#BlogLife857 - I don't have to be nice to you..

Ugh I was hoping today would be better. I made sure to have a late lie in, I think I got some sleep, bit broken.

But again I woke up to feeling sore, my arms or shoulders can barely move without the pain creeping up.

I think when it's like this, it takes over and my brain says, I'm off. Shutting down for the day.

I thought it was sweet that when I spoke to Mama last night to thank her for the food and meet up, she apologised for buying a small amount of pakoras.

As they are sold by weight and it's confusing, especially when they keep changing the bag sizes, that's why whatever I see, I normally buy the lot.

Mama gets half with leftovers for a few days and I do too, as it's not a regular thing but something we've never gotten tired of.

But actually I told her that it was the most enjoyable meal of my day, because it was so tasty and I didn't have the energy to move much.

So I appreciated it and we were talking about all the places that had come and gone, others were much friendlier.

Some had changed management sadly and the new owners put me off with their unfriendly attitude and recipe changes.

I always think it's strange to hire people with a snarky attitude in customer service roles.

There's so much competition out there, wouldn't you want someone welcoming and competent representing your business?

I always remember the original owner because either he was born in the same place as my parents or was just big hearted and greeted every customer by name with a warm smile.

He genuinely cared, didn't flirt just valued your custom and always gave me extra ha.

I don't really see that much these days. I guess to be fair, I don't visit many shops regularly, except the oyster one and the international food store.

Maybe people just have lower standards and are not classy anymore?

There is a lot more to be stressed about, nowadays but some professionalism would be nice.

Ok I just tried to scramble up to make breakfast/lunch, whatever you want to call the first meal of the day and I'm at the point, where every motion makes me say Ouch.

I doubt I will be blogging much or at all this week. Sorry about that but once again I can barely move about.

The pain is getting unbearable. If I do post, it will probably be short.

I can't manage right now, at the moment the pain is limited to the arm/shoulder but if it spreads, I'm going to be in agony.

Breathe, breathe, be calm and don't let the pain make you cry and fall apart.

Exhale. I'm going to get lost in fictional shows and forget my current status.

Take care for now. I'll be in touch.

#BlogLife725 - Faux Thursday - Another day, another injury

Typical I saw N tonight and he just acted like everything was normal so I confronted him.

Actually at the time I was on the phone to Mama wishing her well on her day and made him wait, ha.

When I did return I apologised and said I was talking to Mama but figured you ghosted me anyway.

His lame reply was No.... And that he wasn't a big phone user. Yeesh what a twit, why bother with my number then?

Oh I did add that I kinda wrote him off. Which is the harsh truth.

And then he just disappears without a Goodbye. Why he has an attitude with me, I'll never know.

Does he want me to beg and plead and chase him around? It's funny how he was previously talking about how it's hard to make connections and is sometimes ghosted..

Yet what? Can't be bothered to reply or make any effort? Twit!

Ugh the pain started yesterday but I thought it might disappear and heal yesterday.

No such luck it got increasingly worse. I'd like to go back to bed and rest but I don't feel tired and there is a lot to do.

Ugh think I missed Postie, I was on the opposite side and couldn't be bothered to run to the door.

It's my right hand, the whole thing is swollen and tender. Movements or not, are just violently painful, even typing is so bad.

Binaural beats, the natural painkiller isn't working. I made myself food and am sipping water and that will be it for the day.

As I want to scream. I might end up posting this tomorrow instead.

I'm quite surprised that nothing worked to heal the pain or make it bearable.

I tried a hot/cold gel pack, the heated blankie, rest, ignoring the pain..

For some reason binaural beats videos, well everything really started making it worse.

It's weird but I feel like I was fighting the recuperation..

Granted that was wishful thinking but on this third day, it's still swollen.

The pain is still present, although not as bad.Typing actually kills me but I'm persevering as yesterday was a write off, I couldn't do a damn thing.

I checked the post and nothing, grr. I've ordered breakfast, well lunch, as I am doing the bare minimal today again.

And it sucks that I sorta have to learn to be ambidextrous as the right hand is so delicate.

But that in turn means the left hand is increasing the pressure and maybe swell up too.

Ugh I'm fed up, it's been such a horrid month. What if my lenses don't arrive by Tuesday?

How much further can I delay the trip to Mama's without hurting her feelings?

I didn't order dessert today but with the Iceland grocery shop arriving later, I couldn't get the morning slot or cupcakes.

I decided to do something decadent, I got Dunkin Doughnuts, chocolate hazelnut.

Typically I prefer plain or with jam and cream but I always try to treat myself around this time.

Comfort food will come in handy, assuming they deliver it. Oh I don't want to deal with heavy bags but I have no choice, I am out of food.

I am finding it impossible to be optimistic, sorry about that but it's just a rough time at the moment, with no signs of it getting any better.

Enjoy your weekend, make the most of being young (at heart), or pain free, have adventures, feel good about yourself.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone every now and then, it's typically worth it.

I'm going to get on with the rest of my day and hope I don't get further hurt.

I might take this opportunity to not write while I'm away. I need my brain to be silent.

To find some peace and joy again, away from obligations and stress and ongoing pains.

#BlogLife693 - Not getting up

The Ocado Zoom arrived late so I got free delivery on this and the next order. Woop!

The bags were heavy so I took one and put it in my room and then just lost my footing before I could grab on to anything and down I went.

At least in the past when I've completely fallen in the bathroom typically, I can grab onto the bathtub and hoist myself up.

This time however I couldn't reach the door handle and when I grabbed the duvet, it was falling off the bed.

I couldn't grip onto anything solid and almost immediately, my hands, my legs, my feet, the rest of my was sore and I was trapped in a very lil area, I couldn't move at all at first.

I was trying to shuffle forwards, I couldn't. I tried planting my feet and grabbing the bed and I didn't manage it.

It's incredible scary and frustrating to be stuck and know that there's no help and there's a limited chance of success immediately.

I couldn't reach my phone either. I had to give myself these encouraging words.

You can do it, get up, you have to help yourself. Eventually I was able to shuffle forwards, twist to my side..

Plant my hands, push myself onto my knees, grab the bed and slowly just stand.

All that took a whole hour, the pain was unbearable in every lil shuffle.

I've lost my appetite but as I haven't eaten, I'm going to watch a KBD foodie video and hopefully it will return.

I have absolutely no strength left to do anything but lay here and type.

At least there's nothing more on my schedule and I don't think there will be anymore Posties.

I saw some chicken pakoras, they didn't have the veggie ones, so thought I would try it out.

Oh they were pretty tasty, really mild spice, nicely seasoned and I would get them again.

There's no sharp pains but I know that being on the floor has taken it's toll and I'll need a few days to be as 100% as my body allows.

The pains building but I'm under the blankie now. The discomfort is travelling, first it was my sides, now my arm and shoulder.

At least the backache is gone. I slept alright so that helped. I'm not sure if I'll do a Chatty Chicks for each Bridgerton episode, it was pretty fun.

I'm going to munch, wait for Postie and see the latest release. Oh I didn't realise they released the first half altogether, all four episodes..

There's definitely enough material then. That will be up on Monday.

I didn't read or watch any spoilers, this is going to be interesting.

#BlogLife542 - Does garlic shampoo smell of garlic?

Friday morning I think it was, I woke up and felt weird, like I was all twisted up.

It turns out I've injured my back or shoulder or both. I think I slept funny or hurt it carrying too much on my right side.

If I'm still, there is no pain but the moment I fidget and get up, ouchy.

I didn't want to lay in bed this time and heal up, I just wanted to get on but not do any exercise or extra exertion.

It's too warm to apply heat but I had the blankie over me with the fan blasting in my face, to see if would help.

No joy and now my right hand is really tender. I'm completely fed up with the sensitivities but life goes on.

I'm so glad I chopped my hair short as I was sweating all night and it's nice that my neck is free to breathe.

Mama hasn't tested the massage mat yet so I don't know if I've wasted money on a dud item.

Ooh she just called me and told me it works well and it's enjoyable to use. I'm so relieved wooop :) 

And she said her injection treatment seems to help and the pain has decreased which is fantastic.

I got selected to do a private product test which is nice, as I haven't done one in ages, that should be fun if it arrives, some just get lost or pilfered.

I'm waiting for the Postie to arrive so I can make breakfast/lunch. I don't usually hear anything from the kitchen.

It's a bit soon though. Everything has been posted except the protein tablets for my contact lenses, I split with Mama and give her a box too.

It is so humid today. I'm going to take a tepid shower/bath and then rest up.

A mini update on the Perfectil supplements, I know I haven't been taking them long but so far no horrible side effects.

I don't feel sicky. I haven't started an excessively heavy period or one at all actually.

So far so good. These don't usually affect me and I'm glad not to be feeling any worse.

I do seem to have a lil extra energy boost. I don't feel as tired. My nails are growing quickly but they tend to do that anyway.

I've just had a nice cool shower/bath and used the Vatika garlic shampoo and can confirm it doesn't smell of garlic.

It's this sweet chemical scent which is nice. It's a thickish white consistency, applies and lathers easily and also rinses well.

I don't blow dry my hair and prefer to wrap it in a towel and leave to dry naturally but prior to that I applied some leave in conditioner.

It wasn't as painful as I thought but there's still discomfort when gripping anything and leaning on my right side.

I wanted to put the heating on, just to keep the boiler going and accidentally turned it way high, instead of low, yikes no wonder I felt so humid.

Yeesh it was a good job I double checked to see if it was off.

I got to admit I did use a rinse out conditioner with it so my hair and scalp feel intensely nourished.

I'll let you know in a week or two if anything changes.

#BlogLife88 - I wish I had a friend like moi...

The title makes me out to be a saint and I am not, you know this but the hard time I am going through is not letting up and it is turning me into a raving basket case.

I have stuff to do but there is no life in me to do anything. I would kill for dessert and a takeout but no joy because I have too many expenses and they continually climb..

I got in not too long ago and everything is just crashing all around me. Walking was tough, I literally kept dropping things every two seconds and I felt my body screaming wanting to swear.

Someone said you could go locally and get a thing for yourself and I thought, are you insane? Do you see how I am holding on to something for dear life?

I can't stand up straight, I can't sit down. I am shuffling forward slowly and you want me to run errands??? It literally killed me to top up my oyster card and get bread.

That was all I could manage. I thought I could get a lip balm and a sandwich but noooooooo. Too crippled in pain and too damn exhausted.

I was sooooo hoping to grab a chocolate cake and a chicken and avocado baguette. You see if it were me and I know one of my friends is struggling....

I wouldn't say....... Is there anything I can do for you? As long as I could afford it, I would get them lunch or a pick-me-up gift. I have done that loads of times!

Not because of obligation or reciprocation, just because I think, why should they be unhappy, if I can do a small gesture to show I care??

I don't want to move. I want to stay resting but because I'm starving I have to once again shuffle around and I have no energy to do anything.

I honestly would like to cry but there is nothing in me. I feel numb and dried up and I just hate everyone and everything.

I will manage and give myself care but ffs today. I just want to be looked after! I want to be pampered and fed and tucked in and not have to do a damn thing.

Or apologise for being in a lousy mood. I'm entitled because unless you are dealing with chronic pain and other ailments. You don't have a clue, what it is like.

Sure you can grin and bear it sometimes but when you are fragile and then further aggravate/strain or pull a muscle further..

How are you supposed to be positive?? It's already torture and now it is just piling on more and you want me to be smiley??

I don't think so! Ugh I have to get up and finish making a sandwich.....

:(

Going backwards not forwards

I suffered a setback this week. As if I don't have enough on my plate trying to cope each day, I managed to further cause an injury by damaging my arm in some mysterious way as I have no clue how it happened. 

Did I sleep funny? Was it caused by a workout? Heavy lifting?

Either on Sunday or Monday I can't quite recall it just felt quite tender while I was using it and then suddenly it felt like it did back then. I couldn't move it at all without shrieking in agony. 

I couldn't do my hair, I couldn't get dressed. I could barely move and right then I was transported back to how I felt years ago in the same boat - helpless.

Why was this happening to me again? I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to worry anyone so I kept it to myself. I lived on snacks and mostly slept the week away. I couldn't do much in that state anyway.

I tried various remedies like heat and flexing it but holding anything against it or moving it was torture so I gave up soon after. I'm not one for painkillers so that was not really a consideration. 

I did order a hot/cold gel pack so that should arrive next week and I can use it in the future as my arm is practically back to normal.

I just gave myself a massage from those cushion thingys. It helped to remove the last of my tension. This life is draining me and I have so many things to do but I can't. 

How can I make the pain stop long enough to accomplish something? I'm trying. I just need one good day to get everything done. Just give me one decent day please.