Blending into obscurity (fiction)

I fidgeted uncomfortably shifting my weight from side to side to find one decent adequate position in the hospital waiting room as I waited for my cab to pull up so I could escape the hell of my painful captivity. 

My frailty was no longer carefully masked away it was out on the surface for the world to see. The layers of my strength had peeled away. 

This time the tears didn't merely trickle down my face they poured forth like an uncontrollable wave. I pushed myself up with difficulty, my legs shaking with the crutches. 

I leaned against the wall and pretended I was invisible like so many times before. If noone can see me, noone can hurt me and they could not detect my vulnerabilities to exploit as so often they had done before. Time and time again.

The porter wheeled me out to the cab my face still dewy from my sobbing. Every motion was agony and the ride jostled and bumped me as the driver sped faster and faster as though I was an insignificant bundle. 

Unlike it was expected I didn't head home where it was planned that I recuperate. I escaped. I struggled to step out of the taxi with every part of me shaking in protest that I wasn't back in a bed resting. 

I headed into the woods with the leaves and twigs crunching under my footsteps. Minutes passed by and my breathing got heavier. 

I looked around and there was a deafening silence here. I nodded to myself acknowledging this spot, dropped to my knees and screamed as loud and hard as I could over and over, letting all my fear, pain, anger, sorrow and frustrations out.

I became hoarse and couldn't catch my breath. My throat burned with the force of my cries. I was so scared of everything, scared of going home, scared of being hurt again, scared of snapping but the one thing I was never afraid of was being alone.

I am never going to be like you. I am not super smart. I am not ruled by material possessions. I don't need to be liked. I don't need to have a million friends. 

I don't need drugs, alcohol or superiority to be accepted. I don't need to intimidate to have people like me. 

I don't need to make someone feel constantly worthless so much so that they spend their lives wondering, what did I ever do to deserve all your hatred?

Isn't it enough that I despised myself? I couldn't be confident. I didn't have it in me. I didn't deserve the nightmare you put me through. 

I was too afraid to defend myself and then I hate to admit it but it all broke me. I closed my eyes and exhaustion took over my body. 

I curled up into a ball and slept. A barrage of images flooded my brain bringing it all back until I began screaming again and woke myself up. I wept until there was no air left in my body.