#BlogLife600 - Blogaversary challenge *600th post* BookLife7 - Paloma's Holiday Hijinks

Song of the day - Whitesnake - Here I Go Again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oohFGOmcxuo

I put way too much pressure on myself to be more and more accomplished and when I don't necessarily achieve that, I get pretty down on myself.

That's why I haven't done much each BlogLife milestone but 600 seems like a big number so I want to make the effort to challenge myself.

The Christmas story isn't ready. It will be a miracle if I can publish it before the year is out so that was not an option for today.

Instead I thought what if I did an on the spot mini BookLife, that I compose tomorrow and publish tomorrow.

All fiction, although there is probably an element of truth in all my stories.

It has to come from somewhere right? I'm only writing this bit and will begin tomorrow's tale when I wake up properly and freefall any subject that springs to mind..

Wish me luck and happy reading :)

Paloma's Holiday Hijinks

"Hi my name's Paloma and as it's Christmas I wanted to share a special story with you."

"My age and looks don't matter because I'm not a Princess, I'm just an ordinary girl!"

"I grew up surrounded by water in a small coastal beach area, simply referred to as Oceana."

"I didn't like it as much being on land, but being in the water splashing and frolicking felt more natural."

"I always remember throwing a tantrum whenever I was lifted out of it."

"Calua, my sister and I were at the beach collecting shells, when it all started."

"I saw it first, give it back to me." I snatched it out of Calua's hand and sprinted away from her grabby sandy fingers.

"You're always stealing from me. My clothes, my snacks and now this."

"Er m-my o-our parents.. She twisted her head and looked at me amused and smugly.

"What rubbish are you spouting now? We both have the same parents!"

Calua's smile widened in that moment a big toothy grin followed.

She chuckled. "Yea, yes that's what you were supposed to think but last night I heard Mama and Papa talking about how they found you abandoned on the beach."

I stepped back in a daze. Dropping the beautiful shiny shell I had just fought over.

I shook my head. "You're lying to get me back because I took the sh-shell from you."

She fumbled around in her pocket. "I knew you wouldn't believe me so I brought proof with me."

My eyes widened and tears were already falling down my plump round cheeks.

Shakily I reached out and took the paper reading the note.

Darling Paloma,

I hope you never have to read this before I can explain myself. Your Papa Tur abandoned us.

We tried so hard to have a baby and began fighting a lot. It was a tough time all around.

I couldn't get myself together, to be the parent you deserved. I knew a family that always picnicked at this time, would find you and care for you, the way I just couldn't.

I will be back for you I promise on December 24th 2023. Wait for me by the beach.

I'm sorry. Don't hate me and be well, live your water-baby life. 

Your loving Mama 

Rocy

XxXx

I dropped the note and ran into the water screaming. I swam and swam, letting the icy water splash and numb me.

After what seemed like eons passed I finally swam back to shore and shivered on the beach, exhausted and raw.

I heard skipping behind me but I was still too out of it to comprehend much of anything.

My parents pulled me up scolding me. "Where have you been? Haven't I told you to stay with your sister??"

I stared up at them blankly, tuning them out. Their scowls no longer affecting me. I was near exhaustion and my legs wanted to collapse.

I closed my eyes and let my legs give way and felt myself carried home by who I thought was my Papa but now I knew different.

The scary thing was that tonight was the 23rd and tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

I rubbed my eyes and blinked to see my surroundings getting clearer and more in focus.

I was back home? I guess, the place where I had lived for most of my life but everything seemed new and scary.

I felt Papa touch my forehead. "Phew you don't have a fever." He hugged me and seemed genuinely concerned.

"What's for dinner?" I croaked the words out and everybody laughed. There was never anything wrong when I had an appetite.

I shivered and Mama put a purple shawl around me. I mumbled a Thank you, feeling too choked up to speak further.

We ate chicken and barley soup in silence or at least that's what I assumed as my thoughts were on sneaking out tonight and not being caught.

I excused myself without having dessert, mumbling that I was too tired.

I saw my parents shoot themselves a worried look but I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

It struck me that I didn't look like either of my parents and somebody had always made a running joke that I was kidnapped.

But nobody paid attention to that, although sometimes later on when I glanced over at their faces my Mama had seemed particularly disturbed by it.

I climbed on my bed and rested on my knees looking out the window. I saw the lanterns flicking on and heard the waves, which always put me to sleep.

I turned around as I heard a soft knock on the door. Mama stuck her head around the door.

"Are you alright sweetie? You are very quiet today?" I felt guilty but nodded.

She took my hand and led me back to the living room. My eyes widened as I looked up at the tree. 

It was only half decorated as my parents were swamped with work and other responsibilities so tonight we were finishing it off.

I had completely forgotten about it. My eyes went fuzzy from all the neon bright party decorations, it was a sight to behold, with all the walls shiny and festive.

Christmas cards in a wreath on the door. Gold, silver, red and blue ornaments covering the tree.

A gold and silver star at the very top that my sister and I had made together built out of paper and glue and a bottle of sparkling glitter.

Could I really leave all this behind I wondered? I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of apple juice and wiped a tear away.

Time passed and my sister and I yawned in unison. My parents carried us to our separate rooms, kissed us goodnight and swept the hair from our foreheads.

I snuggled in and pretended to sleep but as soon as they each closed the door I perched upright.

I set my alarm for midnight, laid out my favourite red dress with a bow in the middle and a bow for my hair.

My shiny red shoes with a mini bow. Yes I'm obsessed with bows and then fell into a deep sleep.

I sleepily swotted a buzzing fly that would not be quiet and then remembered it was my alarm clock.

I shut it off quickly and got dressed and looked around my room that I probably wouldn't see ever again.

I bit my lip and quietly tiptoed out of my room. I shushed all the squeaky floorboards nervously and made it to the lounge.

My hands were shaking. I quietly grabbed the red glitter pen to write a farewell letter.

Dear family,

I love you all and thank you for helping to raise me but I can't stay any longer.

I need to be with my real parent.

I'll never forget you. Please don't forget me.

Goodbye forever.

Ps don't look for me at the beach.

Paloma

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh and don't punish Calua for telling me...

I wiped my face clean and sternly told myself to be strong and brave.

I stood on tiptoes and unlocked the door and took one last breath, scanning the warm cosy home I once knew and then shut the door behind me shivering.

My teeth were chattering and I smacked my head. In my haste to not wake anyone up. I had forgotten my warm wooly coat.

Oh well, it was too late to go back and get it now. I was halfway there.

Maybe my new Mama would have something. I smacked my mouth. What did I call her?

I was so mixed up. All this was hurting my brain and my heart. I got to the beach safely and it was very quiet.

Nobody was around and I sat huddled bringing my knees up and unclutching the shell and note that had been tightly resting in my palms.

I wondered how long I would have to wait. Would I recognise her? Would she know me? How would I feel? How would she feel?

I swept the sand away from my clothes and hands, wanting to be as smart as possible and make a good impression but I was fading fast.

I couldn't stop yawning. Soon I had curled up and fallen back asleep again, resting my head on my lil hands.

I was abruptly awoken by the sounds of screaming and my name being shouted.

"Palommmmmmmmma Palomaaaaaa. Where are you??" I covered my eyes as the flashlight bore into me.

"Oh thank heavens she's safe." My parents scooped me up and covered me in kisses.

The shell and note had fallen out of my hands and I looked guiltily away as Mama picked it up.

She blinked away the tears, trying to focus and read it. She covered her mouth in an anguished cry and buried her head in Papa's shoulder while handing it to him.

He scanned it and crumbled it angrily. I was put down and I bit my lip.

"Umm are you angry with me? I have to leave you. N-not because I want too. I think it's the right thing to do because I was only loaned to you for a while and now. Umm I have to go back where I belong."

My parents made a gargled sound of frustration and pulled me closer.

I had never seen my parents so upset that they were actually both shedding tears.

"We were worried sick about you and you belong with us." I shook my head.

"Listen darling I know this must be terribly confusing for you but we can explain it."

"First though we are going to get you inside, warmed up and out of this freezing weather before you catch a cold."

I stubbornly folded my arms, while my Papa wrapped me in a blanket and bundled it tightly around me.

I didn't even realise I was shivering. I saw my parents looking at each other, wondering how much they should reveal to me.

I sneezed and broke into their thoughts. Papa picked me up despite my protests and carried me home.

Mama put a warm jumper on me and Papa brought me some hot chocolate to sip on to bring my temperature up.

But I had a few gulps and then petulantly pushed it away.  Papa's voice broke as he said...

"If something had happened to you.. O-our hearts would have broken and never been the same again."

"Promise us you will never try to leave and run away ever again."

Mama's voice interjected this time. "Despite what you think, you are our daughter but the letter has some merit."

My eyes widened as I listened. "Your Papa and I desperately wanted lots of children but the Doctor's said it would be a miracle if we could get pregnant."

"Um do you remember when you were very lil, a woman named Aunty Rocy?"

I shook my head. "Sh-she wasn't really your Aunty, just a close friend of the family and she cooked you in her tummy, from parts of err your Papa and Me."

I scrunched my face in disbelief? "Like an omelette?" They both smiled. "Something like that."

Papa cleared his throat. "See the problem was that Rocy started to think of you as her child and wanted to keep you."

"She became confused and wrote you this letter but you completely are 100% a member of this family."

I thought about this long and hard and thirstily drank the remainder of my hot chocolate.

I stood up ready for bed. "So Aunty Rocy was a microwave that cooked me but you're still my parents and I can still call you Mama and Papa?"

They both shrugged, laughed and nodded. "We'll always be your family and we are incomplete without you."

I hugged them both. "It's been a really long day and I didn't have dessert last night, tomorrow can I have pancakes shaped like Christmas trees with lemon, maple syrup and blueberries please?"

They both gasped at my outrageous request and said "Bed!" In unison.

I walked off turned around and giggled. It was good to be home, where I had a place that almost seemed magical and full of love.

The end

#BlogLife400 - If Twitter dies.... *400th blogaversary post*

Happy 400th Blogaversary!!

Song of the day - Kool and the Gang - Celebration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

How are all you sixteen wonderful readers doing? Yup I mean every single one of you?

Moi? Well me personally, I'm good thanks. It's amazing what switching off the phone and getting some decent blocks of sleep will do.

The nausea/cramps still come and go but I've stopped throwing up so that's a great thing.

I wish that I could have surprised you with a completed story but I'm just not there yet.

I think, I know that's why I was more realistic about finishing them at the end of the year, that's more doable as I'm juggling things on a daily basis now.

One of the things I'm looking forward to in December is wearing my red perfume.

It can be worn anytime but because it's red and has this sweet sort of flowery musk to it, it just reminds me of Christmas.

I have a daily version which is blue and that's another favourite. They're all just Elizabeth Taylor types as I've turned them into my signature scents.

They're just feminine and classy and give my senses a boost. I should really do a vocal introduction everytime there is a milestone post but I've already forgotten how to do it.

I know that I said I would read a post or story but I get sooo nervous that I get tongue-tied and stumble over words or just laugh because my face is bright red and I can't disguise it in person.

Even surrounded by family and friends, even if it's over the phone, I still just feel self-conscious.

I'm not sure why, maybe because the focus is solely on me and my blog is so personal that it feels weird to put myself on display in front of people?

Here on blogger I can tuck myself away and nobody can see me or know my identity and that's freeing, which is the opposite to how I've always felt.

Normally my tactic would be to avoid talking about myself and direct questions at the other person and distract them and I would say that it works well because opening myself up, to this day, is still a challenge.

I don't want to get too technical about the title. Twitter has changed hands and under the new management, the employers left because change was dictated.

So the service remains in peril. That's just to explain the title, I'm not getting more into it.

But out of Facebook and Twitter, I really do prefer the latter. It's just nice to have mini vents to air out my grievances and then I can forget all about it and move on to the next crisis.

Plus I use it to advertise the new posts and share what's going on with me.

I never ever did that with Facebook. I tried to get into it but I just couldn't.

If the worst happens, either I'll find an alternative or I will just use Facebook to advertise myself.

I've just googled some alternatives and Mastodon seems to be the highest recommended platform.

At least I have options. I'll also miss the Twitter competitions but again, there is always Facebook for that.

I have a whole week of not needing to go out for anything and I'm so relieved.

My body is not painfully aching all over but there's a section which has been hurting for a few days now.

I think it's more when I'm on my feet and walking around, it tends to twinge and I don't know if it will fade away or get more intense.

I'm wrapped up in my heated blankie as usual as it's freezing this morning and the warmth helps my bones, which is one of the reasons that I love winter.

I don't really like to get up earlier than 10am as a few hours later I'm sleepy, I woke up at 9amish and it's 11:32am and I'm already feeling tired.

As I was preparing breakfast, which I don't usually eat, but I cooked because I was sooo cold.

My brain was chattering on about today's post. (Ok at this point, I fell asleep).

I was trying to be really good and post this in the morning but I was yawning so much, that I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

Growing up I started off normal, chattering away and then lil by lil I was made to feel shame and seen as an outcast.

It started with my immediate family and was amplified by cousins, aunts and eventually friends.

I was silenced alot mid sentences and received snide comments that were muttered under the breath.

Are you really wearing that?

That's your opinion on that?

Why do you think that? We all agree on the other way?

Oh I know you don't understand this but we all do and it's hilarious....!

Oh you can't/refuse to do this? Well, we all do so it's going to be done!

My personal favourite...... Are you really going to eat that? Umm do you really think you should?

When we're in public, pretend you don't know me, don't embarrass me!!

You know it took me a long time to realise, this.. That I was being bullied.

This was the point where, instead of being excited to share my views, volunteer to my put hand up and join in, I felt stupid.

I constantly felt like that, even to this day. I'm very conscious of what I say and to a degree, how I act.

I do not want to be ridiculed! I can make fun of myself and admit my mistakes and I'm alright with that but if someone is mean about it, I don't accept that.

It was at this point, my mama was pushing me to socialise because I didn't realise why I had difficulty making friends.

I didn't want to say anything at this point, just in case, it was perceived as nonsense.

I didn't know how to look inwards. I didn't know, why I didn't want to talk or socialise.

I just knew that I wanted to be seen as smart and funny and sweet and I just felt foolish.

I convinced myself that I was doing something wrong, to make people treat me badly.

It couldn't be their fault, right?

My voice was spoken at the normal level and then it got softer, quieter and eventually sorta disappeared into a whisper...

One instance is this, we were at a family gathering. We were all outside playing games.

I have no idea what the new game was but I didn't want to participate so instead I was the host.

I don't know if I was reading questions, or judging submissions but my voice was a whisper and I didn't consciously know this.

People were saying can you speak up, we can't understand you and then everyone said it and I stood up and said something like....

Well if my voice isn't good enough for you, then find someone else!!

I think that was one of the few times I actually stood up to them and I realise this was a silly thing to make a stand about.

They weren't particularly being cruel, maybe their were some whispers about....Hmm her in charge?? Really??

But I ignored all that and started to have fun, I think. I remember this because this was at a pre-teen time, when I didn't confront anybody mistreating me at all.

I think in my own ways, I was rebelling in random outbursts. I wasn't really furious. 

I just thought for once, couldn't they get off my back and say job well done but so and so really wants to take over, instead of once again, hurting my feelings?

I recall sitting in that room alone and nobody for ages, checked up on me.

They eventually did and I rejoined them or said I would babysit while they continued playing..

When I got into my teenage years, that's when I pieced together some of it, that people weren't treating me respectfully and I tried to avoid them.

But my mama who was heavily into religion, pushed me to hang out with them, even though I explained how unhappy and depressed they made me feel.

It was this struggle of, maybe I'm overreacting to their cruelty? Or am I? I should forgive them and let them walk all over me because religion dictates I be a bloody doormat!!!!

And this went on for years. Until once again, I decided to take a weird stand.

My mama was furious but it served her right!! It was a celebration, maybe it was my birthday so my mama invited the cousins that I despised at this point over.

I told her I wanted nothing to do with them. First and maybe second cousins, something like that.

I holed up in my room, refusing to come down, to the bewilderment and great mortification of my mama.

She was horrified and inside I was pleased but once again, seen to be this drama queen.

One by one, everyone came up, "acted sweetly" Oh hey, what's up?

Can I do anything for you? It's more fun if you join us... I think I barely said a few words. I didn't even look at them!

Which consisted of.... No thanks. I'm good and that was it. You see I still couldn't confront them and say, do you really want to know why I'm being like this???

It's because you treat me like dirt. You belittle me, laugh at me and don't even know I'm aware of what dicks you all are!!!

Eventually people mature, even though gossip just flies around, same as ever...

Some of them changed but I think because they never apologised or felt bad about treating me horribly..

I distanced myself and whenever they suggested getting together I made up excuses, that they were insulted by but never had the courage to ask.... Why??!!

I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself but I've made progress and will continue to try and improve my bad habits.

I know I've said some of this before but I really just didn't like myself and didn't know why and I do love myself now.

I'm proud of me and each time I say that, it's significant because I never thought I would feel that way, ever.

I hope this explains why my heart and brain constantly try to protect me from people because I don't ever want to loathe myself ever again.

I don't want to disappear into the abyss of depression that I grew up in but family does this to me and they continue to steal my joy and peace.

But in my own way, I'm fighting the hold they have over me and constantly learning to say NO!

#BlogLife399 - I inspired myself

We are almost at the 400th BlogLife. It wouldn't exist without you loyal and fresh followers so thank you very much for your reads and support.

I remember how much I struggled in the beginning to open up and still do but it's a fraction easier now.

Just like how I re-learned how to function again. I was able to regain my voice.

I realise I'm not the happiest lil blogger in the world but I appreciate you sticking by me, regardless of the many troubling subjects I have to touch on.

But we can't all be perky writers, some of us have varied experiences that mould us and lead us down certain involuntary paths..

Alright enough of the mushy stuff. I don't know if I have time to do anything special for tomorrow's post.

I'll see. Before I forget, the rest of the Rustler meatless chicken burger review is this..

At first the vegan mayonnaise tasted like salad cream with a slight tang but creamy and seasoned and yummy actually.

Then the following bites seemed like regular mayonnaise. I was surprised how big the fillet was, I thought it would be a tiny thin thing they skimped but on no it was a good portion.

I was trying to work out what it reminded me of but to be honest, it just felt, looked and was the spitting image of real chicken.

I think the package said it was £2. Quorn could take a leaf out of their book. I really can't stand their chicken substitutions, just bland and awful.

Their meat and mince however is delicious. I would buy it over their regular chicken burger version, it's much more flavourful.

If anyone is playing Scrabble Go, my username is MzHateSmallWords haha, that's a big hint that I hate the 2/3 letter word players.

Plus the bunchy overlap types who don't spread out the board, which is what I do and can still win the game.

I just figured out something. When the annoying adverts play, minimise but don't fully close the app and then reopen it and the advert is gone.

On the A41 it displays more commercials that are barely skippable but on the A13 it skips most of them, how weird?!

I was trying to sleep last night and the Christmas story I'm working on was playing in my head.

It was insisting that I write more but I was yawning so much and could barely keep my eyes open so I declined.

I think aside from picking a title and naming the characters, when it comes alive like that and seems real, that's when it feels more established and that I can progress and finish it.

Before that it feels like it is in limbo and could dissolve any second.

I picked the names but I can't remember if I used one of them before.

I eventually have to go through all my stories and see. Ha, I'm so old!

I noticed that when I tried the skirt in a size down, it was still loose. It wasn't falling down but I'm happy that it fit and I'm not sure if I could have gone down another size still...

That's a lot of progress for me. I'm a yo-yo lose/gain type of person but this time feels different.

It's not a faddy diet, it's a healthier way of life. I'm not starving myself, I'm not bingeing, 

I'm not saying I'm forbidden from sugary snacks, I'm saying moderate the calorific food/drink items.