#BlogLife114 - Dating confessions

How are all you doing? Here in the UK, the weather is crazy, I go from shivering to boiling hot in the blink of an eye. It started off raining and then the sun was beaming in the sky.

I decided to get up early and run errands. My mind went totally blank though. I was wearing this orangey/yellow flamey flowy top and dark purple trousers.

I didn't have time to do my makeup. The buses were running out of whack, it is normally supposed to be every ten minutes but it was twice that and even then, it kept changing so I wanted to hustle and have a quick trip to the market and then home again.

I topped up my oyster and finally found some plain, un-tinted lip balm, I've been searching for ages and finally saw it. £1.40 which isn't bad really.

When I get back, my whole body feels as though it is locked up. The pain is starting to spread and my back feels stiff and sore.

I shuffle around and end up walking like Frankenstein because my body is now so tired and tense that it just wants to rest and let the pain subside.

I just took the easy route and put my hair in a pony tail. I'm not sure if Iceland sells it but nothing came up in the search. Alright now it is time to clear my conscience...

I don't think I have talked about this before but forgive me if I have. Even though I have been stood up a bunch of times and it really knocks your confidence....

I actually did that, not once but twice, to two different guys. Now before you point and glare and scream at me for being heartless......

Let me explain the circumstances. The first time it happened, I was seventeen and nobody had ever asked me out before. He was late twenties and cute and nobody my age, was interested.

I think since I was 14/15yrs old. I was beginning to be noticed by older men, never anyone younger or the same age, which I thought was a bit strange and a bit sad but that's life.

I thought to myself I need an ice breaker. One guy to start me off and get my confidence going. He wasn't ideal but he had a pulse.

(Oops forgot to point out I was 17yrs old at this point). 

However when the evening wore on, I just felt completely unprepared and out of my depth. I ran all these wild ridiculous scenarios in my head and talked myself out of it.

I'm not sure if I had a phone at that point. I don't honestly think we swapped numbers. We had just arranged to meet somewhere and go to the movies.

I felt really bad but then on the other hand, I was trying to justify it saying, well he should be dating women his own damn age lol.

Anyway after a couple of days passed I dug up some courage and visited his workplace. A fashion boutique store. He was really annoyed but he insisted we try again or maybe I did..

Who can remember?? I was still a wreck but I thought I'm sure I'll relax eventually and I did. It was strange though. He kept trying to reach for my bag..

Then at anything remotely suggestive, he covered my eyes. The movie was horrendous. It was Get Shorty. I'll never forget it because I was falling asleep and so was he.

Then suddenly about half way, he says come on, I have to go home now. I'll drive you home but bear in mind. I do not have a valid licence.

I just gave him the most peculiar look and said I would walk home or get the bus. I'm not about to get into a car with someone who hasn't passed their damn test.

Plus I just had this sixth sense that he just wanted to drive me somewhere remote and make a proper move and I was not interested at all at this point.

He seemed really outraged that I wouldn't get in the car, which proved my point. I remember he kept trying to hold my hand, lean on my shoulder and it was as though he was forcing comfortability/intimacy upon me.

Trying to fast track it, which just unnerved me completely. I shrugged him off repeatedly. I can't just be made to feel something that I do not.

As for the second one, he and I had been texting and calling for months I think and decided to meet up. We didn't swap photos but descriptions.

I turned up and he was nothing like he had described. Different build, different hair colour. It just completely floored me.

I was just thinking why would you lie about the basics and what else are you deceiving me about? I should have just confronted him and said my peace...

But that's not really my style so before he clocked it was me. Actually truth be told, he texted and asked if that was me and I said no and left.

That was quite horrible of me. I just wasn't in the mood to have a screaming match in public. I felt horribly guilty and know I would never do that again to someone, no matter the circumstances.

Try not to hate me, I'm just a flawed person but I can hold my hand up and own up to them. I did wrong and I'm sorry that doesn't make it right but it's something.