#BlogLife794 - 3 consecutive phone calls

I just had my UC phone appointment and now the groceries are here, nice timing.

I was waiting for him to say, you need to re-do you CV, it's not what I asked for, but he said, that's all fine, sheesh, what a relief.

It was a short call and then he said, Oh you're next phone appointment is next Thursday...

Hmm what about all that stuff regarding, not having all phone meetings and that I would definitely have to come in?

I admit, the negative side of me was thinking, he was going to say, Oh I know you gave my colleague a sob story, about how the buses aren't running and you're in pain, boo bloody hoo, get your ass in here (lol).

But although I was dreading trekking it again, I'm used to pushing myself past my limitations because that's life.

I'm pleased though, I don't have to go in and hopefully soon they will close for Christmas.

The buses will hopefully start running all the way there from the 20th December, but by that time, I might be done for the year.

Altogether there is probably 3 meetings left for the year and one is a phone one so that's not too bad.

Although if it snows, that's hazardous. I do have a feeling, his colleague, the nice lady I spoke to, reminded him that I was long term ill, hence why she gave me another phone appointment, which was kind.

I'm used to the Job Centre dismissing the concerns of those that have serious health conditions, because I've experienced it and seen that they expect everyone to be able-bodied and life doesn't work like that.

And they blame you personally for being sick, like you can help it, some are quite nasty with the attitudes and that upsets me, as it leaves me even more stressed, emotionally and physically.

Anyway I just go with the flow and don't make waves, unless they try to force me to do something I'm physically incapable of doing.

Like I remember one insensitive advisor smugly smirking and asking me, Oh what would you do if you got a job that required stairs, (this was a long time ago).

As stairs is one of those no-no's. It seems to aggravate my body to the point, where I feel strained and like I'm splitting apart and the pain builds and builds and then I can't move at all.

Anyway I looked at him and just simply said, I would take the lift. (Schmuck)!!

I didn't add the insult, I just thought it. What was he expecting me to say?

Yea I'm going to put myself at risk, climb the stairs, feel dizzy, fall, break my neck, because the job comes first, my health is second? Twit!!!

That's just one example of the prejudice I face as a sick person.

I'm having an unorthodox brekkie because I didn't feel like toast or rolls, so I got some crackers and bought a few sandwich fillers, egg mayonnaise and cheese and onion and am having those together and loving it.

I did get some things to try, why not? First up is the chocolate cake slices, 4 x £1.50 is tremendous value, especially as it has such a strong flavour and filling, it tastes more premium than what it costs.

Highly recommend that. Next is the Crown Farms chicken frankfurters £1.25, maybe 8 or 10 inside.

I probably over cooked them for 20 minutes as they split, but I didn't care, it's like they have this smoky flavour, not over salted, just delicious chicken and subtle.

I only buy the vegan sausages but I wanted a change and these are really tasty once in a while.

They had no spice to them, which I love. I bought more of the vegetarian pakoras, singharas, so it's nice to add a meat dish in-between. 

I'm full already, one minute I wasn't bloated at all, then I just puffed up and now I'm feeling the cramps and nausea with this off and on monthly.

It would be nice to skip next month so I can have a pleasant time at Mama's.

Last year we were both so sick, we could barely move. We were just resting and not eating that much at all.

This year I hope will be trouble-free and relaxed. When I'm poorly, I miss my own bed, I just want to wallow and shut out the world.

Oh cripes, I need to find out for definite, that no other family is going to be present.

I hate that I have to ask, instead of her reassuring me, it's just us.

It's another stressful thing to potentially be in the face of someone that's tortured me and still to this day, I feel dumb and unwanted.

No matter how much I build up my self-esteem, I remember my childhood and how I was made to feel small.

That's why I live in the fictional in my head, it's a safer, kinder place to be..

#BlogLife793 - Upside down pizza

Yesterday for dinner I had the Pizza Express frozen sloppy giuseppe beef pizza with veggies, that was so bad, it was utterly tasteless, no seasoning at all.

I would not recommend it. The only thing I liked, was a lil experiment I did, I cooked it upside down to crisp and properly cook the base and that worked a treat.

I had it on a cardboard thingy so that it would catch all the toppings and I just scraped them back on but it is not worth buying, it was £6 and went down to £3 which is why I got it.

I tried out St Pierre croissants, a 6 pack for £2.45 as it was the cheapest in the range and those are nice and soft.

I've never seen croissants individually wrapped before, that was cute and clever, you could take one or two and pack them for lunch or in a picnic :)

I'm just looking at online courses and the one I enquired with said I'm not eligible because I'm not based in their region, it's weird, what does it matter that I'm not local, it's not in person, sheesh.

I feel like I have a mental block with learning, I struggle to comprehend the basics and feel even more frustrated and not smart because no matter how many times, I re-read or break it down, it just doesn't seem to make sense.

I'm dreading the fact that I have to do this course and I think if you fail it, you get penalised and have to pay a fee.

I have my phone appointment at 9am tomorrow and the groceries are arriving between 8-10am, I hope they don't clash.

Right just finished ordering Mama's Christmas gift basket presents.

I got her some more essential oils, Masala chai tea, and lastly a Green and Black milk and dark chocolate gift set of minis for us to try.

I can't remember if I have tried their chocolate before but I liked that it had hazelnuts, almonds, butterscotch, ginger and plain, looked interesting.

I might also get her some fudge, I'll see later on.

#BlogLife792 - Vegan, chicken or turkey rashers?

Just tried the last of the goodies I bought, the noon garah. It's not spicy, it's just like mini flatbread discs.

It's tasty, soft and crispy, it tastes a lil potatoey but I don't think it's filled with anything.

I guess it's supposed to be dipped or paired with something. There was loads in the bag so I will keep that to eat with either the mini kebabs or something else.

I guess the nice thing about spicy food in winter is that it quickly warms me up as I don't have hot drinks.

I just did an Ocado Zoom shop, I wanted to see if the Christmas Radox was in stock, nope.

Plus I wanted to get some sandwiches and snacks as I had run out.

The vegan bacon rashers were in stock for the first time ever and I saw chicken sausage rashers which is different, I had to get them both.

I wish the turkey one was there too but maybe they have stopped getting it.

Oh and the other thing was the Toblerone truffles, always wanted to sample that, I should take it with me to Mama's but I'm not sure it will last til Christmas, ha.

A lot of the things were on sale, that's primarily why I bought them.

I saw a Pizza Express spicy beef pizza that I thought, hmm, let's try it.

All the chicken ones were double the price so there was no way I was getting them.

I tried the chicken and vegan rashers yesterday, they were nice, the vegan one was slightly better.

It's tasty but it's not as flavourful as the turkey one, that really packs a punch for satisfaction.

They are so expensive and it's all clumped together so I had to break pieces off to try it, not ideal at all.

I'm not sure if I would get it again, I just like to change things up every now and again, I should have got olives and humus, oh well, next time.

The truffles are sweet and enjoyable, somehow I thought it was a mix of dark and milk and it's not too soft, there is still a crunch there, not like Lindt, where it's just too mushy.

I had that years ago, around Easter time, although it wasn't truffles, just regular, I prefer these because they are not as hard on the teeth.

Again, now that I've tried it, I probably would not get it again, it was just a chocolate treat.

I will stick to Divine or Cadbury's or even After Eight, more affordable and slightly better quality.

Last thing, I was dreading the feedback from the CV, maybe he is waiting until our phone appointment on Thursday to critique it but when I read the note, all he said was Thank you.

I'm not sure what that means but I felt like I did what he wanted, just in my own way and I wasn't sure that was acceptable.

At least I don't have to rush and make changes, again because frankly I wouldn't how to do that.

I'm stuffed I had the red thai chicken curry and rice from Ocado, I always assumed it would be spicy and more curry based but it's not, just mild and well seasoned, with the veggies.

I can't really stand curry as it was such a staple growing up, it just seemed it was such a favourite of my parents and it was strong, excruciatingly peppery and the more I had, the less the taste appealed

#BlogLife791 - A lil bit of what you fancy..

Finally got around to cooking some mini dal puris and the singhara.

I was looking for the pakoras but I'm not sure where I've put them, so they have to wait but I've kept the packaging so I can tell which is which, I hope.

It's nearly 3pm but I'm not that peckish so I just did a lil bit of each to try them out.

I'm still greatly enjoying my Christmas movie binge and I've put the names of the movies up on Twitter, some new, some old.

But it's relaxing to see how others celebrate and kinda what falling in love or being treated well looks like, even though it's all la la make believe tv land ha.

In real life, half the couples would not put up with the bs, they would be ghosting like crazy but in imagination land, it's ooh let's forgive and forget.

It's weird how my brain wants to eat everything and know what's good and what's unappealing and my stomach is saying.......Nah, let's just eat the bare minimum.

First up is the dal puri, which has a lil kick of spice but it's bearable, deliciously flavourful, I think it's stuffed with potato and it's soooo good.

Oh my heavens, the singhara is amazing, but more peppery, potato and veggies I think, really well seasoned, probably needs a dip, it's not dry but the dip would tame it.

It's probably like a veggie samosa but better! I'm thoroughly enjoying the range but poor Mama, half the selection wasn't available in her area and then she was having log in issues.

What I might have to do is get it from my side and then carry it to hers for Christmas but it depends how heavy my bags are.

So far the singhara pops out the most so I want her to try that as she will adore it.

There is even a coconut version of the dal puris, she wanted to try all of them, I would just stick to the plain original.

I just realised December is going to be packed with the Christmas Advent competitions, there will be even less time to work on the story.

I'm not sure how I will manage with the UC obligations piled on top.

Oops just tried the pakora, spicier than I prefer and I overcooked it, but tasty, the singhara is better though, I would prefer to get that I think.

It's now Thursday morning and I am freezing, my monthly is just off and on, no nausea, slight cramps, think I'm overly tired.

I had the UC morning phone appointment, with his colleague, actually she was really nice, better than him.

 I explained the health issues and trekking there is painful to walk halfway and luckily, she gave me another phone appointment.

Wow, was not expecting that, it's at 9am which isn't great but then I suppose it leaves the rest of the day free.

I'm shocked because he was adamant that the next meeting had to be in person and after just explaining to her I'm long term ill, she was way more helpful and understanding and said because of your circumstances, we'll be more flexible.

Yay :) I was dreading it to be honest but next time, maybe I will pick up some sandwiches or snacks.

I'll have to see also if just before Christmas if I need to get my brows done or if the shape is still held.

I'm not really hungry but while I'm waiting for the heating and blankie to kick on, I might have a hot breakfast.

I'm quite sure I definitely don't need to do a grocery shop this weekend, the freezer is still packed.

I'm not really missing meat that much, the Crown Farms veggie range is so enjoyable that it just fills and satisfies me on its own.

I still feel weird, it's like some people at the Job Centre hear that I'm ill and are prejudice and think it's not a big deal that I struggle to do the basics.

Then on the flip side, you get someone that realises, wait this person has additional needs, maybe we should make her as comfy as we can?

I think it just annoys me, that they push me to speak to disability advisors that seemingly advocate for people like me.

But the reality is they don't give a damn and push me past my physical limitations for the fun of it and they take immense joy from my suffering.

In lots of situations, it's gotten to the point where my whole body has seized up and I couldn't even function, all I could do was lie in bed.

I couldn't walk, couldn't cook, couldn't stand and they just had no concept of what it's like to be ill and depressed that you can't even feed yourself and all you want to do is just weep uncontrollably because you feel utterly useless and helpless.

You question, what is the point, when I have no purpose? Others can manage easily, and I struggle and I tear myself down and blame myself and it's an unhealthy vicious cycle.

This is why where possible, I try to take care of myself and listen to what my body needs, even if it's just to be still, lay down, switch my phone off and recuperate in silence.

I hope you do the same, really look after yourselves and realise that your needs are important.

Sometimes space is good. I'm going to add one last thing. I never mention or add it to my CV that I'm a writer.

I want that secret all to myself, blogging, creating stories is just my personal thing.

I don't want to be an obligation or get to the point, where it feels like work, I always want it to remain a pleasure.

My lil outlet against all the frustrations, pain, anger and suffering I face.

#BlogLife790 - Let's resume cv alterations

I just tried the mini chicken tandoori koftas for £2.50, quite a nice sized bag, so plenty inside. I just didn't cook them enough, they probably needed an extra 5 minutes instead of 15.

It's barely peppery, nicely seasoned and I was going to pair it with the croissants but I was too hungry to wait until they cooked. 

I just started my monthly so just felt irritated today. Anyway they were quite tasty as a lil snack or meal, I just cooked a handful and had them solo.

I did eat twice today actually, maybe it was comfort food, but I had a chicken bake in the morning and just under 2 hours ago, I had a croissant, well 2 and a scone with cheese.

Plus a mini chocolate and hula hoops and I was stuffed. I'm still just drinking plain water.

I wasted the day updating my CV, they wanted me to use the star method and for it to be 2 pages, instead of 3.

I deleted some bits, added some and then realised the damn thing wasn't editing or saving, so I tried copying and pasting, that didn't work.

I had to re-write the whole bloody thing and just add things about what I learned and did.

I'm not even sure I've done it correctly as most of it was already present, I just re-worded it.

I was looking for star method cv templates but there was none available, I just wanted an idea of how it should appear.

Plus it just looks horribly squashed and like a block of dullness but screw it, that's what they wanted, who am I to argue?

But I don't know if he wanted me to lay it out like S, T, A, R. I think it's situation, tasks, achievements and results.

Eventually when I finished typing, there was no save option, I just downloaded it in pdf and word as backup.

Plus they want me to register for courses, I'll see what free ones are available for online.

I did want to try the other stuff I bought from Iceland but I want to finish the croissants and scones before they go off.

All this has to be done before or on Wednesday, as Thursday is the UC call appointment in the morning at 9amish.

#BlogLife789 - Iceland's Indian/holiday range

I am squealing with excitement as I've just checked the Iceland website and the chicken spring rolls are finally here, woop woop.

It will be a miracle if they are in stock and I don't need to do a shop just yet but I'm adding them to the basket.

I also saw Crown Farms has done a range of new items, or maybe other places had them before but I've never spotted them.

Mini dal puris, vegetable pakoras, which I adore, that's it but I have got to sample them, even if Crown Farms has a nasty habit of making stuff ridiculously over peppered.

Plus there was these mini pizza bites, they look like itty bitty calzones ha.

Also I saw mini chicken tandoori koftas and tandoori is the best flavouring.

The chicken tikka spring rolls I hope are well seasoned. Oh and After Eight has a mini bag version of dark chocolate, which looks fun.

They are all reasonably priced and as I'm not eating much, snack foods are the way to go.

I've just unpacked the shopping and I'm pleased everything was in stock.

I had to grab the After Eight minis and try one, wow, the dark chocolate seems a tad bitter but when it pairs with the gooey mint, it's so delicious, that is my favourite mint chocolate pairing to date.

Highly recommended, it's a tiny bag, 7 small chocolates inside for £1.35 but considering it's a big brand name, it could have been way more expensive.

I actually bought things I've never heard of because they are vegetarian and I love trying new things, plus I know Mama would be interested as she's not into meat and chicken that much.

I'm not even sure I can describe them and Googly woogly was no help.

Noon Garah from Crown Farms and vegetable singhara. One looks like lil round discs, I don't know if they're plain or stuffed and the other looks like pyramids.

I just took advantage of the special offers and thought why not sample the range.

I'm not even sure how long to cook these things for, 10 minutes is usually the sweet spot. 

Alright most of these things are designed to be party food I assume, as they are minis.

Oh my just tried the chicken spring rolls, chicken and veggies inside and absolutely delicious, will be buying them again.

The mini pizza bites surprised me, I think it's just cheese and tomato in a kinda bready dough but my heavens, they seasoned that so nicely.

It's so tasty, it's not too much cheese or tomato, the perfect mix of each. I just realised what it's like.

Pizza crust, the edge bit, but softer and then filled, that is what it seems like, although I've never tried stuffed crust, I imagine this is similar.

The pizza bites are a pound. The spring rolls are £2.50 and have 12 inside.

I'm already stuffed and I've only had a lil brekkie. I'll take my time and sample things one by one, I'm surprised it all fit in the freezer.

When I cook the noon garah and singhara, then I can describe it better as right now, I'm just guessing.

I kinda feel like it's my own buffet, lil bits of random foods together but at least I'm eating something.

#BlogLife788 - My Island - population 1

I don't know if it's stress or pmt or both? But I've gone from eating two meals a day, down to one.

I'm just cramping hard at the moment. Last night and today I was struggling with nausea, that's passed but my stomach is just hurting.

I'm going to have to hang up my coat and wash off this makeup soon but at the moment, I'm enjoying laying under the blankie.

It's just gone 1pm but I'm not sure I'll eat later, what I aimed to do before I realised I'd be trekking a lot, was load up on snacks, as I've run out but I was too tired by the time I got to the Market and I didn't have the patience to queue and let the pain become unbearable.

Maybe at the weekend I'll do a mini Ocado Zoom shop, I was hoping they would send a voucher.

While I was trying to sleep last night I was formulating a blog but I didn't want to get my phone out so it's going to unfold now.

As T texted me to check up on me and I'm still at the self indulgent stage of going through a crisis, so I haven't initiated any contact, I just respond to his messages.

Usually at the moment, I'm the downer because I'm not sugar coating the stress, I may not be explaining the details but admitting it, is helping somewhat.

This time I was partially upbeat, but then he was slightly prickly and that kinda unnerved me because I don't want to censor myself and have to worry about what I'm saying.

I genuinely was trying to be nice and cheer him up but there is an anti-flirting element to it.

I'm even more stand-offish than usual as I'm vulnerable and I don't want to be taken advantage off.

So I was tempted to just ignore him for a bit and let the confrontation die down, as he blew up at me a tiny bit but then I thought Nah, I'll suggest some feelgood activities to cheer him up.

He just got back from a holiday and is affected by the winter weather and the days getting shorter etc..

I see him as more worldly and engaging than I am but maybe he's an introvert?

I suggested he call up a mate and hang out and then he spun it back on me and said, Let's you and I get together.....

Ooof, I don't know about that, with everything that is happening.

In person it's way harder to hide the emotions and pretend I'm not having a hard time.

But again maybe going out of my comfort zone is a good thing?

I was kinda trying to weasel out of it, although he does say, he's willing to travel all the way down to see me.

And it wouldn't really be a date or maybe half of one, we flirt but it's developing more as an acquaintanceship, that may follow on to a friendship.

I basically told him I hate mingling and that people are a waste of time and that I preferred solitude/soloism.

That's actually the truth, it's just draining to put yourself out there and either be rejected, disrespected, used or hurt.

But I may just give the ultimate test, which seems to frighten them all off.

And that is to send a picture and I feel way better doing that, now I finally have my brows done.

Because although he says, he's not shallow and concerned with looks, they all are.

Although what if he does look at it and shrug and say And? When are we linking up??

Eeek then I would have no excuse not to meet him. He's not a bad guy, I just feel awkward about these things.

At least for this year, it's not an option as everything is closed and diverted.

I have bought myself some time..

#BlgLife787 - First professional eyebrow wax/shape in a year!!

I'm not really sure what to talk about today so this might end up being postponed until tomorrow.

Sleep is just interrupted and I'm guess I'm fed up waiting around. My appetite is still up and down.

But I did mop the kitchen floor today which is something productive but it also means I can't go in there until it dries.

I was supposed to grab the croissants for breakfast and instead grabbed the hula hoops, oops, Oh well.

I just got in not to long ago from the UC appointment, good heavens.

There was a whole bunch of mis-information, I didn't really have time to do much makeup as the bus app said the stop outside is closed and I have to walk to the other one.

Plus the route is not all the way into the market, it is stopping halfway through until the bloody 20th December, grrr!!!

That was bull, as the buses were running fine, but then the announcement came on, Oh we are stopping halfway.

I thought damnit stranded again, I had hoped they had cancelled but nopeee.

I felt really nauseated, dizzy and tired, it's like maybe a 15 minute walk but I felt like I was going to faint but nope somehow made it.

The whole station is blocked off, so I had to go through the indoor precinct but why the hell do they always choose Christmas time to do this crap????

This is the busiest time for shoppers, and now it's roadworks and diversions, it's idiotic!!

Anyway it's been a long time since I was inside and I noticed there was a kiosk stand offering beauty treatments and I enquired about the waxing and she said yep, that's fine.

Which is the first time I've heard that in a year, instead of solely yucky threading, which cuts my eyes to shreds.

So I went in, it's kinda a lil cubicle, sectioned off and she did it perfectly, although I don't think she tweezed but then again I can't see any stray hairs so maybe the wax caught it?

It was £7 which is a lil dear, I'm used to paying a fiver but she was friendly and did a great job, considering I've only been plucking a lil and using those dopey home wax strips.

Wow it makes a difference to have a tidy face that's all neat and polished.

That really perked me up and the UC meeting was fine, he didn't fire a million questions just wanted me to change my CV, they all have individual preferences for that, *rolls eyes* Oh plus he wants me to do some course, ugh another eye roll.

Anyway he said we can do the next meeting on the phone, thank heavens for that, at least maybe some will be remote from now on potentially.

As it's really unfair, that the journey is blocked. Omg, as soon as one guy heard that, he begged to be let out, the driver said No.

And he pulled the emergency thingy and the doors opened and he ran out, I have never ever seen that before, wowser, he realllly wanted to escape.

I was so exhausted when I came in, I ordered a chicken sandwich but I don't know if they've changed chefs, it just wasn't great.

At least the drinks were nice, haven't had a Sprite in a while.

#BlogLife786 - I'm fiction but I'm also real

I love winter, the mornings are tough waiting for the heating and the blankie to warm up but once it does, it's lovely and toasty.

Especially when the pain is climbing and I feel generally sore all over, the warmth aids my recovery.

I've just booked the shopping for tomorrow morning and I saw something new that was going for a £1, roti parathas from Crown Farms.

It's only 5 included and I don't think it's wholemeal and I hope it's not spicy but I thought I would try and see if it's more like a roti as those are my favourite things to make a wrap with.

I also saw some chicken kebab meat to put inside, plus olives and who knows if the regular coleslaw will be in stock?

I also got some croissants and I saw chocolate custard that looked fabulous to try but I didn't get it.

I'm sticking to the basics for the moment and still stretching the meals out, buying things on sale or taking advantage of special offers.

Just unpacked the shopping and checked the post, nothing new. I tried the roti parathas, it's nothing remotely roti flavoured, they just seem to puff out more and are thicker but the wholemeal version is way better.

It was only a pound and only a handful inside so no wastage, I can eventually eat all of them, which is why I chose it.

This one I had kinda plain, no butter, just olives and coleslaw (it was finally in stock yay). I wasn't that hungry so I wanted something simpler.

I missed olives so much. I also saw some crispy shredded chicken which would suit the wrap sandwich as well.

I thought I had started my period but I haven't. I'm still craving sugar and chocolate though.

I'm going to have a croissant and then I'm done. I'm going to set myself a deadline and try and finish the latest Christmas story before Christmas so I can publish it then.

It's got a fair bit of work to do. I've picked the title, written about 7 chapters already and I'm overwhelmed already because I gave myself more work on this one.

It's a different style, to my usual but I'm going to try and ignore the self doubt and self criticisms and push through.

This is the way it came to me, bubbled in my head and that's why I'm doing it this way but it's already changed directions a few times.

I don't get hung up on that, I just go with the flow but it means I'm constantly re-thinking scenes because the outcome is now different to have I initially envisioned it.

It's a process and inspiration is very rare at the moment and now I'm cramping so I don't think I'll eat anymore, until later.

Sometimes it plays out, the way I see it, but just in a different way and other times it's just doesn't end up working, which is why I don't write the ending first, or skip ahead, it's constantly evolving and that's how it happens for me, anyway.

For others it might be different but I don't want to force it to fit together, I want it to be natural.

Hmm I tried the shredded chicken, I'm not keen on that, it's over breaded and has no real flavour, I won't buy that again.

The chicken kebab meat is alright, maybe I overcooked it but it needs more seasoning.

I'm trying not to overthink and keep everything in perspective so I've been watching Christmas movies, some old and some new and that helps to relax me.

Feelgood vibes, nothing scary or confusing just simplicity and romance and a satisfying conclusion, where everyone ends up happy and fulfilled.

#BlogLife785 - Double work for dodo advisor

It's now Tuesday afternoon and I got back a while ago, just had some chicken pasta.

It's been a really mixed day, the bus app said everything is running fine, but there was a half an hour delay so I was a bit late for my UC appointment.

Normally they are supposed to arrive every 10 minutes, so not sure what the problem was.

Luckily, they were running late too, so he wasn't annoyed at me. For the most part it went fine, I told him all about essential oils for his cough, and binaural beats to treat giving up smoking.

(I'm not sure why I felt the need to cure him, ha), but I guess I help people where I can).

But he was firing questions at me, like he didn't have access to the online journal, where everything is laid out for him.

How the hell do I have the extensive details memorised, when it's all there for you to look at? What the hell is the point of doing that, when you're asking for specifics?

I found that really tiresome, so he said, jot down some notes for next week, ugh, was hoping it would be next month, pfft.

I'm just going to forgo that crap and embarrass him, by opening the journal in front of him and recalling all the information, that the bs questions require me to know. *Rolls eyes*

Then he asked for a morning or afternoon slot and I picked morning and he said, 9amish is the only free time available, pfft.

At least that's done for now. I am so drained, my back is killing me and I feel a lil dizzy.

But I checked the post and there was a letter from the council so following my re-applying for the housing benefit.

And taking hours to fill in the form, and uploads loads of documents, it seems to indicate that I'm still entitled to it.

Thank heavens for that, it was stressing me out so much. As usual with the council, they randomly stop/start the allowance, which puts me into debt.

However for now, it seems like they are happy with all the evidence I provided and the fact that I added ridiculous amounts of excess information, to explain myself and my circumstances..

Seemed to go in my favour because I didn't have the rent statements to add and I have no idea when it increased so I couldn't provide those details and ended up sending them the rent receipts, I make sure I request from the landlord..

Ideally I would like to rest but I need to add stuff to the journal, to stop the nagging.

I'm still craving sushi but I'm going to continue being careful and then maybe at Christmas time, possibly it will be more affordable then...

Mama's all excited about it. I don't think she wants to do a roast this year, normally it's chicken but I think she wants fish and chips or Chinese this year, which is cool by me.

I'm not really fussed as unless she invites people around, which I kinda hope not, it will just be the two of us.

I'm not sure I will ever get rid of that eating anxiety, of munching in front of people, my appetite just disappears and I can't savour anything.

But it's her place and I never object, I just disappear into my guest room and take a breather instead.

I have seen a knock off version of Ferreros, Brompton House, 10x £3 but I want them to go on sale.

Or I might see if there's a dark chocolate version because both me and her, are quite enjoying that.

There's still time to decide what to get. She told me not to get her any gifts and I'm not sure at the moment I can afford to anyway.

As I've treated her to stuff already but if I can save a bit and find out she needs anything, I will try and budget and purchase it for her.

I'll definitely try and get some treats for us both though. Oh and she wants some essential oils so that's easy enough.

#BlogLife784 - The right scent can pick you off the floor..

A couple of things before I forget. I've been using the Clean and Clear moisturiser and for the most part it's fine but I notice some dry patches on my forehead, it's removing some of the moisture out of my skin.

I don't think I would recommend it. Also I saw some Heinz £2.50 hash browns filled with baked beans and that's a lovely breakfast item, for something different, they just need to be cooked well, maybe 20 minutes instead of 15.

It's a lil pricey but I have to admit, it's a big size and quite a lot in the bag so it's worth it, I only cooked one, to sample it and that was enough to fill me up, as well as having the minced bake.

Also because Iceland has been sold out of the creamy chicken bakes, not surprisingly, it's the best one in the range, I decided to try the beef one, as I can't keep eating the same things.

It's actually quite tasty and I seemed to tolerate it well, considering I'm not craving beef that much these days.

All the groceries are unpacked but they keep being sold out of the low fat coleslaw, which is a shame, maybe I should get the regular one?

I also completely forgot about the Radox bath soak, the new one, Sleep Aromatherapy..

I oiled my hair and rinsed it and it's very soft and bouncy, probably needs another trim though, looks a bit too full and scruffy but at least it's not completely flat, it definitely seems to have a fair bit of volume at the back, not the front though, pity.

The Radox had a stronger scent when I started applying it, I cannot pinpoint the fragrance, it's just pleasant.

I googlied it and it's chamomile and white valerian, plus other herbs, it's not sweet or sour really, a blend of the two maybe?

Apparently it's an apple or vanilla type of perfume but not to me. I found using it quite relaxing, I don't feel sleepy as such, just calm.

Pmt is still bad, can't stop feeling sicky and cramping. When I exited the shower/bath, the smell lingered on my skin, subtly, it's less pungent than the others but I don't mind it, I would recommend it.

I have an hour to kill before I have to leave for my UC appointment.

I've already done my hair and makeup and although it's 12pmish, and my tum is grumbling, I don't have an appetite.

I had an orange tictac to try and settle my belly and I think it helped actually.

I will eat properly when I return, sometimes food helps and others times, I just end up vomiting, I don't want to take the risk.

Last thing I'm really annoyed about, as I had time and there was light, I tried to do the Parissa eyebrow strips.

One whole strip for each eye, I rubbed them together for a while, peeled them apart and it didn't separate properly, ugh!!

It happened with both of them, they were unusable, I was so irritated, I had to bin them both.

I tried to pluck a bit, but there is a lot of stray hairs and I gave up and just did a heavy makeup look.

Foundation, powder, layers of red, pink and purple eyeshadow and just left it.

And looking at my clothes now, I see now, they are all baggy and too big for me but they are comfy.

If I ever can afford it and I need new outfits, I'll shop for smaller sizes.

I'm not dieting but with all the stress, my appetite has shrunk.