Hmm, I just blew up at P. I feel like I'm all over the place with stress and pmt symptoms and the rest..
P is most chatty when we flirt. He never initiates a phone call any other time, to say Hi, How are you doing?
It's never a thought of let me call her during the day, maybe lunchtime, surprise her.
I've had others do that for a routine chat, despite being busy.
Sometimes I think he's all about his needs. Anyway I realised I felt tired early and he calls out of the blue..
It just vexed me so much and then he says what he always does, Oh it can be normal..
So this time I lost it and said No, consider chats off the table.
It's what pisses me off about you. You never want a phone chat any other time to catch up.
He hasn't responded and he can call it a normal chat but then he always, always flirts after a while.
We aren't an item, just acquaintances but damn I still want someone to be concerned, check up on me.
Say they missed me, wanted to hear about any updates..
It'll be interesting to hear what excuse he makes tomorrow..
It reinforces the belief, nobody cares. It's me, myself and I.
We don't argue so how will he handle confrontation? Today, still nothing.
Over text he is more inquisitiveness, asking me about my day. I can't fault him for that.
I think the other thing which put me off, was him asking, Do you like the idea of me coming to your place??
No, no, no! He knows I have trust issues. Why would you even say that to me?
If he didn't make me feel as though I ran a flirty hotline, he could have call privileges returned but he does.
My tastes have changed again, I'm going off fish, which I love and craving more beef.
I wanted it to be the other way around but I can't force myself to eat cod and salmon when it doesn't appeal.
I'm still not volunteering for the moment, I miss the acquaintances I made but I just feel stressed and there's aggravated pain which is constant.
I'm not working on the stories either, I just can't seem to fix my brain and make it function.
P eventually apologised and what makes me laugh is that he's not remotely flirty now ha.
He doesn't get where I'm coming from at all and I can't explain it anymore clearer.
I don't mind over familiarity but treat me like a person, not an object. I do have feelings.
Oh there's another store added on the Too Good To Go app but it's a late night wine and grocery place, maybe 10 or 15minutes walk.
Which I used to go too, more when I first moved in for snacks or top ups before the days of Ocado Zoom.
But it's too far for me, just the process of emptying the bins, the other day, completely zapped me of all energy, I was fine before that.
I keep worrying about losing my independence and not being able to do things because not a single soul I know, who is reliable or helpful.
I just have to keep figuring things out, keep struggling, keep trying to keep my head up..
While I physically and emotionally decline.
Tomorrow is the UC appointment, I hope I get a good nights sleep and am able to pop into that mini Tesco and pick up lunch.
I'm not sure I will bother with anywhere else, apart from to get some samosas or the wrap..
