#BlogLife1010 - A lil tip

I decided to do a lil experiment because my face is under attack from the elements, dryness, breaking out, dehydrated I guess, maybe it is just because of winter..

As you know I bought the L'Oreal cleansing milk which is too greasy and heavy to use as a stand alone moisturiser for my combination skin.

I was using it prior to washing my face and that isn't cutting it, my face is still a mess.

I think with milks you're supposed to wipe off the excess with a cotton pad.

I used to use those but it's an unnecessary added expense, with cotton sticking to your face and what's wrong with using your hands anyway?

I decided to see what would happened if I mixed it with the L'Oreal Revitalift cleanser onto the face brush as well as the milk, that is a lil better, so that's how I'll use it.

My skin is more smoother but it's still excessively dry. I have to top it up with the L'Oreal wrinkle expert moisturiser which is a quick absorber and lighter than the cheaper products I buy.

And the only reason for all the L'Oreal stuff is that they were on sale and I get bargains, nobody would sponsor me, as they typically only want positive reviews and I give both good and bad feedback.

At least with the confidential product testing, they welcome both viewpoints because they want to know what works and what doesn't from a majority of different people.

Ugh I had such a horrid night's sleep. I was wrecked but my brain wouldn't switch off so I was gaming and then I dunno if I fell asleep and then woke up but my fingers were painfully throbbing for ages.

I don't usually get that at night, just during the day but the modern day brick phones are not helpful, better to see a big screen but not good to use, if you're delicate and prone to pain.

I must have got some sleep though because I don't feel completely lifeless and after using the face brush, I feel wide awake.

I'll just do the UC stuff and then Looney Tunes will begin their new event at 1pm and I can relax and eat then.

Ugh and literally just as I was talking about not clogging up my email box, Yahoo just wrote and said they are reducing storage, if you exceed that, which it doesn't say how much I've used, you can't send new emails.

I've got loads of stuff saved, stories, ideas, notes, private information.

I hate my advisor so much! 

I was just thinking about the coldness and waiting ages to run the hot tap until you get warm water, if I use the cold it affects me pain wise.

And now looking at my hands I can see they have swollen up, which means they are extra sensitive to usage but I can't stop being active with them so hopefully they will get down to a normal size soon.

I don't really know what provoked them, except using the phone, I've been holding it instead of laying it down too much I guess..

Anyway either with the heating on, the blankie on, I'm still cold, it's not been working well today actually.

I definitely could not survive without a blankie, even a crappy one.

Everytime I get up from it, I'm back to being frozen again.

I read something interesting on one of the pain relief videos, that this person was affected throughout their whole body..

And I thought..... Huh..... Fascinating because I was told the discomfort is only targeted in certain areas, so why you're complaining about other parts it's not feasible, therefore you must be exaggerating....

On and on, Doctors told me, how I should feel, not what I was actually dealing with.

And I've always noticed my pain travels throughout my body not just where "experts" say it should be contained.

It was nice to be validated because the GP/Hospital/Specialists all made me feel like a nuisance liar that was crazy and making things up for attention.

They couldn't be bothered to listen or treat me, so making me feel low was what I put up with for decades.

Diagnosing and dealing with the symptoms myself is so much better.

I may not have studied medicine but I know all about pain relief and human behaviour!

And when you get to a state where you can barely walk or use your hands.....

Something is very very wrong, especially when it begins from late teens/early twenties where you're supposed to be young and healthy, not struggling with movements!!

#BlogLife1009 - Irritated

I think I'm doing the right thing, I'm not taking private volunteer private chats, I'm too creeped by the weird ones, it's a shame because there are genuine people in need of help but I'm mentally fragile so I can't deal with that.

There was an interesting post about people's expectations of Listeners and it surprised me that people wanted a friend-type approach which is so wrong to me.

That means they rely on you, get used to you and worse fixate on you, there's a couple people, well a fair few that when they lose their Listener, typically I feel because of burnout....

Too many latching on to them, the member just feels lost, not good in my opinion.

I don't think my view would be that popular, one acquaintance expressed her opinion on boundaries and had the majority disagreeing, hmmm...

I don't mind lending support in the public forums, those are moderated better I think.

Even if you want to block, you have to give a reason why, it was easier to deal with the undesirables on trolls on HearMe, I liked that aspect.

Plus they had a proper Guide for those that needed to compress after a gruelling chat, on 7 Cups, you fend for yourself, the help to me is non existent.

They advertise it heartily but when you go on, it's just basic and asking the wrong questions and no way to explain without breaking confidentiality, which you can't do either.

You're stuck, lost and overwhelmed, not a good feeling, when all you are trying to do is assist someone feel better and you yourself end up feeling yucky.

Ugh the UC stuff is taking three times as long. I don't want to queue at the library to do printouts and wait around for the employers to help out but neither do I want to show my email.

I hate my privacy being invaded, none of those choices are making me feel good.

If I go to the library that means less sleep, waking up early from a bad sleep and then waiting around for my appointment.

I've lost my appetite but I'll eat something simple, I like those mini chicken griddlers. I wonder if the hummus has expired..

At least I'm enjoying the new games, challenging my brain. The bad thing about not spending a lot on takeout is no leftovers for tomorrow..

Although if I got pizza, I would have but I didn't fancy it, the good thing is the pennies stretch further.

#BlogLife1008 - It's back

I didn't realise the second season of Hijack was back, it's only two episodes so far but lots of plot twists which I don't want to spoil.

I was wondering how they were going to top the last season but wowser, did not see that coming..

It was a slow start but it really got going and I'm enjoying it every bit as much as the first, I recommend it.

Oof it's freezing today and I have 3 layers on. I'm not sure if it's raining today but if it is, the food stalls won't be out.

I seem to only have winter clothes in the really baggy sizes. I still don't know whether to get a few things in my present size, it just seems a waste of money, buying and then discarding them because I've shrunk again..

I guess the good thing about having an afternoony UC appointment is that I can get those commitments out of the way and then when I get home tired, I can relax and finish this off and then munch.

Well I'm back and although I didn't get soaked, it was an overcast day so no stalls were out hardly.

There was a discount code and I just used that. No leftovers but that one huge meal will sustain me for the day.

I felt so irritated with the advisor, he's booking me into another CV garbage appointment.

Then he expected me to memorise all the relevant information, I need to show him hello you lazy sod, it's on the online journal.

Ffs just look it up, you nitwit!! So that got on my nerves and he said keep the emails, ugh it clogs up my inbox, swine!!

Maybe I'll do a bunch of printouts, I don't like the idea of him looking through my phone, ickity! Or I could create a folder on my email and dump it in there.

So bloody intrusive!

I really didn't feel like browsing, it's too cold and at least coming back I got a seat on the bus.

On there is a bug with Youtube at the moment, well there was, everytime you tried to play a video, this unavailable message came up, maybe they have fixed it, as I saw it in the morning but not now in the afternoon.

That was irritating trying to listen to a playlist and then silence and you check back, error error error, grr.

I'm liking the double conditioner I'm doing, I feel like it washes the hair oil off better and gives me a bit more volume, I'll try and stick with it for a while.

My skin is both drying out and breaking out, maybe stress or sugar or hormones?

I'm not sure I would buy that L'Oreal face wash again, it's fine but I don't think it's for me, it's not hydrating enough, even with all the creams I'm using, how on earth is my skin missing moisture??

#BlogLife1007 - Sorry for the lack of posts

Just Eat sent me another voucher but with a 2 day expiry and I don't need a mini grocery shop, I need a big one.

It was a good deal though spend £25 but you get £15 off, so just a tenner really.

It would have been handier next week, when I'm out but it ends tomorrow and I'm being careful about the pennies.

Sorry about no post on Thursday I think when I'm tender, inspiration just disappears, I'm just too uncomfortable.

I'm not sure how many versions of the Kiplings whirls there are but the original is still my favourite, if that was on sale, I would have got that.

But I tried the toffee one I think and now I've had the lemon one which is a really nice biscuit sandwich type snack, it's great but the jam one tastes the best, to me.

It's January and the sun is shining brightly as though it's summer, crazy weather.

I was looking for some new games to download and thinking back to the old school ones, like tetris, wonderboy, paperboy, ha, used to love the sound of the breaking glass as the paper flew through the window.

I recall a long time ago seeing this penguin sledding game but I don't know the name of it so I found something else called Penguin Dash Run Race 3D.

It's very simple and I like the cartoony style graphics better, a basic game but with it's challenges.

You're collecting coins, moving left, right or in the middle lane and ducking or jumping from obstacles.

I still haven't found the perfect gin rummy game, that's a bit more engaging but is also doable and not rigged against the computer.

Odd, the A16 had to back to back software updates, the phone seems fine, I just want them to improve the battery life, it doesn't last long at all.

The update seemed to mess with the screen dimmer a lot and it wasn't perfect before, at night time you don't want to stare at a bright screen, you want it low, to make you drowsy.

But now it seems ok, I've tried a few and they all seem crap unfortunately, as soon as you launch a game, it turns itself off, grr.

My insomnia has gone bad again, I'm sleeping one night and struggling the next but mostly sprinkling essential oil on my pillow helps.

I was bad, I felt really drained so I didn't clean much or change the bed, I will get to it.

I have the UC appointment tomorrow, I wonder how irritated he will be when I refuse to the stairs again...

He might as well just scream at me Liar, you're faking your disabilities because I can't see them....

Honestly it's so prejudiced. They look at you and don't believe you have any frustrations with mobility or pain or discomfort.

Like they want you to just get over yourself and make it easy for themselves, punish your body, so they can have an easy life..

They promote that you have rights and we respect any conditions but in reality, if you're struggle, they give you such a nasty attitude and I've been putting up with it but not anymore.

I hate pain that is preventable. Hopefully it won't be raining so I can pick up the cheaper snacks and/or maybe pop into Tesco for some deals..

Oh I found a few other games just to help me unwind and distract me from stress and life.

The first is similar to Monopoly Go, a board game but with a detectivey twist called Cluedo Chase, it's fun, roll the dice, go around and try to solve a murder.

The other is Wordscapes Solitaire, I guess a word version of the card game, that seems different.. It's a cute game but as usual with these American types, they don't recognise all British words.. Ugh.

#BlogLife1006 - Good manners, bad manners, table manners...

Afternoony, how's your week been? Mine's mixed, still nothing from the boiler maintenance people so it must have been an error text.

This weekend if I'm up to it, I'll do some light mopping and get around to wiping down the bathtub.

The cramps are still off and on as is the bloating, so I feel a bit yucky.

I had a lot of hand pain and feet pain so I have to make sure I don't do too much or I'll end up with another injury, that are so common to me.

I was hoping to sleep in today but they were drilling outside, I'm not sure what that was about, but very noisy..

I have a feeling Yahoo crashed because I couldn't access it for a while, some error code came up and it seems a common issue but I've never seen it before, refreshing didn't help and then eventually boom, loading normally.

Weird!! There's nothing really on my mind, I mean nothing new really, I was just thinking about dinner table rules that happened when we visited various relatives.

No elbows on the table, no licking the knife, I think some said no drinking while you eat your meal, just before or after, but my throat closes up during munching so that was a difficult one to follow.

And I remember the disapproving stares and the tutting of which I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

At those points, eating at home was a tad more relaxing but I think in a way that added to my complex of consuming in front of others.

That, critical all eyes on me, shrank my appetite to the point where it disappeared completely.

Plus everyone having their opinions on my figure, whether positive or negative, focus on my bloody personality, not my appearance!!

None of it helped really, thankfully I'm in a better place, physically and mentally.

But back then it was really hard to say Mind your own business!

I must have done a lot of secret chomping, snacking in my room and creeping down the stairs to grab some nibbles.

I wasn't very healthy and I couldn't hear that voice, that said Coooee I'm full..

Now it's loud and clear Knock knock I'm hungry or All done, no more food, we are at full capacity.

#BlogLife1005 - What am I doing?

I've walked into the kitchen a bazillion times intending to check if I have another contact lens cleaner in the cupboards or when this one finishes, I'll be out, but I never remember to check.

I'm so glad Yodel came early with a time frame, just before 12pm and my duvet came, I will change everything, maybe at the weekend.

I need to mop again already ugh. Why don't things stay clean? I'm such a loon, I woke up and realised I didn't put away my lens case..

Luckily I didn't toss and turn to much or it would have gone flying off the bed and I might not have found my brand new pair of lenses.

I swear I put them away but obviously I didn't luckily they were sitting on the edge of the bed.

I have to eat soon and will probably make a wrap. There is a Greek style bread wrap that I bought which is lovely, I just don't know what to put in it.

I think I'll do one chicken steak and one beef and break them in half.

Yep did it again, went to cook it and forgot to check my inventory and I should have gotten a bottle of water from the fridge.

I don't buy water, I just use the tap because when you're budgeting, it seems like drinks are a luxury.

I don't do that thing of trying to full up on water and having a big chunk of it before meals.

I think I have 3 or 4 bottles a day ranging from 500ml to 850ml and if you have a bottle instead of a glass you can sip it and drink more, until you need to swap or refill it.

By the time you get snacks and mains and then household things like bleach, that's the limit for the week.

Instead of the plain chicken, I got the hot and spicy, it's not really peppery though, just tame, which is perfect for me.

I wonder if I'll skip this month's monthly aswell as December... That would be cool. I do feel bloated though.

Ahh finally remembered and walked back into the kitchen, yep I do have a spare cleaner so I don't need to buy another one for quite a while, they last months, because you only need a lil bit, mind you sometimes it pours out fast.

I'm enjoy the Meeray almonds I bought to snack on, they taste cooked not raw and not salty at all.

I don't remember the price, the pack says £2.50 but they charge anything, and it has lasted me a while..

Ooof the randoms are crazier than ever. I can't recall exactly what I said, but I ended it with dear...

He replied Oh you've used that word it means you're 99% non British.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life, well lately, so I blocked and moved on.

He changed his name, logged back on and sent this paragraph of curses and insults...

Wow, you have got to laugh. I always think after that... No wonder you can't find anyone to talk too, your personality sucketh........!

I never understand that logic of being rejected and instead of shrugging and accepting, go on a rampage, it makes you look so foolish.

Just see it as no big deal, we all get passed on, it's not unique. Just say Ok, Nexttttt.

#BlogLife1004 - Due, overdue or not due?

It's a shame that home goods store closed, it was there for years, selling towels, duvets and alsorts of knick knacks were available and it's replaced by another snack store of which there are dozens in the market, all competing against each other.

It could have been a bakery or a sandwich shop. Anyway as I can't get my cheap bedlinen from there, I went back to Ebay and saw a few from £5.

I got the charcoal pillowcases and cover for £6 brand new with tags and that should arrive next week, good bargain.

I don't always see them on offer. The one that was cheaper was a replica blue of one I already had.

If I didn't see any deals, I would have gotten it again. I slept fairly well, I don't think my right eye is completely healed, but each day gets more bearable.

I've just unpacked the shopping and the only thing I was craving was hotdogs, but my version, croissants instead of buns aka hottissants I named it ha.

I got some hummus and egg mayo to add some flavour to it, I had to sacrifice the olives and I still haven't seen those stuffed peppers..

You would think if an item is popular they would restock it..

Normally I end up eating the croissants before the meat is ready but not this time.

I decided to mix the vegan and chicken sausage together, just for kicks and to make it more filling.

I've never done that before, should be interesting. I also saw some Pista Pik peanut and pistachio biccys for 49p.

It's 118g box so not bad if it tastes good. I wanted the snacks to stretch out for the week.

I tried it, it's a fair size and a lot in the packet, it's ok but these type of nutty biscuits are a bit dry so it's alright but boring.

My favourite one which I never see was the Maryland's hazelnut cookies, that was hearty and tasty, very thick, small but it was enjoyable, now I see the chocolate chip one only.

I wanted the burger sauce but it's cheaper to get the hummus and at least I know I'll use all of that up and won't waste it.

Plus overall it's actually healthier. Strange, the frankfurters overcooked and the vegan Richmond undercooked, so leaving it for another 5 minutes, 25 altogether.

The vegan sausages will be for dinner, the chicken frankfurters went really well with the hummus and egg mayo, who knew?!

I suspected it would make a delicious combination and it did but now I am so full.

I wonder if anyone tried my unusual food mixtures..?

I got around to making the calls I wanted, well I couldn't get through to the heating people to ask if the repair text was a mistake or not.

But the landlord said Don't worry about the stock condition survey even we can't get through to make an appointment, but when we do you'll get a text/email and call about it, which is fine.

I don't want to miss it and I don't want it to clash with a UC appointment, that's my only fear.

I hate waiting around for a meeting knowing my phone could buzz at anytime with you're next or the door could buzz with them not informing me, they are on their way.

But I've done what I could and I'll wait to feel hungry or eat at lunchtime.

#BloogLife1003 - Vision problems

I am really struggling to see today, I can barely open my eyes because of the pain.

I'm not sure I can post this today. The cleaner didn't properly rinse off my lens so the right eye has been burning all morning and still hurting an hourish later.

I finally removed it but I can still barely open it and it won't stop watering, I'm hoping the binaural beats help, the drops did nothing.

I wrote that yesterday and then the pain took over, looking at my phone and the laptop was impossible with all the sensitivity and blurriness.

Nothing was soothing, not even the gel pack so I had an early night and did sleep fairly well.

It still hurts but less intensely. I'm still finding it difficult to look at the screen but I'm persevering through it.

Today I got soaked going to to UC meeting. Ugh he irritated the hell out of me as he was upstairs and then was surprised when I didn't meet him up there.....

Hello you've known me for ages and know I have health issues, what suddenly you've forgotten I'm ill? Ass!

So I had intended to pop in and get a new duvet and some food from the cafe but the bedding place closed up, the stalls were gone because of the rain and I felt tired.

So ordered a cheeseburger, chips, apple pie and some chicken, and that was just over £17 not too bad, plus a stampcard restaurant so eventually a discount.

All I ended up eating was some chips, a piece of chicken and the apple pie and then I felt sicky, normally I would eat later but as it was my first meal, this will sustain me and I'm sipping water.

I was just thinking yesterday that it's rough, constant stress and then the things I do to relax like watch foodie videos, or comedies or game, I couldn't do because my eyes were stinging.

I think I'll have an early night again today also, my nose won't running but I don't know if I have the sniffles again or it's from my eyes watering all day.

I also popped in to the international store for a quick lookie, the box said the tissues were 4x £2ish the til said the box is £9 lol.

But they sold me one individually for £2ish. I don't have any spare boxes at home and although I have a coupon, I can't think of any household stuff I really need.

I'm so glad I did the UC stuff before I left. I was supposed to take out the bins as well but I forgot, those can wait until the weekend when I have energy.

Mama wants to meet soon but not until the rain stops and boiler has been repaired

#BlogLifee1002 - I am so confused..

I am thoroughly perplexed. Yesterday I had the gas appointment thingy but it wasn't as it appeared.

I'm sure the letter referred to another company conducting it and it was detailed as a boiler installation standards thingy.

But today he arrived just before 1pm which was nice timing, I was starting to get hungry and I can't eat before they get here, too messy a thought.

Anyway the text said You're next and it was from the official maintenance boiler people Robert Heath.

As a safety precaution at the door I have to ask who they are so I don't let in a fraudster, a lot of the maintenance people do not carry ID, so it's quite scary.

Anyway he said he's from Robert Heath so I just asked him Oh is this the regular yearly checkup?

And he said Yes. Weird! Maybe they muddled the letter and have inspected enough boilers and this is just the regular one..

I have no idea, he seemed friendly enough, I hate when they are rude.

Yesterday I didn't eat much, today I fancy the ravioli again, so just plain cheese and tomato and then I don't know if I'll eat later or not.

My body is quite sore so no more cleaning or doing much until the pain passes.

Strange he was asking about the fire alarms and I was telling him I didn't realise it was attached to the switches and he said, there is both a battery and it's electrical too.

I remember when the maintenance worked stopped it beeping because it was driving him nuts ha.

The handymen were charging £50 and there's no-one else to ask, luckily it got resolved.

Last few things, I don't know why all this weirdness is happening to me.

I got a text from the gas people to say your repair is due soon before next Tuesday..

What on earth, the engineer didn't mention there was a fault and they always do that.

I should call and double check it's not a mistake, why wouldn't he tell me?

Is it because I'm a woman and it's over my head? These workers appear patronising at times. Hmm..

Also I tried to call the Landlord to say I've been trying to make an appointment with the Surveyor/stock condition people but haven't been successful so it's not my fault, blame them and stop sending me threatening letters!!

There was no dial tone and it seemed like it connected but the pre-recording/operator type voice didn't come on.

I tried several times and nothing, so that is peculiar too. I was hoping for no more appointments this week..

#BlogLife1001 - Samsung eccentricities

I'm having the oddest thing happen on the Samsung, everytime I access Playstore to see if there are updates for the apps or games, the whole Playstore freezes and it won't let me do anything.

I can close it and reopen and still doesn't work but in the morning it's accessible again, I don't get that at all.

Why doesn't it like night time?

I feel a bit empty so there's nothing much on my mind, I have a feeling this will go out on Monday instead of Thursday.

I finally remembered I have the Crown Farm beef burgers to try out, I prised them apart with a knife as they were stuck together.

So I wonder if I will like them, are they going to be a lil spicy? Well seasoned or bland?

I feel like lots of carbs for next week so I'm getting hot cross buns, teacakes and muffins.

There is a whole load of Easter stock in, so the cupcakes are back as well as Easter eggs and I don't get those, too chocolatey.

Hmm well the burger came out peculiar, I think they mixed onions with it so it has a crunch and tastes both bland and slightly peppery.

I don't think I would get it again, good value but subpar taste, I'd rather Iceland's own make, they have a better flavour, beefier.

They shrank a lot as well itty bitty patties.

Although it was good reminiscing yesterday about the first story, it didn't inspire me to finish the rest of them so once again they'll have to wait.

I finally remembered to pluck my brows, they weren't in a really bad state so just a bit of maintenance needed.

I've not seen or heard a Postie this year at all, unless they've arrived when I've been in the kitchen.

Spoke too soon, when the Iceland guy came, I saw the post I've been waiting for and cleared out my postbox.

2x letters for me and a ton for the neighbours good grief, hopeless Postie.

I'm shattered but I'm going to run the bath and do a deep conditioning hair oil treatment, just let me catch my breath and rest for a moment.

That was relaxing, my hair is all soft and moisturised and I've done most of the cleaning now.

I just need to clean the bath and that's it, the kitchen and bathroom floors are mopped, the rest are clean.

I am drained but I feel more resilient so one appointment from the Landlord is coming tomorrow anytime from 8-6pm..

I think that's the gas boiler inspection one, that wasn't mandatory before but suddenly is now.

Then I'll make the Surveyor one, where they take pictures of each room and measure them.

I want to get them over and done with. Oh and I have to hang out the laundry at some point too.

Plus make brekkie/lunch as it's lunchtime but I want to wait for the floors to dry..

Oh darn I was supposed to open the windows to let them dry faster.

I'm still not hungry yet anyway but at least all that energetic housework warmed me up.

The last thing eventually is to change the bed sheets and duvet but that can wait.

I always mean to do one room and then stop and save the rest for the next day but I think I worry I will put it off again..

So once I start, no matter how painful and taxing it is, I try to do as much as I can until I can't physically stand any longer.

What I found easiest is to make the water piping hot, do my usual mix of soap and bleach, mop or use the brush from the pan and brush to loosen the dirt..

Then mop it all into one corner and pick the dirt up and then I was done.

Plus of course having a loud party playlist or song on, grr my cleaning playlist was deleted so I picked a loud song and got on with it.

It's the bending my body doesn't like, I'll be paying for that in the next few days and of course my hands are beginning to get really tender.

Luckily today I wasn't walking over the dirt and making more mess so it stayed clean.

Thank goodness the UC appointment isn't until Thursday I can take it easy until then.

I knew it I feel very tender and stiff today and I tried to make the Surveyor appointment but no-one available again grr.

I wish they would tell the Landlord that so they could stop sending me threatening non cooperation emails.

#BlogLife1000 - Milestone the big thousand blogaversary

I'm just not sure what to write for the thousandth edition of BlogLife, how did we even get here?

Have I grown and matured as a person and a writer? I think so, I hope I've evolved.

I think the one constant has been my insecurities, I can't shake them, although I have bouts of self assurances but it doesn't last long.

I finally got around to measuring myself, I didn't do bust, just hips and waist and there wasn't much of a difference, a few more inches off.

Altogether though since I started this journey I think from 2022, I've lost 12 inches, is that a lot in 4 years?

I'm not sure but I've definitely gone down a lot of dress sizes. I probably haven't gone down another size, so still 2 stones to lose but I'm still moving in the right direction.

It's becoming less effort now after all the tips and tricks I've learned that work for me.

With some posts I write them ahead but with the milestones I kinda wait for the day and see what pops out.

I need brain food, maybe that will inspire me, it's just gone 12pmish and now I feel hungry so I'm cooking a cheese quiche and some chicken kebabs to go on the side.

And of course munching crisps, impatiently waiting for it to be done, I can't even remember the cooking times..

I was looking up old tv shows to watch in the evening to relax, music and asmr can be for the daytime but for the night, I tend to prefer having some show on while I'm gaming..

It just ends up making me sleepy and cosy and puts me at ease before I go to bed.

3rd Rock From The Sun and Alf ended up being contenders. I didn't realise that was his son in the show.

Ugh I can't even remember the names. Is it old age? I feel like my memory has never been strong though.

Mainly up to my thirties maybe, I was all about taking the multivitamins, trying to get my hair and nails luxurious and longer and now I don't take any supplements.

It was nice having long hair to play with, I just didn't know what to do with it, left loose it seemed messy.

A bun seemed boring, plaits and ponytails were unadventurous.. No matter what I did, it just hung there..

Even way before I got sick, my hands got tired from trying to style it and make it look trendy.

I wrote poetry, but it rhymed, it wasn't below the surface of how I was really feeling, it was just contained thoughts.

I wasn't equipped for anything more than that. I even doodled dress designs because what I saw in stores was limited and unattractive and when I wore it, I wasn't pleased.

All these were very basic forms of expression. I liked art and drawing, I managed some things and completely tanked others.

I was trying to find my way. I liked being in the school choir, I just couldn't hold a tune.

I think I was afraid for the longest time to do what I really craved which was composing fiction.

I knew it was going to be a disaster so I shelved it for as long as I could because I wanted to excel at it, not just be acceptable.

Maybe there were other stories I wrote, I cannot think but the first story I wrote that really made me embarrassed and proud was for a College assignment.

I don't know if it was a substitute Teacher but we were told to write a short but lengthy story.

I had no idea what subject to pick and I think at that point, the nightmares were quite prominent in my life.

So I based it on that, the recurring one of being chased and lost and almost nabbed.

And I still remember to this day, not knowing how to conclude it, because it was flowing for the first time ever, I think..

So maybe it was 2 pages both sides of an A4 paper and I know because everyone else's was a few paragraphs and the Teacher held mine up and said.....

This is the length it should have been. I don't know if it was read out, I just remember sinking into my seat and my face turning various shades of pink, red, purple..

And mumbling, it's not like it's any good, I just couldn't seem to end it.

I think I was pleased with how it came out, very descriptive but I had grown up feeling like a fool and people were hammering that home to me so whatever I did, didn't seem smart enough..

That was the only story my Mama read and she loved it, said I should submit it somewhere but it seemed like a fraction of a piece not the whole thing.

I dismissed the praise and sometime before or after tried a story for myself but it wouldn't come alive, not like the nightmare one.

For that one I pretended I was that person walking home, being scared out of my wits and it helped.

So that first story I forgot about or put it down to being a fluke, never to be recreated..

But it was satisfying or maybe I was relieved, it was late and my brain hurt.

I guess my point is, it took me a long time to believe in myself and not be as afraid to show the world who I was, am, and strive to be..

#BlogLife999 - What's different?

Just had the crumpets and the omelette, that was way nicer than I expected, soft cheesy, I think it was frozen so recooked it for 6 minutes and it was done.

I just added a bit of butter to the crumpet and it didn't need anything else. Maybe next time, I'll just do one. I'm getting full.

Then I opened the Belvita cereal bars pfft. It's 4x packs of biscuits, not bars in a one serving wrapping, and then 5x of those altogether, so that is superb value for £1.

It's quite sizeable and the blended nuts and chocolate chips and sweetness, the right balance I would say.

It tastes exactly like Nairn maybe, I can't put my finger on, very nice and thin though, I just wish, it was individually wrapped or had 2, because once you open it, you can't reseal so have to munch them all.

Oh I think I have it, it's like McVities digestives and Nairn had a biccy baby and this is what came out ha. Tasty.

Last review is that Chicago Town beef kebab pizza slice had that for dinner and the base didn't crisp but it was cooked.

Actually surprisingly good. Cheese, beef, red and green peppers and seasoning.

Yummy, not salty, thick and hearty, good portion and that's probably it for the day, unless I have a packet of crisps or some nuts later on..

But I don't think I have room for anything else.

I thought the monthly started but nope.

I found this cute lil period drama called Doctor Thorne, it's a lot gentler than some of the violent ones I've seen, sweet really.

From 2016 apparently, about this girl who think she's from a respectable family and finds out she's night high brow so the family friends who know their son is infatuated with her, tell her Papa, no offence she's not welcome lol.

Pretty funny that they expect him to be like Yea, that's fine, see you soon.

Her Uncle is so protective of her in a kind nurturing way, always encouraging her and I think she feels the same way about the boy but when she learns she's illegitimate..

The Mama abandoned her, the Papa was murdered, she feels classless so rejects him.

The reason, his family doesn't want them to get together, he needs to marry someone wealthy as the whole family is destitute and in tons of debt.

Lol, how can you be poor and a snob? Hilarious, it's only 3 parts and I'm watching the last bit now.

It's quirky that the show has a beginning and ending narrator who chats about the show, at first I fast forwarded that but it's fun actually.

I'm not 100% sure because I don't know the actresses name but I think the girl from Bridgerton is in it, the one that plays...

Ugh what's her name Francesca, scrap that it's not her ha. She looks familiar, perhaps I've seen the lead in somewhere else..

An update to the L'Oreal face wash, I can get away with 1 pump not 2 on the face wash and that's enough, it generously foams up after being spun and coats the whole face so should last a while.

I cooked the cheese and tomato ravioli, I really like it, it didn't come overly soft and mushy, just nicely cooked for 8 minutes I think.

And it's really lightly flavoured and I don't mind that either because I've had a lot of cheese things recently and that's probably why I didn't buy any.

And very faint hint of tomato which is okay with me, it's tasty, I would buy that again, good portion for 1 person.

#BlogLife998 - Easing into the New Year

Well after the protein treatment on my lenses, I guess they are a lil more comfy, I'm not streaming with tears but I still feel them but an improvement is welcome relief.

How is it when you're half asleep in winter and wake up, you're warm enough under a thick duvet but as soon as you fully alert, you're frozen?

I'm still trying to warm up, it's so cold, I double checked the heating was even on but it is and so is the blankie, slowly getting hotter.

I decided to briefly browse the freezer and I didn't know what to munch so I grabbed some mini veggy spring rolls and samosas chucked them in the oven for 16 minutes and just had them with the creamy onion and garlic dip, so so good.

I forgot it's the weekend and I don't need to put up anything, will probably save this for Monday.

It's been ages since I did an oil treatment for my hair, I should do that soon as it feels a bit dry.

The only chores to do is putting away the washing for them to dry and some light mopping, everywhere else is tidy.

Oh and I should wipe down the sink too. I've been doing spot cleaning so there isn't much left on my agenda, which makes it manageable.

Ah the landlord's number was functioning so I checked my texts and it's back open from Christmas so I just paid my rent, checked my balance and as I thought, the last of the savings is dwindling down, last lot left and then completely broke.

Now is the time to wean off getting takeout, for real this time, so I can have a lil stored for emergencies like a new laptop or microwave.

Iceland had a bunch of new stuff not even advertised in the dedicated section and I still didn't know what I was in the mood for, so bought random things.

There was a Haribo funny mix bag going for 50p half price I guess but it wasn't in stock.

The Belvita honey and nut chocolate chips cereal bar was on offer 5x £1, saving 25p, I don't know if it's like a biscuit or a real cereal bar, I was curious so got it to try.

I also got some crumpets, to make sandwiches for a change as it was 90p for 6 of them.

And I've already got butter but forget to get cheese ha. I'm also excited to try the Slimming World cheese and tomato ravioli £3 steep, yeesh but it sounds nice.

Plus MyProtein chicken alfredo £4.75 I think this has been around for a while but never in stock, so sounds appealing, I'll probably pick out the mushrooms, ick.

And the last two things, cheese omelettes (£3), which I think I intended to put into the fried rice, Oh actually I think I have rice in the freezer..

And then a Chicago Town beef sliced pizza £1.75. I've been getting plain cheese so again, getting some variety and fun things to review.

Ah I feel better, just wrote the scathing new blankie review on Amazon helpfully will stop other shoppers wasting their money.

I can't help but wonder, these faulty products, why do they have such glowing feedback?

Are they even authentic? I've heard of sellers asking for 5 star reviews in exchange for freebies, it's happened to me but I prefer being honest.

Reviews help me get an idea of the product and if it's suitable. Actually when I checked back I did see some negative ones that I hadn't seen before..

Eeek the temperature has really dropped and there's more talks of snow, I hope it skips my area as other people have mentioned they have snow.

#BlogLife997 - I'm on a retro binge

I remembered that there was two Ricki Lake movies that stuck with me Babycakes and Mrs Winterbourne.

Both had that ring of naivete, where you think you know it all, think you're a grown up and then realise, you don't know jack about life and men and what makes you happy..

I guess my stories are me putting myself out there but from a safe distance and waiting for someone to come along and shut me down again..

That's my fear someone will confirm my fears and say.. Listen chicky you can't cut it as a writer, you don't have that flair.

You're limited in your abilities and frankly I just don't see the substance there..

But I am just going to carry on as I am, with all the varied topics and stories.

I have to remember to cancel the prime trial before the 6th January as that's when they charge me.

I couldn't think how the movies ended soo I wanted to see if she ended up happy in the end, I'm not going to spoil it.

I love Thursday's it's when Looney Tunes World of Mayhem puts out their new event and it's all shiny and new and different for a bit.

I usually sleep early on New Years Eve, there's nothing to keep me up, I think by 11amish I was tired..

Unfortunately I forgot about the loud long fireworks that lasted for ages and that kept me up for a bit.

I slept, woke, slept woke for most of the night, but got a few long hours here and there, with odd odd dreams.

So by 9amish, I'm typically waking up slowly and forcing myself out of bed to put on the heating and blankie.

I don't know if I should try to cut my hair again, it's misbehaving and won't fall nicely.

I don't know whether to do a grocery shop either, I have most things now and I'm not sure I need too.

I'll look and decide later. A new year is when you hope things will improve.

I just can't help thinking, it will be the same. I can try and change my mindset, manoeuvre and push past it, attempt to be stronger..

Or promise I'll put out my stories and spoofs, some more lighthearted stuff but I don't know if I will.

There's so much hanging on my shoulders burdening me down and I can't just forget and say la di da, let's push you aside and pretend everything is normal because it isn't.

And that doesn't seem a healthy way to exist anyway.

I guess the most I can do is have hope that there is inner strength inside me, to be able to deal with everything thrown at me.

It feels relentless and like I'm failing at the solutions, I fix this and then it doesn't take or something else happens and I think cripes, I was finally relaxing, content that I did the right thing and now I have to do something else..

But that's life for you, challenging this way and that and you don't have to be capable all the time.

It is ok to crumble and falter and admit, Hey world, I'm not dealing with this well at all.

It's difficult but afterwards you have to find a way to pick yourself up or lean on others, ( I don't lean, but if possible, you should).

P texted me at midnight to wish my a Happy New Year. It was sweet, I'm not sure I was in the mood but I did reply and I didn't want to wake Mama incase she was asleep so I texted her late in the morning as she said she wanted a lay in.

I tried the Kellog's chocolate cornflakes bar, the cornflakes bit is great but it has this weird white coating.

I didn't know if it was white chocolate, yoghurt or what, it turns out it's milk...

Hmm, I can do without that, it spoils it with a peculiar taste. I wish they had not have tried to be clever and added it in, where it didn't need extras.