#BlogLufe804 - Home for the holidays

Ugh I keep thinking of great titles and forgetting them.

I don't think I've forgotten anything. Got the food and chargers.

The bath was draining fine, the sink is slower, got to add hot water to it when I return.

Last night I was trying to sleep and the previous post was bothering me.

I always tend to sum up my feelings and be repetitive about how things were.

And I began to wonder why that was essential and I figured out the reason I need to do it.

Sorry it makes boring reading but it's deeply rooted in my psyche as that was the atmosphere I grew up in.

It was such an ingrained part of my daily routine that I have no choice but to believe the lies.

So what I have to do most of the time is be my own cheering squad.

I have to regularly remind myself that I'm a good person.

That I can achieve what I want too. That I do have it in me.

That I'm not a fool or hopeless. It's my own method to how to carry on and not fall apart and let the bad guys win.

It sucks that all this happened so long ago and I still need to do this.

But it's what needs to happen so I'm okay with it.

I also feel better admitting it and that I still struggle with self worth.

It's nearly midnight and soon it will be Christmas, I arrived without hiccups.

However my body is riddled with pain. Every movement was and still is torture.

I might forgo heading out for a while, particularly to the EE shop.

I was really looking forward to it but my body has other ideas, it wants me to stay put and rest.

I tried the £1 Nutini cookies, the knock off for Danish ones.

It's tasty but doesn't taste like shortbread. It is a bargain though and was divided into packets.

Unfortunately the purple nighty I was after sold out.

It was £25 but looked so warm and toasty.

I did see some other ones, pink and a red one with a discount, I got them both for £19.75.

Which is very reasonable. I'm having them delivered to Mama's place.

For breakfast/lunch I had a sandwich, plus homemade macaroni and chicken wings.

It was sublime. Tomorrow is fish and chips and maybe for breakfast or a snack turkey bacon and eggs.

I'm shattered but I can't sleep yet. Even my fingers are twinging with pain.

I hope that I get a long rest and that the pain is less harsh.

I've been applying a hot water bottle to my back.

I wanted to lay down with the heated blanket but I didn't.

I stayed to chat.