#BlogLife1044 - Don't blame others for your thoughtlessness

Something has been on my mind since it was confided and I have to find a way to talk about it, without sharing too much or any of it.

So the randoms think because they are online, they can say anything and there won't be consequences...

Big mistake. JB is still pmming me and I'm still ignoring him because frankly there won't be an apology, he won't take the blame for being a boob, he will accuse me of wrongdoing.

So my point is, why don't some people search inside and take accountability?

Do they not want to see themselves as imperfect and flawed? They can't possibly assume they are always right... 

Or can they?? Or do they not want to deal with the repercussions.. Ooh I'm in twouble!

I think that's pretty sad to be that immature, you can't hold your hand up and say Oops. I messed up. Can you forgive me?

Let's just say someone is not who he appears and when confronted, instead of saying Guilty...

He escalated and turned on the people who made time for him. Insults, lies, gossiping.

Plus playing the victim card. Oh I let my guard down and now I'm being targeted.

Ugh it makes me so angry and now I've realised just like the guy on discord, some of them get away with besmirching reputations...

And the reason why I can't stop thinking about it, even though it's kinda dealt with...

It reminds me of my family. They show one face to others... Pretending to be decent, respectful and polite.....

But within family, it's aggression, intimidation, threats, insults, danger.

And they spout bs, saying Oh I've changed from wence I was... I'm different. I'm mature. I'm wholesome...

No you're bloody not. You are the exact same evil person you always were and will continue to be.

Oh I trimmed my hair and now I don't feel so messy.

I guess what I'm saying is, Why don't you put in some real work and improve yourself?

There is an underlying total disrespect for women beneath the facade of yours.

I don't want to have anything to do with it because that is how I grew up, trying to survive, trying to find my way, realise who I wanted to be.

I try to be better. I try to help people. I just don't get certain people.

Don't you ever want to be able to look in the mirror and face yourself?

Develop a conscience? Respect someone that says No or has a different opinion?

Or for the rest of your life will you continue intimidating and bullying women to gain some sort of what......

It's not going to be affection? Tolerance?

Meh! It's your life! Waste it if you want!

Oh ffs, the pain has been so bad, ongoing and all day. I googlied whether I had appendicitis.

Nope that starts in the belly button and goes to the right side. Mine seems to be under my chest.

My 3rd period just started today. The third one in.. 3 weeks? Why won't you leave me alone??

#BlogLife1041 - 2nd period, six days later

I just took out the bins and unpacked the shopping but this time I did it separately so I wouldn't be as tired, a much better practice so I can do it all at once without resting.

Which is also helpful because the mornings are getting really dizzy for me, I get up and then fall back down on the bed.

Anyway I'm wondering if Iceland is experiencing a shortage of toilet rolls because twice now they haven't been in stock and this is why I bulk buy.

Ugh kinda miffed. I was sent pepperoni instead of chicken pizza. I don't like pork I'll probably get a refund. I don't know whether to bin it or not. I don't want to waste food..

I just realised, I can just pick off and bin the pork slices.

On my next top up shop I'll get it from whichever supermarket gives me the best deal.

At least my regular Iceland guy delivered today G, because I'm running low on bags and went to greet him with a fistful and he laughed and said No need, so I said Great, because I'm nearly out of them.

Oh and just before that, I was buzzed and I assumed it was Iceland and it was some random was asking for a different name/address..

How do you not notice the wrong road signs and they always ask me for directions.. How do I know, where you're supposed to be, use your GPS, that's what it is there for!

Ugh swines, Just Eat sent me another grocery voucher £10 off when you spend £25 which is way more than the £15 minimum spend.

But I would still have used it, in a fortnight's time, if it didn't expire in 2 days, dodo, that's too quick!

Ugh the blog didn't auto save so a small chunk of what I wrote disappeared, oh well..

Ok just tried one of the Pukka beef and vegetable pies. I liked the veggies and the pastry. The beef was a bit bland, minced but I didn't mind that, it wasn't over salted but it needs more flavour.

I don't think I would buy it again, the chicken is probably heaps better. I usually only steak pies and for some reason big chunks of meat, turns my stomach, minced is fine though.

I miss fish, I could eat a bigger range, choose between fish, chicken or beef meals..

Now it's typically cheese toasties or crackers, beef or chicken or veggy stuff.

Ugh ok that's not good. I only have 1 fan now. I found the correct ordinary usb wire but now it's not charging.

I didn't really want to buy another one. 

Hmm well I didn't need the fan anyway, it was coldish. I tried the cannelloni that was tasty but the lemon pepper wings were dryish and bland.

Very disappointing, not much lemon, not much pepper, they could have created a delicious seasoning, lemon chicken is a lovely flavour when done right.

The chocolate chip hobnobs are kinda nasty. There is a dry, slightly bitter taste and it's really off-putting.

They ruined it. It's small and crunchy but that taste is yuck.

My period stopped but I didn't better. That sensation of my skin being on fire returned and I felt my appetite increased and the cramps lingered.

I thought I was crazy because all that is supposed to stop. Today my stomach was really paining me.

Then I realised nearly a week after the first one stopped. I'm on again.....

Ugh leave me alone!! It is so hard to function, all I want to do is lie down.

The blankie isn't heating up. I thought I put the heating on but I didn't.

My internal temperature dropped again. I am freezing! And I can't even think straight.

But now it all makes sense, why I'm still feeling rotten. Ugh please let it pass soon and then forever stop.

At least I don't have to go anywhere this week. Oh this probably is part of the reason I feel so dizzy..

#BlogLife1039 - All things period, full stop/7 Cups hidden misogyny and censorship

I'm really struggling today with the cramps, they've hit me since waking.

I've done everything but all I wanted to do was lie down, I didn't want to be productive at all.

I'm wondering what you do when you feel like this? Do you have your own remedies?

Have you read something or have an inkling on how to make it better?

I have a few go-to things that I always do. I drink orange juice if I feel like it, it helps for some reason.

I intensely crave sugar and chocolate and it's just satisfying to munch but eating something salty always helps settle my tum.

Chomping on chips/french fries or crisps, my stomach seems to breathe easier with those.

I have anti nausea, anti cramp binaural beats videos playing in the background.

It's not always a quick fix, sometimes it doesn't help but usually the severity of it is at least lessened, over time.

I would be lost without these Youtubey videos. Heat of course, wrapped in a blankie, gives me comfort.

Whether I get a period or not, I always find it difficult to cope with the symptoms because they are ever present each month.

I have never had a regular cycle. I skip, I have double in a month, it could be light or it could be an extremely heavy flow.

There is breast pain and my body temperature drops and I put on 1-2 stones in pure bloated water retention.

The mood swings vary because I feel really sad one minute, angry the next and so impatient.

Plus the extra fatigue and insomnia is worse for some reason, I can't seem to rest properly or get cosy at night.

One second I'm chatty and talkative and the next I can't run away fast enough.

But as ever with any sort of pain, either rest or persevering and doing what needs to be done, helps me.

At least my mind is clear, the body is sore but I haven't entirely wasted the day.

I've heard drinking a lot is supposed to help with bloating, I don't find that the case for me.

I've also been told exercise is good for cramps but vigorous movement is the last thing that appeals to me in this state.

One of the challenging aspects to me is my food consumption because of the uncomfortable bloating, I can't recognise my true hunger needs.

I switch from having a voracious appetite, where I can eat everything in sight and still not be full..

To a point where I have a tiny small snack or meal and then, I can't face eating anymore but I'm not really satisfied, so a short while later, I need to have more.

It's the only time, eat when hungry, stop when full, doesn't work for me.

I always feel like I've put on weight but I haven't because it all balances out.

My belly might look as though it's going to give birth to a beach ball but it isn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, I can't even process this. I'm switching between scoffing and raging. 

This post got removed too for violating the forum terms on 7 Cups..

It's 2026 and you can't talk about periods? What on earth??!!

You can't talk about how you feel and now you can't mention periods?

Why the hell not??? What have you got against women's issues?

I read the rules and between this and the other banned post, the only crap rule I can see is something about don't be graphic, don't give medical advice.....

Oh grow up! Nitwits!! I'm not doing that, I'm sharing my experience of periods.

For the other post (BlogLife1037), the bit I put about not wanting to support anyone and focus on myself, as a Listener, was...... Questionable..

But it's still how I'm feeling in the moment and the censorship is ridiculous.

They could have said I'm concerned about what you wrote and I want to discuss it further..

But no they are hiding behind the bs rules and not explaining the reason for deleting it.

That doesn't sit right with me and I think I need a break from it.

I'm not free to speak my mind and be myself and there is something very wrong with that.

I worked really hard to find my voice, I'm not going to go backwards and be silenced again, from anybody!

I feel like this has erased all the good work I've done in helping people feel better.

Like I said before, there's no support for volunteers to share how they honestly feel without being criticised for it.

They are happy when we lend an ear or encourage someone vulnerable but the second you speak out and say I'm unhappy, you get ripped apart for being human.

I'm disgusted. The only saving grace about it, there are some spectacular people on their.

I mean just warm, funny, affectionate, intelligent and creative thinkers.

If I left, I would miss them. I'm not going to post there anymore, not my own feelings.

I might answer people but it's so one sided and this was something I had read about.. A lot.

They are aware, they are just not doing anything about it!

#BlogLife1019 - Off on off period after 2 months../BT renewal

I think what's making me feel even worse is that I'm lightly spotting but it keeps stop-starting and that was it, 1-2 days and it finished.

Two months of nothingness that I was hoping it stopped forever. I'm in my late forties, it could happen..

It's never been regular, skipping a few months is nothing out of the ordinary..

Having multiples periods in a month is also routine for me, mine's just odd, it can't make up it's mind.

It can be the lightest or heaviest flow and it's the same with pmt, bloating, cramps, nausea, fatigue, chocolate or sugary cravings..

It just tends to vary one month to another..

Oh that was craziness, so that's why BT was calling I didn't know my contract with broadband was expiring soon.

I thought the mobile and the broadband was at the same time but I just realised I had to wait to upgrade because I wasn't getting a good offer.

I'll pay a pound extra, get a new hub/router thingy, whatever you want to call it.

It's ridiculous £10 for delivery yeesh, but there is 2x free engineer appointments, 1 per year, that's good.

Allegedly they guarantee wifi or £100 back, it's a pound extra but at least it's not much higher, I was hoping for lower.

But the offer that made my eyes pop out, if only my mobile contract was over..

I pay £18 now, he offered me £10 a month and 20gb of data.... What on earth!

Decades ago, they wouldn't give you any data, or would charge you so much more for it, that it wasn't affordable..

Now the running joke when they ask if I need data? Not much 1 to 2gb would do, is they keep increasing the amount.

From 6gb, to 5gb and now offered 20gb? Lol, ridiculous.

But because my contract isn't over, I'd have to pay cancellation fees so it's not worth it to have 2x contracts..

But wowser what a deal, a tenner a month, amazing. I will definitely call BT and not EE from now on.

Although only EE does the phones, that would be nice if the deal is still going, doubtful but handy.

I hope the router is easy to fix up, I dread doing that. I'm hoping also that, it improves the wifi, it's not great at present.

We'll see. I gotta hustle and finish the UC stuff so I can start the Looney Tunes event.

Plus I really should eat some food, it's lunchtime. I'm definitely feel tired and sore today as I expected too.

I don't want to do anything but lounge. I have some cleaning to do, I'll see how I feel over the weekend.

I just booked the grocery shopping for tomorrow so that's done.

There might be foodie reviews next week, well this week, when this is posted..

Ugh idiots, I told the landlord to text or email when the stock condition people were due, checked the post and missed another appointment.

No notice at all, twits! I got most of the neighbours mail again, redelivered that.

The shopping came, the chicken pizza was in stock, yay... The bread to make toasties was not.

Either I'll use Just Eat groceries or Ocado Zoom to buy bread. I fancy sushi but not fishy, but with avocado..

It's all sold out on Zoomy, the avocado one isn't listed, the veggy one is mostly just carrots, doesn't seem exciting.

Oh the router hub thingy from BT is coming later with a special or the ordinary Postie.....

Let's hope they deliver it to me and not the greedy neighbours..

Well the modem was just dropped off outside my door by the time I got to it they had left.

I think I set it up correctly, I decided to use all the new wires that came with it, maybe that's why my wifi is weak..

Maybe I made a mistake it's disconnected once already, if it keeps happening I'll have to call BT.

It's saying medium instead of weak signal which is good and just as I said that it went back to weak, now back to medium ha.

Very rarely has it ever said strong. The thing is while other parts of the country have reported snow, here it is oddly summery, sunshiney and warm.

I guess I will see if there is any difference, whether pages are quicker to load or how much the connection drops.

Plus will this make a big difference to the wifi call reception? Will I be heard completely without someone saying, I can barely decipher what you're saying or you're cutting out..

It's hard to tell with new equipment, I always feel like it needs to settle and find it's groove for now.

I don't have big issues but I know it's especially jittery when I use the microwave, it really hates that.

The box it came in was huge but slim, I was wondering how big it was but I think it's the same size.

I want to bin the old ones, I didn't realise I still had them. I'm also glad they didn't mention upgrading to fibre optic broadband, Mama had that and it's ridiculously bad.

I got to remember to change the wifi on the spare phone as well and that's it, no more devices, 2x mobiles, 1 laptop.

If we're getting bright sunshine in winter, does this mean in summer there will be snow?

I'm just going to add to this as I had a call about the stock condition appointment direct from the landlord.

That was cool because she offered an appointment this week and I thought good get it out of the way.

Surprisingly there were slots at the weekend and I thought just in case UC wants to see me, make it for then and it won't clash.

So I did it for Sunday morning 9-12pm and told her it might take me a while to get to the door, can they be patient and she said she'll let them know and I might get a call when they are on the way.

So that is finally settled at long last. I just need to do a tiny bit of sprucing.

Change the bed, wipe the bath and sink, mop the floors, wash the sheets and that's it.

I hate giving up the weekends, I like to rest and sleep in but this appointment has been weighing on me and finally it will be over.

I'm still nervous about strange men in my place but it's just a routine job, I'll have my phone and earbuds in and try to reassure myself I'm safe.

and maybe avoid the small rooms they are in like the bathroom and bedroom.

That's my plan for survival, as for cleaning, 1 room per day is my manageable plan.

#BlogLife1012 - Chilly thoughts..

Well that's done, paid the rent, shoot I forgot to check the energy bills, next time..

I found a really light fun game, where you read the clues and figure out people's positions, it's not taxing, some are just thinkers, I really like it though.

It's called That's My Seat and I've been looking for something like this for a while, very simple drag format and sometimes I can play offline but it still affects my background music, grr.

Certain types of games I like to play before bed but I guess I should really be switching off my brain.

For me though these simple challenge games, make me feel cosy and chilled and I guess that's good too.

It's now two months and no monthly which is great, the symptoms are there because one minute, I have a light appetite and the next I can't get enough munchies..

Mama was supposed to call about a get-together but she hasn't and I'm kinda glad, I just don't feel I have any energy at present.

My taste buds have changed again, I used to really like Richmond vegan sausages and now I'm not liking them or the vegan sausage rolls or Tuc biscuits.

I am trying to be somewhat healthy, but I can only buy the foods that I crave, if I go off them, there's no point.

My phone battery is ridiculous now within a few hours or less, it's half dead, yeesh used to last a day and a half.

I thought it would help to turn off background data usage on all the installed game apps, but nope, something is draining it fast.

Oh and Mama just called so meeting her tomorrow morning. I should eat or get takeout, ugh, how do you save money on everyday survival??

I find that if I do a few competitions every day at least that's something, I had a fair few big, medium and small wins in the past so it does help, rare but handy.

I think what I'll do is just have a meal where possible with her and try not to stress about it, it's not a common thing so I should go with the flow.

It doesn't help I have to adjust the screen so it's bright, otherwise I can't see clearly.

I've shaped my nails so they look tidy and Oh just remembered I have to pluck my brows and now that's sorta done, there isn't much light and I don't want to overdo it, I did what I could.

I'm thinking about going for a pedicure but Mama said near the location it's congested, roadworks or closures or something so I won't bother for now.

Oh I need to top up my Oyster card. Ugh that has to wait because they text a code and the phone is dead and charging.

Now that's done too, so I'm all set and tomorrow will do probably the hair oil and a double conditioner.

I just have to eat now, chicken, steak and some plain pasta, I have tomato and herb or cheese and broccoli or maybe macaroni.

The smart thing would be to cut up the meat and sprinkle it throughout but as I'm avoiding using knives where possible due to the pain, I'll leave it whole.

Two things I'm wondering, Is the hair oil making a difference? Is it stronger or thicker?

Are my grey hairs less? I have some scattered in the front, not sure about the back or sides..

Is the smart meter finally saving me money on bills? Hmm..

I have no idea.

#BlogLife774 - Dear Mama - I don't want to say this/4 week period

I guess the good thing is that I remembered to do the hair oil thing, it felt good giving myself a scalp massage this morning.

Now I have a face mask on and I wanted to do the face brush but the battery is dead, as per usual, when I go to use it.

Something has been living in my mind and refuses to leave, so either this will stay a draft or I'll let it out.

I'm just fed up of having a family that is out to get me, and continues making my life a living hell.

You are my only tether to that evilness, your sons, I mean and if I cut ties with you, I feel like I'll finally be free and at peace.

Obviously I could never say this to you, but over the years, I've gotten close.

I can't stop thinking about it, around and around it goes. I feel like I'm literally being driven crazy.

First it's being just verbally tortured and threatened and now more than ever it feels psychological.

They win, they can have you all to themselves. I just want to stop being afraid, to stop looking over my shoulder, to be able to take a breath and not worry about the consequences.

It will be near impossible to say Goodbye, but if I don't do something for myself, I'm going to jump off the deep end.

Today I basically said, I don't care what happens to me anymore.

Let them cart me off to jail. I just can't stand it anymore. There is nothing left of me.

I want to have a life, I want to form a bond with someone. I want to be normal.

I want to be able to function but I'm stunted, like an overgrown child.

I'm just hiding, hiding, hiding, never being true to myself, never letting anyone close to me.

I just don't know if it's worth being tied to you anymore.

I realise that's ungrateful or blameful and I don't think you're a bad person.

I just think you're only crime is, you're too forgiving and there are no consequences to their actions.

The posts that keep jumping into my head, is this..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2017/08/if-im-not-me-who-am-i.html

And this one..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2022/04/bloglife259-you-killed-my-last-safe.html

That's how far gone I am. It helps to air this out and I just feel like, on some level you know, I may or may not cut you out of my life, for my sanity.

But honestly this whole blog is made up of these types of posts, about bullying and despondency.

And you choose to continually brush it under the carpet.

I just can't cast it aside anymore. I didn't even want to write this post but it was a necessity.

I just feel like I need to say Goodbye and I don't want too.

I'm just defenceless once more and I'm sick of it. The fear of what will they do next???

I am not okay. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the truth.

I'm slipping, slipping, slipping further away from you. I genuinely did not want to admit any of this out loud but when I wrote this.

It felt like a release, it needed to be aired in some format. I don't feel better for sharing it but I feel more at peace.

It's no longer chipping away in my mind. I needed to clear my head, there's too much stress already.

><><><><><><><><><><><>><><><><

On to today (Tuesday), the JSA appointment wasn't cancelled, so I was advised to attend it and I thought maybe it's a good thing.

My advisor wasn't available but I saw her friend, which is equally sweet but she said, they are out of printing paper, so that was a dead end.

She said the JSA side of things is officially closed, so the migration to Universal Credit is complete.

When I logged into Universal Credit, there was something about Sanctions..

Which I am expecting, fines or worse. I feel so dizzy today, I felt like I was going to fall over, vomit and pass out.

My back is killing me, there is breast pain, nausea, cramps and exhaustion.

But even though I kept faltering, I held on to walls and just perservered.

I went to Ryman's and spent about £6 on 2 extra large brown envelopes and some sellotape to keep it together.

Then before that was the library and thankfully, hardly anyone was there, so the lady in charge had time to help me.

She was really kind and I appreciated that, she did the whole of the 134 double sided printouts and didn't give me a hard time about it.

I was so relieved, I apologised to the woman who came after me, to print 2 pages, ouch.

I left home about 9.35am and now it's 12pm. Anyway, anyone want to guess how much it cost?

I figured maybe £20 or £30....... Not even close.

This cost me just over £48, I also went to the Bank to get out about £50 to pay for everything prior.

Then she kept warning me about the cost and I said it's ok, because I have no choice, it has to be done.

She said, we don't accept cash, just card so that was fine, I put in my details, they were approved and the long wait for the printer begun.

Now I am home and have to wait for the Bank statements to get here this week, then I will seal them up.

I hope 2 envelopes are enough, if not I can get more. I don't know whether I should put Freepost on all of them but I don't want to risk it, incase it bounces back.

I'm on a time limit. Then when everything is here, the last step is to seal them, weigh them at the Post Office, buy the stamps and post them.

£54 so far, maybe just over £6 altogether? Who knows, I just want it done.

I should do my brows again but I can't be bothered. I so want sushi or any takeout but I won't do it.

I should go to the kitchen and make food but the pain is too much currently, I don't want to move.

I'm not really hungry but for energy I should munch and it is lunchtime, plus I've been up for several hours..

Oh and right on queue, my tum starts rumbling. Ugh why won't this stupid period end.

4 fricking weeks long!!! And pmt to boot.

Despite all of this nightmare. At least I didn't have to make dozens of trips this week.

Actually there maybe one more, the Universal Credit one is maybe this week or next, she said soon.

I have no idea though. They didn't explain anything about how to use the website.

I checked the post, but I have a feeling the Postie's gonna knock for the bulk statement delivery.

#BlgLife739 - More 1 day periods/Fan specifications

I received a response from the seller, not taking responsibility on Amazon, no mention of a replacement or refund.

Just stated the tracking on their end said it was delivered Wednesday at 12.53.

Again to whom? Nobody came knocking and I was at home. I spent the morning waiting for Royal Mail to answer and they did and said the tracking wasn't recognised.

Maybe they used a different courier? Who knows they didn't mention that and I'm not bloody calling every courier company to do their homework for them!

This is the first time I've realised Amazon has a guaranteed refund policy like Ebay.

Unlike Ebay though the seller only has 2 days to reply. I guess I'll wait and see what happens..

The next merry go round is the fan from Ebay, which Yodel are supposedly delivering by Monday.

It's Saturday now, and it's been out for delivery since 9/10 or 11am and then the time frame slot passed between 11am and 1pm.

Contacted the live chat, who said it's still out for delivery today up to 9pm.

Ugh useless as it is now 6pm. Then looked at the Shop tracking parcels app.

It said at 11.45am, delivery delay and then at 4.24pm, arrived at transport hub...

Um doesn't that mean it's gone back to the bloody base?? How can it be delivered today then??

I'm having no luck with parcels at the moment, there isn't any sign of the makeup either.

Oh and that EE guy phoned back about the early upgrade deal but wasn't very forthcoming about good deals.

Just said you'd have to pay more or wait until your contract ends or come and see them in person.

Pffft. I've been negotiating phone contracts since late teens or early twenties, there's no way I'll just agree to pay more.

Besides which over the phone, they are much more willing to give in to my demands, ha!

Oh and to clarify, yup for some reason they stopped doing the OnePlus phones.

They had them 2 years ago, hmm, he recommended Google Pixel, not sure about anything other than Samsung.

Will have to do some Googly wooglying. Now that it's Monday morning..

Yodel website, still doesn't say Out for delivery but states that there are 18 stops ahead of me.

I wonder what delays will occur today or will it miraculously show up?

Ugh I'm having nonstop crampages this morning. Well well well, at 12pmish the fan finally arrived.

I'm glad he called as he was automatically going to leave it with the neighbours.

Ughhh, the parcel has written all over, Don't do that!! I quickly added that I was home, tried to give directions and he was like Yea, yea yea got it.

I swear if he had delivered it to the wrong address, heads would have rolled.

Why not listen to the instructions that are helpful to make your route easier??

It's a pity, I don't think the fan is a fast charge device but it was only £7.65. GF07 is the model name by JW.

I just got it in boring black ha. It is powerful on the lowest setting, that's what I wanted so it will last ages, supposedly.

It's a 5k mah battery, 12-18 hours running time. 4 speeds, although the last one is energy saving, so that just seems low.

I rarely run the medium to high speeds, it's great but kills the battery, I stick to the lowest setting.

What I will make a note of for next time, is the power variables, now I know this is the type I am searching for..

On low, it's 2.8 m/s and 1350 rpm. On medium it's 3.6 m/s and 1750 rpm. On high it's 4.5 m/s and 2150 rpm.

And lastly on the energy saving mode it's 2.8-4.5 m/s and 1350-2150.

I'm not sure how that works really. Does it randomly fluctuate? I think the more power, the louder it becomes.

The instructions were too basic. According to the website, low is supposed to last 18 hours.

But energy saving only lasts for 15, um, shouldn't that be longer?

Ha, oh well. I got it and the heatwave will probably disappear now. I'll eventually experiment.

At the moment the humidity is around the clock. I'm running the fans 24-7 and that's why I wanted a third one.

It's hard to function, no matter how much I drink. I still feel a bit dizzy and empty.

Plus tired as though I'm constantly out in the sun, all night and all day.

This will be another weird month, period wise. Came on the 14th and finished on the 14th.

It's nearly the end of the month though, maybe it will wait until the last day and say Cooee, getting a bit too relaxed are we??

I'm backkk, with crampages, nausea and bloating, did you miss me??

Or it could be nice and forgo the rest of the month and leave me in peace...

#BlogLife707 - Second period of the month

I can't stop yawning, I mean 2 late night chats in a row, tsk tut. They were both surprisingly good though.

The first random, I wasn't too keen on his voice but the second one had a really nice one and was more natural, we covered everything.

He didn't try to spice it up, which is highly unusual but I'm glad. Neither of them wanted a follow up so it's just a one off.

I respect that and it doesn't really dent my ego because there are plenty of conversations around the corner.

It always makes me laugh when they say it's gonna be a quickie call and next minute, an hour has passed ha!

That Hellmans lime and avocado sauce is weird because I feel like the more I have it, the less I can taste it. Strange!

The Sriracha one is so much nicer and has a stronger sensation. I much prefer that.

That's weird I have to chase them up, the other cleanser, hasn't been posted yet and that was from the 11th June.

I love that they demand payment quickly but can't be bothered to despatch it. Ugh!

I had a horrible night. My light period ended on Sunday after 11 days off and on and I thought great it's passed.

Then last night it returned but with a vengeance, heavy and I was hoping by the morning it would have stopped but nopey.

I didn't sleep properly so when the afternoon hit by the time I got up, I felt so woozy.

I thought either I'll faint or I'm going to be sick. I have zero energy so I just tried to calm my breathing and race to the kitchen to drink a lot of ice cold water.

Luckily I made it and feel fine now. Surprisingly, there are no cramps but I'm listening to the lighter period subliminal on Youtube.

Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't but it also helps with cramps. I play it on a loop for most of the day and then switch it off.

I should eat something to regain energy but I don't have an appetite at the moment.

I've gone back to feeling lightheaded as it's nearly 5pm and I've been sipping water all day.

I just did an Ocado Zoom order as I had a voucher expiring and I didn't want to be standing for too long in case I passed out.

I got lots of goodies and they've brought back the chicken samosas which I'm happy about, although it seems rebranded.. I hope it's not spicy..

I'm going to force myself to eat something and hopefully that will spur the hunger pangs.

I keep forgetting to bring the fan out, today is quite hot and I'm probably dehydrated and iron deficient.

I checked the post just incase my cleanser was despatched and they didn't tell me, but no sign still.

I just contacted them and will see what they say..

#BlogLife701 - Period jinx

Ugh I felt really unsteady on my feet randomly throughout the day and I wasn't sure why..

But after three glorious months without a period I came on yesterday. I feel like I jinxed myself ha.

Then this morning, nothing but the nausea is still present so I'm not sure what will happen.

I got a foodie review for you, as what I'm trying to do is sample different products so that my tum tum doesn't get fed up.

Or items that I haven't had in ages, as I'm trying not to waste food but I have stuff in the freezer that has no earthly appeal whatsoever.

Golden Wonder have these tomatoey based crisps that I had been seeing for a while and I don't like tomatoes but I like the flavouring, just the same as mushrooms.

Somehow blended it's more palatable to me. I've only been craving ready salted but I've always loved the Wheat Crunchies tomato crisps so thought I would give Tangy Toms a try.

It's a lil on the salty side and it's similar to wotsits but a rounder version and crunchier, they are lovely, but tiny so not that filling as a snack.

It's not ridiculously tart just a teensy bit which just makes it different or similar to the Wheat Crunchies actually.

The story that can't be transitioned into a written tale is still plaguing me. It's just moving along all cute and interesting.

But it's too similar to others so it wouldn't work as a standalone fiction piece. It doesn't have enough of a plot.

I'm on maybe my 3rd or 4th sparring match with a Scrabble opponent and they always start off well, a few anyway..

But then they typically annoy me with lazy no effort turns. This one plays really quickly and expects you to drop everything and do the same, night or day..

At first I thought he was a bot lol. He started doing long words, clever plays with high scores but now he is infuriating as he's overlapping all the sodding words so the board shrinks and there is no way to be creative.

I feel like I will block him soon, it becomes less fun and more tedious.

Why do people start off challenging you and then give up?? Who says you have to play immediately or when you're not in the mood?

Take your fricking time and make it enjoyable for yourself and your rival!!

#BlogLife641 - Would you be intimate whilst on your period? 18+

Happy Valentines Day to all of you:)

It's been a random day full of randoms.

First up that therapist chat that was deep and meaningful should have been a one off!

I don’t know if he was embarrassed about oversharing but the next conversation was so ridiculously boring.

I stopped talking to him after that, life's far too short to be trapped.

The next one was the serial ghoster who said Hi as though nothing happened. 

If that was me I would say I'm really sorry, can I just explain?

But I coldly greeted him with Oh it's the time waster.

He replied with You blocked me while I was in hospital.

Last time his excuse was I'm visiting my friend in hospital.

Come on put some effort, some originality with your lying please pffft.

I replied how convenient and that I didn't want someone popping in and out.

I need consistency to build up trust and reliability, that's my preference as I don't trust most people. 

So he laughably retorted, You want me to be all in?

Ha!! I said we're strangers, find someone that doesn't mind you coming and going.

Does he take me for a fool? Me thinks he does!

Ok last one. This is such an overshare but here goes.

Feel free to stop reading this bit. Me and Y were talking and I mentioned feeling unwell and cramping.

He guessed that I was on my period and truth be told I've only been intimate once during this time.

I got talked into going out and messing about with him and I felt even more undesirable and awkward.

We ended up halting and he just said I dont want to make you uncomfortable.

I wasn't really sure how I felt, sex is and always will be confusing. 

Anyway back to me and Y. He said that when these times happened he wouldn't fool around with the woman.

Would not satisfy her needs, even in the shower but would expect blowjobs ha!!!!

That is what we were kinda disagreeing about.

I find that self serving and unfair. That he expects to be satisfied but would leave his better half unfulfilled???

It was delicious debating with him because he did discuss it with me.

I found his answers hysterical,  he lost intellectual points.

This was his side and I wouldn't normally share but I hate selfish men.

They are the reasons I would never immediately show my loving side because its exploited and I told him this!

Anyway he said.. (I'm shaking with laughter).

That me giving pleasure to him should be satisfying enough and that I should be happy to please him lol.

What bollocks!!

Oh he added this bit, which made him look foolish.

That if I made him just concentrate on my needs alone, he would feel used.

I in turn said I would never ask you to do that and not reciprocate and yet you are demanding I do that for you!!!

There was no way he could win this round so he just said, there are other factors but let's agree to disagree.

We didn't really resolve anything,  that side of him, I don't really respect.

But he remains unblocked..

I just think if you really care about someone you will naturally want to make them happy.

My solution was no physical contact during that time then for either of us, fair is fair.

Relationships should be equal. I guess on the flip side, anytime I wasn't in the mood, I could just state, Oh no sorry unpredictable monthly has started.

He would probably say, What again? That's the 14th time this month!

Ha I'll always find a way to make things even and protect myself from being used!

#BlogLife625 - Three week period

Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to stop bleeding. My cycle has always been weird and unpredictable but this is ridiculous.

I thought it was finally normalising like everyone else, consisting of just a few days..

But now it's back to the beginning where it lasted nearly two frigging weeks!

I thought with the weightloss that it would help impede the flow and symptoms but if anything I feel worse.

My appetite is still different. Never before have I just wanted bland simple food. I crave variety.

I feel like what I used to like before has no place in my tum now. The only meal I enjoy is the breakfast cheese toasties.

For dinner I switch between fish or meat or chicken but it just doesn't taste good anymore.

I'm just tired of feeling this way. I just did another mini Zoom shop as I feel like if I buy a whole load of food to make up the minimum spend I'm going to waste it.

I got some more cheese and bread, toothpaste and wipes and then the lunch deal with sushi and some sprite.

At least I only have to spend £15. I'm binging an old show which never appealed to me when it was first aired.

But now I'm enjoying it. Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. Set in the 60's I think where she faces prejudice as a female and a physician.

It's interesting the remedies she uses and of course the love interest that follows.

I feel my mood shifting where I don't want to do anything or get out of bed but I push myself anyway as I know it will help.

I know that I'm not always going to feel out of sorts, it will pass and improve.

At least there's been minimal nausea and I'm still sleeping deeply which is a rare positive as an insomniac.

#BlogLife551 - Friday's Dance Party Females

Song of the day - Enisa - Blame It On Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV-2mw6cxYM

I was just searching for what to add for Song of the day and this popped up in the recommendations and I liked it.

It's been a rough start to the day but I'm happy you're here to keep me company :)

I felt so sick this morning it felt like I was going to bring up all my internal organs.

My stomach won't settle completely. A nap would help but I'm not tired enough for it to take.

I'm in limbo so I thought let's have a weekend party. Of course it all centres around nibbles and drinks, like any celebration should.

Lucozade, lemonade, mini steak pastry puffs, cheetos and niknaks. I'm not the biggest fan of steak but I like these.

Plus for dessert we have Black Forest Gateau, feel free to gobble all the cherries, I usually bin them.

I read somewhere that morning sickness could be linked to lack of sleep and if so it makes sense, with the couple of hours I get.

*Nappus Interruptus*

Sorry fell asleep. I was up at 7amish to get the groceries. The nap helped a bit but everytime I munch I have to quickly play the anti nausea video instead of music.

Maybe I'm not drinking enough? Although I have been sipping quite a bit.

Ahh I'll try the citrus drinks, that's supposed to be soothing.

First things first, how was your week?

Uh huh? You didn't expect that? I didn't either, so what he say? What did she say? Realllly. Hmm.. Go on...

That's it. Alright, well thanks for keeping me informed on your latest gossip :)

Eventually I started feeling better but physically it was a rough time on my body.

My mind was a lot better. I discovered some new music, a new, well new to me Turkish drama.

Sunday I had a one day period, after two months of skippage. It used to be that the periods were worse than the symptoms and now it's the other way around.

It's past 2pmish and I haven't eaten yet but I will soon. I ended up buying Mama the same phone stand as me.

I asked her if she would like one as she actually does a lot of zoom and video and whatsapp calls.

And I've never in my life done a video call. I just bought it to stop picking up my phone as much and ease the pressure.

You know when there's a lot to say, but your brain goes blank? That's me at the moment.

Oh that's what I was going to talk about. I was wondering if the Perfectil multivitamins were started to make me feel nauseated.

That was an all day sickness event and my stomach wouldn't let anything stay down.

But I think it's more the pmt related nausea because I am coming up to a month I think and I didn't experience any symptoms for the first two weeks.

In fact it gave me an energy boost. I think it picked up my mood as well.

It didn't help with the hormonal acne, I did break out a lil but with the mud mask, I think they are all fading now.

My scalp has started to go dry again. I'm eventually going to start investing in the Vatika conditioners.

I still have leftovers, that's why I'm not purchasing any. Just to clarify, I'm not dating anyone.

I don't sleep around. I just thought it was funny that I didn't have a period for two months and then I accidentally get someone else's pregnancy test.

If I was dating, I would have so many scares but then again. I've never done the unprotected thing, so maybe not?

I for once, have no nausea today so let's dance dance dance, while I make some cheesy toasties or whatever else you fancy..

*Cue the hip swings woop*