#BlogLife808 - False recovery

Well the Marks stuff is with the courier Evri so I guess that will be here this week.

I aimed to have lighter bags but they will be heavy with all the shopping I've done.

But I do love good quality and savings so it is worth it. I had some vegan sushi today.

Nothing fancy just cucumber, carrot, mushroom, red cabbage and something spicy ha, but not overpowering.

It's maybe not something I would have chosen but it was soft and seasoned nicely.

'm very tired and sluggish but I thought maybe there is 1 last post in me, before the year bids us farewell.

The Marks stuff ended up arriving this morning so that was handy as it predicted a long delivery date.

The cough and rib pain was really lessening but today it has returned with a vengeance, lots more coughing and pains.

It's frustrating, like I've gotten a re-chill. I don't think I can fully get back to normal here.

I'm not comfy, the pain is sharp and it's too cold. I feel guilty about using the heater or blankie but I'm shivering.

I have cramps and I'm craving chocolate and now that I've stopped the monthly, I wonder if it's restarting.

I'm going to be heading home either this weekend or early Monday

In one way it's a relief to be home relaxing.

In another sense, the company was good and it was fun, watching old comedies.

I'm still dreading Tuesday's video appointment but I guess I will go with the flow or be marked as absent if it doesn't work.

I've been adding lil tidbits to this post but I just feel wretched. Very low energy and now I am back home, I'm desperately trying to warm up.

The blankie is being a pain and hardly giving any heat, the boiler is I hope, warming the place slowly, I can't be bothered to get up and check but I hear it clanking away.

I did really want to nap as I got back about an hour ago and really struggled not only getting out of the cab but carrying all the luggage.

The overnight bag that was packed to the brim, the laptop case full of chargers, the handbag and an extra carrier bag because nothing else would fit.

Mama was trying to make me carry some food back but I kept declining.

It's irritating to have the same bloody argument especially when I'm extra ill.

My period is coming on every other day. My gums have turned really tender so I can't eat or drink at the moment.

Which suits me because I've lost my appetite a bit. I'm treating it with clove essential oil, peppermint oil, binaural beats, salt water rinses, mouthwash and that's it.

My voice is cracking and disappearing. I still have the persistent cough, runny nose and feel generally weak and tired.

I don't want to do much except lie down. I'm going to leave the heating on high, well high to me at 2.2.

I usually have it on 2 and that's enough for winter, probably until late tonight.

I am shivering like crazy. It's really tempting to climb into my duvet but my bed is full and I probably wouldn't climb out of it, until nighttime where I wouldn't sleep.

Surprisingly, unlike the weatherman's warnings, there isn't snow here, woop.

I didn't want to walk in that. At Mama's side, she said she saw frost on the ground but because the rain hit hard, it washed it all away.

I hope I didn't give Mama my germs she was coughing a bit but not really sneezing.

It doesn't feel appropriate to say it but I felt compelled too. Mama said she's gonna visit to see her only Grandson in person, maybe in March.

It worries me though. I think he will threaten her or blackmail her for cash or even physically harm her.

I can't say don't go but I did say be careful. He's capable of great harm, emotional and/or physical and she's going to be trapped in his home.

I hope that I'm worrying for no reason and that for once, he'll treat her with respect but it's been a lifetime of evil abuse that she makes excuses for and brushes under the carpet.

She may forgive and forget, I will never feel safe.

This is going to sound selfish, as usual but I need to concentrate on healing myself.

I want to feel better because if I don't, I'm going to stay in bed for days and not do anything productive.

At least tomorrow I have that stupid UC appointment so I have to be up and ready for that, although it's not set for the morning.

I can sleep in a bit, although I'm stressing about how to set up the video part.

I don't think I'll buy groceries yet, until I can eat or drink without wincing.

Oh it's a shame that when we ordered the Chinese wings, noodles and rice, they robbed me of the 15% discount.

I had to waste the leftovers, my mouth was on fire a bit. I want to keep it clean and clear for a day or two.

Plus the other thing putting me off food, aside from pmt, it normally decreases the appetite at first.

Was the pressure to eat constantly as she had cooked or had leftovers or kept buying excess that I struggled to consume.

But sometimes I had small portions not because I wanted too but because I felt I had too.

And I worked really hard to only eat when I feel like it and when it appeals to me.

So now I'm going to have a break from it. I appreciate she wanted to treat me but being ill, I didn't fancy much so I dreaded her mentioning meal times.

At least she has the neighbours and friends to give the food too.

They love when she cooks. I just can't manage it and the running joke seemed to be, this time, halfway through the day, when I said, is it bedtime yet..?

As I'm falling asleep. I need peace and quiet and then tomorrow I'll do laundry, unblock the sink and possibly feel more human.