#BlogLife421 - Male asmr artists, disarming or devilish??

I was getting ready for bed and either I'll watch asmr or some television show or movie to get me relaxed and tired enough to drift off peacefully.

I think that's why I've stopped watching a lot of television series because most seem to have this dark element and it stays inside my head for ages afterwards.

There's already too much negativity and scary thoughts about already, I don't need more, hence the preference for light and fluffy shows.

I had a worse than usual night's sleep. I kept waking up every few hours. My whole head seem to be aching, eyes, mouth.

I just couldn't stop rubbing my eyes, ooh that reminds me, I'll put some drops in.

My eyes aren't bothering me anymore and my headache seems to have disappeared but this way, hopefully my eyes will stay calmer for longer.

Anyway sometimes in the right hand side of Youtube are recommended videos and I like to sample some and see if it's to my taste.

I just find myself unfollowing a lot of asmr channels as they start off normal, sound effects to help you sleep or funny ramblings about their day.

Then all of a sudden it's sexual.....Ickity, ick or friends to lovers nonsense.

I have a lot of triggers that pull me into uncomfortability and that's one of them.

As nearly most or maybe all of them ended up sexually harassing me in some sort of way, without any encouragement.

A simple hug, would mean that my breasts were grabbed, my ass was touched or worse and my face was horrified.

They were always quick to make an empty apology, which I naively thought was genuine but then given the opportunity, would readily do it again!!

I cut ties with a lot of them immediately or after a while, due to this very issue.

I still don't understand why it continuously happened to me and when I spoke to female relatives and friends, none of them had my experiences at all!

That's why I like to have a line in the sand, friendship is platonic and relationships are touchy feely.

Over the years asmr has gotten broader and improved dialogue and I don't really have a preference between male or females......

However, some male artists are just too flirty and it's that upsetting balance between..

I was just getting used to you, feeling safe around you and now you're being an opportunist......Yuckity yuck!

The other thing that is really weird and I've started to come across it a lot...

Is male performers are trying to be comforting and make you feel safe but it's a bit tooo on the nose.

A complete male stranger is saying....... 

"Trust me, I'll never hurt you, I'll always be there. Close your eyes, you're safe."

Cringe!!!! 

"I know you have vulnerability issues but you're a strong person." 

It could be just me, with all the messed up interactions I've had, but somebody getting in my head is the opposite of soothing.

It just makes me think they are getting ready to pounce and that is nauseating!

It gives me a sense of danger and unease, why are they saying such intense things?

What's the end goal for them? I know you're wondering why I'm overthinking asmr but that's what pops into my head.

I would much prefer they limit it to a more generalised banter and quit being intimate.

Plus what is with all the shirtless asmr? Yeesh!