#BlogLife380 - Christmas in October?

Song of the day - Marcia Miranda - Thiefing Parang Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elnzBRsYqB4&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=32

I'm still enjoying blogging rather than writing the stories currently. I will get back to it but the days are going by so quickly.

I have a confession to make. I know it's only October and you may think differently about me after I tell you this.

But here goes........ I've been listening to......... Christmas music already. I'm sorry I'm one of those all year round I can listen to festive tunes.

In particular my own playlist which is a mixture of traditional, new and old songs.

I mainly contain it to the party types but there are a few softer jams in there.

I think it's because it's just another genre of happy playful feelgood music so it uplifts my spirits when I really need it.

In particular I've gotten into Soca Parang which can sometimes have a really funny story to go along with it so as well as bopping your head, you're laughing too.

To be honest, not all of them are Christmassy but certainly party music so I added them to make the list longer.

The boiler is still confusing me. I thought it was off last night, the radiator was cold but I don't think it was off as I wasn't shivering and that's a good indication, the damn thing is still on. Grr!

I'm playing around with the concept of using the off switch on the monitor but that seems really harsh, what if it just takes even longer to get the heating on?!

I just thinking that at least I would know it was off for sure. I don't want higher than average bills as everything had skyrocketed, even with the concessions.

Ooh I think I am finally getting the hang of it. I remembered what he said now and it all seems to click into place, instead of guesswork.

The top digits has to be higher than the lower big number (the room temperature), in order to switch on the heating. To disable it, I just decrease it and now it properly stays inactive and I don't have to fret that's it running up costs.

I called up about my meeting today and my stomach is still upset so I was half relieved when he said the lift is still busted and I could have a phone meeting.

Except that he mumbled something incoherent about pushing it later so instead of it being now and I could get it over and done with.

It's in an hours time grr. I'm fully prepped but it's like he's saying. Ugh because you've inconvenienced me. I'm going to punish you for it and delay this conversation.

What the hell is gonna happen for the next time..? The lift isn't getting fixed any time soon it seems.

I really am attempting to control the stress but more things keep being piled on to my plate.

I should eat breakfast but I think I'll wait until after he calls and I feel more relaxed. I'm not even peckish at this point, I just think my tum tum would feel better with food inside it.

It's really bugging me that as a sick person I feel like I have to grovel and keep stating my purpose, even though these people are already fully aware of it.

Oh let's throw her a bone and give her this one thing she's harping on about but next time we'll just carry on ignoring her. Hell what does she expect?

That we care??? Pah, fat chance. Dream on chicky!!!

#BlogLife378 - Munch a bunch..

Song of the day.. Ayo Jay - Let Him Go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OJm8tbk_mg&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=7

I'm in an even more than usual musical mood. I've discovered some new artists and going through their works and it's putting me at ease.

Last night I was listening to it for a few hours before bed until I felt my eyes were closing.

I think as well as using music for PTSD coping mechanisms while I'm outside, I definitely use it to keep people at bay and appear unapproachable.

I shouldn't be like that but I just want to be free to roam and not focus on the difficulties of walking and the surroundings.

In the market, there are various stands where I can be stopped and badgered. 

I try to avoid their paths and don't get hassled anymore. One guy was literally following me, saying don't ignore me, look at me.

Ughhh. In that type of job, shouldn't you be thick skinned, to realise most people will bypass you as they are hurrying to get on and don't have time for your inconsequential sales pitch!!

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I think I've tried the pretzels before, although it could have been a different make but these Ulker snacks taste fresh, crispy, not too salty and yummy.

Holy moly they were 50p ha. That is such a bargain, I would have picked 2 up if I had known. They pack a lot into it.

If you have ever tried the chocolate pretzels they are my favourites but if you're not in a chocolate mood, I would highly recommend these.

They also had the Maretti chips so I picked up the tomato version, just like mushrooms, I hate raw tomatoes but the flavour in other things is delicious... Go figure..

I did actually fancy chocolate. I'm having the pmt/pms symptoms, cramps, nausea and bloating so I picked up the faux ferreros in biscuit form aka Happy TIme for £1.30.

I still hate wafers and would never buy them but in this biscuit, it's sublime.

I'm not in the mood for a traditional heavy dinner so aside from breakfast sandwiches, I've been nibbling treats.

Ooh the tomato chips are very understated. When you open the bag and smell it, you get hit with a pizza scent. It's 90p.

It's mild, a bit creamy but flavourful, again not too salty, very crispy. Hmm I'm glad I tried it but I think I prefer the sour cream, it's just livelier.

The Aynoor sliced chicken with herbs, looked really tasty. I was either going to add it to pasta or sandwiches.

I decided to sample some of it solo and was just surprised that it was a gimmick.

There was no other flavour aside from the chicken. I thought it was going to have this flair of seasoning. I'm gutted it's bland.

That was £2.50 for maybe 8 slices which I don't recommend as there is no difference at all.

#BlogLife269 - Dance the depression away

The first step is talking about what ails me but when it's big and it keeps pulling other traumatic memories into it, I have to stop and take a minute.

There is more but I can't figure it out so time to pause. I can't be sad anymore. I have no more tears flowing. It's time to dance.

I went on Youtube and browsed some recommended songs and came up with these..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRp3-D3SMwI&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=4

El Taxi - Pitbull/Osmani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=415i-MDiLF4&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=1

Bumpy Ride - Mohombi/Pitbull/Machel Montano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fWXgpyWrLo&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=2

Jalebi Baby - Tesher/Jason Derulo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugBATM57A-o&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=3

Picky - Joey Montana/Akon/Mohombi

Most are remixes, it just helps perk me up easier. I'm not ignoring my problems just taking time out from them.

The only thing left to do is join me in a music dance marathon. Shake your head, wave your hands, move your hips.

Up, up, up. I don't care if you can't dance or don't have any rhythm and can't sing in tune, take my hand and let's laugh and dance and be crazy.

Wooo......

Since I wrote this, something I had been waiting for, finally arrived. It was really stressing me out and I was unable to do anything to hurry it up.

I've now dealt with it and feel so much lighter. Plus I got an unexpected refund which wasn't even accompanied by an explanation but it has really come in useful.

I met mama for lunch today and I didn't really have an appetite, the nausea was lurking but I did eat a chicken panini, although it's not as tasty as the Pret stuff.

I did my hair and makeup neatly and although I was physically drained within a few steps, it was good to hand over the things I bought for her.

Saline and the sanitiser. If I could have been bothered to walk to the market, I would have got her the olive crackers too but I was dead on my feet.

The stories are slowly coming but I keep finding extra details to add which is annoying me but it's fun to have a few different tales to cycle through..

#BlogLife126 - Music alone makes me safe

I was watching random films last night and listening to jams and as time wore on. I thought my head is still in conflict.

I need some comfort, something to help me switch off. To feel at ease and be able to cope. Instead of playing the usual bedtime asmr..

I switched phones and pressed play to cycle through all the regular music but mostly loud party tunes. 

I was tired but I had to feel numb in order to rest. As these happy tunes surrounded me. I began to breathe again. 

My whole essence just changed. My mind turned blank and all the hurt dissipated. It was as though someone was giving me a big hug.. 

Saying.. You are going to be alright. I have you in my sights. I notice you. I'm going to take care of everything. 

Lean on me... Let go.. You are protected now. I won't let anyone or anything harm you. 

It took a couple of hours and this happens every once in a while. It just works for me. 

It saves me!