#BlogLife865 - Guilty, I have a confession..

*Looks at you with Bambi innocent eyes, trying to soften you up*

Didn't work huh? Not even a lil bit?

Alright, I tried my best to keep using the Clean and Clear and Fixderma beaded face washes but they kept suffocating my skin, causing breakouts and leaving residue on my face.

I caved, binned them and bought the Simple 150ml £2.50 face wash from Iceland instead.

It's not my favourite, I don't feel it does anything below the surface but I was desperate and the other reason is, the washes are clogging up the drains.

I keep having to put hot water and washing up liquid down it, as it's draining slowly.

That cemented it. Hurrah no beads, it's just clear, thickish, faint almost a grapey scent, it's nice.

And my skin finally feels refreshed and lighter. It doesn't wash off easily but next time I'll probably just use less of it.

My face is quite smooth, I probably wouldn't use a moisturiser afterwards, although I tend to put mine on prior as you know, because I have combination dry and oily skin.

It needs to breathe and be as empty as possible, without layers of anything.

I don't mind makeup when I go out but indoors, it's nothingness, just moisturiser in the morning and night sometimes.

Ahh I finally got some sleep on Saturday night, I did wake a few times but there was large chunks of sleep so I feel refreshed.

On Friday night there was none, so all day I was a zombie. Last night in between one of the random wake ups..

This fresh original themed story popped up. I desperately wanted to write it down but I was too drained to move or open my eyes.

It actually has a mature theme but I don't know if I could write that bit.

There was maybe one chapter's worth of material. I should not focus on a new story when other's remain open.

It was exciting for me to have a new idea come to life. It's not blog material, I don't even think I would put it on wattpad.

If I was more comfy and knew how to do it seamlessly, I might even consider dictating it onto a file and uploading it somewhere.

It flowed in my head, that was rare, all the conversations seemed natural, that's the hardest bit for me.

I'm not sure about the title but the rest of it seemed interesting, maybe it won't hurt to see if I can write it as a draft, see if there's anything there, while it's fresh.

I don't even know if I can remember the details and it's a Bank Holiday weekend, I'm supposed to be relaxing..

I have made a start on it, it's in my drafts, plus I registered with the website that I would probably upload it too.

That's progress, maybe I'll connect with new writers who struggle too?

#BlogLife786 - I'm fiction but I'm also real

I love winter, the mornings are tough waiting for the heating and the blankie to warm up but once it does, it's lovely and toasty.

Especially when the pain is climbing and I feel generally sore all over, the warmth aids my recovery.

I've just booked the shopping for tomorrow morning and I saw something new that was going for a £1, roti parathas from Crown Farms.

It's only 5 included and I don't think it's wholemeal and I hope it's not spicy but I thought I would try and see if it's more like a roti as those are my favourite things to make a wrap with.

I also saw some chicken kebab meat to put inside, plus olives and who knows if the regular coleslaw will be in stock?

I also got some croissants and I saw chocolate custard that looked fabulous to try but I didn't get it.

I'm sticking to the basics for the moment and still stretching the meals out, buying things on sale or taking advantage of special offers.

Just unpacked the shopping and checked the post, nothing new. I tried the roti parathas, it's nothing remotely roti flavoured, they just seem to puff out more and are thicker but the wholemeal version is way better.

It was only a pound and only a handful inside so no wastage, I can eventually eat all of them, which is why I chose it.

This one I had kinda plain, no butter, just olives and coleslaw (it was finally in stock yay). I wasn't that hungry so I wanted something simpler.

I missed olives so much. I also saw some crispy shredded chicken which would suit the wrap sandwich as well.

I thought I had started my period but I haven't. I'm still craving sugar and chocolate though.

I'm going to have a croissant and then I'm done. I'm going to set myself a deadline and try and finish the latest Christmas story before Christmas so I can publish it then.

It's got a fair bit of work to do. I've picked the title, written about 7 chapters already and I'm overwhelmed already because I gave myself more work on this one.

It's a different style, to my usual but I'm going to try and ignore the self doubt and self criticisms and push through.

This is the way it came to me, bubbled in my head and that's why I'm doing it this way but it's already changed directions a few times.

I don't get hung up on that, I just go with the flow but it means I'm constantly re-thinking scenes because the outcome is now different to have I initially envisioned it.

It's a process and inspiration is very rare at the moment and now I'm cramping so I don't think I'll eat anymore, until later.

Sometimes it plays out, the way I see it, but just in a different way and other times it's just doesn't end up working, which is why I don't write the ending first, or skip ahead, it's constantly evolving and that's how it happens for me, anyway.

For others it might be different but I don't want to force it to fit together, I want it to be natural.

Hmm I tried the shredded chicken, I'm not keen on that, it's over breaded and has no real flavour, I won't buy that again.

The chicken kebab meat is alright, maybe I overcooked it but it needs more seasoning.

I'm trying not to overthink and keep everything in perspective so I've been watching Christmas movies, some old and some new and that helps to relax me.

Feelgood vibes, nothing scary or confusing just simplicity and romance and a satisfying conclusion, where everyone ends up happy and fulfilled.

#BlogLife601 - You think too highly of yourself..

Song of the day - Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9tKwSboJeg&list=WL&index=38

Ha! If he only knew!! I was on chat and one guy DD, asked me for a date and I said no and then he did it again and I blocked him.

Then CP of the quote above came along and he was regular, nothing stood out.

We suddenly talked about multi tasking and he said he had loads of women he was taking too.

And to be honest I didn't care because I was replying to D's text, even though he was busy and tired and Ohhh I haven't told you about him ha!!

Plus I was watching my Christmas binge, A Very Merry Mix Up Christmas and though oof even if it's a comedy, one of the leads is sooo controlling ick.

I just realised that her beau was well off and could easily have said, Let me be a silent investor or pay for employees or a financial advisor to help you out for a bit..

But I guess his first love, was collecting money and not spending it, with his lil insensitive cruel digs at her expense.

Anyway I digress. I said something like, Oh I love multi tasking, it makes things more interesting. 

I even multi chat, although I got rid of all my pms because they weren't suitable.

Someone has to be really enthralling or I have to be too sleepy to only have one conversation.

Now I assume at this point he got offended I wasn't smitten with him.

The funny thing was I was making more of an effort, just to pass the time until I could sleep.

Then he switches too, Umm actually I'm only talking to you. I prefer one on one.

Then I followed it up with, Well you're my only pm now also.

Honestly I can't stop giggling. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just matter of fact answering all his questions but I guess brutally directly.

And this is where he should have said I take offence to that or left or said Um I'm going to find someone who wuvs me lololol.

I can't recall exactly what I said next but he kept pushing for answers, as in to rate him.

And again he reallllly shouldn't have because I came out with..

I'm not hooked on you but you're alright. You don't make me want to scratch your eyes out.

So I suspect because women weren't falling over themselves to talk to him and men always chat women up..

He didn't appreciate me having options. That is when he said it.

You think too highly of yourself. Instead of him making the effort to be interesting or cutting the discussion short.

My retort was Some people are that good and can afford to be. Then I blocked him.

I suspect he wanted me to feel bad and definitely be less confident so I would have become attached to him.

But I see through that tactic and I was feeling good about myself so he couldn't spoil it.

Then he bombarded me with messages and I suspect not to apologise but to be nasty.

I made the right decision.  If he didn't keep bugging me for praise I would have kept my feelings to myself.

Anyway onto D which is a far better tale. I checked my other phone for accuracy and this occurred on Thursday night.

This name popped up in chat and even though I rarely remember names and conversations.

My brain said you know that name but I didn't know if he and I were on friendly terms or not.

At first I ignored it and then maybe I checked my notes on the randoms to see if there was a blurb about him.

Or maybe I replied and then checked. Anyway there was a note.

He and I had swapped numbers at the end of September, got on well but he ghosted me.

Four days went by and I suspected he just didn't want to contact me any longer so I blocked him.

Then as we were talking he apologised, remembered my name which was sweet and explained.

His friend I think was hospitalised and on the fifth day he had texted but of course I didn't receive it and then he tried a few more times.

Plus sought me out but we didn't see each other at all until now.

So we basically ended up talking and reacquainting for hours.

And it struck me that he wasn't angry or accusing or even passive aggressive. 

He was just happy to see me so I pretty much instantly forgave him but didn't divulge it ha.

Then at the end he asked me and I said Yea I made peace with it ages ago and I'll unblock you.

I've only done that a few times as it's generally not worth it.

But he had a good attitude and we blend well together. 

It's effortless but I forgot what he sounds like. Ugh and I don't want to say call me lol.

He's not local but he seems decent. He's not taking me for granted.

He'll make the time to text, even if it's not straight away, which is not expected anyway.

He'll apologise say Sorry was blah blah but even before that he'll mention he's busy.

So when I hear that I'm thinking, right he's occupied for the evening so I won't disturb and his response is probably going to be the following day.

And I so prefer that. Than thinking Oh he just can't be bothered to get back to me, even though he's free.

Now on to today. Ugh what a horrendous sickly morning. In my head I was still partially buzzing that I managed to compose and publish a story out of thin air in about three hours.

To be frank, I was stressing about it and I didn't actually think I would be successful in completing it.

I even had a nightmare last night and that usually occurs when I'm frazzled.

My mind was totally blank but in the morning I thought, wouldn't it be nice if it had a Christmas theme?

Then I thought something about water, I always knew it was going to feature a girl. I just wasn't sure about the age and once I got going.

My brain was like okay, do you want to go here, or there, how do you want to end it?

My hope was to make it upbeat but in the back of my mind, I had a sneaky suspicion that it would be an unhappy fable because I feel a bit up and down at the moment.

Somehow this year I'm excited about Christmas but that also entails spending time with family and they have a tendency to be unkind.

Although it might just be me and Mama, who knows, or I might not even travel down there..

Anyway I just feel really weak and sickly today. I thought I started my period, which would explain it but nope.

I was going to order sushi today but the place I usually get it from doesn't have ordinary drinks, just bubble tea and that has no earthly appeal.

So I saw some pistachio tiramisu that I have never known existed.

It's not my favourite dessert but I knew tomorrow or later I would want something sweet and I felt so rough today..

I didn't do any shopping, just power walked to the bus stop to get home as quick as possible.

Oh I did try the new purple Rimmel lippy. It's not as bad as I thought.

I put on a dark lip liner, well actually it's an eyebrow pencil that I double up as an lip liner.

Then I put on lip balm, actually no, the lip balm was the base. Then the lip liner and then the purple lippy.

It did look quite nice. I think I can get away with it. it's not too too light.

It is quite thick. I got away with wearing one coat, normally I would double up but I kept wanting to vomit all morning.

Everything took ages and I wanted it over and done with. Now that I've munched, I feel much perkier, although a nap would be ideal.

I'm not happy with the title and I've done some more editing on the story. I'm going to copy it onto Wattpad eventually.