#BlogLife855 - Mr Know-it-all type is a crap listener!

I just got in from my UC appointment, ugh and he's badgering me about the bloody courses again.

Why don't they listen? I already told him, I'm not interested and I don't meet the criteria anyway and he won't shut up about it.

I have a strong feeling they've been told to force people on courses because there is no reason he should have called me this morning, panicking me.

Cripes, I thought he was changing the appointment last minute and I'd be in trouble for being late, when in fact he was seeing me later and could have mentioned it then.

Good grief, talk about stifling! I'll have to reapply and hope they say they haven't got the funding once again. Twit!

I ended up enjoying Friday's takeout all weekend, so I thought sod it, I'll get the chicken puree wrap again again, it was sublime and discounted.

I'm going to be sensible when I meet Mama, I'll pay for her pedicure and I just don't need one yet so I'll forgo it.

Then I'll contribute towards lunch but I have to budget more carefully from now on.

Hopefully she'll get her treats this week. Better late than never, I just didn't want to order it early and have parcels near her door while she is away on holiday.

I spoke to T, a new random last night, I was trying to stay awake until I was shattered enough to sleep.

I'm not sure I was in the mood for company, well now I know why I was on edge, I'm hormonal and extra prickly.

Anyway it started off fine-ish but then it felt like he was scrutinising every word I was saying and playing therapist.

Good heavens, no-one wants that, ever! Most want to relax and have a giggle, not be managed and fixed and inspected all the time for defects shish.

I didn't confront him about that, even though I started cringing, he wasn't nasty about it, just a lil too free with the commentary about how he can improve me....

Anyway then he mentioned picswaps and meet ups and I thought whoa, this is moving dangerously fast.

Then it was video calls?? What on earth?! Nope! I made sure to shut that down, it's not in my comfort zone, I hate revealing my photos that are never flattering.

So I explain that, all of the above is almost traumatic but not quite, it's deeply stressful and I'm not willing to do that.

Besides which, it's obvious I'm a woman so I'm not catfishing him and he responded in such an idiotic way.

Oh how do I know, unless I see you? Twit! I had to point out, my intellect speaks for itself.

I use full sentences and punctuation. I can match wits with anyone and my voice is very soft, what more do you want?

But I know that his goal, because he only cares about his needs, is to see me, regardless of how I feel.

Literally as soon as we got off the in-site voice chat, he sends me a photo of himself.

What the hell! Helllllloooo! Was I just talking to myself? So that annoyed me and to make it worse, he said, there's no malicious intent, just seeing if you like me.

Luckily there's a safety protocol, before you view, it says, accept or reject and I always without thinking, reject.

At this point I snapped and let him have it. I'm sick of telling someone how I feel and them nodding, claiming to accept it and then ignoring it and violating my boundaries and trust!

I just said look you knew my wishes and you still sent it, of which I rejected it and didn't view it.

So send it to someone else! He snapped back with Oh I thought you just didn't want to send it, so I volunteered mine and I didn't appreciate your tone, as I already stated, I didn't have bad intentions.

That made me laugh to be honest because eventually what happens is, if I view it....

Later on, the nagging would inevitably begin.... Oh but you saw mine, now you must show me yours, fair is fair......... All that bs.

Anyway I thought this is all too much, should I block him or give him the benefit of the doubt?

So I thought, let's hit pause and steer it back so I'm in control and I'm comfy again.

So I conveyed that I'm not an image person. I don't want to see what he looks like and that I have no intention of meeting him so the photo thing isn't relevant, online chat is fine, the rest is not happening.

I said if you want more than that, we are not suited to be acquaintances.

As all of a sudden, I felt hunted. I felt this strangulation pressure to be on display and I didn't feel accepted as I was....

More like a puppet to be moulded and then worthy in his judgemental eyes.

Yuck, who would willing walk into that? I just blocked him. I can't deal with that type of person, invading my personal space.

There were aspects of him that was fine, chatty, funny, intelligent but the negative, far outweighs the positive.

I don't want to get sucked into another acquaintanceship where I feel like I have to defend myself or constantly explain why I'm uncomfy.

I'm better off with someone who understands me and doesn't make me feel like I'm not good enough in my present state.

#BlogLife854 - Unclear what's on my mind..

Ahh I figured out the phone weirdness, when I went to switch off the phone and the options came up like switch off or restart, one of the other options, emergency and something else..

Actually means safe mode or similar, at some point I have to change that too.

It's an odd thing to be placed there, as if you're constantly troubleshooting the phone, aren't Samsungs reliable?

I just bought some saline solution in bulk and didn't realise I was out so I saw a multi pack on offer, 3x£12 which is as good as I'm going to get.

Plus my slippers are worn out so I saw a fake fur firm one for £6ish with free tracked postage.

Actually I think they're both trackable and due this weekend. Oh the slippers just arrived.

They seem much more premium for the price. Comfy, warm, great quality but a lil rigid.

I still like them though, maybe after a while they will loosen up. Apologies that I've been posting late for a while.

I'm not sure why, I feel a bit creatively stifled. I saw an almost half price deal on Just Eat so decided to do an order today, instead of Monday.

To take advantage of it. Just some chicken rice/noodles, sushi, dumplings and those karange chicken bite thingys that are fabulous. Ooh they gave me sriracha sauce with it, tasty.

I saved over £20 so that helps and then Monday when I come in drained, I can heat it up or maybe I'll grab a sandwich while I'm out.

I don't know, I just usually want to come in, flop on my bed, drink something, munch and nap.

I need a new show to binge. Ahh the slippers need to be worn with socks, they kinda pinch unfortunately.

I should've listened to that reviewer but nobody else commented on it.

I finally have some news. Mama called me yesterday but I didn't know if she was back.

I couldn't risk texting or calling her as that would have spiked her bill again with the roaming charges and I already made that mistake.

I thought let me just do nothing and wait and today finally, she texted to confirm she arrived back safely.

We spoke today and she seems content, like she had a good break, apart from not sleeping properly due to the humidity.

I'm relieved that she didn't seem upset or stressed. I felt I was carrying that weight around for a whole month.

Apparently she was treated well but even if she wasn't, I don't think she would tell me.

I don't think she was due back this early but anyway, her demeanor is good and we might meet up next week.

I asked what she'd like for Mama's Day and she said she just wanted a pedicure treat so that's fine with me.

But I also saw a Montezuma dark chocolate almond bar, some BonBons clotted cream fudge and an all butter one. (£15).

I did offer to pay for dinner or lunch but she's stocked up so she declined that.

I'm glad she's safe but I hope next time, she'll let me know that important detail, above anything else.

As I know the surroundings she was in and honestly it could have gone either way.

I can breathe now. Sunday morning I had the most intense dizzy spell.

I woke up as though I was drunk or drugged, the room was spinning, I was swaying, I couldn't keep my balance.

I was holding on to the door and walls to keep steady. It's not normally as bad as that but I felt so off.

It passed shortly after, I made sure to sit down and rest and then I got a drink and something to eat and I was fine, it was just so weird how I couldn't walk normally.

Today Monday, the rent is due and I'm going to ask them how much the arrears are, maybe I've cleared this imaginary debt?

Ahh they were closed. I'll try tomorrow. I've got my UC appointment later on, I'm mostly ready, I just need to do my makeup.

I got 2 missed calls today, the one time I thought I could sleep in but no messages.

Either it's from my UC advisor but there's email or text, if the appointment has changed, they love leaving it to the last minute.

I checked but no messages were left, or it's from the Witch letting me know my new lifelong debt.....

Ahh I got an email to say the last of the Mama's Day gifts arrived.

She loves that Bon Bons brand so I got the clotted cream and the all butter gourmet types.

Ugh I was hoping to skip the monthly but the cramps are intense and no appetite today.