#BlogLife742 - Avoid me? Self red tagged and flagged

Good evening or morning, depending on the time you're reading this but actually it's the afternoony.

Last night I was watching asmr youtubey videos to relax before bed and I saw one about types of people to avoid dating.

And curious me, thought, I bet some of my traits are listed and low and behold they were.

Someone said avoid the friendless, just because they are loners that's no excuse not to socialise, everyone needs people around them or some nonsense...

I only have online and not real world friends and that's based on all the experiences that I've had, surrounded by users out for themselves and their needs.

I think that's a huge assumption, all of us independents are needy and attention seeking and don't have people skills because we don't have fans around us.

Alright to play Devil's advocate I have spoken to a wide array of people and some are like that, but not all.

So am I to be avoided? I personally don't think so. I'm just careful about what information I share and the speed at which I'm comfortable around strangers.

I do concede I have an excess amount of baggage. The need to feel physically and emotionally safe in my sociable surroundings.

The need to limit any physical touch because I would be on edge, the whole evening.

I'd like to be able to set boundaries and not receive a disgusted look.

I don't want to be forced into a hug or kiss or to tell my life story or personal details.

Those things should flow naturally or not at all. When everyone is relaxed and intrigued and having a good time.

Why must things go at lightning speed? Why do I always feel pressured?

Why can't I be myself, without someone push, push, pushing me?

The lack of patience is off-putting and surprise surprise, not all of us are the same!!

Anyway had to get that off my chest and last night was a disaster.

I had been so careful with my lenses. I had only one contact lens left and no spares.

I was taking it out and getting ready for bed. I thought I had screwed the lid down, after I had placed it inside.

But nope I didn't and as I tipped the case, the lens flew somewhere mysteriously.

I used the phone light and squinted and felt the bed but no sign of it.

In the morning, where there was more natural light, once again I scoured the area and no joy.

You need your bloody contacts lenses in, to see properly. There is very lil hope of finding them without it.

I am down to wearing my glasses. I have one pair and it's so weird to use them.

I'm allergic to wearing them for one. My ears have this burning sensation after a while.

Luckily today is fine, although I am getting a headache. Plus ugh, I forgot how much I have to push them up my nose.

They always slide down ugh! Then there is the overall vision loss, which is 50% worse with glasses.

It's almost like someone has smeared gloopy liquid on them, you can still see, but not well.

Whereas contact lens, give the most freedom and clarity and sharpness.

It's not a perfect solution, where the short-sightedness no longer bothers me, I still struggle to see far away, signs, buses etc.

But it's the best that my eyes can be. Where I am, there are two buses that are similar.

Let's say it is 00 and 01. I can't tell them apart until they are almost nearly in front of me.

With the glasses, I am not even sure I will be able to see it at all.

Makeup is going to be tricky and the brow wax strips, I'm not sure how I can do that with my glasses in the way.

That also means no sunglasses protecting my sensitive eyes and when the sun is shining brightly, I can't see in front of me at all.

Will the spares ever arrive, it's now been 6 weeks. What if I am stuck like this having partial vision??

What if the glasses break or I lose them? That would mean blindness.

I can only make out shapes, not details. I have no backup so I feel uneasy.

I keep wanting to take them off, it's just so unnatural wearing them longterm.

I raced to get contacts as soon as I was 16yr and I think it still took a while.

As much as they burn my eyes, and sting them and are uncomfy, I would not survive without them.

Getting contacts was almost like seeing for the first time. I miss that :(

#BlogLife621 - I'm now a non foodie

How are you doing? I do hope the break was revitalising. I'm hoping the worst of the pmt has passed.

This morning, had a few hours of sleep but the night was extremely painful crampages.

I had to google some remedies, hot drinks were recommended as were clary sage oil and lavender essential oils.

I think I still have clary sage at home. I didn't really fancy hot chocolate so as weird as this sounds I made plain hot water and sipped that and then balanced it on my tum tum.

I could have put vimto or orange juice inside the cup but it just had no appeal.

I seem to only like the simple basics currently, ready salted crisps, egg toasties, water etc but not fish, beef or chicken.

I even tried to have some poppadom pieces for breakfast but they were too flavourful and upset my belly.

At least Mama's almost fully mended now, just the lethargy continues.

She's integrating back into her routine slowly. It makes me laugh that she's told everyone about her covid status.

That's something I would probably keep private. Regarding the cramps, what finally helped aside from the hot water, heating blankie on my stomach..

Was rest and listening to binaural beats videos, specifically targeted at menstrual cramps and periods.

It's still peculiar to not have a craving. I don't feel like the foodie I am.

My brain is like, eat a proper meal and my tum is saying, I can't handle it and I don't want to waste any food.

I had been looking forward to the fizzy drinks and the savoury dishes and Mama's been patient and asking what I would like.

And all I can say is nothing, I'm eating to survive but that's it. I guess I'm slightly worried that when I'm normal again, I might limit my meals for weight loss but I hope not.

I'm already overall consuming less food and snacking routinely but still dropping the pounds and stones.

But food and me have been through a lot so I will have to keep an eye out.

Usually because I only eat what I'm in the mood for and have learned to appreciate that and without the enjoyment, I question why I bother?

I know for sure I'm fed up with being constantly full as though I've swallowed a basketball.

I want to go back to savouring my treats and general meals. It's only 11.17pm on a Friday night and suddenly I'm not tired.

I am enjoying this film though with Jane Seymour, Perfectly Prudence.

A comedy, a reunited love interest and being pushed out of your comfort zone.

It's old but entertaining. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one.

It surprises me that Mama has no sushi, italian or mexican restaurant choices nearby.

I mean the authentic stuff, not the experimental versions and she's now into pasta ha.

She used to hate it, well possibly not loathe it but she didn't find it appealing.

I guess we all change from time to time. I'm still not sure when to leave, could be this weekend or Monday at the latest.

On Saturday I started to feel a lot more human, meals seemed more bearable.

I had a greek salad with olives and lemon drizzle that tasted great, plus some french fries and one chicken wing, ha.

I just wanted side dishes, no mains. Today, Sunday night, well Monday really as it's 1.17am..

I went back to being bloated, cramping and lots of physical pain, my lower back was in agony. Ugh!!

As it was the last day though I didn't want to hole up in the guest room with a soothing heated blankie, I opted to stay and keep Mama company.

We watched reruns of Keeping Up Appearances and laughed at the lunatic situations she got herself in.

I'm annoyed with myself as although I had a great rest, I stood up to re-align my right lens that was in the wrong position.

Normally I cup my hand to catch it or just lean back on the bed,and blink or move my eyes around to  rectify it..

But nope I stood in front of the mirror, it fell somewhere and we couldn't retrieve it, grr.

So I am only wearing one lens, I hope I have a spare at home. It feels blurry.

I don't feel like doing a huge Iceland shop so maybe a mini Zoom is better until I feel hungrier.