been ringing around getting quotes for Monday morning when I return home from Mama's and my theory about them charging extra per bag, seems wrong now.

Just when you think you figured it out, nope, ha. None of them asked how many bags I had.

I'm pleased that it's basically the same price as last year, twenty-something and not thirty-something pounds.

This is much better than waiting for the last minute and hustling to call all the companies up as I only have a few numbers anyway.

Overall it's been really pleasant here, aside from the heatwave and me not bringing a fan, as too many devices here, seem to spike up Mama's electricity bills.

But next time I will bring my long lasting one, use it sparingly and not charge it.

I can use it on the low setting and maybe it would last until I left.

There was no real tension or rows, mostly as the other two weren't mentioned really, except once.

And I had this disturbing nightmare when they were and that wrecked my head for a bit but then I let it go.

I thought they are out of the picture. I hopefully won't see either of them again in my life.

They have no power over me and I deserve to be relaxed. 

The edge of my hands have gone exceedingly dry and I've never had that before.

I'll do a deep moisturise on them and maybe that will fix it. The selfie picture I took before leaving had my face covered by the phone.

If I remember will do another one before I leave that reveals it. Just for my own personal use, probably.

I have to do things that I don't want too at times, to keep challenging myself but on my terms.

I know I only posted a tiny bit but July was horribly stressful with the injuries and other things.

I didn't work on the stories but I might do today as Mama is out for a while at Church.

It's Saturday at 10.51, I slept alright so no naps until later maybe.

The pain hasn't been unbearable, I mean bad but tolerable. I haven't had to lay down and retreat much.

Once or twice maybe. I did end up doing the face reveal selfie for my own personal curiosity.

My face was stripped bare, eyebrows are still scruffy. I just didn't feel like putting makeup on.

Did it amplify my confidence? Umm I'm not sure. I still look heavier than I ought to be.

I think I got away with not having foundation or lippy on. My face is clear and young looking.

It's done. That was a disappointing lunch, they burnt it and all I taste is charcoal.

Oh well. I've noticed a strange thing on my legs, about an inch above my ankles is a lil ring of smoothness where the hair has stopped growing ha.

On both of them, that's so weird. I need to epilate a bit. Oh the other thing is I called up about my lenses and still they haven't received them ughhh.

This week will be a month since they've been ordered, yeesh. I want my full vision back!!!

Tomorrow there is a lil story about one of the J's, they are all different but bring so much drama with them.

Oh and as much as I was looking forward to the Quorn fake bacon and chicken lattice, I was disappointed in it.

Just didn't taste as nice as before or maybe I've gone off something else.

The boiler scared me a bit, switched it on and nothing, then I put it really high for a bit and it finally came on but it's a hot day so I switched it off after a short while.

I'll use it properly tomorrow.

#BlogLife655 - I uninstalled all messengers because of you

I think when I was a lil girl, the thought of dressing up and posing and wearing multi coloured wigs or bright shoes or pulling silly faces seemed fun.

When the weight piled on, I no longer felt like everyone else, I felt awkward and different, a million eyes on me, judging my every action.

I never felt big, it was everyone around me, don't eat that, Oh you've gone up another dress size..

Hmm, have you noticed how slender and beautiful so and so is? You could be the same, if only you didn't eat so much...

I'm proud of my healthier lifestyle, the steady weight loss but I still feel somewhat icky about myself.

The thought of photographs is disgusting to me. All men seem to want is to send and receive nonstop pictures which I can't stand.

To me, before meeting up one is enough. To say cooee, full transparency, this is me.

I don't see the need for more, you know what I look like now, the date has occurred.

I'm not sending revealing pictures, don't send them to me, I've blocked my phone from incoming and outgoing photos.

I don't want to see your tinky winky, alright? Get the picture? Or rather, you probably won't.

I know maybe I should change my perception, take a million pictures, get used to it, see it in a different light...

Make a challenge out of it possibly? I just don't see it enriching my life.

I think it's just something I'm strongly averse too. It would take me firing off a million pictures to find an image of myself that was tolerable.

I make my peace with it. I won't send a snap of myself until it's absolutely necessary.

I recently got rid of a random solely because, he was fine and funny but obsessed with seeing me.

It turned into a nag so I told him it's off-putting and I'm really uncomfortable so the more he backed me into a corner, the more I would just not want to talk to him.

And the final straw was when he said Watch your attitude and I thought I'm being honest with you and because it's not what you want to hear, you're being defensive and rude, so I said thanks for your company and you'd be better off with someone else.

I almost felt bullied towards the end and I need someone patient who will let me go at my own pace, when I feel relaxed.

He didn't think I was going to cut him off but I reach a breaking point as everyone does.

It felt like two seconds later, I reacquainted with another random who said, You've got this no nonsense, unapproachable way about you.

But he wasn't saying it in a rude way, just in a direct way, which made me laugh because it's mainly true.

There is this harshness where I weed out undesirables and look for intellect and humour and someone that can match my wackiness without accusing me of being drunk or high or crazy.

I'm just trying to have moments of silliness away from the constant pain, exhaustion and helplessness I feel during most of the day.

I want to forget the stress and have a giggle and I expect whoever I'm talking to, to match the energy and wit and if they don't, it's bye bye.

So we ended up having a microphone chat and he has the loveliest Irish accent.

Some words are a lil hard to understand but for the most part we got the gist of each others ramblings.

I just clarified that I'm particular about who I converse with, as I've had really great chats and I'm not going to suffer through a bad one, what is the point??