#AgonyLife1 - Dear SS how do I like myself?

Nobody actually wrote me a message like this. I like to fancy myself as a cool Agony Acquaintance.. 

(Don't you dare call me Agony Aunty, refer to the previous post for an explanation).

I even wrote it into one of my books because how cool would that be a blog but also people writing in with issues and I could be like whoa..... I could help this person out..

Anyway back to today's lil musing. Wait just one more thing S has dumped me I think. I heard nothing and didn't see him yesterday and today has been the same.

Looks like he didn't approve of the blog because he disappeared without a goodbye and hasn't been around since. 

Full disclosure, I haven't been around as much as previously either, but still.. I thought he would have been more mature and ended it like a civilised human being...

I could kill him frankly but meh......Next!! He could have emailed an excuse but whatever..

Back to the topic at hand, let me flip it back on you..

1. Do you compare yourself to others?

2. Have you always felt this way?

3. Do you surround yourself with good people. I mean those that would tell you the whole truth because they know you would thank them for it and appreciate their candour?

I don't know you at all so I can only talk about my experiences. I don't recall envying other people until my parents starting pointing fingers and saying....

You know this person is nice and slim, why can't you emulate her and she is very bright, why can't you be the same?

I do remember feeling there was always something wrong with me. I was too introverted and really couldn't fathom how I couldn't make friends even way before when I was just small back in school.

I had this bubbly girl inside of me, waiting to showcase herself but I could not open my mouth at all back then. I waited for someone to see my potential, my uniqueness..

I was overlooked and I think eventually maybe I had a pep talk with myself and just found the courage to branch out and make the effort and when I did, it paid off and I was more able to engage.

I think finding out what makes you tick as an individual is a great start to liking yourself. For me it's music and words. I have always loved them both.

Other people like different things and that's fine. You don't have to copy X, Y or Z. Have fun figuring yourself out and trying new experiences and interests.

#BlogLife147 - A deeper connection

I'm not sure what makes an interaction more significant. How does it go from a casual conversation to something on a new level?

I don't know how that switch is pulled. I don't recall what me and S used to talk about. I think it was basic chitchat though, nothing that deep or meaningful.

It was still pleasant but it just seemed limited and didn't progress further. I don't think I had any pangs about it, maybe time just got away from us both.

This time around there is a different sort of intensity and I'm not sure how it arrived but the questions got more personal on both sides and we opened up more than usual.

It wasn't just the typical get to know you type of thing, it was the exes and life and other stuff. Nobody demands answers, we just say if you are comfortable letting me know, cool, if not, I understand.

He's already warned me he's busy this week and talking has been a bit scarce but it's still been daily. We both just carve out some time. 

He told me that he sought me out last night but I had gone to bed early. I felt drained and had some cramps and nausea so I just wanted to sleep early.

I think that was the first time in the evening that he's looked for me. I thought it was sweet because we haven't been getting together much so the days aren't as fun.

I also asked about why he was still single because he's pretty easy to talk too and down to earth and he said he's being cautious, which I get.

I told him about my trust issues and the health stuff and said, I'm giving you an out, if you want it but he didn't take me up on it.

Or maybe he did and I'll find out tomorrow I'm blocked, who knows? I can't say I am sweating it because I'm not. I am just taking it slowly and getting to know him hasn't raised any red flags so far...

We'll see what the future holds, if anything but normally when it's supercharged like this, it just burns out quickly. I keep wondering what will be the catalyst?

So far we just seem mellow with each other....

#BlogLife143 - Who am I talking to now?

There have been a few randoms that I have gone through. One was a guy that was obsessed with pics, sending me half a dozen, clean atmospheric but there were more pics than words and the voice was alright but not enough to interest me.

I cannot for the life of me, recall his name so no initials haha! D actually came before him or after? Before I think and he was highly intelligent but brash and troubled.

He wanted to meet straight away and had the second best voice I have ever heard. It actually was deep but to even consider something like that I need time and he didn't want to give me that so I never heard from him again.

Which is okay because he was upfront with his needs but the voice was phenomenal!!! Also I had the sense that a few other things would have held demands.

He wasn't after something serious and had a legitimate matchmaker lined up for his marriage needs so that wasn't appealing or flattering.

But that conversation was rare because it was deep and meaningful and he was so open and transparent which is unusual. 

I don't regret that chat at all. Lastly we have S. I know I know, I'm going through the alphabet ha! I think this is our third consecutive day we have been engaging together.

It's highly unusual for me not be bored at this stage. Normally they will be clingy or ask silly questions or go overboard but he is different.

You're wondering about his voice? It's nice, it's posh but it's not deep but the person behind it, is really fun. He's smart, he's confident, he communicates properly.

Also he isn't a pushover. He says things and stands by them and doesn't drop everything for me and I don't either. 

He steps away to take meetings and calls and I focus on writing and the other million things I'm doing. 

We're both able to remain productive. We're not communicating this weekend though.

I'm not even sure what will occur next week. It was left open ended. Either we'll resume naturally or we'll figure it was only meant to a brief fleeting connection.. 

He always make me laugh and he varies the topics of interest. He asks questions but not intrusively or pesteringly. Plus he listens.

He's a very likeable chappy and consistently does what he says he will. He hasn't made any demands and will probably turn out to have a harem of women in his dungeon but meh.

For now he takes up half my day, every day and the banter between us is still oddly flowing effortlessly. Go figure?! I will savour it until it fizzles out.

Oooh he's around today and I am seriously smiling but heavily sidetracked by him... He just let slip that actually we used to be in touch before a while ago but petered out..

He thinks it's meant to be. I think it's a peculiar coincidence. Today he was waiting for me and I busied myself delaying it, thinking he wouldn't be around but he was.