#AgonyLife15 - Dear SS My invisible disability isn't seen, advise please?

Firstly I'm sorry that you are dealing with whatever current health condition(s) that you are facing. 

I just hope you have someone on your side that believes in you, to prop you up, listen and support you.

You can go the traditional route and keep pestering doctors until they run every test possible and narrow it down that way..

But you will still have to call up all the inner reserves you have and then some and fight to be recognised as disabled.

It's brutal and exhausting and it just destroys you mentally. I used to keep being referred here and there and these people kept scoffing and looking down on me.

This was due to not passing their pigeon-holed, narrow-minded tests and they weren't smart enough to diagnose me when I knew what it was all along.

Unfortunately you have to be patient with these exasperating fools and just keep explaining your symptoms as comprehensively as possible and hope that somebody, somewhere sees the light.

I've been doing it for about 20 years and still have not been officially told what my condition is and I still get a condescending tone and rolled eyes which caused some of my depression and feelings of worthlessness.

If I'm then forced to do things that I can't manage, the physical and mental result is panic attacks, fear and emotional destruction.

The pain is intolerable and I have to recover in bed for days, especially if it's something extremely taxing like climbing stairs, excessive walking, bending or lifting, my body locks the pain in place so next time I go out and try to move anywhere..

It freezes and then the pain is so excruciating that I just want someone to put me out of my misery because it's not only embarrassing to be crying your eyes out in the high street but there is no break from this suffering.

It's getting worse. I can stop and frequently do to lean on a wall to have a reprieve but the discomfort doesn't lessen it.

It grows so when I go back to them and say because you made me climb stairs, unduly walk, bend, or lift, I can barely function and wish I was dead...

They shrug and say......

"Oh err, well I assumed you were lying. I mean come on, you're not in a wheelchair or crutches. You seem perfectly healthy, just lazy and over-entitled."

I hope that noone ever says the above to you but I'm used to it. It's been 20 years of the same garbage.

If you can, jot down notes and maybe time frames, add as many details as you can, enquire to friends and family for further input and then refer to your notes because it helps the idiotic doctors, consider alternative disorders.

To conclude repeat this.......

I am sick and suffering and miserable and I'm so tired of hearing that I'm healthy and exaggerating and faking.

I recognise myself as being disabled and I deserve respect. 

I deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt because you are essentially killing me by denying me that right.

I don't want to go on anymore. Every time you make me relive my situation, I cry uncontrollably and my strength falls away.

I cannot do this by myself anymore, I need you to meet me halfway.

Take care of yourself, from one sick person to another, I see you, I feel you and I care about you.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

#AgonyLife14 - Dear SS How do I get unstuck, unblocked and productive again?

Good morning! Well that is a pickle you have gotten yourself into.

I'm not sure if you have a time limit or not. I think most people just try to sit there and argue with themselves about not coming up with a zillion ideas.

A better approach would be to realise, we have all felt this way and I still do at times. It's normal.

You may be overworked, tired, unappreciated, stressed and have other commitments to deal with.

It's really not easy when we have to multi task and time runs out.

Just do the best that you are capable of doing. You can go for a walk outside, or around the workplace.

Have a brief chat or catchup. Watch a video clip or listen to some music.

Tackle another area of your workload that you can readily jump into.

Ask someone for their input. Am I going in the right direction? Could you make a suggestion on how I could improve this area?

Sometimes I take a catnap and my brain figures it out for me and it just seems clearer.

Try a new approach, even if it's different to how you normally do things, that could make it easier.

Have a refreshing beverage and some time to switch off, even if it's just for a while, that will take the pressure away.

Try not to panic and remind yourself that, although it's taking longer you are determined to finish and make it better than ever.

#AgonyLife13 - Dear SS What's your advice when I'm at a low point both mentally and physically?

I've realised certain things are a long term transformation, not short term.

You have to catch yourself being too self sabotaging or hearing it from other people.

There are certain books and films where the theme is... Transform yourself to be liked..

1) Lose weight

2) Change your clothing from comfy to slutty

3) Alter your personality from bitter to perky

4) Switch from insecure to brazen overnight

5) Revamp your hairstyle from easy to complicated

I think small changes are better. Open yourself up to various possibilities.

The only things to fix is whatever you don't like about yourself, not what others don't care for.

There is no such thing as perfection so why turn yourself inside out attempting it?

Try to like yourself but reserve love for those quirks that you genuinely appreciate and make you who you are.

Don't be weight/diet or exercise obsessed just try your best to make attainable choices.

Think of it like this......

Woman A - "I wish I had your legs."

Woman B to A - "Are you kidding? I would kill for your belly."

Woman A to B - "No way. I seriously would be thrilled just to have your arms."

You see, we all envy someone's else's features but at the same time, they are admiring us.

Work with what you have. Accept it, love it and either keep finding ways to make it flattering or tone up.

They say confidence is sexy. Do something your passionate about, either as a hobby or for employment.

That will give you such a boost. It will make you smile in a million different ways, even when you're not actively doing it that second.

Be surrounded with genuine people that care. It's too easy to be around people that hurt and are sly.

I've been there and would rather be alone than around that toxic mess.

Date kind people, not someone that makes you feel bad, where you end up crying at night.

Even if you're not into hair, beauty, makeup, clothes. Have a routine that makes you feel soothed and special.

It's vital that you feel great about yourself, not all the time, not in bad situations but in general.

It will help you cope when these twisted deceptive people try to encroach in your life.

You'll know you deserve a lot better. You could try...

~Brain teasers or various puzzles~

~Bubbly baths with music or books~

~Experimental dramatic makeup~

~Daring haircuts~

~New swanky clothes~

~Massages~

~A long leisurely walk~

~New bath or face products with heady scents~

~Lay ins or naps~

My point is get to a place in your life, where you know you deserve good things.

Want to know what I envied about my friends and they admired about me?

For me it's easy. They had slender tums and I always wanted that. They were taller than me and bubblier.

They didn't seem to have that deep rooted insecurity that i had.

For them, they wanted my ample cleavage, my nose, I'm also wondering if they craved my independent nature.

At one point they were all in disastrous relationships but didn't want to be single, whereas I cut loose unsuitable partners easily. 

I never needed a man, I just wanted one around but my life was just fine without a relationship.

I was my own rock or encourager. I could go on dates with myself and have a blast.

#AgonyLife12 - Dear SS I'm alone for the holidays, how do I survive it?

Firstly just go with how you're feeling at this moment. The holidays can be an emotional time for us all.

I'm just going to attempt to flip it around though.. Think of it like this maybe..?

*A Christmas/Holiday date with yourself*

*Nobody looking over your shoulder or starting fights*

*Complete control of the TV remote*

*Eating whatever and whenever you want*

*No painful small talk*

*Sublime uninterrupted snorey naps Zzz*

*Your choice of festive/non festive music*

*Gaming in peace for hours, guilt free :D*

*Reading your favourite blog/book/paper (hint hint)*

I could go on the but I hope you can see what I'm trying to say.

You can still find a way to be happy and get through this time of year. 

#AgonyLife11 - Dear SS I'm trying to diet through the holidays, help?

You are very brave because its even more difficult with friends/family/colleagues encouraging you to have more or try a bit.

Hopefully there will be healthy versions of food and drinks.

If you get fed up with the comments, you could say you're allergic to chocolate etc

Or if you don't want to drink say you have a bet going with a competitive friend to see who can avoid alcohol the longest..

Sounds better than I'm dieting or trying to get healthy/healthier..

There maybe occasions where you can't refuse. Don't panic.

The diet isn't ruined, enjoy this temporary insanity and admit you enjoyed it but tell yourself, on the next meal, I'll do better. 

You could suggest a walk afterwards or some dancing or even sports.. 

Or when everyone has turned in, you could do some sit ups, go for a jog, run up and down the stairs.. 

Some like food diaries, others don't. If you have someone going through the same challenge you can check in and support each other. 

Good luck and I am rooting for you :)

#AgonyLife10 - Dear SS Why am I such a bitch/bastard to my volunteer? *Contains strong language* (fictiony)

Firstly I appreciate you owning up to that. It could not have been easy to admit who and what you are to not only moi but the rest of the world.

Secondly isn't that more of a question for you to self reflect over?

I don't know your story and I'm sure your volunteer is trying their best.

You are obviously in need of some support so why would you readily antagonise the one person, trying to be there for you, for free?

This volunteer is not being paid a salary, they are not just there to take your crap to make you feel better.

Their purpose is to give up some of their free time and see if they can make a difference in your life.

They are human beings talking without a script, delving into the unknown.

I'm not saying be smiley and gushy. Be in that valid emotion, angry, sad, happy, whatever but don't dare take your shitty attitude out on someone innocent.

Furthermore. I hate to break it to you, no actually I am loving it. Your life is less than perfect. It is a catastrophe.

Your volunteer's life isn't sunshine and roses either but unlike you, she has real problems and deals with it gracefully.

She helps herself and addresses the issues that arises. She isn't an immature baby that is falling apart.

Think about that, while you are continually shouting abuse and saying No No No...

You don't know what you are talking about, you haven't focused on my calamities.

Newsflash whiny person, the volunteer has.. You are just to self absorbed to realise it.

While you crumple in your stagnant demeanour I am off relaxing and humming to music.

Lastly I actually would have spent however much time you needed hearing you out and offering up some really useful suggestions but you lost out.

Maybe the next person will be better, possibly not. They might just go through the motions.

A lot of them clock watch, 15-20 minutes and say goodbyeeee, me I try to give more. Oh well...... 

Sucks to be you!!! 

Now you'll realise the difference between someone that cares and someone going through the motions. 

Pity it's too late!! 

The funny thing is, it was an easy doable fix, you're just to lazy to do it and prefer to be a dick and throw an adult tantrum!!!

Ps. 

I guess the above is my thoughts swirling inside my head. 

Just because your life, of your own making is a disappointment, don't expect me to play therapist!!

If you are that desperate, seek a genuine psychiatrist, you obviously think you are being short changed.

They won't tolerate your pathetic excuses though.

I was on your side willing to listen and help but what do you do to show your thanks?

You don't show me any respect, don't listen and can't even try to understand how I was trying to assist you.

FUCK OFF!

You are lucky I can't say this to you and I never actually would but not being able to call someone out on their bs is difficult, being someone that has been abused a lot.

The horrendous part of all of this is that after taking your bullshit, the volunteer has to then politely end the conversation.

It's like showing respect to someone monstrous. I hate that part!!!

#AgonyLife9 - Dear SS How can I manage my money better?

Well I don't know how old you are but the more we age, the more responsibilities and expenses we have.

I can recommend some basic changes and just being honest with yourself about what you can realistically afford.

1. List all the basic necessities, whatever applies to you. Could be the..

mortgage/rent payments, 

gas, 

electricity, 

water, 

food, 

phone, 

oyster/petrol, 

tv licence, 

insurance,

etc..

2. My bills mostly come out monthly, but I do a food shop weekly. After you have calculated all those costs and compared it to whatever income you have.

3. See if there is an excess for anything else.

4. You can start putting money aside to save for something in particular or just general fun money or you can use it for socialising or any or other hobbies you have.

5. Christmas is next month for whoever celebrates it but say you have an occasion where you are buying a lot of things. Take out a prime trial and you won't have to pay the delivery costs.

6. Shop around and compare prices. Just because something is brand name, it doesn't make it better. Look for alternatives.

7. Sign up for the newsletters and use those first purchase codes, to your advance, save a small fortune.

8. Do not impulse buy, have a list and stick to it, you are beginning to save already.

9. Look out for free samples and claim yours.

10. Use cashback or sites like Vipon to get discounts or money back on things you already planned to spend money on.

11. Regularly share deals and offers with friends, then they are more likely to inform you back, when there is a juicy perk on the go.

12. Sell a bunch of outdated things that you no longer have use for, either in a car boot sale or places like Ebay/Amazon when there is a special free or low cost sellers fee.

13. Either cut out or find a more reasonable price for the luxuries you desire.

#AgonyLife8 - Dear SS why do I and certain others think me-time is selfish time?

Good question. I think it's because when we are younger it is drilled into us to be there for other people and suppress our own valid needs.

I can't speak for anyone else but I know that I grew up thinking whatever I needed or wanted was selfish and unnatural to feel that way.

Don't think about yourself........What does X,Y, Z need?

Instead of sitting there happily with your book, why don't you see if X needs a hand?

I know you are not in the mood but go and talk to X, Y and Z, it's the right thing to do, to make them feel better.

I think somewhere down the line we forget to take care of ourselves. What we want, what we require and that isn't selfish that's normal.

Do you find close ones put a massive guilt trip on you if you step away?

That isn't fair of them, unless it's a child but even then hopefully they will give you a hug or some kind words of appreciation.

For a grownup this is completely separate. We all have the right to take some space for ourselves. Figure out what we need to feel better.

A nap,

An adult colouring book,

A jigsaw puzzle,

An experimental new recipe,

A walk,

A swim,

A steam,

A game,

A chat,

A book,

A beauty treatment,

A bubble bath,

Karaoke,

Your favourite film/tv show,

A massage,

A hair appointment/scalp massage,

Shopping (retail therapy I call it).

Whatever it is, don't feel bad about it. Say to yourself, I work hard, I support others and I deserve this.

My desires are just as crucial as everyone else's. Other people do it and don't feel bad, why shouldn't you??

Also by taking this time for yourself, you're actually turning into a better person, because the stress is alleviated and you have more energy, more drive to accomplish limitless possibilities.

#AgonyLife7 - Dear SS I recently lost someone and haven't cried yet, Am I normal?

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss whether it is a broken relationship or a permanent death of someone.

I hope that you have anyone, as in  family/friends/colleagues/doctors/therapists around to help you through it.

Some people try group therapy as it is easier and others keep a diary or you could start a memory journal? Recall your highlights and preserve those forever.

Do something special in their name or dedicate a vlog/blog/social media account and share things that you never got to before.

Also if you never got to say goodbye, why not write a letter and do it in that method instead? You could choose to burn it after or keep it and write more.

Just to release it from your mind and so that you have something to look back on, on the days where you are struggling.

Not everyone cries straight away. This does not mean you are unfeeling or abnormal. This just means that you are processing this turn of events in your own way.

It is really tempting to block it out and pretend you are over it straight away or soon after but I would advise against this as grief tells to spill out inconveniently and very publicly.

That is the last thing you want. People pointing, gawping and staring.......No no no no! Remember that what you are feeling is normal.

There is no perfect reaction. Just because someone else is hysterical or depressed, it doesn't mean you have to react in the same way.

The way I did things was trick my brain. I thought I had prepared myself so not weeping was a tad understandable to me.

I knew it was coming and had seen the deterioration unfolding and it was inevitable. Yet others around me were falling apart and the guilt ate me alive.

Until someone said. It's okay. It will be alright. This is just how you personally are going through bereavement. Then I just nodded, mumbled thanks and felt weightless.

I didn't know that my brain was trying to protect me. It numbed me for a year. Maybe you are the same or possibly not.

I am going to do something different and attach a poem that spoke to me. I hope it offers you comfort too.

Don't tell me that you understand

Don't tell me that you know,

Don't tell me that I will survive

Or how I will surely grow.

 

Don't tell me that this is just a test

That I am truly blessed

That I am chosen for this task

Apart from all the rest.

 

Don't come at me with answers

That can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

 

Don't stand in pious judgement

Of the bounds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to suffer

And don't tell me how to cry!

 

My life is filled with selfishness,

My pain is all I see,

But, I need you now,

I need your love, unconditionally.

 

Accept me in my ups and downs,

I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry,

And say, "My friend, I care."

Joanetta Hendel

#AgonyLife6 - Dear SS My new penpal and I don't mesh personality wise, help me woman!!

Wow, calm down, there is no need to make a drama out of this. Sit down quietly with your vimto. You've run out? Okay lucozade then and sip it while I ponder your dilemma.. 

Could it be a simple misunderstanding, maybe a culture clash or maybe a trigger word of sorts?

Is that all you have, all your worldly wisdom and this is what you ask? Hmm. It's none of those things actually mz-thinks-she-knows-it-all.

He is from the UK same as me. Bang goes your theory. What else do you have?

Hmm. Somebody got out of bed on the wrong side today, didn't they?! Do you think you'll keep butting heads or is this a minor skirmish you can navigate around carefully?

Honestly what bothers me the most, is that he was joking along these certain lines and had no problem with it whatsoever. The moment I add something........

All hell broke loose. He was mortified, offended, pouting, shocked and rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb, outraged!!

I just find it hypocritical and not sure I want to spend the rest of my interactions with him carefully choosing my words. Where is the fun in that??

It put me off and I decided to send a polite email apologising and terminating the trial because I am a jokester. I need someone thick skinned that can take it and give it back to me.

His reply made me laugh, he excused me of being sensitive. Hah!! That's funny coming from mr humourless. 

A really vital part of my life is trying to make the most out of my day, while coping with being ill and stressed. I need to laugh at things and poke fun at myself because it's just so depressing otherwise.

I choose to be kookie, upbeat and positive, that's my thing. It works for me and helps my day go without hiccups so anyone that can't handle it.

I just feel relieved if they are out of life.

Ahem. Look, this column is called Dear SS, not fix the issue yourself. What is left for me to do now?

Shish try to help someone and they end up fixing their own mess, I mean why do I bother.

Pfft........Amateurs!!

(Craftily has an aha moment..) ;D Glad I inspired you to work it out for yourself. 

I'm back, wooop :D

#AgonyLife5 - Dear SS Why can't I vent, why do I have to wait until others start?

Hello you. Figment of my vast crazy imagination. How are you doing today? Not good? Why?

I am really angry. I want to swear and say the P word but I won't. I can help it sometimes.

I feel like I am pretending to be a good person but really I am not. I listen, I support and the easy ones are a breeze.

The challenging angry rude ones who are just immature and there to waste my time. I feel antagonised by.

Am I supposed to let them be disrespectful to all of my efforts and powerful advice? 

Am I doing a disservice by not taking it? By actually cutting them off and referring them onwards?

I used to just let them attack me but now I just give a reprimand and I am very direct and curt.

I feel a whole lot better doing that, than just letting them treat me poorly.

But if I compare myself to others, they seem to handle it better or maybe their buttons aren't pushed. Disrespect is a problem for me.

It will always be an issue for me. I wanted to vent today and eventually I did and felt better but I specifically wanted to have an angry outburst on the volunteering site.

To say.......

Don't any of you just get royally livid with the insufferable bad chats?

Don't you want to just scream and curse and kick something?

You are all so calm and reasonable. Can somebody be irrational and in a bad mood and not be medicated with words but allowed to stay hostile but well mannered?

That is what I need so that I can join in. I just can't be the one to start it off.

Want to know what I think?

I think you are not just a good person, but a caring one. I think anyone would feel as you do.

That you are giving up your time to help someone in need and not only do you not get thanks (at times), but they are needlessly offensive.

Nobody deserves that!

And I am telling you now, if being politely short with them, helps you maintain the control and helps you feel better.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You are providing a service. 

They can disagree or pick fault but they cannot, verbally abuse you. 

I would never stand for that and I don't care what the setting, you don't need to either, okay?

Smiles. Thank you. I actually did really want to hear that. I feel better 

:)

#Agonylife4 - Dear SS how do I get over my ex?

Firstly just know that we have all been there and it really sucks.

It will eventually get better but for now you might just have to deal with whatever emotions you are going through until they become less intense.

1. Was it a mutual break up?

Think about this carefully. Was is a whimsical decision or was there merit to it? 

It might not seem like it now, but maybe it is for the best and you can find someone more suitable way in the future.

2. Was it a healthy or non healthy relationship?

When dissecting this before we move on. You need to be able to take the good from it, learn what you can and just leave the negativity behind.

How can I be a better girlfriend/boyfriend? Could I have supported more? Been less selfish? Opened up more? Did I allocate enough quality time to my relationship?

If each day you can strive to be a better person than you are doing your part to evolve and make yourself ready for a new uplifting relationship in the future.

3. I know what you are going to say........ But I will ask anyway, can I keep tabs on my ex, what if he is keeping tabs on me? That's acceptable right?

Wrong, false, hell no, absolutely not, NO! All clear on my stance? 

Good, if you really want to move on as you claim, you need to cut all ties and erase them from your existence completely.

Obviously ignore that if you have kids together but you can still limit your interactions where possible as while you are hung up on this person, how does anyone else get a look in?

It is not fair to bring someone new into your life while you are heavily mooning over your ex, that is not acceptable and will make you a user.

Stop obsessing with what your ex is doing. They are your past. Look to your future and all the wonderful opportunities that are yet to be experienced.

Take a deep breath, delete, the texts, voicemails, call history and number. Unfollow, block do whatever you need too.

This is about a fresh start and a re-evaluation of your priorities, mainly yourself.

What do you want out of life?

Are you satisfied in your career?

Take up a new hobby, skill, interest.

Travel somewhere different

Shake up your routine

Re-invent your look

3. How do I get closure?

Vent to friends, family and whoever you feel closest too. 

Be completely candid and raw in a journal, blog, vlog etc. 

Write a letter and say everything you need too. Pour your heart out and have the frank discussion you craved but didn't get the chance to have. Don't mail it, just release the feelings.

4. How do I feel better?

Cut yourself slack and stop expecting to be over it immediately. Take the time needed to grieve but allow yourself to heal also.

Do nice things for yourself. You could treat yourself to something special.

Do some pampering or book an appointment.

Stick to your normal daily routine. Keep busy, have a purpose. Your thoughts can stray temporarily but after that, get back to work!!

Start living for yourself. You are the king or queen of your own destiny.

Don't wait for things to get easier, go out and seek the radical changes for your well being.

I have enormous belief in you, don't let me down, okay???!!!

You are a stunning, resilient hot totty and anyone would be lucky, damn privileged to have you in their lives!

Finally stop putting your ex on a damn pedestal. Stop thinking they were perfect and had no faults.

You know they had a lot of terrible habits. Think about those for a change. They were far from perfect.

I mean letting you go? That's just bad judgement for one. Perhaps they were manipulative? Perhaps they refused to compromise??

Whatever it was, it will just help to know that maybe the relationship you built up in your head, already had some significant cracks and wasn't as ideal as you made out..

#AgonyLife3 - Dear SS how do I cope with being ill, knowing it won't get better on a daily basis?

I don't know what ailments you are dealing with but again I'll use myself as an example. Today I strutted out with a spring in my step and a sexy walk.

I was pain free and I knew it was going to be a long day because I had errands and needed things from the market. It's still difficult to get certain items.

I had run out of saline solution for one. Well honestly, I don't have cleaner or storing solution actually. There was a nearby specsavers and they had run out.

I gritted my teeth and had to walk about five minutes to get to the further stores but the pain was creeping viciously upwards. It started with my feet, each step was agony and then hips, back, hands.

Pretty soon I was stopping every few minutes to exhale loudly and hold onto the walls. No more happy movements, this was excruciating.

I was cursing loudly but I made it and then my body stiffened and the pain just moved everywhere. Each action was torture. I got home and didn't want to move.

I wanted sleep and food but of course I made myself something to eat and went to make amendments to the blog I posted today.

Then I did some volunteer chats and stayed busy and productive. That is my coping mechanism.

You see some people are in such desperate need of assistance that it makes me forget my own dramas. 

My point is find a way to vent to either friends, family, partner or on a blog/vlog/journal.

Then stay as productive as you can in your daily routine. Rest when you need too and be excited about your hobbies.

There is no magic fix that will make everything better. I wish I could do it but I can't. Another trick I think about is counting my blessings, possessing readily available food, having shelter and family around.

Certain people don't have anything at all so we should all be profoundly grateful that we do. There is always someone worse off than you.

One last thing, we all have those days where nothing works and it is so bad. On those occasions, I am not saying plaster on a fake smile and get on..

I say wallow and purge it from your system, take some time to acknowledge, Yes being ill sucks. It is a mood killer, not being able to perform routine activities.

Not wanting to leave the house because the pain is unbearable and you feel disgusted with yourself because being indoors all the time isn't normal but at least the pain is manageable.

Just do what you can, listen to sad songs, watch sad movies, cry it out if it helps. I certainly won't judge you for it. I do these things myself.

Then when the moment passes you will have the strength to get back and focus on the next challenging action.

It's okay to be in whatever mood you need too so that you can get through the day. I hope you realise that and that I am proud of you for coping as well as you do.

It doesn't always seem like we can bear it, but we can..Together..

:)

#AgonyLife2 - Dear SS how do I make friends?

Hey all, are you enjoying this half chilly half sunny weekend? Are you getting up to much or just kicking back? Enjoying the new series of AgonyLife?

I think it's cute. While I am waiting for a topic of interest on the volunteer side of things.. I can't do anymore relationship or work chats...

Or the ramble chats with no purpose. I mean it is like pulling teeth trying to get someone to open up. Meh..

It's a strange question to ask, me of all people and even crazier for me to try an answer but here goes :)

Starting from the other AgonyLife post where you are discovering who you are and what interests you have, try and make that into a group activity.

Let's build on that. I actually wasn't trying to start a theme but kismit..

1) You could download a friendship app like Bumble

2) Use a chatroom and hope for the best

3) Try gaming or another interest and join a forum or discord, discussing it

4) Take up penpaling around the globe, great way to discover about a new way of life

5) Pick a theme and start a group and advertise it, could be a bookclub or anything you like..

6) Live your life and maybe people will just catchup and navigate towards you striking up a conversation. That's actually what my mama did.

7) Take up an evening class

8) Get active on social media

9) If you're a blogger or have a site, look for those with similar content, follow and engage with them

9) Start volunteering to further your career or to help others, fellow volunteers are a friendly bunch

Mama loves swimming and she went out, joined a gym and made a whole bunch of tight close friends and never had that before.

If she can do that, so can you! If you have any other suggestions, let me know and I'll add it to the list.

#AgonyLife1 - Dear SS how do I like myself?

Nobody actually wrote me a message like this. I like to fancy myself as a cool Agony Acquaintance.. 

(Don't you dare call me Agony Aunty, refer to the previous post for an explanation).

I even wrote it into one of my books because how cool would that be a blog but also people writing in with issues and I could be like whoa..... I could help this person out..

Anyway back to today's lil musing. Wait just one more thing S has dumped me I think. I heard nothing and didn't see him yesterday and today has been the same.

Looks like he didn't approve of the blog because he disappeared without a goodbye and hasn't been around since. 

Full disclosure, I haven't been around as much as previously either, but still.. I thought he would have been more mature and ended it like a civilised human being...

I could kill him frankly but meh......Next!! He could have emailed an excuse but whatever..

Back to the topic at hand, let me flip it back on you..

1. Do you compare yourself to others?

2. Have you always felt this way?

3. Do you surround yourself with good people. I mean those that would tell you the whole truth because they know you would thank them for it and appreciate their candour?

I don't know you at all so I can only talk about my experiences. I don't recall envying other people until my parents starting pointing fingers and saying....

You know this person is nice and slim, why can't you emulate her and she is very bright, why can't you be the same?

I do remember feeling there was always something wrong with me. I was too introverted and really couldn't fathom how I couldn't make friends even way before when I was just small back in school.

I had this bubbly girl inside of me, waiting to showcase herself but I could not open my mouth at all back then. I waited for someone to see my potential, my uniqueness..

I was overlooked and I think eventually maybe I had a pep talk with myself and just found the courage to branch out and make the effort and when I did, it paid off and I was more able to engage.

I think finding out what makes you tick as an individual is a great start to liking yourself. For me it's music and words. I have always loved them both.

Other people like different things and that's fine. You don't have to copy X, Y or Z. Have fun figuring yourself out and trying new experiences and interests.