#BlogLife839 - Pretty on the outside - Horrendous inside

The weekend was rough but productive. At least I didn't wallow for all of it.

Monday was hard too but I still put out a post and I was waiting to finish it on a good note and Postie came to the rescue.

I totally forgot about the tops from Amazon, even though I checked the tracking this morning, I thought customs would be on them for a while.

It arrived at the airport early this morning so I was surprised it was out for delivery, it took 11 days.

I'm so pleased, that they fit roomily and the quality is outstanding, it's not thin, it's a lil thickish and warm.

I love the range of colours and styles and it's still on sale, should I get the reds?

The only annoying thing is the buttons are tiny and fiddly, I don't know if they'll come apart when I wear it, I was planning to have something underneath anyway.

I don't usually like buttons at the front but they blend in and I suppose I can undo a few in the summer.

I think I'll wear the blue or purple out tomorrow. It's still hard to come to terms with looking different, but feeling the same.

I have to re-do the floors again, they aren't spotless. Ugh I wish they didn't take so long to dry.

I had a UC meeting today, I think if I'm early again. I'll get my brows done and that will be one less thing on my mind.

I'm going to confess this Friday night slip.

It's 1.23am so technically it's Saturday but knowing that I'm going to re-block H soon made me sad.

I actually thought it was Sunday as that is the deadline I set.

I had no intention of contacting him, until I found myself texting. 

I didn't feel embarrassed or cringey. I felt relieved. 

I still don't expect a reply. He would have done it by now..

My stomach is in knots. If you're curious about what I said and why..?

I am unreachable most of the time. I'm careful about what I share and will find any excuse to distance myself away from someone appealing.

Just for once, I thought.. What if I put myself out there?

Made myself vulnerable? Would it really hurt so bad if I did?

I can handle disinterest. It's happened before,  it will again.

So what if he doesn't respond? At least I was more open than usual. 

It's worth the risk. I'm not optimistic just matter of fact.

I'll add to this Sunday night, after I click block! He didn't reach out and I can handle the rejection and not fall apart.

All I said was that I was going to stop thinking about him now after you ghosted me following the jokey goodbye.

I did really like you but I get that you don't feel the same. That's all X.

I'm glad I tried, I'm glad I put myself out there.. It's all part of growing and healing, being vulnerable and a bit more open.

Just because it didn't work out this time, it doesn't mean it never will.

I don't feel sad anymore, I got the closure I needed to move on peacefully, that's what I wanted.

:)