#BlogLife939 - I am such a hypocrite

I've been lending support on the forums, advising others to take care of themselves..

That they should prioritise themselves and not just burnout or neglect their needs.

And I'm not even doing that. Regarding stress I used to overeat unhealthy things and then feel remorseful.

Now I guess I stop feeling the need to nibble, maybe I feel disappointed in myself, I should be doing this and that but instead I'm outsourcing and relying on others.

It's my responsibility, illness or no illness. I don't even fancy dessert and that's the usual comfort food choice.

I can't wait to get back to my normal state of independence where it's just me and I can get it done in my own pace.

I'm reliable, others are not. The sun shining brightly is mocking me.

Am I just continually making the wrong decisions? Making my life harder?

I'm wondering when it will get easier? 

The funny thing about having people coming and going so much, is constantly hiding the washing that's hanging out.

I think I'm just waiting for these intrusive meetings to be over with.

I'm actually running low on a fair few bits so I need to do a shop soon anyway.

It can't be tomorrow, busy, maybe after the surveyor or just before..

Hmm, that's disappointing, I got an email postponing tomorrow's appointment until Wednesday.

It's not to bad and it was an emergency but the cynical side of me thinks, Uh Oh, paid for something and now being messed around......

At least it's still this week and I guess, I can have a lay in, I'll see if I'm in the mood to munch tomorrow.

They didn't have the samosas but I also got a chicken sandwich and the salmon salad pasta.

Oh that's what I was going to say, my hunch was right about one of chats lying about the facts.

I hate that, so now I don't know what to do if they request another one, I guess I have to confront them and move them along.

I hate being lied too, when I'm trying to help. Why would you do that?

Also I bonded with another Listener and it was so weird to see her targeted for trolling and personal attacks.

Why? She's nothing but sweet and supportive, I've never seen her attack anyone aside from defending herself.

I don't get it. Anyway she's a strong character and we are allies which makes it easier for both of us :)

Ah so got around to calling the surveyor and no free slots are available, so she said just wait for the new appointment to arrive by post.

I'm not keen on that but I hope they will also send a text reminder in case I don't get the letter.

Now I have to tackle the course of which I have lost enthusiasm for..

I just have to tell them I'm not prepared to shell out for additional identification.....

Why should I have too? I have enough expenses. Oh that's odd just check the Emop bill, I was only charged £85.

I know it's a lot of money, I just mean't I thought it would be, extra, extra as it was all day, 5 hours I think.. Instead of the 3.

Maybe I got all those discounts in the end or perhaps they knew I wasn't happy.

I forgot that the end of the month passed and the rent is due so after the phone charges I'll pay that.

The money is certainly dwindling down. The rent is paid for the month.

Well I guess it just happened Mama texted to say she's leaving tomorrow for Canada to see her Mama and siblings and will be back on the 4th.

I had assumed she left already so I wished her a great trip. It just felt like the right time to talk.

Although it's not really opening up. I'm not sure I'm ready to re-connect with her.

I don't think I've missed her as such, there are things I've wanted to discuss, general things..

It's the fact that our relationship will never improve, I can say something and then she will take it in and then late on repeat the toxic behaviour.

So what exactly is the point? I'm sick of sacrificing my needs to pretend I'm fine.

I'm realising I can live without her. It doesn't seem right but I don't want to feel unwanted anymore.

I'm just done with being trodden on. It's time for me to be kind to myself and ask, What or Who makes me feel good?

I've also trimmed and filed my nails and trimmed my hair, so all spruced up.

#BlogLife901 - And another thing..

One other thing that's been annoying me is that when the twit UC advisor called me up, he said next time you're late pop a message into the journal.

Ahem!! I don't think I've been late for your meetings ever so that's insulting, I'm usually there early and it's You that keeps me waiting!!

Secondly, I could barely stand and function, you want me to stop, try and remember the login, get the stupid idiotic text security, paste that and try and type in my present state??

Twit! When I got up to ask the staff for help in the library I was so shaky I had to hold onto her desk, otherwise I felt like I was gonna fall or collapse!

Jerk! Anyway had to get that off my chest.

I forgot to mention that as I was emptying the old bag to transfer the contents, in the lining, I felt something and I thought Oh my...I thought you were lost.

Any guesses? I'll wait.. Nope, not that either, shakes my head, sorry none of you were correct.

I found, not one, but two...... Tweezers ha! I literally bought a set and soon after thought I had accidentally chucked one away but nooo it was caught in the lining, how weird.

I have an update on the drops I bought, it doesn't cure the dry eyes, it's just refreshing in the moment.

I think I've used better quality ones but these were very cheap. I don't know if I would recommend them, my eyes are non stop itchy and dry at the moment so I'm using them a lot, whereas other ones, I'm sure I only used them once or twice a day..

TV wise, I'm re-watching Kiralik Ask on Youtubey to see if I like it any better and can finish it the second time around, hmm.

Also I found a new show called Outrageous, the British version of Bridgerton but tamer, less laughs, less wildness, actually it's a lot sadder.

I wish they had lightened it up. It's about a former wealthy, now struggling family and their daughters mainly.

Ok I've just checked the UC payment for the end of the month, expecting to see the usual £800ish and they've bumped it back up to what is was before when they were covering the whole rent.

What's even stranger is that, previously in May when they paid the £800ish only, they've rewritten the statement to say they paid me just over £1k.

What is going on? They love to drive me around the bend. I'm not questioning it, if my bills are covered and I can get groceries, that's all I want.

But what on earth made them change their minds? It's so perplexing, why do I think, in July it will drop back down to £800ish again?

Could the landlord have told them about all the supposed arrears I was charged over the years since moving in??

Did they take into account suddenly my health conditions? They've continually said No you're not entitled for full rent coverage and now they've whimsically changed their minds yet again.

I'm thankful, I really am. I just wish their was some stability so I could stop worrying for good.

#BlogLife862 -Turns out UC isn't covering all my rent

After speaking to the landlord representative yesterday, I wrote down all the details and I thought today I would go through the online form thingy.

I guess from my point of view, UC asks me about rent costs and then they confirm it with the landlord.

For some reason they had £615 something as my monthly rent cost, it is actually £666.81.

But when I was reading the form to submit, it said don't include any arrears you have, plus I'm not supposed to add the service charges either.

I assumed they were covering the whole expense. When I removed that service charge element, the new amount is £489.68.

I guess that means I'm going to be paying £125.84 a month, plus the £100 arrear debt.

Then all the other bills, which I will have to recalculate, per month.

TV licence - £15

EDF gas/electricity - £75

BT broadband/landline - £40.28

Groceries - £200

EE mobile phone - £18.78

Council Tax - £125

Thames Water - £40

The bills are £514.06 and the rent is £125.84, which totals to £639.90.

That's not even including the Oyster travel costs and contact lens care items, beauty items etc.

I guess I will figure it out, the next UC payment will be on the 30th April I guess.

It is, what it is. The earbuds are out for delivery and it's after 1pmish so due anytime now.

Ooh I got them, a special royal mail courier delivered them and surprisingly the case was dead and the earbuds too.

Normally it's partially charged. At 1.24pm I stuck it on the fast charger, maybe an hourish later it will be ready.

Oh also included was a lil handy cloth. I have never seen that before.

I just read inside the box, I'm supposed to scan a code to activate the warranty, then it mentioned it was for a lifetime?

That can't be right, I usually don't bother, but I might this time, later on.

Tomorrow I have a 9am UC meeting so if I remember after I've told him about the unsuitable course, I'll enquire about the rent.

I'm not going to go crazy or stress or get overwhelmed, there's nothing I can do about it so I will accept it.

Just seems like every time I turn around, there is a new expense.

On top of that, eventually the laptop, heating blankie and microwave will all need replacing, for several hundred pounts each.

Well aside from the blankie, that's under a hundred.

#BlogLife781 - Nobody will take care of you, but you!!

I had an uneasy sleep and then I checked my emails for any appointments, there wasn't any but there was a notification to say login, there's a message.

I thought, here it is, my bills aren't going to be covered and I'm going to be stuck borrowing money from now on..

There was no immediate ping or flashing envelope and then I went on the homepage and it said it's ready to view.

It turns out, thankfully, with a deduction because of my savings, they are still covering my monthly expenses.

I am so relieved, I can pay my rent in full, and all my bills and I can afford to get groceries and household stuff.

I was so worried that from now on I couldn't afford to live. It was a real concern that everything was going to pile up and there would be angry letters demanding payments.

And I thought the evil side of my family is cackling away like a witch, pleased with themselves for causing heartache and misery.

I have a feeling I was right, they were waiting for the statements to arrive before they updated me, as I wasn't due to hear until Sunday or next week.

Now that is out of the way, one last thing remains, I wait once more, to hear back about a fine or worse or a combination of the two.

It's like her impression of me is that I'm wasting money, holidaying abroad, buying expensive gadgets, eating out at pricey restaurants, getting designer gear and blowing through the allowance they pay me.

The reality is far less glamorous. The money goes on rent, bills, food, more bills, more expenses.

Oh and also budget clothes and takeout when I'm absolutely shattered or too ill to move.

I guess the indulgences are pedicures but as that is cash in hand, that won't show up on the statements.

I contributed to the rent, I paid off all the landlord's sporadic "arrears." Whenever they decided to say, Oh by the way, you owe us hundreds and hundreds, when I pay them regularly..

It doesn't make sense to me and they never say Oh by the way, you owe us a lil extra..

They whimsically say, every once in a while, You're in masses of debt to us.......

Quickly make a large payment, right now!

Anyway I don't want to repeat myself, I just wanted to say, there have been loads of times where I almost felt guilty for buying food or taking care of myself, when I have expenses to pay.

But once again, I try to be as responsible as I can. Pay what I owe, on time and then see if there is anything left over for me.

I've worked out why the wifi has been off and on, they are doing roadworks again, they love digging up the road.

I'm always going to be careful with money.

Oh a weird thing that is happening at the moment with the Playtime app, is that they keep removing all the downloadable games and replacing it with another money making application.

Why on earth would you promote a rival? Unless it's a partner company?

But even if it is, why are you removing the games, you want us to play? It doesn't make sense whatsoever.

I called the landlord and explained that I should be able to make a payment next week, I'll only be a week late and then they can calculate it for monthly, not fortnightly from now on.

Then I'll supposedly be up to date, until the next time, they say Oh you owe us.......Blah blah blah..

Lastly I told Mama, that I can manage my bills, as she was worried and I wanted to remove that burden I had placed on her, as soon as I had news.

Hmm yet another screwy notification. The Housing Benefit randomly selected my claim to be flagged for a review.

I basically had to re-claim, that's what it felt like. I had to upload, bank/paypal statements, something with my NI number, which I lost the card, eons ago but I found something.

Then it was evidence about the Universal Credit switchover, as per usual there was nothing in writing, so I just took a screenshot of the payment page, screw it.

Then it was a passport identification photo, I don't care that it's expired, it still has my name on it.

Plus rent statements which I just uploaded the receipt but called he landlord to request a proper statement just in case they want that too.

And I guess the payment I was going to receive this week, is now on hold.

That's depressing again, I was looking forward to paying my rent and bills, while the balance continues decreasing.

Oh and I finally got a Universal Credit appointment for the 5th November Guy Fawkes.

Once again, I'm lost, I don't know what's going to happen. It's not like the form is straightforward, it just is utterly confusing about what information they want, I just put everything, I over-explained but sod it, it's all there for them.

Just as I was starting to think, it's all going to somehow be bearable, it's all a mess once more.

I think I'll just keep this to myself and not tell anyone, until I know more, the crisis is mine alone to deal with.

More waiting. More worrying. It never stops really....

Ooh it's been just under 5 months and the body butter is only now finishing, that was a good run.

#BlogLife778 - I've changed my mind, Gold-digging has it's appeal

I've just finished the Yes To Tomatoes moisturiser, I would buy it again for the scent and the fact it lasted a few months.

I'm now using the Clean and Clear, it's thin and lightweight and unfortunately unscented.

My combination skin is a lil bumpy and dry at the moment, from pmt, sugar and hormones.

It's nearly lunchtime but I don't feel hungry, I had a rough sleep, probably eventually knocked out about 4amish, I was tired but couldn't seem to switch off.

I saw that in the 1 calorie oil spray range from Frylight, they had a butter flavour that was new, I think last time I bought the olive oil or most likely sunflower.

I liberally sprayed the butter oil and it's like it didn't coat the panini press as the egg stuck to it.

I'm not impressed with that one at all, I'll use the others from now on.

I haven't seen the red Radox bath soak that I love but I have seen one I don't think I've tried, which is sleep therapy.

I checked and I don't think it has lavender which is common with these types of items, hate that scent.

I was also Googlying last night or this morning, to find out when the first Universal Credit payment would arrive and it could take up to 5 weeks, yeesh.

That's mid November, damn the rent arrears are going to be high.

There is no sign of an appointment either, plus I'm confused about the conflicting stories, some say you get paid once a month, others say, twice.

Ugh, it's all this not knowing which is stressful. Mind you I also read that the whole thing takes 3 months to process and my application went through quite fast, so maybe it won't be as long?

I hope not. 

Oh my God! I just checked the bank. I received a payment and I don't know if that's for the housing benefit alone and/or living expenses....

It's dated the 21st October and is for £38.61. How on earth am I supposed to pay all the bills with that?

The last payments were on the 4th and 7th October. Wow. Now I really am depressed.

What if that amount is to last me 4 weeks? The rent alone is £615.52 per month.

The bills are £201.89 for the month. The groceries are also about £160.

I don't know whether to just transfer all the money to my Bank and pay the rent or whether another one is due.

I was really hoping it wasn't as bad as this. Plus to pile on, I don't know how much the crippling debt will be.

I can't wait any longer tomorrow I'll get up early and go to the Post Office.

I'm still debating on the freepost thing but I'll feel better if I just put several stamps on it.

I actually don't even know if our Post Office is still open, I haven't seen anyone go into it for a long time.

If I buy a book of stamps, 4x should do it. I hope. I'm having second and third and fourth thoughts about making a downpayment on the debt,

I don't know what the best course of action is, to be honest. I hate owing money but I also need to be practical and still be able to pay the bills every month.

Now I'm in this predicament, I can see why women marry for money and security and not love.

It's sacrificing love and freedom but not stressing about money and being looked after is starting to look really appealing.

It's just a shame that I can't stand intimacy. Otherwise that would be an alternative out of this mess.

Plus I'm not cute or skinny enough to be a trophy wifey/mistress..

Hmm, back to the drawing board. What happens when the money runs out?

Answer - There will not be enough for food, maybe they will just barely pay the bills.

You don't need food to live right? I'll have the overall debt and then probably using the overdraft to borrow money which I can't pay back, so more debt.

And then no escape from it at all. I guess, eventually I'll be taken to court, fined even more, evicted and homeless.

Well, at least I won't have to worry about bills, I'll be living on the streets, no more blog, because everything will be repossessed to pay the fines off..

Alright I know, my brain is spiralling to the worst case scenarios but it's not that far fetched.

The savings won't last forever. I don't see how things will improve.

What can I realistically cut down on? Air? The only thing is the mobile phone contract.

Do I really need a phone? I barely talk to anyone but I think it's a requirement for emergencies and the Job Centre.

Sorry, I would for once, love to write something cheerful and upbeat.

I'm trying to keep it together but I don't know how all this is going to end up?

How do I navigate through this, even if I prepare the strictest budget possible?

*Shrugs*

#BlogLife766 - I don't know if I'll survive this time... Goodbye?

I said I was going to make breakfast and yet here I am writing tomorrow (today's) post.

Yesterday I thought I would get some trousers. They had the black, blue and brown shades.

I don't buy brown as it washes out a caramel complexion but I've already got the blue and black, so I thought to hell with it.

I haven't bought anything brown since I was a teenager but I have to change things up.

The reason I like these, is because I can choose the leg length and I go for 29" as I am a shortie.

I wonder if I should have chose 27. I just saw a purple winter nightie but at £25 that seems a lot, it does have good reviews though.

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Here we are again, I just got a call to say.. You've been reported and you're in trouble.

He went ahead and did it, how spiteful does someone have to be? And when it's your own ex family stabbing you in the back, well that's just life, I guess.

The most horrid people get away with doing the unthinkable and the rest of us deal with the consequences.

Again I'm not perfect but I am just trying to get through this life. I was supposed to declare something and I omitted it.

Because that specific thing was never asked about, I just told myself it wasn't relevant and forgot about it.

I've always tried to be responsible and upfront but for this one thing I just chose a different path to the normal.

Now I have to give a bunch of bank/paypal statements within 2 weeks of receiving the demands letter and I guess I'll probably be fined and possibly prosecuted.

All I want to do is pay my monthly bills and try to escape the stress and chronic pain/exhaustion/depression.

Most of my financial obligations are gas, electricity, water, council tax, phone, broadband and rent.

Plus buy groceries. This is a list of my expenses and a description of what it is every month.

My council tax is £16 a month.

My rent is £615.52 but not all of is covered, (£540.48 I receive and contribute £75.04 per month).

My thames water bill is £40 a month.

Oh yea forgot about the TV licence bill, which is £15 a month, when I don't watch television, just Youtube.

EDF for electricity and gas is £33 and £42, I don't know which is which. £75 in total.

My BT is £37 for landline and broadband and I don't use my home phone.

My EE mobile phone contract is £18.89.

Let's add all that up and that's not including groceries, extras,  household and Oyster travel expenses.

That's £780.41 including my rent contribution.

Now let's add the JSA monthly addition, £181 x2 because it's every fortnight.

That comes up to £362. Now let's minus my rent contribution and bills.

Rent £75.04, Council Tax, £16, Thames Water £40, TV Licence £15, EDF £75, BT £37, EE £18.89.

Which minus £362 equals £85.07. Let's say the Oyster is about £15 a month.

That brings it down to £70, that's £17.50 to spend on groceries and household per week.

The only problem with that is I can't do a manual shop, I can't carry that much.

The minimum spend for most online groceries is about £40 so that would mean, I could purchase food or household but not both.

By household I mean, kitchen towels, toilet rolls, bleach, fabric detergent, handwash, washing up liquid, tissues, sanitary towels, shampoo/conditioner, cream, lotion, eye drops, saline, cleaner, lens cases, shower gel/bath soak and toothpaste/mouthwash.

Even if I bought the cheapest brands which aren't always available I would still be unable to budget.

The supermarket own, irritates my skin anyway. Now I don't know what will happen with JSA or the new claim with Universal Credit.

All she said was let Universal Credit know, which I updated my the money part, to add it.

I don't know if they'll suspend all help and start me on a payment debt plan and confiscate all savings as part of that, with an ongoing bill?

Or they might just throw me in jail but then how would they get their money?

I feel like I should be tarred and feathered and pushed into a public arena and taunted mercilessly.

Possibly put in stocks? Maybe stoned to death?

I'm human and we are all infallible, we all do the wrong thing at times.

At least while it was possible, I was able to help Mama out, if she needed something extra.

I could treat her to lunch or whatever she needed replacing or fixing.

I guess from now on luxuries I can't afford are clothes, pedicures, makeup, bedlinen, a new phone contract, essential oils, takeout, body butters.

A new laptop, when this one dies. footwear and gifts. Oh crap cabbing it to Mama is also out.

With my hands deteriorating and the whole of my back stiffening, I'm not sure taking several buses is even an option now.

As I would have to carry the laptop case, the handbag, the overnight bag and maybe stand up, if no seats are available, for the whole 1hrish journey.

All festive trips to her might just be cancelled.

As usual I keep certain details private but now I just aired out all my dirty laundry.

I'm too sick to work but not disabled enough according to the Government.

I'm stuck stuck stuck looking for employment that I cannot physically manage to do and that's been my life.

I just have to wait for the letter, that she said will probably arrive next week.

I've completely lost my appetite and my strength to persevere. When it arrives I will head to the library and take my login details, as I don't have a printer.

And just give them 6 years worth of statements, from 1st January 2018 until now, from Paypal and my bank.

I will include that and anything else they tell me and post it back in the prepaid envelope.

This is why I said before that if I stop posting for an extended period, it won't be by choice.

It is because they have convicted me and thrown away the key and I don't see myself as having enough fight in me, to want to survive that situation.

With no support system in place for me. I will give up and this blog will die. I can't seem to wrap this up.

I'll try after adding these last bits. What struck me is the abusive sibling that I grew up with is claiming UK benefits and not even living in England.

Secondly, yesterday, the EE agent, was all animated about offering me multiple discounts as EE and BT have officially merged and I am with both of them.

It all just seems like nonsense though, as giving me about 3 separate offers, still did not deduce the price that much.

After all that bs, I was still asked to pay more for my contract then I usually do.

Now I'm relieved I didn't renew. Either I will stay and that way keep the same price or switch to Pay As You Go.

The one interesting thing that will come to light, is that I'm paying some of my rent, which I shouldn't be.

Secondly, the amount of times I have had to make full rent payments when the Housing Benefit has randomly stopped, is crazy.

The landlord just seems to flippantly say, every once in a while, Oh yea you're in masses of debt.

Yet I pay every 2 weeks. I would have been homeless a long time ago......

Finally (last bit I promise), I just want to add, that the person who called from DWP, took absolute pleasure in her role of scaring me to death.

There was no sympathy or understanding. It was just lil jabs and even dialogue to put me at ease and throw me off.

Asking about my unusual surname and vacations, like we were buddies.

I can't travel, my passport isn't valid but even if it was, I can barely get to a local place, let alone abroad.

It was like she was playing her own version of good cop, bad cop.

Then it was a cheerily Have an enjoyable rest of the day..... Yea while you've turned my world upside down, uh huh.

I've always tried my utmost best to be nice, to help others, to give them confidence and support and to nearly always do the right thing.

Surely that must count for something?

I'm cutting my ties just in case. I've said my Goodbyes to L and T, it's not fair to just disappear.

But if the worst does happen to me, then at least they won't worry, they can move on to better friends.

If I'm up to it. I'll talk next week, if not take care. It dawned on me, why I can't finish this post.

I've forgotten to say Goodbye to you dear readers. I'm going to miss talking to you most of all.

No matter, how small or silly the ramblings were, you listened to all of it.

And hopefully sympathised or laughed along with me, through all the silliness or exaggerations.

Maybe you thought I was a lil dorky with all the silly spoof posts? (Were they any good? I've always wondered if anyone giggled)?

Maybe you thought I was too easily angry, with all the ranty posts? 

(Although, you'll never know how much it helped to offload and have someone listen/read, without interrupting or judging too harshly, I hope).

The poignant posts like Dear Bully and Crazy Self Therapy and maybe even this one, maybe you're crying along with me?

Or at least can feel my pain. Those were agony, to open up all those wounds, that were left dormant and to confront all the misery and brutality of being constantly mentally abused and physically assaulted.

Especially when you're your own brick wall and it's not that you don't have anything to contribute, you just can't seem to speak.

This is gonna take a big toll on Mama.

All those fictional stories that I poured my guts into. I had many love/hate moments.

I adored the outcome, even if I never quite felt I measured up to the standards of a genuine writer.

As though I really don't belong in the writer's room but I don't belong anywhere, I never have.

So much writer's block, so much time wanting to quit. Those unpublished, unfinished stories that I just can't seem to focus on.

This year's Christmas one keeps playing on my mind, actually they all do.

It's not anything special but my favourite thing to write is the daily posts, which I turned into #BlogLife.

Even stressed or not wanting to talk to a single soul, I would be bursting to tell you about my mundane day.

Most of the time, nothing dramatic happened but hopefully I could spin it, into something entertaining?

Thank you for taking a chance on my itty bitty, tiny, pictureless blog.

I finally got to share. I opened up. I created a safe space for myself and my voice was finally heard.

I appreciate that, as someone who never experienced it before.

People always had an agenda, quid pro quo or just tell me your secrets so I can take advantage.

Here on Blogger from 2017 I grew up a lot and let some of my barriers down and let you see pieces of me, that no-one else saw.

I somewhat healed and the rest is beyond repair. Whatever happens next, whoever comes and goes into your life..

Be your own gatekeeper. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone hurt you.

Remember that you are one of a kind and I'll miss you.

I don't think I'll ever delete this blog, unless I want to start afresh or go into hiding.

But that also means I would have to delete Twitter.. I should eat, it's nearly 5pm and I've been talking nonstop..

Life isn't all bad

If it wasn't one thing going wrong it was another. My fridge freezer breaks and instead of the couriers delivering the new one and collecting the old, they refused. 

Now I have to pay the council to collect it. Then my laptop broke down which thankfully was only due to a faulty charger so I managed to get a good deal in the high street.

I end up losing both my contact lenses and have to rely on my glasses which I'm allergic to, to see anything, reading was damn near impossible but I have gotten my new set now which I am being extra careful with. 

I really couldn't take any further expenses so realising my phone contract was ending soon I called up early to try and get a good deal. 

I'm not sure why but the earlier I call, the nicer more reasonable they seem. I have one of those package deals, phone, broadband, landline so it is much easier to negotiate knowing that I can easily take my business elsewhere.

For once I did not think I was going to get anywhere. I am pretty adapt at bargaining but previous times have failed so I had low expectations. 

However this time, luck was on my side. I spoke to a lovely chap taking me through the options and respecting my budget, but he was trying to do a hard sell.

The free phones he offered me seemed quite poor and he lowered my monthly costs but I needed to think about which phone I really wanted as my current Honor cannot handle multi tasking at all.

I googled some reviews, watched a few youtube videos and then narrowed it down to two handsets. Huawei Smart P 2017 or the Moto G6 Play. 

I was looking for decent battery life and ram mostly. Would have been nice to have something other than black but that was low priority.

I decided to call back in the afternoon and see if I could still get that great deal which unfortunately was unavailable, the new deal was worse so I declined. 

I figured now that a free phone was actually an option I would keep calling back in the morning until I got a reasonable deal. 

However an hour later I got a call saying he had spoken to his manager and agreed to offer me the original fantastic deal. I'm not saving a massive amount. 

£3 a month overall, an additional £30 of half price line rental for 3 months. I am getting a new phone that I didn't think I would though. 

Plus no delivery charges or handset costs and I am thrilled about that. I hope I made the right choice. I went with the Moto.. It's due to arrive tomorrow or Thursday. 

Wish me luck.