#BlogLife1016 - Pakora egg turkey sandwich (pakeggkey)

I can't think of a clever name for this foodie concoction but the crusty rolls and baguettes turned out not to be crunchy ughh.

That was the only reason to get non wholemeal, oh well I put together a sandwich, my version of the eggy muffin.

But mine had a lil butter, a lil mayo, will bypass that, it didn't need it.

Broken up turkey rashers, think I cooked for about 10 minutes, some egg mayo, some cheese and that was it.

Pretty good but it was missing something, so I had heated up some pakoras on the side and I thought...

Hmm... Dare I add it to the sandwich and I put it on top and yummy, that worked really naturally, the potato, the lil spice kick, the veggies.

Who knew that would be so tasty?! Pakeggkey? Utterly ridiculous name but fabulous meal.

I was even going to add some chicken or beef, so glad I didn't. That was fulling enough, I had 2x, I should have only made one..

But they were smallish. I just tried the last of the chocolates I bought Mama.

The Baci dark chocolate nutty truffle, wrapped in foil, not a strong bitter taste, good blend of nuts but hardly any sugar.

These all taste like diet chocolates, the Divine, the Montezuma, although those two had gone off I think.

I don't recommend any of them if you have a sweet tooth. I might just stick to Ferreros and Green and Black, those were good.

Just because it's dark chocolate doesn't mean it can't be tasty and sweet yeesh.

In comparison the Iceland low calorie chocolate bars still have a great taste and are just a 100 calories or less.

But hardly any of those have nuts, although actually the Kellogs cornflakes one I can't stop buying and that's plain but it hits the spot.

This week will be really long unfortunately, tomorrow is the standard UC appointment.

Then the twit advisor booked me into a group cv session for an 1 hour and a half, 90 bloody minutes on Thursday..

I am going to be in so much pain, going out twice and trying to sit for that long.

I'll be lucky if I don't burst into tears from the discomfort that's going to roll all over my entire body.

He's such a bully, he already scheduled me in for CV support, so why I'm doing another one is beyond me, especially when he admitted it's fine as it is! Ass!

I don't know if I'll feel like posting this week, we'll see. I might get Chinese on Thursday, I don't know.

Yea I'd like to avoid spending money but I don't know if I'll be able to move, after Thursday's meeting, plus it's a group thing I hate those.

I bet he's spiteful enough to book it upstairs. Well forget it, I'm not putting my health at risk to please him.

For reference stairs make me dizzy, big steps or climbing feels like my insides are tearing and lastly, my whole body goes stiff and locks up and the pain lingers for a long time.

The stress is definitely back! Ugh nothing is going right, the wifi is playing up.

Youtube on the laptop won't work but it does on the phone. I'm trying to add attach files to an email to print out and it keeps failing.

I should get ready soon. I hope the UC twit accepts my paperwork, yeesh.

I don't hear anyone else being asked to hand over their phone. I even switch to mobile data and that didn't help, still not saving onto the email.

You'd think I was using dial up or mobile, not regular broadband. Oh doing 1 file at a time worked cripes.

I'm just gonna say the truth, that I'm having trouble with wifi, if he says Oh that's not enough, schmuck.

#BlogLife1015 - Thinking, munching, reviewing

I just tried one of the truffles I bought Mama, it's like a blend of different chocolates into one with a slight bitter aftertaste.

I like it and then I don't. I wouldn't buy it again. Cocoa Loco it was, no wonder she was indifferent towards it.

It's like M&M's meets Terry's and Toblerone, not sweet enough for me. It sounds nice but for the price, I'd rather get a cheaper brand that's tastier.

Next Nik Naks crisps tangy and cheesy, I don't remember ever seeing this one, lemon and scampi, rib n saucy are my favourites.

No I don't like this, too cheesy, it's like Quavers but worse. I'm not a fan, it's crunchy but I'll stick to the other flavours.

Oh by the way, the kebab wrap thing well, the bread was soft and fresh, as was the salad, the chicken just tasted of nothingness lol but good for £3, very filling.

The pakoras were not fresh and slightly tart, must be too much mustard maybe? 

It needs a dip, other than that it's nice, I'll pick up hummus or the onion and garlic one, those would pair well.

I still have the Divine chocolate to try and Montezuma and something else.

But I'm done for today. I'm off to watch Bridgerton and complete the Chatty Chicks..

I think I realised what my issue with the Christmas story is, there's a bit I wrote that sounds like something I've read before and that bothers me.

I want to be original, so I'm going to find a way to rewrite it and make it my own.

The theme is good, I just need to tweak it and after I do that, hopefully it will flow better.

It's not anywhere near done, still at the beginning, but maybe this is the key to working on it and being creative.

I just tried the Montezuma almond dark chocolate bar, yuckityy.

That is the worst one to date, very bitter, not sweet at all and a nasty aftertaste, that's going in the bin..

At least I know now, not to buy these in the future. Oof I didn't like the Divine dark nutty one either, really tart.

But to be transparent I think they both had been spoiled and past the expiry date but I also suspect they weren't sweet enough to begin with.

Maybe I'll stick to milk chocolate for a bit, at least it's less strong and bitter.

Something else I'm craving and it's not available in wholemeal brown version..

Is part baked crusty rolls and small baguettes.

On second thoughts, the rest of the pakoras were ok, they didn't have the extra tangy horrible taste so that's weird.

I just tried peanut pretzels, crunchy, not over salted but I'm not keen on them.

I'll look up the make tomorrow. In the past I've tried Flipz chocolate pretzels and the sweet and salt blended well.

I think I tried cinnamon and that wasn't great. Now this one, I thought it was like scattered shaved peanuts or a filling that was sweet..

Nope it's a random taste of nuts that doesn't belong, there's no seamless flow of sensations it's just an afterthought..

It's not good. Oh gosh, so relieved. I thought the neighbours were misbehaving again and dumped something outside my door.

There was this odour and I didn't want to check but it's gone now and as I took out the bins, there wasn't anything.

Maybe they cleaned it up? I actually wondered if I had a gas leak..

That was stressing me out so much. Then I realised I don't need to freeze the turkey rashers so they stick together..

I can store it in the fridge for a week, so I don't need to cook them all at once, I can just add one or two at a time when I make sandwiches.

And I tweaked the Christmas story, now I'm wondering if I should change the direction, hmm..

#BlogLife1014 - Chatty Chicks Watching Flicks 22 - Bridgerton season 4 part 1

Ha funny, I wasn't sure what I would be talking about and then I was searching for something to watch and I didn't realise Bridgerton was out.

Season 4, four episodes were released in January and the rest 27th February I think.

I don't watch spoilers, I want to guess and be surprised, I can't wait for the Eloise version.

I hope they'll focus on the other siblings too, not just Benedict, I'm not really excited to watch his story unfold sorry..

I'm curious who will be featured, Kate and Anthony? Colin and Penelope? Daphne and 

As I predicted will there be a new even male version of Whistledown?

Monsieur Whisperer? Hmm so Benedict is like a wayward Anthony, except Anthony still fulfilled his duties..

At least Colin, Pen and Eloise are still there, probably not Kate and Anthony as they mentioned their baby is abroad still :(

Oh yea I just realised, with Anthony gone, the responsibilities lie with Benedict after all but his heart isn't in it either.

I guess they don't trust accountants..

I just realised there's been no mention of Lady Danbury's brother who was interested in courting Violet Bridgerton, I wonder what happened there..

I knewww Benedict would end up being bisexual. Called that ages ago.

I guess he can't really end up with a man, it's probably illegal, maybe he's have an open marriage or his missus will be bi as well?

Who knows...

I hate parties but they are fun to watch, am not sociable and it seems this season, they are focused a lil more on the servants too.

But why, unless Benedicts ends up with one.. That's not proper society either though..

Without even watching it, this is seeming more and more like Cinderella...

Masked ball, true identities hidden, someone gatecrashing, where they shouldn't..

The lady in white, is probably going to be Benedict's new love interest..

Yea since when do coachman overstate the word Lady and bow, knew it...

Maybe it will eventually be like a birthright thing that she'll claim, or maybe she isn't a servant, just not high society either..

I guess we will find out..I was hoping they were gonna belt out another Madonna song..

Or maybe she's a love interest for John, Eloise's driver/staff..Hmm

Cute he is there, I can't remember his name, Violet's love interest..

Oh boy so the Penwood Mama is determined to marry her daughter off to Benedict, fat chance, he's still in bachelor mode.

They're probably broke then, two deceased hubbys, maybe she's a black widow, bumping them off one by one lol.

Aha so Eloise declared she wants to be a bachelorette too. Hmm, he's gonna have to be a hell of a catch to win her over, next season.

Good luck to him.

Aww no is Lady Danbury leaving the show to travel? I hope not, she's one of my favourites...

Who could possibly replace her? It's kinda sad to see Pen not enjoying being Lady Whistledown..

I know she doesn't wanna tarnish anyone's reputation, still not sure the secret coming out was wise...

Yowser the Queen said no to Lady Danbury leaving. I love that even Brimsley's wearing a mask ha.

Well, she's definitely Benedict's love interest, they are bonding over feeling uncomfy and out of place.

That's hilarious Benedict being a gentleman and kissing her on the cheek not lips.

And then she plants one on him and scurries off when she learns it's midnight.

Well she didn't leave her glass slipper behind, just a glove..

Omg that's who she is, as soon as she bumped into Lady Penwood, she's either a relative, a servant, or someone hidden away forbidden from attending balls..

And Benedict is of course smitten because she's not pursuing him, she's not obsessed with his wealth or name, she just wanted to have fun at a party.

Aww so she is a maid, and then I reckon it will turn out she's actually an illegitimate relation or some such with a title..

So her name is Sophie.

Yup Violet is set on marrying off her children, especially, Eloise and Benedict.

And the Queen thought Pen was making a bet to see if Benedict will marry and be the diamond of the season.

Got to say Pen looked adorable as the pirate :)

I was gonna binge watch all 4 episodes but it's getting late and I have to be up early.

Two now, two tomorrow, or should I just watch 1 and now go to bed?

I'm waiting for my earbuds to charge and then bed. Interesting that Penwood has one respectful daughter that she neglects and one boisterous like herself that she lavishes attention on.

On to episode 2..

Hmm so it was ok for the step Mama to have kids from a previous marriage but it wasn't acceptable for him?

Sophie's Papa?! Penwood is her Step Mama. At least he introduced her, albeit coldly, ward, instead of delightful daughter.

Men, pfft!!

I do like Sophie's colleagues and I wonder if Benedict is going to recognise Sophie in servants attire?

Seeing as he sketched her from memory and has been daydreaming about her ever since they met, he should.

She's a lil smitten with him too, she just can't afford to admit it, even to herself..

Good grief I thought Violet and her beau would have made progress, they are still acting like polite strangers.

Go courting, or however they wooed back then!

So we all know how this is going to go, Penwood step Mama, is going to figure out Sophie is the one Benedict is searching and will pretend it's one of her birth daughters instead..

Hmm I just realised, ward could mean anything maybe her Mama was a servant too, she passed away and then the Lord of the Manor promised to look after her?

I'm not too sure. Maybe maybe, if I was Soph, I would have tried to bump into Benedict on his own while he was leaving, see if I was recognised..

If not, I could still keep my cover and dignity and not get fired lol.

This is definitely the slowest, least interesting season to date. I had a feeling it would.

It's ok, it's just not edge of the seat compelling, like the others were..

I knew Brimsley would make an impassioned speech to Lady Danbury to reconcile with the Queen.

She's lonely, but she voiced it badly, when she said some people don't deserve kindness or some such, ouchy.

Ohh busted, I knew it was just a matter of time, before the wicked step Mama figured out Sophie's ruse, that she is the one..

There's probably a secret will, that Sophie is not aware exists..

Ouchy, actually I didn't think she would fired for real, dang no wages and slave labour, that sucketh.

Where is she going to go? That's sweet, her friends gave her some money for shelter.

Aww and one of the sisters gave her something to sell, ha she took the glove, good on her.

Holy crap that was Sophie he was defending, I didn't even realise.

I knewww he wouldn't recognise her in servant's clothing. Ha I bet step Mama lied, pfft as if she wasn't in the will when he died.

Well interesting Benedict's playing hero, that had to smart a lil bit when he said I promise I won't even look at you lol

He did preface it by saying, I won't touch you, he is drunk out of his mind, so I guess that can be forgiven.

Oops gotta take off the heating.

I wonder if Benedict is delirious from the fever due to the injury or he finally realises Sophie is the one..

I wonder if Lady Featherington's loyal maid, is really going to leave.

I wonder if the wage increase is worth putting up with a tyrant. Mind you I guess bosses are bossy..

Well Francesca's marriage seems more like a friendship even though they are active in the boudior.

Hmm Benedict with all his insecurities and feeling like no matter what he says and does, it's not enough.

Trying to be honourable towards Sophie but they like each other, especially after the second kiss..

It's sweet that Francesca speaks to Pen about intimate stuff. The sex talks are always hilarious.

Oof finally Violet and beau had their first kiss.

Episode 4

Well he definitely has to figure out who she is, by the glove or the necklace and it will mean a rushed ending.

Not much of them as a couple really. Eeek that's really awkward at first I thought Benedict was gonna find a job for her at Penwood's not knowing the circumstances but working at his home, for his Mama...

Eeek, very cringey. Although at least they are respectful towards their help and actually pay them.

Who is going to discover her secret identity?

Dang, not very discreet, has Benedict finally worked it out? Come on the episode is nearly over and if he hasn't she'll be fired..

Oh no, it's going to be a cliffhanger...

Dang it, you spoiled it, Be my mistress? What the hell Benedict, I hope she slaps him!

Oh man, so the Penwood family is moving next door to the Bridgerton's and Benedict still doesn't know who she is.

I suspect Francesca had an affair with her hubby's relative.. Hmm

#BlogLife1013 - Salad brekkie and blank greetings

I had intended to add to the Chatty Chicks post I started yesterday when I watched Bridgerton season 4, episode 1 but that one will be long enough.

I don't know if there is enough material but I'll try to pack it in. I just got back from a late brekkie with Mama, oof a really nice sunny day actually.

It was so blinding I almost took out my sunnies. It's cold but we did a bit of shopping in the Market so we warmed up fast.

Plus we were sitting next to the heater so that was handy. She had a big fry up, eggs, toast, mushroom, beans and I was asked if I wanted salad or chips with the chicken panini and I went with salad.

I wasn't hungry but I'm glad I ate, only the salad, it was funny because they added a bit of avocado and one huge olive which was yummy.

Could have done with more of that but it was fine, red cabbage, coleslaw, carrots, alsorts and after that I was full, but now I'm munching the panini.

She gave me a whole bunch of snacks, she wanted me to try the chocs I bought for her and other things, I'll talk about later.

Then we looked for the food stall but he must have permanently moved because there is no excuse not to be there, which is a shame.

But then Mama spotted a Kebabish restaurant and they do a mix of alsorts, we shared expenses for both meals.

I paid mostly for the cafe which was £24 for both our meals and then the Kebabish was like £16 and she mostly paid and I offered extra incase she needed.

I didn't know they did samosas, only meat or veggie, pass. I didn't see spring rolls.

But they had the chicken wrap for £3 or if you wanted another kebab inside, £4, with salad and mayo so that was the same value.

Plus veggie pakoras and Mama got a veggy samosa. Slow abrupt service but the price is good, 4x bags of pakoras, 2x each, small bags but enough inside for a few meals or munchies.

All that is good to help me budget better, providing the taste is good and it's not too spicy, oops forgot to ask about that.

I'm trying to finish the panini as the bread is going hard, but after 1 piece, as it's cut into 3, I'm full again.

I have to plug in the blankie and put away the food. 

As we were heading to the bus stop, one of Mama's friends stopped her and was all smiles and friendliness..

We greeted L back but were totally perplexed. Why? She stopped talking to Mama, completely ghosted her with no explanation whatsoever.

Mama even said, I tried reaching out but maybe you changed your number and zero response to that.

Why do people do that? She specifically stopped us, we didn't even see her..

I don't see the point, if you wanna sever a friendship fine, but why say Hello?

Me and Mama don't chase, we'll make the effort for a short while, but if there is no reply, ta ta to you.

I can't believe all my nightwear hasn't dried yet, I've hung them out, some new, some old and they are still damp.

So I'm wearing an old baggy top instead.

Actually I think the haircut turned out better than I thought, the ends seem to flick up naturally.

Oh that's so crazy, I'm full but I was craving dessert and I forgot Mama said she bought some jalebis for me, so so good.

I broke off a tiny piece and now I have to pack it away and do the UC stuff.

With all these snacks I don't need to buy anymore, there will be foodie reviews and maybe pictures, if I can be bothered on Twitter at some point.

I have to remove my makeup too, well looks like there was enough to talk about.

Lounging feels so good I don't want to get up. I found the energy levels and walking surprisingly bearable today but the body is stiffening up and the achiness will hit me.

Plus carrying a heavy bag, I'll be paying for that tomorrow maybe, feeling raw or tender or something but I feel good.

Oh and the last thing that made us laugh, was us asking if those were pakoras or onion bhajis and the response coming back....

Same thing.... Err no they are not, they have distinctive flavours but on closer inspection, they looked like pakoras, so we'll talk and review them later.

Although I don't know if I want to eat again later after I slowly munch the rest of the sandwich.

I don't think I'll be hungry and right on queue, the hand pain begins, it needs to rest but I can't, got the UC crap to deal with..

#BlogLife1012 - Chilly thoughts..

Well that's done, paid the rent, shoot I forgot to check the energy bills, next time..

I found a really light fun game, where you read the clues and figure out people's positions, it's not taxing, some are just thinkers, I really like it though.

It's called That's My Seat and I've been looking for something like this for a while, very simple drag format and sometimes I can play offline but it still affects my background music, grr.

Certain types of games I like to play before bed but I guess I should really be switching off my brain.

For me though these simple challenge games, make me feel cosy and chilled and I guess that's good too.

It's now two months and no monthly which is great, the symptoms are there because one minute, I have a light appetite and the next I can't get enough munchies..

Mama was supposed to call about a get-together but she hasn't and I'm kinda glad, I just don't feel I have any energy at present.

My taste buds have changed again, I used to really like Richmond vegan sausages and now I'm not liking them or the vegan sausage rolls or Tuc biscuits.

I am trying to be somewhat healthy, but I can only buy the foods that I crave, if I go off them, there's no point.

My phone battery is ridiculous now within a few hours or less, it's half dead, yeesh used to last a day and a half.

I thought it would help to turn off background data usage on all the installed game apps, but nope, something is draining it fast.

Oh and Mama just called so meeting her tomorrow morning. I should eat or get takeout, ugh, how do you save money on everyday survival??

I find that if I do a few competitions every day at least that's something, I had a fair few big, medium and small wins in the past so it does help, rare but handy.

I think what I'll do is just have a meal where possible with her and try not to stress about it, it's not a common thing so I should go with the flow.

It doesn't help I have to adjust the screen so it's bright, otherwise I can't see clearly.

I've shaped my nails so they look tidy and Oh just remembered I have to pluck my brows and now that's sorta done, there isn't much light and I don't want to overdo it, I did what I could.

I'm thinking about going for a pedicure but Mama said near the location it's congested, roadworks or closures or something so I won't bother for now.

Oh I need to top up my Oyster card. Ugh that has to wait because they text a code and the phone is dead and charging.

Now that's done too, so I'm all set and tomorrow will do probably the hair oil and a double conditioner.

I just have to eat now, chicken, steak and some plain pasta, I have tomato and herb or cheese and broccoli or maybe macaroni.

The smart thing would be to cut up the meat and sprinkle it throughout but as I'm avoiding using knives where possible due to the pain, I'll leave it whole.

Two things I'm wondering, Is the hair oil making a difference? Is it stronger or thicker?

Are my grey hairs less? I have some scattered in the front, not sure about the back or sides..

Is the smart meter finally saving me money on bills? Hmm..

I have no idea.

#BlogLife1011 - Only giving a part of myself at a time..

I'm happy in my decision to offer moral support in the 7 Cups volunteering forums and not private chats, although I get a fair few requests.

I'm sick of the trolls though. The forums are simpler because you can just be direct and offer insights.

The only thing that annoys me about gaming is they either cut off your music, lower it and when they have ad breaks..

You can't click off, unless you click on Googly Playstore to pretend you're installing the game, then you press the back button and suddenly the cross appears to close it.

Ughhhhh sneaky developers!! They really should be monitored about the lies in advertising.

I've got to book my Iceland shop for tomorrow, I'm not craving much, just pasta.

I had stopped doing the face brush twice a day, it's just seemed overkill but now that I am doing it, my face is slowing getting better.

Moisturiser on a face brush seems weird, but if it works, it works ha.

How Bizarre I thought the winter heating discount is tapering off or done soon and maybe it is, maybe it is an error.

But I just got an email and I thought Here we go, increased bills for gas and electricity..

But they have halved one of them or maybe it's a combination of both?

It's strange because I've been using the boiler, more not less but saving money on bills is definitely a good thing.

I've been worried about it so this will help me budget even more.

As it's the last day of the month, I need to soak my contacts in the protein tablets for a deep clean and so that they remain comfortable, they have settled down, not as painful as before.

But this will ensure it maintains, plus I cut my hair yesterday, I don't remember the last time I did it, so it was overdue.

This time, I tried to leave the front longer and just trim the sides and back, which is better because it doesn't look out of place now.

I was curious about Pukka Pies again, they had changed the pastry recipe and it was not good but I saw a foodie review recently and it was back to the classic version.

I bought the chicken and mushroom one and will pick out the mushrooms and yep it has reverted back, thank goodness.

I know the better one, seemed only available in the fish and chips shops..

Maybe a lot of consumers, stopped buying it and complained. Like a lot of companies, everyone seems to cheap out and use inferior ingredients and hope the public won't notice....

But we do!!!

Ahh strange I thought I bought the beef pizza and the pistachios but when I unpacked it wasn't there, oops turns out I didn't order it.

I was probably trying to stick to my budget and removing things, that's what I usually do, I even forgot to buy tissues..

But I have a few in stock I think..

#BlogLife1010 - A lil tip

I decided to do a lil experiment because my face is under attack from the elements, dryness, breaking out, dehydrated I guess, maybe it is just because of winter..

As you know I bought the L'Oreal cleansing milk which is too greasy and heavy to use as a stand alone moisturiser for my combination skin.

I was using it prior to washing my face and that isn't cutting it, my face is still a mess.

I think with milks you're supposed to wipe off the excess with a cotton pad.

I used to use those but it's an unnecessary added expense, with cotton sticking to your face and what's wrong with using your hands anyway?

I decided to see what would happened if I mixed it with the L'Oreal Revitalift cleanser onto the face brush as well as the milk, that is a lil better, so that's how I'll use it.

My skin is more smoother but it's still excessively dry. I have to top it up with the L'Oreal wrinkle expert moisturiser which is a quick absorber and lighter than the cheaper products I buy.

And the only reason for all the L'Oreal stuff is that they were on sale and I get bargains, nobody would sponsor me, as they typically only want positive reviews and I give both good and bad feedback.

At least with the confidential product testing, they welcome both viewpoints because they want to know what works and what doesn't from a majority of different people.

Ugh I had such a horrid night's sleep. I was wrecked but my brain wouldn't switch off so I was gaming and then I dunno if I fell asleep and then woke up but my fingers were painfully throbbing for ages.

I don't usually get that at night, just during the day but the modern day brick phones are not helpful, better to see a big screen but not good to use, if you're delicate and prone to pain.

I must have got some sleep though because I don't feel completely lifeless and after using the face brush, I feel wide awake.

I'll just do the UC stuff and then Looney Tunes will begin their new event at 1pm and I can relax and eat then.

Ugh and literally just as I was talking about not clogging up my email box, Yahoo just wrote and said they are reducing storage, if you exceed that, which it doesn't say how much I've used, you can't send new emails.

I've got loads of stuff saved, stories, ideas, notes, private information.

I hate my advisor so much! 

I was just thinking about the coldness and waiting ages to run the hot tap until you get warm water, if I use the cold it affects me pain wise.

And now looking at my hands I can see they have swollen up, which means they are extra sensitive to usage but I can't stop being active with them so hopefully they will get down to a normal size soon.

I don't really know what provoked them, except using the phone, I've been holding it instead of laying it down too much I guess..

Anyway either with the heating on, the blankie on, I'm still cold, it's not been working well today actually.

I definitely could not survive without a blankie, even a crappy one.

Everytime I get up from it, I'm back to being frozen again.

I read something interesting on one of the pain relief videos, that this person was affected throughout their whole body..

And I thought..... Huh..... Fascinating because I was told the discomfort is only targeted in certain areas, so why you're complaining about other parts it's not feasible, therefore you must be exaggerating....

On and on, Doctors told me, how I should feel, not what I was actually dealing with.

And I've always noticed my pain travels throughout my body not just where "experts" say it should be contained.

It was nice to be validated because the GP/Hospital/Specialists all made me feel like a nuisance liar that was crazy and making things up for attention.

They couldn't be bothered to listen or treat me, so making me feel low was what I put up with for decades.

Diagnosing and dealing with the symptoms myself is so much better.

I may not have studied medicine but I know all about pain relief and human behaviour!

And when you get to a state where you can barely walk or use your hands.....

Something is very very wrong, especially when it begins from late teens/early twenties where you're supposed to be young and healthy, not struggling with movements!!

#BlogLife1009 - Irritated

I think I'm doing the right thing, I'm not taking private volunteer private chats, I'm too creeped by the weird ones, it's a shame because there are genuine people in need of help but I'm mentally fragile so I can't deal with that.

There was an interesting post about people's expectations of Listeners and it surprised me that people wanted a friend-type approach which is so wrong to me.

That means they rely on you, get used to you and worse fixate on you, there's a couple people, well a fair few that when they lose their Listener, typically I feel because of burnout....

Too many latching on to them, the member just feels lost, not good in my opinion.

I don't think my view would be that popular, one acquaintance expressed her opinion on boundaries and had the majority disagreeing, hmmm...

I don't mind lending support in the public forums, those are moderated better I think.

Even if you want to block, you have to give a reason why, it was easier to deal with the undesirables on trolls on HearMe, I liked that aspect.

Plus they had a proper Guide for those that needed to compress after a gruelling chat, on 7 Cups, you fend for yourself, the help to me is non existent.

They advertise it heartily but when you go on, it's just basic and asking the wrong questions and no way to explain without breaking confidentiality, which you can't do either.

You're stuck, lost and overwhelmed, not a good feeling, when all you are trying to do is assist someone feel better and you yourself end up feeling yucky.

Ugh the UC stuff is taking three times as long. I don't want to queue at the library to do printouts and wait around for the employers to help out but neither do I want to show my email.

I hate my privacy being invaded, none of those choices are making me feel good.

If I go to the library that means less sleep, waking up early from a bad sleep and then waiting around for my appointment.

I've lost my appetite but I'll eat something simple, I like those mini chicken griddlers. I wonder if the hummus has expired..

At least I'm enjoying the new games, challenging my brain. The bad thing about not spending a lot on takeout is no leftovers for tomorrow..

Although if I got pizza, I would have but I didn't fancy it, the good thing is the pennies stretch further.

#BlogLife1008 - It's back

I didn't realise the second season of Hijack was back, it's only two episodes so far but lots of plot twists which I don't want to spoil.

I was wondering how they were going to top the last season but wowser, did not see that coming..

It was a slow start but it really got going and I'm enjoying it every bit as much as the first, I recommend it.

Oof it's freezing today and I have 3 layers on. I'm not sure if it's raining today but if it is, the food stalls won't be out.

I seem to only have winter clothes in the really baggy sizes. I still don't know whether to get a few things in my present size, it just seems a waste of money, buying and then discarding them because I've shrunk again..

I guess the good thing about having an afternoony UC appointment is that I can get those commitments out of the way and then when I get home tired, I can relax and finish this off and then munch.

Well I'm back and although I didn't get soaked, it was an overcast day so no stalls were out hardly.

There was a discount code and I just used that. No leftovers but that one huge meal will sustain me for the day.

I felt so irritated with the advisor, he's booking me into another CV garbage appointment.

Then he expected me to memorise all the relevant information, I need to show him hello you lazy sod, it's on the online journal.

Ffs just look it up, you nitwit!! So that got on my nerves and he said keep the emails, ugh it clogs up my inbox, swine!!

Maybe I'll do a bunch of printouts, I don't like the idea of him looking through my phone, ickity! Or I could create a folder on my email and dump it in there.

So bloody intrusive!

I really didn't feel like browsing, it's too cold and at least coming back I got a seat on the bus.

On there is a bug with Youtube at the moment, well there was, everytime you tried to play a video, this unavailable message came up, maybe they have fixed it, as I saw it in the morning but not now in the afternoon.

That was irritating trying to listen to a playlist and then silence and you check back, error error error, grr.

I'm liking the double conditioner I'm doing, I feel like it washes the hair oil off better and gives me a bit more volume, I'll try and stick with it for a while.

My skin is both drying out and breaking out, maybe stress or sugar or hormones?

I'm not sure I would buy that L'Oreal face wash again, it's fine but I don't think it's for me, it's not hydrating enough, even with all the creams I'm using, how on earth is my skin missing moisture??

#BlogLife1007 - Sorry for the lack of posts

Just Eat sent me another voucher but with a 2 day expiry and I don't need a mini grocery shop, I need a big one.

It was a good deal though spend £25 but you get £15 off, so just a tenner really.

It would have been handier next week, when I'm out but it ends tomorrow and I'm being careful about the pennies.

Sorry about no post on Thursday I think when I'm tender, inspiration just disappears, I'm just too uncomfortable.

I'm not sure how many versions of the Kiplings whirls there are but the original is still my favourite, if that was on sale, I would have got that.

But I tried the toffee one I think and now I've had the lemon one which is a really nice biscuit sandwich type snack, it's great but the jam one tastes the best, to me.

It's January and the sun is shining brightly as though it's summer, crazy weather.

I was looking for some new games to download and thinking back to the old school ones, like tetris, wonderboy, paperboy, ha, used to love the sound of the breaking glass as the paper flew through the window.

I recall a long time ago seeing this penguin sledding game but I don't know the name of it so I found something else called Penguin Dash Run Race 3D.

It's very simple and I like the cartoony style graphics better, a basic game but with it's challenges.

You're collecting coins, moving left, right or in the middle lane and ducking or jumping from obstacles.

I still haven't found the perfect gin rummy game, that's a bit more engaging but is also doable and not rigged against the computer.

Odd, the A16 had to back to back software updates, the phone seems fine, I just want them to improve the battery life, it doesn't last long at all.

The update seemed to mess with the screen dimmer a lot and it wasn't perfect before, at night time you don't want to stare at a bright screen, you want it low, to make you drowsy.

But now it seems ok, I've tried a few and they all seem crap unfortunately, as soon as you launch a game, it turns itself off, grr.

My insomnia has gone bad again, I'm sleeping one night and struggling the next but mostly sprinkling essential oil on my pillow helps.

I was bad, I felt really drained so I didn't clean much or change the bed, I will get to it.

I have the UC appointment tomorrow, I wonder how irritated he will be when I refuse to the stairs again...

He might as well just scream at me Liar, you're faking your disabilities because I can't see them....

Honestly it's so prejudiced. They look at you and don't believe you have any frustrations with mobility or pain or discomfort.

Like they want you to just get over yourself and make it easy for themselves, punish your body, so they can have an easy life..

They promote that you have rights and we respect any conditions but in reality, if you're struggle, they give you such a nasty attitude and I've been putting up with it but not anymore.

I hate pain that is preventable. Hopefully it won't be raining so I can pick up the cheaper snacks and/or maybe pop into Tesco for some deals..

Oh I found a few other games just to help me unwind and distract me from stress and life.

The first is similar to Monopoly Go, a board game but with a detectivey twist called Cluedo Chase, it's fun, roll the dice, go around and try to solve a murder.

The other is Wordscapes Solitaire, I guess a word version of the card game, that seems different.. It's a cute game but as usual with these American types, they don't recognise all British words.. Ugh.

#BlogLife1006 - Good manners, bad manners, table manners...

Afternoony, how's your week been? Mine's mixed, still nothing from the boiler maintenance people so it must have been an error text.

This weekend if I'm up to it, I'll do some light mopping and get around to wiping down the bathtub.

The cramps are still off and on as is the bloating, so I feel a bit yucky.

I had a lot of hand pain and feet pain so I have to make sure I don't do too much or I'll end up with another injury, that are so common to me.

I was hoping to sleep in today but they were drilling outside, I'm not sure what that was about, but very noisy..

I have a feeling Yahoo crashed because I couldn't access it for a while, some error code came up and it seems a common issue but I've never seen it before, refreshing didn't help and then eventually boom, loading normally.

Weird!! There's nothing really on my mind, I mean nothing new really, I was just thinking about dinner table rules that happened when we visited various relatives.

No elbows on the table, no licking the knife, I think some said no drinking while you eat your meal, just before or after, but my throat closes up during munching so that was a difficult one to follow.

And I remember the disapproving stares and the tutting of which I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

At those points, eating at home was a tad more relaxing but I think in a way that added to my complex of consuming in front of others.

That, critical all eyes on me, shrank my appetite to the point where it disappeared completely.

Plus everyone having their opinions on my figure, whether positive or negative, focus on my bloody personality, not my appearance!!

None of it helped really, thankfully I'm in a better place, physically and mentally.

But back then it was really hard to say Mind your own business!

I must have done a lot of secret chomping, snacking in my room and creeping down the stairs to grab some nibbles.

I wasn't very healthy and I couldn't hear that voice, that said Coooee I'm full..

Now it's loud and clear Knock knock I'm hungry or All done, no more food, we are at full capacity.

#BlogLife1005 - What am I doing?

I've walked into the kitchen a bazillion times intending to check if I have another contact lens cleaner in the cupboards or when this one finishes, I'll be out, but I never remember to check.

I'm so glad Yodel came early with a time frame, just before 12pm and my duvet came, I will change everything, maybe at the weekend.

I need to mop again already ugh. Why don't things stay clean? I'm such a loon, I woke up and realised I didn't put away my lens case..

Luckily I didn't toss and turn to much or it would have gone flying off the bed and I might not have found my brand new pair of lenses.

I swear I put them away but obviously I didn't luckily they were sitting on the edge of the bed.

I have to eat soon and will probably make a wrap. There is a Greek style bread wrap that I bought which is lovely, I just don't know what to put in it.

I think I'll do one chicken steak and one beef and break them in half.

Yep did it again, went to cook it and forgot to check my inventory and I should have gotten a bottle of water from the fridge.

I don't buy water, I just use the tap because when you're budgeting, it seems like drinks are a luxury.

I don't do that thing of trying to full up on water and having a big chunk of it before meals.

I think I have 3 or 4 bottles a day ranging from 500ml to 850ml and if you have a bottle instead of a glass you can sip it and drink more, until you need to swap or refill it.

By the time you get snacks and mains and then household things like bleach, that's the limit for the week.

Instead of the plain chicken, I got the hot and spicy, it's not really peppery though, just tame, which is perfect for me.

I wonder if I'll skip this month's monthly aswell as December... That would be cool. I do feel bloated though.

Ahh finally remembered and walked back into the kitchen, yep I do have a spare cleaner so I don't need to buy another one for quite a while, they last months, because you only need a lil bit, mind you sometimes it pours out fast.

I'm enjoy the Meeray almonds I bought to snack on, they taste cooked not raw and not salty at all.

I don't remember the price, the pack says £2.50 but they charge anything, and it has lasted me a while..

Ooof the randoms are crazier than ever. I can't recall exactly what I said, but I ended it with dear...

He replied Oh you've used that word it means you're 99% non British.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life, well lately, so I blocked and moved on.

He changed his name, logged back on and sent this paragraph of curses and insults...

Wow, you have got to laugh. I always think after that... No wonder you can't find anyone to talk too, your personality sucketh........!

I never understand that logic of being rejected and instead of shrugging and accepting, go on a rampage, it makes you look so foolish.

Just see it as no big deal, we all get passed on, it's not unique. Just say Ok, Nexttttt.

#BlogLife1004 - Due, overdue or not due?

It's a shame that home goods store closed, it was there for years, selling towels, duvets and alsorts of knick knacks were available and it's replaced by another snack store of which there are dozens in the market, all competing against each other.

It could have been a bakery or a sandwich shop. Anyway as I can't get my cheap bedlinen from there, I went back to Ebay and saw a few from £5.

I got the charcoal pillowcases and cover for £6 brand new with tags and that should arrive next week, good bargain.

I don't always see them on offer. The one that was cheaper was a replica blue of one I already had.

If I didn't see any deals, I would have gotten it again. I slept fairly well, I don't think my right eye is completely healed, but each day gets more bearable.

I've just unpacked the shopping and the only thing I was craving was hotdogs, but my version, croissants instead of buns aka hottissants I named it ha.

I got some hummus and egg mayo to add some flavour to it, I had to sacrifice the olives and I still haven't seen those stuffed peppers..

You would think if an item is popular they would restock it..

Normally I end up eating the croissants before the meat is ready but not this time.

I decided to mix the vegan and chicken sausage together, just for kicks and to make it more filling.

I've never done that before, should be interesting. I also saw some Pista Pik peanut and pistachio biccys for 49p.

It's 118g box so not bad if it tastes good. I wanted the snacks to stretch out for the week.

I tried it, it's a fair size and a lot in the packet, it's ok but these type of nutty biscuits are a bit dry so it's alright but boring.

My favourite one which I never see was the Maryland's hazelnut cookies, that was hearty and tasty, very thick, small but it was enjoyable, now I see the chocolate chip one only.

I wanted the burger sauce but it's cheaper to get the hummus and at least I know I'll use all of that up and won't waste it.

Plus overall it's actually healthier. Strange, the frankfurters overcooked and the vegan Richmond undercooked, so leaving it for another 5 minutes, 25 altogether.

The vegan sausages will be for dinner, the chicken frankfurters went really well with the hummus and egg mayo, who knew?!

I suspected it would make a delicious combination and it did but now I am so full.

I wonder if anyone tried my unusual food mixtures..?

I got around to making the calls I wanted, well I couldn't get through to the heating people to ask if the repair text was a mistake or not.

But the landlord said Don't worry about the stock condition survey even we can't get through to make an appointment, but when we do you'll get a text/email and call about it, which is fine.

I don't want to miss it and I don't want it to clash with a UC appointment, that's my only fear.

I hate waiting around for a meeting knowing my phone could buzz at anytime with you're next or the door could buzz with them not informing me, they are on their way.

But I've done what I could and I'll wait to feel hungry or eat at lunchtime.

#BloogLife1003 - Vision problems

I am really struggling to see today, I can barely open my eyes because of the pain.

I'm not sure I can post this today. The cleaner didn't properly rinse off my lens so the right eye has been burning all morning and still hurting an hourish later.

I finally removed it but I can still barely open it and it won't stop watering, I'm hoping the binaural beats help, the drops did nothing.

I wrote that yesterday and then the pain took over, looking at my phone and the laptop was impossible with all the sensitivity and blurriness.

Nothing was soothing, not even the gel pack so I had an early night and did sleep fairly well.

It still hurts but less intensely. I'm still finding it difficult to look at the screen but I'm persevering through it.

Today I got soaked going to to UC meeting. Ugh he irritated the hell out of me as he was upstairs and then was surprised when I didn't meet him up there.....

Hello you've known me for ages and know I have health issues, what suddenly you've forgotten I'm ill? Ass!

So I had intended to pop in and get a new duvet and some food from the cafe but the bedding place closed up, the stalls were gone because of the rain and I felt tired.

So ordered a cheeseburger, chips, apple pie and some chicken, and that was just over £17 not too bad, plus a stampcard restaurant so eventually a discount.

All I ended up eating was some chips, a piece of chicken and the apple pie and then I felt sicky, normally I would eat later but as it was my first meal, this will sustain me and I'm sipping water.

I was just thinking yesterday that it's rough, constant stress and then the things I do to relax like watch foodie videos, or comedies or game, I couldn't do because my eyes were stinging.

I think I'll have an early night again today also, my nose won't running but I don't know if I have the sniffles again or it's from my eyes watering all day.

I also popped in to the international store for a quick lookie, the box said the tissues were 4x £2ish the til said the box is £9 lol.

But they sold me one individually for £2ish. I don't have any spare boxes at home and although I have a coupon, I can't think of any household stuff I really need.

I'm so glad I did the UC stuff before I left. I was supposed to take out the bins as well but I forgot, those can wait until the weekend when I have energy.

Mama wants to meet soon but not until the rain stops and boiler has been repaired

#BlogLifee1002 - I am so confused..

I am thoroughly perplexed. Yesterday I had the gas appointment thingy but it wasn't as it appeared.

I'm sure the letter referred to another company conducting it and it was detailed as a boiler installation standards thingy.

But today he arrived just before 1pm which was nice timing, I was starting to get hungry and I can't eat before they get here, too messy a thought.

Anyway the text said You're next and it was from the official maintenance boiler people Robert Heath.

As a safety precaution at the door I have to ask who they are so I don't let in a fraudster, a lot of the maintenance people do not carry ID, so it's quite scary.

Anyway he said he's from Robert Heath so I just asked him Oh is this the regular yearly checkup?

And he said Yes. Weird! Maybe they muddled the letter and have inspected enough boilers and this is just the regular one..

I have no idea, he seemed friendly enough, I hate when they are rude.

Yesterday I didn't eat much, today I fancy the ravioli again, so just plain cheese and tomato and then I don't know if I'll eat later or not.

My body is quite sore so no more cleaning or doing much until the pain passes.

Strange he was asking about the fire alarms and I was telling him I didn't realise it was attached to the switches and he said, there is both a battery and it's electrical too.

I remember when the maintenance worked stopped it beeping because it was driving him nuts ha.

The handymen were charging £50 and there's no-one else to ask, luckily it got resolved.

Last few things, I don't know why all this weirdness is happening to me.

I got a text from the gas people to say your repair is due soon before next Tuesday..

What on earth, the engineer didn't mention there was a fault and they always do that.

I should call and double check it's not a mistake, why wouldn't he tell me?

Is it because I'm a woman and it's over my head? These workers appear patronising at times. Hmm..

Also I tried to call the Landlord to say I've been trying to make an appointment with the Surveyor/stock condition people but haven't been successful so it's not my fault, blame them and stop sending me threatening letters!!

There was no dial tone and it seemed like it connected but the pre-recording/operator type voice didn't come on.

I tried several times and nothing, so that is peculiar too. I was hoping for no more appointments this week..