#BlogLife1087 - Heatwave or pmt making me nauseated

I've just finished the Simple face wash that dried out my skin and now I am onto the Garnier Vitamin C cleanser.

That lasted me just over a month.

Umm, it's not what I thought it would be. There is no scent sadly, I expected a lovely citrus, but nothing.

I also assumed it would be a gel but no, it's a yellow thickish cream, ok, let's go with it..

I put it on the face brush and spun it, it didn't lather and sat heavy on my skin, maybe my face or the brush wasn't wet enough?

But when I rinsed it off, easilyish enough, my face felt deeply cleaned and really soft.

It's only the first use and I don't need a moisturiser but I applied it anyway and that felt extra refreshing.

Hmm it does not play nicely with the face brush, I have to stop using it with it.

It keeps going into my eyes, and they are already sensitive so I am better off mixing it with water, softening it and then scrubbing my face with it by hand.

I cannot afford to damage my eyes before I put my contact lenses on or even while they are in.

What do I now, which isn't ideal, is to apply directly on my face and then use the face brush afterwards.

It's not really satisfying that way but sometimes it does lather up, the end result is the same, soft smooth skin.

A few faint pimples but I think the dryness has gone, although the cause, might be from something else I was using.....

We shall see how long it lasts and if I still like it, later on.. Now what to have for brekkie/lunchy?

That triangle baklava/baklawa might be my favourite, lil syrupy, very nutty mush flavour.

Ahh the plain one, the second one I tried was a lil dry, so finally a flaw, but it's a nice selection for the price.

I'm starting to think it's worth the £2.50. I'm sure when it was introduced it was double that price, maybe no-one bought, so they lowered it and it's going down like hotcakes now..

I feel like I'm getting more messages on 7 Cups, now that I've written I'm not taking on chats.... What??

I even had one today, that I already politely responded to with, sorry I'm not available and they ignored me and said Hi, again...

WTF!! I hate rude people! How do you not respect someone being nice and well mannered to you?

I didn't respond. If you want to be a fool to me, I'll treat you the same way!

Talking of fools, I blocked P, 3ish days of being ghosted, I think that was generous, for me to wait this long.

It might not seem long but feels like an eternity waiting. Meh..

I gave chances but for whatever reasons he continued to ignore me, so be it.

#BlogLife1085 - Call to zero....

What is the big deal about calls? The new random seems freaked out about them too.....

Yeesh does noone have balls anymore? I know it's a dealbreaker. 

Sorry effeminate voices do nothing for me but why agree and then back out..?

Why not just say, Could you give more time or I'm not ready, I'm worried how I'll be perceived....

But nothing. Yesterday P (good grief not a J, at long last, yay), said Oh I simply forgot, but proceeded to have a lengthy text session...

Hmm all that could have been done on a call, in which you could have said, You know what, it's a weekday, can it be brief..?

And I would have said, it's disappointing but I understand, rest is important..

Then he said, Tomorrow midday, I'll call or you can text/call to remind me....

Guess what, it's 1.30pm...... He abruptly left the text session last night, did he fall asleep.....?

Or was it because I said, I really don't have much of a heart to give really...

I didn't explain further and he didn't ask. I texted about 1pm and what makes it worse....

He said, contact me anytime because I'll be available and now it feels like a ghost....

And I trust my instincts and knew something was off, men aren't clever...

So as of today Wednesday 12.45pm, still haven't heard a thing and the text was read and delivered.

The funny thing also and as soon as I heard it thought, that's just weird...

Was him saying, the first call will be Midday (yesterday) and the next will be Wednesday at 7am!!!

Who on earth calls someone at 7am? That they barely know??? I said There's no chance of that, I'll be busy.

But was this whole thing, a planned waste of time? Did he set out to bs me?

I don't get it, and I don't respect him for it. Yes I did like him, we talked about alsorts, not just light and fluffy.

I never pressured him for a call, just asked what he thought, I never forced him to accept.

I'm not going to chase, I made the effort and maybe later he'll have the guts to explain himself, but for right now I'm busy..

I wonder if it's bs syndrome.... Where they assume by saying the things women want to hear....

That they can snowball her, get her to believe it and when she/I don't....

When I'm still reserved and sceptical and holding back, like any sensible woman would take it slow...

They up and disappear? Because he said, He doesn't want or need anyone....

That he wishes I could believe that. But men do eventually need women.

I've never heard a man say, Yep, swearing off women, gonna be alone forever...

The way I proclaim it... He was saying, I haven't met the right guy... Pfft...

And that he's gonna take care of me, spoil me, blah blah..

At least I can say, I'm always upfront. I tell them, I'm not looking for anything..

I won't do meets or picswaps. I'm not gonna fall for them or unlikely to get attached....

And they are all accepting of these facts..... Until time passes and they assume.... What???

They can swoop in and save me from myself? Oh purleaseee.

Not one of them are ever patient, to give me time to work through it, or explain my hesitations....

I think either tomorrow or Friday I will block him, because I have a strong feeling, nothing dramatic has happened, he's not busy with work or family or friends....

He's just not interested and is a classic liar. Yes the way he got defensive about me not immediately believing him, was very telling...

Good guys don't shove it down your throat, they are decent, they let their actions and consistencies, speak for themselves.

Remember that lesson!!

Of course I'll update if there is any developments, but there won't be...

It's just nonsense..... You cannot, well you can, but it's much much harder to scheme on a call...

Insincerity tends to come out in someone's voice.... That's why calls are important and when someone resists...

What are they hiding? (I'm over my mopey session I had yesterday) ha.

For every person that doesn't want you, 10 more queue up to take their place.

I don't believe in soulmates but I do believe there are several people mean't for every individual..

It just takes some luck to hopefully cross paths, some are more fortunate than others :)

Being a spinster, isn't the end of the world, there are other ways to be fulfilled....

Like sharing your tales with others :)

Ugh I changed before I remembered I would do a same day Iceland order, luckily I just made the deadline and it's 2.30pm-4pm.

The community event outside is 1-3pm. I don't give a damn, I'm exhausted and sore.

The UC advisor kept me waiting for half an hour so my body was all stiff.

It made me inwardly roar with laughter that she was pissed to have to come down the stairs.

Why didn't you answer your phone? I'll confess here, the real reason.....

One you could have arranged a phone appointment prior to today that would have saved me a lot of physical pain...

But you are selfish, so you did not! Or you could have referred me to anybody else but you did not.

To you, my time is there to be wasted!

Secondly, I traipsed all the way down here, you're going to see me..

Thirdly I don't hear well or am received clearly outdoors on the phone, that's why I don't bother.

I told her, I didn't hear it. I didn't think it was pertinent to add, the phone is always kept on mute ha.

I just remembered something, wasn't the whole point of switching advisors, to been seen downstairs, to avoid the stairs?

They can't even keep up with their lies. Twits!

I feel no guilt and it's time to eat some pasta.

Today's ensemble as it was warm but windy. A black long top and over it a short sleeved purple tshirt.

Followed by brown trousers. The one thing about hair that is so fun as a woman, is flipping it.

I've missed that. It's so much fun. It's doubtful as it's no longer the morning..

But I hope G delivers my groceries, my back is hurting. We'll see..

#BlogLife1045 - Rice on the face?

I have just used up the last of the L'Oreal face wash and now I am onto the Bioaqua rice raw pulp cleanser.

It doesn't seem scented which is a minus point for me, it's thick but not heavy, my face felt super soft afterwards.

It's not suiting direct application on the face brush, it comes out too thickly and went all over my clothes instead of the brush, not a great first impression.

The second time was better but next time will apply it to my hands first and then my face.

I'll let you know how long it lasts and if I notice any side effects or positives during April.

I'm ticked off! My double period has finished and yet my tum is just cramping and bloated which worries me.

Is there going to be a third? Ugh give me a break from the pain ffs.

I still feel really off, if it's not tummy pain, my back is hurting so I haven't felt like doing much this Easter weekend.

I have the UC meeting on Wednesday and decided I will treat myself to pakoras and a wrap.

Possibly some fresh orange juice and snacks too but I can barely walk and function so it all depends on the pain intensity and energy levels plus if I feel nauseated.

I'm just going to order food instead. I'm also craving rotis but I'm not sure where to get that from.

Ugh Mama told me to use the Cex site voucher, what a horrible page it is.

It doesn't recognise low to high. I don't think the products are new and I chose a few items and when she clicked, they didn't come up.

So I had to search again, 20 pages on the phone because it won't load on the laptop grr.

But I found 4x earbuds, she just said, use it all up, so I sent her the brand names and descriptions and hopefully it will come up on the first page.

So that's my Christmas/Birthday present sorted. If they work I can chuck away an old headphone set that isn't lasting long.

I'm going to wipe them or use the alcohol sanitiser before I wear them.

I'm not in a hurry so will probably get them in summer. I bought me and Mama some protein tablets, I think we are both running out, only 3x month supply left and they are super expensive but useful.

I've written some drafts but I'm not posting this weekend. Tuesday it will be normal but the pain is crushing me and I don't want to do any editing or add anything.

I'm really not in the mood. At least I'm getting chunks of sleep, but all day cramps is ridiculous.

So I got back not long ago and this 3rd period, has stopped I think but the cramps and nausea are too much.

I was late for the UC appointment, of course the buses were delayed and it was so hard to stand.

Was I insane? Did I really think I could go to multiple places feeling this wrecked?

I just quickly browsed my international store for orange juice, cashew nuts and these cake or biscuit things, that were new. I put a picture on Twitter, foodie reviews when I can stomach eating again..

Ugh my tummmmm. I had some KFC and then the rest is for later or tomorrow.

It's the first time I had to put my sunnies on. It wasn't that cold really, I probably didn't need a jacket, just layers.

A weird thing happened at the bus stop. Oh before that the UC was uneventful, didn't wait too long and no condescension today.

Yea so I was sitting down waiting, and this young teen female I would say was just listening to music and dancing.

I didn't think anything of it, to each their own but this mature man, in his 40s/50s...

Felt he had to comment and I felt really icky about it. I don't know if he was filming or took a picture but it made my skin crawl.

He wasn't creepy, he just said It's nice that you're being carefree and dancing and spreading joy.

Now I was glued to my phone but kinda aware and I just kept thinking, Leave the girl alone because you should know better.

And as soon as he made that comment she stopped and probably felt self conscious.

But when he left, she resumed. Maybe I'm overreacting. There was just a lot of interest from very old men when I was lil and it just seems highly inappropriate!!

If you see someone young doing their own thing, Why do you feel the need to bother them?

Yuckkkkkk! She did take it as a compliment but I think if he crossed the line. I would have been livid and shouted at him, to leave her be.

I felt protective. Maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe it is innocent..?

But it feels so wrong and that's how it starts, something that can be taken either way and why was he even at the bus stop, when it wasn't his stop?

That means he followed her there, but people were around. Hell I'm sure there are cameras recording also.

Ick!

Oh there's a new random but as I just sent a picture this morning and there's been zero response, I think new P has lost interest, of course, could be busy with work too.

I just wanted to get it over and done with. He's really funny, not as tall as I'd like but very well mannered and approachable.

I asked him a technical question about one of my stories..... Wow I got it soo soo wrong.

I didn't confess it was about his professional aspect. It's too embarrassing.

I thought I would have the energy to take out the bins but nope, can barely stand without pain so that can wait too.

#BlogLife1031 - Goodbye.. To you and you and you :)

It's time, Ogl has left Looney Toons and that's sad, we begun to have some laughs about the game.

Then I texted P to say we should part company, nothing personal and that I will block his number tonight.

I sacrifice my needs in acquaintanceships, pretend it's ok, but it's not, it never is.

I don't know if he'll respond, I don't care. He had to have seen this coming, last year I think I warned him that at some point I might step away and he said, Let him know first, so I did.

L stopped talking as well, at least she has an excuse, lots of stuff going on with her.

I don't blame her but I want someone I can talk too, even if it's superficial, at times.

I can't be myself. I can never just let go and trust someone will be there at the other end because they never are.

It's only here that I can reveal stuff but even then, I don't always want to share, however I do have the option still..

P responded with take care, thanks for letting him know. Now I can block in peace.

Time to stop faffing about and continue with the stories, if they turn out crap, so be it..

At least I'll enjoy re-reading them, some have reverted back to drafts, unfinished shouldn't be published.

I did actually add more to the Christmas story. I have a strong feeling I'm going to change directions with it.

I am determined that this December it will be ready to be seen. No more putting it off.

I have a feeling the Wattpad stories are slowly generating more interest also, which makes me feel guilty for neglecting them too.

Well confusing times because Mama said she already got the fudge and she likes it.

(I bought a cheaper version, Oh yea it was by Amazon ha, strange but ok).

Also the lip balms, which are not out for delivery, hmm, something came today, no idea..

Face washes, top and nightie left to turn up. I've found a new way to stop overcooking the rolls.

I used to leave them in the press to stay warm but by the time the chicken and burgers are cooked, it turns too hard.

Now I've lightly browned them and switched off the press and laid them wrapped up on top of it, so maybe it will stay warm but it won't get too hard, perfect.

For some reason I fancied the coleslaw before I bought it and now I have it, it doesn't appeal.

I'm still eating it but for low calorie, it seems very creamy.. I'm running out of snacks.

I could either do a shop on Thursday morning because Friday is the UC appointment or Saturday morning..

It will probably be Thursday, so I can stock up. I've no idea what to buy..

The new series of The Buccaneers started, I have no idea when and I don't even remember the original plot, who is who, so it's a bit confusing, I'll have to rewatch season 1.

I read and speak to so many people about loneliness and I'm glad I don't feel that way.

Yea sometimes I want a chitchat but aside from that, I'm okay as I am in my own lil castle.

I just cut my hair, so it's supposedly even now. I don't know if I should buy a skirt, it's getting warmer, I still feel too on display..

Dresses look funny because my waist goes in, tummy sticks out. I feel kinda lumpy, despite being a lil trimmer.

At least a long top covers me up. I always wear long sleeves, I never show my arms or legs anymore.

I'm a mind, I'm a personality, I'm not just a body, I would appreciate being seen that way.

#BlogLife966 - I let him have it

Hmm, I just blew up at P. I feel like I'm all over the place with stress and pmt symptoms and the rest..

P is most chatty when we flirt. He never initiates a phone call any other time, to say Hi, How are you doing?

It's never a thought of let me call her during the day, maybe lunchtime, surprise her.

I've had others do that for a routine chat, despite being busy.

Sometimes I think he's all about his needs. Anyway I realised I felt tired early and he calls out of the blue..

It just vexed me so much and then he says what he always does, Oh it can be normal..

So this time I lost it and said No, consider chats off the table.

It's what pisses me off about you. You never want a phone chat any other time to catch up.

He hasn't responded and he can call it a normal chat but then he always, always flirts after a while.

We aren't an item, just acquaintances but damn I still want someone to be concerned, check up on me.

Say they missed me, wanted to hear about any updates..

It'll be interesting to hear what excuse he makes tomorrow..

It reinforces the belief, nobody cares. It's me, myself and I.

We don't argue so how will he handle confrontation? Today, still nothing.

Over text he is more inquisitiveness, asking me about my day. I can't fault him for that.

I think the other thing which put me off, was him asking, Do you like the idea of me coming to your place??

No, no, no! He knows I have trust issues. Why would you even say that to me?

If he didn't make me feel as though I ran a flirty hotline, he could have call privileges returned but he does.

My tastes have changed again, I'm going off fish, which I love and craving more beef.

I wanted it to be the other way around but I can't force myself to eat cod and salmon when it doesn't appeal.

I'm still not volunteering for the moment, I miss the acquaintances I made but I just feel stressed and there's aggravated pain which is constant.

I'm not working on the stories either, I just can't seem to fix my brain and make it function.

P eventually apologised and what makes me laugh is that he's not remotely flirty now ha.

He doesn't get where I'm coming from at all and I can't explain it anymore clearer.

I don't mind over familiarity but treat me like a person, not an object. I do have feelings.

Oh there's another store added on the Too Good To Go app but it's a late night wine and grocery place, maybe 10 or 15minutes walk.

Which I used to go too, more when I first moved in for snacks or top ups before the days of Ocado Zoom.

But it's too far for me, just the process of emptying the bins, the other day, completely zapped me of all energy, I was fine before that.

I keep worrying about losing my independence and not being able to do things because not a single soul I know, who is reliable or helpful.

I just have to keep figuring things out, keep struggling, keep trying to keep my head up..

While I physically and emotionally decline.

Tomorrow is the UC appointment, I hope I get a good nights sleep and am able to pop into that mini Tesco and pick up lunch.

I'm not sure I will bother with anywhere else, apart from to get some samosas or the wrap..

#BlogLife457 - I want to curl my lashes

I was hoping the one day period was over for the month but nope I started and stopped today too.

It can't make up it's mind, irritating. I don't feel sicky or crampy though, that helps, just freezing cold, sniffly and absolutely no energy at all.

I have been getting blocks of sleep and napping during the day which is immensely satisfying but it throws me off too as the day is half gone and I'm only being productive now.

I finally got to pay a bill that was overdue and I'm still waiting for the damn flannel to come. Yeesh. Fast postage my butt!!

Oh I saw P last night lol. The first thing he said before I even spoke was I'm so sorry I fell asleep last night haha.

I gave him a hard time because I think that's hurtful when you're speaking to someone for ages and then they just disappear without a word.

I cracked up though when he said he woke up clutching his phone and wondering why I was offline at 3am!!

Dope haha! The last message was at 2am, even though we both promised to have an early night but nope stayed talking for hours again.

It's been 4 days of consecutive conversations, that's nuts. Anyway now he knows to say goodnight before he dozes off :D

Ooh I finally completed the BodyCare order. I spoke to Mama to see if she wanted anything.

She's planning another trip somewhere with a friend. I can never remember she trots off globally so much ha.

She just wanted some sun protection cream and I bought her a bottle that wasn't on sale but I don't care.

I brought more of the Addiction Gold aftershave as a present. I bought another lip mask for me.

I realised that my Christmas perfume is now sadly finished so I needed another mist which works out soo much cheaper and lasts way longer than perfumes.

I saw a whole of body mists, they are probably knock offs which is fine with me, honestly as long as they smell nice.

They had a Rihanna and Sarah Jessica Parker but mostly it was littered with Britney Spears.

I have never tried any of the above, the mists I have seen are 237ml which is an odd number but cost £7 which is amazing.

You compare that to the 50ml or 100ml perfumes which cost maybe £30-£50 and there is big savings right there and I bargain hunt for everything.

I read the ingredients and some didn't appeal, coconut and some other scent which I hate.

I decided on the Britney fake Midnight Fantasy. I assume they are phoneys I don't know for sure honestly.

Then I picked up some lotion and more mouthwash, oh and the clear mascara.

I've seen men with naturally curlier lashes than mine, they do not curl.

I'm so jealous, all mascara clumps and doesn't curl that much. I've tried for sensitive eyes, contact lens friendly, the combs but it's a horror show.

They sting my eyes, they clump together, they barely curl and they muddy my lenses.

I used to go out in the evenings and walk around half blind because I could barely see with mascara stuck to my lenses and I was afraid to take them out and clean them incase they blew away.

I could never wear eyeliner, that always freaked me out anyway ha.

It's 2023 and maybe they have improved the formula by now as I haven't worn it in years.

I'm hoping it arrives before Monday but we'll see, I'll upload some pictures on Twitter and let you know how it performs.

#BlogLife350 - Deja Boo

Afternoony readers!!

I hope you're all at peace. Even though I had pre-written posts, I can never publish until I've cleared my mind and created something new, especially when it's bubbling.

I'm sorry again for the tardiness but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I had very very very late night.

I probably didn't end up sleeping until 4ish and then I was up at 8ish in a shallow daze.

I had to go through the motions of waking up and then I was texting and munching but from lunchtime I crashed out and now feel human again.

I'm going through that strange feeling of deja vu, except it feels different and the same which is confusing me, let alone you.

P let's call him, had the same unique job as someone I had talked too a while back but I don't recall anything else and the number is different.

He doesn't recognise me at all, which is usually the other way around, they retain details and I'm clueless and nothing sticks in my mind.

I honestly don't know if it's the same person and I don't want to ask. I want to see how it unfolds.

My thing is to block numbers after it fizzles out to keep things tidy. I hate when someone texts a year later and doesn't introduce themselves ickity!!

The new one is a somewhat clone of me. He talks like me, uses my phrases, makes up lil stories/scenarios.

Has my weird humour. It's strange but amusing at the same time. I don't have a crush on him but he's interesting to converse with.

The voice is pleasant but not deep. I don't know if he'll last as he seems a lil insecure and I don't want to be propping up someone's ego when asked too..

He's also a writer and I guess he somewhat reminds me of MD. I think that's why I'm cautious.

MD reeled me in and seemed genuine and then lies unfolded and the games began.

Although I did speak to the 39yr old at home and I did hear a woman's voice which I quickly enquired about and it was..

Alexa lol, the voice assistant attached to the speaker products I think.