#BlogLife421 - Male asmr artists, disarming or devilish??

I was getting ready for bed and either I'll watch asmr or some television show or movie to get me relaxed and tired enough to drift off peacefully.

I think that's why I've stopped watching a lot of television series because most seem to have this dark element and it stays inside my head for ages afterwards.

There's already too much negativity and scary thoughts about already, I don't need more, hence the preference for light and fluffy shows.

I had a worse than usual night's sleep. I kept waking up every few hours. My whole head seem to be aching, eyes, mouth.

I just couldn't stop rubbing my eyes, ooh that reminds me, I'll put some drops in.

My eyes aren't bothering me anymore and my headache seems to have disappeared but this way, hopefully my eyes will stay calmer for longer.

Anyway sometimes in the right hand side of Youtube are recommended videos and I like to sample some and see if it's to my taste.

I just find myself unfollowing a lot of asmr channels as they start off normal, sound effects to help you sleep or funny ramblings about their day.

Then all of a sudden it's sexual.....Ickity, ick or friends to lovers nonsense.

I have a lot of triggers that pull me into uncomfortability and that's one of them.

As nearly most or maybe all of them ended up sexually harassing me in some sort of way, without any encouragement.

A simple hug, would mean that my breasts were grabbed, my ass was touched or worse and my face was horrified.

They were always quick to make an empty apology, which I naively thought was genuine but then given the opportunity, would readily do it again!!

I cut ties with a lot of them immediately or after a while, due to this very issue.

I still don't understand why it continuously happened to me and when I spoke to female relatives and friends, none of them had my experiences at all!

That's why I like to have a line in the sand, friendship is platonic and relationships are touchy feely.

Over the years asmr has gotten broader and improved dialogue and I don't really have a preference between male or females......

However, some male artists are just too flirty and it's that upsetting balance between..

I was just getting used to you, feeling safe around you and now you're being an opportunist......Yuckity yuck!

The other thing that is really weird and I've started to come across it a lot...

Is male performers are trying to be comforting and make you feel safe but it's a bit tooo on the nose.

A complete male stranger is saying....... 

"Trust me, I'll never hurt you, I'll always be there. Close your eyes, you're safe."

Cringe!!!! 

"I know you have vulnerability issues but you're a strong person." 

It could be just me, with all the messed up interactions I've had, but somebody getting in my head is the opposite of soothing.

It just makes me think they are getting ready to pounce and that is nauseating!

It gives me a sense of danger and unease, why are they saying such intense things?

What's the end goal for them? I know you're wondering why I'm overthinking asmr but that's what pops into my head.

I would much prefer they limit it to a more generalised banter and quit being intimate.

Plus what is with all the shirtless asmr? Yeesh!

#BlogLife324 - Asmr that isn't asmr

Just tried out the Walls vegan plant based sausage roll, I didn't know they did a version like this.

I was optimistic that I would like it but it is awful, very bland unlike Quorn which is more flavourful and seasoned.

The pastry is soft and thick and appealing but it's like eating nothingness so I wouldn't recommend it.

I also tried Pret A Manger's Salt beef roll with pickles and salad. I loved the fresh crunchy vegetables inside, those were different and tasty.

I would have preferred chunks of beef, rather than slices, the thing which let me down was the super hard, stale tasting bread. It was so hard and dry that it put me off from ordering it again in the future.

Right now on to the title..

I am an asmr addict so I have watched a lot of videos and I know the artists work hard but some of it just isn't relaxing.

It is a personal thing, what appeals to me, will not necessarily gel with you.

It's basically sound effects that relax you and keep you focused or put you to sleep.

It is a whole broad range, some people ramble, some tell stories, some create roleplays like visiting a friend etc

You can just search for talking or non talking versions. I listen to both, depending on my mood or what I'm doing.

When I'm trying to sleep, it has to be non talking, as a voice is too distracting in my ear.

1. I dislike low quality mikes used as when the artist whispers, I have to turn my volume up to the maximum just to hear them and I don't want to harm my speakers.

2. As I've said before, I'm not a fan of tapping. I find it the most irritating thing but others adore it, so it might just be me, as most artists enjoy this method, which frankly ruins the video for me.

3. Stomach rumbling noises. I guess to be fair people have to work around their schedule but if it were me and I was trying to make it as perfect as possible.

I would have a meal and then produce a video as the sound of someone's tummy gurgling away is a nuisance. Eating is essential, making videos is not.

4. Relaxing videos that are ruined because artists cannot be bothered to replay their work and listen to it.

Some videos start off fantastically but then change into bad ones simply because, an action is so quiet, the mike doesn't pick it up.

For example I'll be writing away listening to the sounds of sweeping, rainfall, brushing, cleaning and then there will be minutes of silence incorporated, which makes me stop my momentum and check the video in case it has stalled..

When actually it is just a quiet action which isn't loud enough so it's really aggravating.

The whole point is to to have it playing in the background unaware so that I can get on with my day.

What is the point, if it feels like it isn't even any noises? A silent asmr video, defeats the purpose!!

#BlogLife224 - Can you give yourself asmr?

I can give myself asmr by rubbing a gloop of grainy scrub in my fingertips or sliding my fingers over my headphones and hearing that wipey/glidey sound that I find relaxing.

No idea why but frictiony or beauty sounds put me at ease. It's weird that most artists started watching asmr before starting their own channels but now are asmr immune.

I think it's more about the de-stressing vibes that the content provides. Asmr is sound effects like tapping, gum chewing, weather, whispering.

I'm not a fan of tapping sounds because it's grating on my nerves and whispering is basically the same as you can't hear it properly even with the volume maxed up.

I don't know if it is the quality of the headphones but there must be a way to speak in a gentle manner and still be coherent.

I've got a whole playlist of Youtube, a mix of talking and non but only a handful of them, can I listen from start to finish without fast forwarding some of the unpleasant sounds.

It's either too quiet in places or there are loud noises thrown into a peaceful video, which throw off the relaxation...

I had a good weekend, during the week I was feeling a bit stressy and stiff so I gave myself a 30 minute massage with the cushion, got some decent sleep and now I feel refreshed.

I don't feel tired for once and the creative juices are once again flowing.

I think I just needed to vent and do some pampering to put me at ease and it worked :)

I hope your week is going smoothly. See you tomorrow, hopefully.

Oh I've also been watching Youtube vlogs and mukbangs but I prefer when the eating is in a more natural setting, where it's just a part of the day and they are talking normally, not hyping it up for the camera.

White noise

I was listening to a no-talking asmr video and it just left me feeling really relaxed and then I decided to open up my wattpad story and see if I felt inspired, well no sooner had I clicked on the chapter the words just started flowing and ideas were resurfacing.

I can't listen to music or hear talking as that is too distracting while I'm concentrating but soothing sounds are just the perfect noises to get me de-stressed and creative.

I've actually just finished the chapter I was struggling with and seemed to have blocked myself into. 

I am explaining more of her back story and now will have to set up another betrayal or two, bring the villain out of hiding and finalise the different confrontations and then book one will finally be finished.

I am going to finish it before the year is out. I am going to crack on with book number two and make a dent in it. 

Lastly from somewhere inwards I am going to find the courage to share it after it is done and let the world love or hate it, These are my goals. I can do it. I will do it.

Asmr easy listening

Stress, pain, discomfort and early appointments all seem to contribute to my insomnia. I don't drink caffeine or alcohol. I've tried having a set time to go to sleep but that never works.

There is always something that I've forgotten to do and I'm tired at different times. If I lay down while I'm wide awake, I'll just feel irritable and restless, so I prefer to wait until the tiredness has set in. 

One night when I couldn't sleep I ended up watching YouTube videos and it was there I discovered people had uploaded these softly spoken role play videos in hopes of relaxing and soothing the viewer. 

Spa, singing, cooking and joke telling to name a few. 

I find listening to the scalp massage and facial/pedicure videos help me unwind the most because I'm used to doing and receiving beauty treatments so I know how thoroughly blissful it is to imagine I'm at a beauty salon.

I'm discovering new talents continuously that help me block out the world and feel taken care of. I can now more easily just fall into a deep contented sleep. 

There were some sweet and sentimental videos that were made previously that aided me tenfold when I was doubled over in pain and feeling really low but now all the so-called friendship ones tend to be hitting on me with kissing sounds wtf!!

Friends, certainly not the ones that I call friends would never cross that line into being inappropriate and taking advantage when I'm vulnerable. 

It makes me cringe, when I'm just seeking a shoulder to lean on and suddenly the guy is trying it on. NO NO NO. I see it as just plain disconcerting.

I think it's because I've experienced it so much that I know the signs and even in a so-called "comforting" roleplay asmr video. 

It takes me back to those days when all I wanted was to be heard and cared for and all of the male friends I had just kept making innuendos and trying to make a move. That's one of my reasons I find it hard to trust people.

I hate the sound of my own voice or I may have been tempted to try and record one but I've been told it's soothing, maybe for a lark I'll write one out someday...