#BlogLife749 - Is this random dump week?

I was a bit miffed at A still so I went on the other room and got talking to this chappy that used paragraphs as introductions and replies.

Only he was actually interesting. I didn't mean to stay late as I was heading to the Market the next day (today) but it was funny swapping stories.

Then just before 3am he suggested a quickie phone call and I said fine, but we must sleep after this.

And that of course ended up being almost an hour long. The fascinating thing to me was that, he's a talker, so he hogged the majority of the conversation, not in a selfish way, in an animated cute, entertainer way.

As in let's see how much you laugh, when you hear what happened....

Sigh of relief, his name is T and not heaven forbid J. Phew!! (Everyone knows, we don't have luck with the J's) :D

As per usual I witheld my number and called and then after I thought, his voice is sooo nice.

I don't mind having follow ups. I told him, I would text him and share my number and I went to do that......

And it said, if you wanna text this number, unblock first........

Oh my my my my. We had talked before. I didn't remember him at all, no inkling of familiarity.

I read the texts and I vaguely recalled, we had probably 1 chat in May 2023, a whole year ago, ha!!

And he didn't get back in touch so, hmm, awkward ha. I didn't want to unblock, I just emailed him and explained and waited to see his reply.

As he didn't want to stay in touch then, maybe he wouldn't now?

I didn't assume anything, I left it up to him and whatever he decided, I would be fine with.

Lunchtime today (Tuesday) he replied and said He wasn't sure if it was me or not, there was a vague notion in his head.

And at that point he said, maybe he wanted meets or something but he was ok with things as they are now.

Goodness me, the rollercoasters with these randoms. I unblocked him and maybe we will have more storytelling sessions.

It was so funny because he tries to be a gentleman, where possible but some of the things he comes out with, sound creepy but hysterically so, bahahaha.

I teased him mercilessly for that. We both cracked up. There are so many interpretations to things.

Today (Wednesday), I have probably the final updates on both of them.

Yesterday me and T had emailed a bit and he annoyingly seems like the type to want to know everything but also hear only what he wants too, as in what benefits him, without listening or picking up on the reasons behind it.

So I think possibly he was a lil miffed at me. I saw him on chat and he didn't say Hi or reply to my last email.

But it's funny because he shouldn't care what my stance is on the matter but he does/did.

At first I said I don't do meets at all because it's easier than saying I do eventually because they all say, let's meet now now now.

And for me it's too much, I wouldn't feel safe at all. When he pressed me further, I said I might consider after I had known the person for a long time.

But the whole reason he wanted to stay in touch, was that he wasn't bothered about meets........

Pfft I will not be chasing him, if he gets in touch, I'll reply but otherwise re-blocked.

Now A was still behaving oddly, as though, he felt compelled to chat to me, ever since I did the face/body reveal.

I thought that would shut him up a bit but then he wanted racy snaps, what on earth??!!

Nope, nope, nope and he did what all guys seem to do or say. Reassure me that he likes bigger females and then it turns out No...... He doesn't.

What he wants, what they all want, is someone a teeny tiny bit plump but no more than that.

And I realise I've still got some trimming down to do so I know I'm less than ideal at present but again I'm more accepting of myself.

Although we did properly chat last night and I said, I thought you were trying to let me down easy.

He still didn't confess that I wasn't his type, claimed to have been busy.

This morning painted a different picture. Those dots were there but also messages.

That he's leaving the site due to family drama. (Oh how convenient) and that he thinks we are going in circles and won't develop.

And I thought I knewwww I wasn't your type and would be blocked soon, you just didn't have the balls to say it.

You should have said it straight away, sorry but you're not suited to me and I would have survived the rejection easily.

Plus if that really was the case, I think he would've allowed me time to reply and then left/blocked, whatever.

Anyway I don't feel sad or upset about either of them, I feel relieved to know where I stand.

In a weird way, it makes me feel more confident, that I can handle it and it didn't knock my self esteem, it made it stronger.

I think the thing that makes me smile, is that Mama received her gift early this morning and she texted to thank me and her whole expression, went from last night unhappy, stressed, fed up..

To smiling and at ease and grateful and settled. I don't need anything from her, just wanted to help out if I could.

I had told her things previously that she should have done and her head was in the clouds, like yea yea yea.

I'm doing what I feel is best and almost, to hell with the consequences because it'll never be a disaster.

But we've both had experiences of it so, hmm, not sure why she didn't take precautions.

It's like she had to learn the hard way. Sorry I don't want to mention what it is, too stigmatised.

Anyway I gave her the advice on what helped me and now I think she has a more realistic attitude.

Which she needed to have, prevention is always better than cure.

I feel it's as though she doesn't take me seriously, when ok, I'm not the most worldly person but I have a lot of street smarts, I know things that she isn't aware of at all.

That's it, you're all caught up. Oh I'm kinda vex that they lied about the battery life on the fan.

It's not the advertised 18 hours on low battery, it is merely 8! Huge lying difference!!

#BlogLife114 - Dating confessions

How are all you doing? Here in the UK, the weather is crazy, I go from shivering to boiling hot in the blink of an eye. It started off raining and then the sun was beaming in the sky.

I decided to get up early and run errands. My mind went totally blank though. I was wearing this orangey/yellow flamey flowy top and dark purple trousers.

I didn't have time to do my makeup. The buses were running out of whack, it is normally supposed to be every ten minutes but it was twice that and even then, it kept changing so I wanted to hustle and have a quick trip to the market and then home again.

I topped up my oyster and finally found some plain, un-tinted lip balm, I've been searching for ages and finally saw it. £1.40 which isn't bad really.

When I get back, my whole body feels as though it is locked up. The pain is starting to spread and my back feels stiff and sore.

I shuffle around and end up walking like Frankenstein because my body is now so tired and tense that it just wants to rest and let the pain subside.

I just took the easy route and put my hair in a pony tail. I'm not sure if Iceland sells it but nothing came up in the search. Alright now it is time to clear my conscience...

I don't think I have talked about this before but forgive me if I have. Even though I have been stood up a bunch of times and it really knocks your confidence....

I actually did that, not once but twice, to two different guys. Now before you point and glare and scream at me for being heartless......

Let me explain the circumstances. The first time it happened, I was seventeen and nobody had ever asked me out before. He was late twenties and cute and nobody my age, was interested.

I think since I was 14/15yrs old. I was beginning to be noticed by older men, never anyone younger or the same age, which I thought was a bit strange and a bit sad but that's life.

I thought to myself I need an ice breaker. One guy to start me off and get my confidence going. He wasn't ideal but he had a pulse.

(Oops forgot to point out I was 17yrs old at this point). 

However when the evening wore on, I just felt completely unprepared and out of my depth. I ran all these wild ridiculous scenarios in my head and talked myself out of it.

I'm not sure if I had a phone at that point. I don't honestly think we swapped numbers. We had just arranged to meet somewhere and go to the movies.

I felt really bad but then on the other hand, I was trying to justify it saying, well he should be dating women his own damn age lol.

Anyway after a couple of days passed I dug up some courage and visited his workplace. A fashion boutique store. He was really annoyed but he insisted we try again or maybe I did..

Who can remember?? I was still a wreck but I thought I'm sure I'll relax eventually and I did. It was strange though. He kept trying to reach for my bag..

Then at anything remotely suggestive, he covered my eyes. The movie was horrendous. It was Get Shorty. I'll never forget it because I was falling asleep and so was he.

Then suddenly about half way, he says come on, I have to go home now. I'll drive you home but bear in mind. I do not have a valid licence.

I just gave him the most peculiar look and said I would walk home or get the bus. I'm not about to get into a car with someone who hasn't passed their damn test.

Plus I just had this sixth sense that he just wanted to drive me somewhere remote and make a proper move and I was not interested at all at this point.

He seemed really outraged that I wouldn't get in the car, which proved my point. I remember he kept trying to hold my hand, lean on my shoulder and it was as though he was forcing comfortability/intimacy upon me.

Trying to fast track it, which just unnerved me completely. I shrugged him off repeatedly. I can't just be made to feel something that I do not.

As for the second one, he and I had been texting and calling for months I think and decided to meet up. We didn't swap photos but descriptions.

I turned up and he was nothing like he had described. Different build, different hair colour. It just completely floored me.

I was just thinking why would you lie about the basics and what else are you deceiving me about? I should have just confronted him and said my peace...

But that's not really my style so before he clocked it was me. Actually truth be told, he texted and asked if that was me and I said no and left.

That was quite horrible of me. I just wasn't in the mood to have a screaming match in public. I felt horribly guilty and know I would never do that again to someone, no matter the circumstances.

Try not to hate me, I'm just a flawed person but I can hold my hand up and own up to them. I did wrong and I'm sorry that doesn't make it right but it's something.