#BlogLife1051 - Understimulated

Although there is a lot that annoys me about 7 Cups, the  censorship, lack of support etc..

The one thing I do enjoy from the members and Listeners are the discussions about a variety of topics.

It could be lighthearted or really deep and meaningful and it really tickles my brain to have to think about what I'm sharing.

Plus people add things, you don't necessarily think about so it's thoroughly interesting to read it all and get involved.

But in the back of my mind, now I'm always thinking, Oh is this going to stay up, or will it be removed??

Although the randoms have their uses, for entertainment purposes, there's not a whole lot of serious discussions around.

My brain feels neglected sometimes. I will enjoy it while it lasts and I haven't seen many insults.

There are some disagreements but mainly I find myself agreeing with them because it's an assumption or a narrow view.

I'm enjoying lifting people up but I am still getting pms and I don't whether I should officially write on my profile I'm on hiatus because what if UC logs on and sees it?

I'm always mindful of not being free to be myself and make my own decisions.

Enough talking, I have to make brekkie wraps, maybe no fish today, chicken or steak maybe?

The Iceland wholemeal wraps are bland but durable, the other one had a lil more flavour. Meh I still miss rotis.

Oh yea I'm still stumped, my face continues drying out, so as well as the Blink drops, something else is causing it?

Well just spoke to Mama about meeting on Tuesday and she says she's too swamped....

This was her idea to meet ha but I'm relieved. It's already going to be busy with the UC on Monday and then the maintenance on Friday.

Back home from the UC meeting, uneventful, he just said update the rent costs when you can, I don't blame you, you are trying your best.

I don't know why my stomach is churning, I feel sick, I can barely stand.

I bought apple and orange juice, that's not helping. I am listening to binaurals, that's not working.

The food arrived and I don't really have an appetite to face it. I bought pakoras, they are ok..

I still don't understand how they can be called onion bhajis and pakoras.

Two different flavours, with different ingredients ha. Oh well but what will save the day, included in the bag is a mild mint raita, which is tasty.

Plus a mildly spiced ketchupy burger sauce, which is also quite nice.

I know I'm not big on spice but when it's flavoursome, then it appeals to me, but in small doses.

I also bought an egg burger and a chicken doner, why did I buy so much?

I thought I would be hungry, that's why but I'm not. Oh and chicken samosas too.

Plus cashews and those dil crisps and more of those eclair cupcakes.

I would have liked to browse more but it was so difficult standing and trying not to vomit.

Yeesh well at least I have food for 2x days. It will make it easier when I'm upright, especially if I still feel sick tomorrow.

All I want to do is lie down. Oh I was running early but the sun was blinding and I couldn't see the bus number, usually they stop, this one raced by...

But I just made it on time with the second bus. Crazy stuff. No jacket but three layers of clothing, was just right.

It's windy and sunny in the UK at present. I'm still getting used to the sunglasses making everything look black and white.

At least I can see clearly with them on, not the buses but everything else.

Am I going to feel better if I eat properly? Hmm, not convinced! No didn't work, I can't force myself to eat.

Kinda peckish but even though it's 1pmish, my tum is acting as though it's full of food and I haven't eaten a thing.

Well not much, mostly just sipping orange juice. I need to take off my makeup too.

This would be the perfect time for a nap, if I was really tired but it's body tired, not brain tired and it has to be both.

Ugh that jerk (RM). I can't unsee his name now because as well as stalking my friends comments and posts.....

Now he's latched onto mine and I want to tell him to take his abusing, bullying self away but I can't.....

He hasn't been nasty to me and I'm not supposed to know his true nature because it was told in confidence!

I may not be able to call him out, but neither will I engage. Treat people with respect, it's really not difficult!

Maybe in turn, they will want to be around you. Instead of avoiding you.

#BlogLife863 - Stress vomitting

It took just over and hour and a half to charge the new earbud case and earbuds.

It paired easily with the phone and laptop. I didn't try it at the same time, I forgot.

The model name is YYK-580. Hmm I didn't even realise that maybe it is in the same family as the older pair I have which is the YYK-Q63, who knew?

I was just going to use these spare earbuds for calls but I might as well try it out tomorrow.

The older one I use overnight, it probably has a similar 12 hour battery.

Again it's hard to tell the status, unless you lift the case lid. Then I saw about 4/5 red flashing dots and after the last one stopped flashing, I guessed it was at full capacity.

The earbuds themselves were dead so no colour and then afterwards, went from red to blue.

I thought it was cute, they included a lil black cloth to wipe it clean when necessary.

Also a supposed lifetime warranty, I'll look at that later when I have time.

Ugh, what a day and it's only 10.28am. I got back from the UC appointment and my stomach has just stopped lurching, finally.

It is a beautiful but cold sunny day but for most of it, I had to listen to the anti nausea video, it eventually helped but it was an unpleasant morning.

I didn't even have time to do my makeup. I just rushed out so I wouldn't be late and then hate to wait around for the idiot Jobby to open the doors.

It's not great to stand up when the nausea is hitting hard. Also I felt a bit dizzy but after bracing myself, it disappeared.

I don't know why everyone does this double talk nonsense but it's annoying me.

The advisor said in one breath, Oh now you'll be on monthly, not weekly, not fortnightly meetings..

And I thought great, less headache for me and then he went right back and gave me an appointment in 2 weeks, what is wrong with you???

Why is everyone content with the BS? I also mentioned the course wasn't suitable and he said, Oh yea I know, don't apply for this, apply for that, it's the same bloody thing.

Arghh! I want to scream, I have a short short fuse today. Lastly I explained about the service charge and rent costs and he seemed to think I wasn't responsible for paying that.

I wonder if that was why the form says, don't include it, because they assume, I don't pay it? But I bloody do!

He said call them up or leave a message in the journal. I'm dreading calling them, in case I get someone rude.

My stomach can't take much more. I know I didn't have a choice about migrating to UC and everyone praised it so much.

I find it a complete hassle. Everything is a confusing challenge that is a constant source of stress to me, it's not straightforward and seems to be designed to have you question it.

I succumbed and bought a fizzy miranda orange and it definitely helped my tum.

I also saw pretzels, a coffee cake and crisps so I have re-stocked my snack cupboards woop.

Ahh breakfast is on the way, I hope it helps. I might just eat the fries, no idea why that aids me to feel better.

I used a coupon so it was free and I had a brainwave, this will probably be my last takeout in a while.

So what I will do from now on is before each UC appointment, get there early, pop into the Tesco mini supermarket and pick up some sandwiches or pasta, possibly nibbles too.

Every bone and muscle in my body aches when I get in. I just packed away the food and changed and I feel drained.

At least with pre-prepared food, I won't have to be on my feet much and I can rest, same as before.

I have to hang up my clothes and get the bottle of water that I took out the fridge but forgot to bring with me.

Moving does not appeal to me though. I'm too tired. I don't feel that urge to nap, unfortunately, I'm only body tired, not brain tired and I need both to switch off before I can.

I was trying to be careful and balance the sprite can in the tissue box and it spilled over, had to just bin the brand new box.

Oh I got a complimentary, well 2 free drinks, pity it's coca cola, not my type, too sweet.

I think I had 3ish hours of sleep. I'm too worried about the mounting bills, that never end but keep increasing.

And what if UC sends me on a physical course? My body can't cope anymore with being outdoors for too long.

It's almost like it's preparing to shut down. I should keep things in perspective and only be concerned about what is pressing right now.

Me and DL are still plodding along, talking fine but I gave him a test today.

I wanted to see even if he was busy, would he respond, when I said that I was poorly and he should take the day off and heal me lol.

Obviously I didn't mean that, I just wanted some kind words. That was at 9.37am.

Four hours later no reply, which is fine, just disappointing to me but he's busy.

The sickyness is finally really gone, I'm sipping water and the sleepiness is washing over me.

I must do my protein tablets for my deep clean contact lens tonight, I haven't done it for the month.

#BlogLife851 - Functioning poorly

I'm not sure I have it in me to write and put out today's post but I'll attempt it.

My stomach is just all over the place, the nausea is hitting me hard with any movements but I'm slowly persevering.

I managed to change my bed, nice multi covered duvet. Then I took a rest, took out the bins, wiped around the kitchen and bathroom and then gave up.

I like to play music when I clean but I kept switching to the binaural anti-nausea video instead.

Standing upright is doing me no favours whatsoever. I haven't had any news about upcoming appointments, as I checked the post, aside from today's boiler check up.

It's just gone 10amish and he was due from 8am until 6pm I think.

I have to do some laundry soon also but that can wait. I should mop the floors too but that also has to be postponed, until I can stand and not want to vomit.

The Yash herbal lip balm I bought in a squeezy tube I might just have to bin.

The scent is nice, it's moisturising enough but as I squeeze it, it leaks all over and I'm constantly having to clean up the excess,

I will not buy that again for the problematic usage. I will stick to the Joy brand as that has no drama attached to it.

I still feel that tenderness in my chest area, I can't wait for that to disappear.

As I still feel horrendous and the maintenance guy just left, after phoning me he would be arriving soon..

Actually turned out to be an hour later but he was friendly and no issues raised.

I thought I would just do a mini either takeout or lunch order. Finally I saw the chicken samosas in stock and on offer but sadly they ran partially out.

I'm not surprised, they are lovely and I've been craving some, it was supposed to be 3 packs for £4.50..

But only 2 were available so they've charged me £4.40. I can't remember if it was a couple in a packet or just one.

Guess I shall find out as they keep rebranding it, not spicy, just nice mild and well seasoned.

The pizza express dough balls were also on sale, £2 off so I got that too.

Plus some flavoured water, apple and orange separately and some chicken sushi and sandwiches.

Oh and the clean and clear face wash. I am started to hate the beaded one, it doesn't wash off, just sticks to my skin ugh.

Here it goes, Zoom's tracking page has crashed as usual. I just feel like snacking, not a full meal as such.

Ooh that wasn't bad, about 40mins later it arrived. Hmm, they have yet again changed the samosa recipe.

It wasn't as great. I think they removed the peas also. I doubt I will get that again.

The Clearasil wash has a nice enough scent but it contains the dreaded fine beads ugh!

I swear I read the descriptions carefully, they don't mention it and I get it, only to be disappointed.

I think it just irritates combination skin. I'm breaking out slightly, due to sugar and hormones and my skin feels slightly worse.

Although I do feel like it's been deeply cleansed too, I'm not sure I need a moisturiser afterwards.

I'm still using it though as it's still winter-ish although the weather seems nicer and warmer unfortunately.

I miss the rain. I still can't find my glasses after I changed the bed, I wonder if I chucked them away by accident?

It's weird getting up and not putting them on briefly to see my surroundings.

I'm waiting for the Iceland order to arrive, it was nice not getting up at 7ish to answer the door.

Maybe I'll stick to the 10ish time slot.

#BlogLife828 - Eeek it fits, weightloss confirmed

The palazzo pants were just delivered and I thought ooh they look a bit small for trousers, the length was fine, no dragging on the floor.

I put it on and it actually fit, it wasn't loose or tight so that's 4 stones lost.

Quite quite proud of myself. Good job I was home, they wouldn't have left it, he took a picture as proof of delivery.

I would have liked it a bit thicker but it will do nicely. I'm back home after the UC meeting and emotionally I feel relieved.

He was understanding about the courses that I didn't want to pursue them and they were not the right fit, phew.

Oh and the best part was, he's taking time off so gave me a phone appointment in a fortnight with a colleague and it's not the nasty power tripper, woop woop.

I was so happy, he asked why? I said there's someone that's really disrespectful and he stresses me out and I don't need that.

He asked me the name and I don't remember but *shudder* I loathe him!!

He's one of those people that are spiteful to those with debilitating health conditions and that's not right.

I didn't want to argue about it as my stomach is lurching, I've just wanted to vomit all day.

Typical, when you feel the roughest, there is no seats on the bus coming or going so now I'm lounging, hoping eating will calm my tum.

I wasn't really in much pain today, just frozen solid, so I had a browse in one of the beauty stores but even they didn't have much of a selection.

This country seems rubbish for choice, it's very limited brand wise, unless you want to spend a fortune, which I never do.

I think the face wash will finish soon, so I'll get a bigger one and some body butters, which are all scattered in different online retailers.

Oh for breakfast/lunch I ordered chicken spinach pasta and a chicken wrap for tomorrow, or I might leave the pasta..

Oh and a 7up plus the pistachio tiramisu which is divine. It actually was not discounted but I don't care, that money is doomed anyway.

Forgot to mention, I went to my world shop and got some treats, sugar waffles, pretzels and these knock off mini snicker chocolates.

Oh ok, I was mistaken, it's like a dark chocolate truffle with blended nuts, absolutely delicious but I'm stuffed.

The pretzels were 59p, the chocolates were £2.50 and not so tiny, the waffles were £2. 

Not cheap or overpriced.

#BlogLife596 - I broke up with Postie

Song of the day - Olatunji - Kaya

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pIL9kR6aF0&list=WL&index=31

Alright technically we're not romantically involved but the dodo delivered my weekender bag to the wrong address.

Ugh I was so stressed seeing that Delivered message but luckily once again they took a picture as proof....

And I can again prove that is not my door or foot. My door is a different colour and clearly shows the itty bitty number.

But then an hour later they decided to return it to me. Postal theft is a criminal offence after all.

They must have wet themselves when Postie said so your name is SS? 

Great, let me just snap a quick picture and then I'll be off, toodles.....

Bahaha! I was literally reporting it and saying give me a day and if it doesn't show up, investigate it, report it to the cops do whatever because I am not wasting money on a stolen item!!

I am pleasantly surprised, it looked really small at first but it was flattened and folded up so once I put it together, it was longer, deeper and wider.

Plus I'm glad they included the shoulder strap, the less things I'm holding, the better.

I think it sorta looks like real leather, it certainly smells like it and I'm pleased with the overall look.

The real challenge will be with packing it up to the brim. The slippers are supposedly coming on Monday, (today).

And hopefully the purple lippy also. Oh I tried the Chickeny Yorkshire puddings.

Wow out of the whole range, these are the best things. I think I read that included in the ingredients is parsley but it is properly seasoned and very tasty and soft.

I want to grab a drink but Postie is due anytime. I'm not sure if it's the regular or the special van one.

The regular one is normally around lunchtime but this said up to 4pm.

Yesterday I ordered Mama's masala chai tea, I got a big box of 100 tea bags Wagh Bakri is the brand.

I have no idea if it's caffeinated or sweetened, the details are vague but the reviews seemed positive.

There was something about snow mentioned so I'm trying to shop early and avoid the delays but the tracking said....

There are already congested reports, maybe only for the regular post? Or maybe all of it?

I also saw 2x Eclat mud masks for £6, apparently the regular price for one is a fiver.

I don't normally buy the same thing but it proved to be really effective with my skin.

It replenished all the moisture and my face is smooth again. Plus I love mud masks anyway, they are the most hard working product for me.

Gel and standard cream masks don't do anything beneficial for my combination skin.

I'm mostly liking the replacement binaural beats anti nausea video.

I don't really like the noise, to me it's a lil creepy sounding but I'm surprised at the short and long term effects of it, that I didn't notice straight away.

When I feel sicky, it's usually because I need to burp but I'm not able too.

Drinking fizzies was the only cure for me, since the other video was deleted.

Now I put it together that whenever I listen to the video, sure it calms my tummy and I don't feel nauseated but later on it's started aiding me to burp naturally.

That to me is astounding. I'm not even listening to it and in the evening I was burping and this morning I was also.

People would normally pop antacids for this treatment, for the other nicer sounding video, I had to listen to it, in that moment for it to assist me.

#BlogLife3405 - No meal without wholemeal

Good afternoony to you all. I truly hope your day is going well. Mine is a disaster.

The nausea was bad again today and I still would have been early albeit with tears running down my cheeks because of all the heaving.

However the bus decided even though I track it, to arrive early. I missed it by seconds grr! Then the next one after was really really late.

That completely through me off waiting about 20 minutes in the freezing cold, hopping from leg to leg as the pain set in.

I still arrived just 4 itty bitty minutes late. I know it's not ideal but come on it's just 4 freaking minutes.

Even the receptionist when I called up to notify I had arrived downstairs was saying, Oh I'll get him hold on..

Then err umm sorry Dic-tator (emphasis on dic) is in a meeting, I'll come down with some documents.. He'll be in touch blah blah, go home!

What an ass! You couldn't wait a lil bit for me and our meeting was going to be 4 minutes long was it??

You command I be there and then can't even have the decency to see me, even though you damn well know how rough this journey is for me.

Go screw yourself!

I washed my hair and the cute flicky curl it did, totally disappeared. I pinned it back but it just didn't seem the same.

There was no way I could face putting on makeup with my stomach retching so I just left it.

Today's outfit was the shiny red tiger print top and blue trousers. It all fits so nicely.

What a relief to actually walk around and not be worrying it's too long, too loose, too tight or too small.

This was the blue trouser set, I don't even recall buying it in navy, but as the special offer is still going. I just bought it in black, the only other colour was chocolate and ick, no thanks.

Oh and the Dickie's socks I bought are a lil misleading. Heavy duty pffft, purleaseeee.

At best they are a medium thickness, they are not like the thermal socks you see, those are actually dense!

The fit is a bit above the ankle length, comfortable to wear and warmish but then I have the fur lined booties on.

I just took them off and even with the heating on it's not great, it's as though I am wearing thin socks.

They suit my purpose however as I wanted something thick enough so that my skin wasn't rubbing against the footwear and I don't have that issue, so for me I would recommend it.

It depends on what your purpose for buying them is though. I finally got to pay one of my bills.

The dictator hasn't called me back, if I'm napping later then he'll have to wait.

When I got home I couldn't wait to sit down, it felt so good to rest that I had to psyche myself up to stand and take out the bins.

Sprawling out turns into Narnia land. I was fine, didn't feel the pain or aches and then the delivery food driver got lost so I had to get up and dang..

I felt the intensity. I don't want to be up much so I have my drink and Just Eat had 25% off for cyber monday so I took advantage of that and will have meals for a few days.

I have no appetite and I don't feel like forcing myself to eat, even though it's past 3pm now.

I did get snacks in, cereal bars, crisps, mini strawberry trifles but no wholemeal rolls sadly.

I didn't fancy white so picked up some croissants instead. The only thing I really fancy is soup.

I don't have the energy to even hang my clothes up. I should get my blankie as my back is hurting but it's too much effort.

I can't believe there is another meeting tomorrow, not with dictator unless he requests it but with someone else.

#BlogLife357 - Premature aging

My stomach is really unsettled today, it's been good and then as I was getting ready to hit the market, it just started flip flopping and I thought for the thousandth time, I really should have hard candy to suck on until it passes.

I just don't want it to melt as it's a waste of money eating a sweet with the wrapper fused to it.

Ooh my food just arrived. I'm gonna watch My Big Fat Fab Life and munch.

I bought a hotdog, fries and some chicken strips with lemon herb coating. When I do hotdogs at home, I never ever did the fried onions thing.

At first I wasn't super keen, maybe because there is a sweetness to them but when I order it, I don't mind if they are on top. I still don't cook them at home though.

I've never tried the chicken strips before, they're not bad. The fries are always crispy and lightly salted which is my preference.

I am stuffed now and the nausea has finally passed. I'm drinking my usual icy vimto with orange blended at the moment.

Oh yea I forgot the orange juice helps with pmt/pms symptoms. My last period I think was June so if I don't come soon, that will be the longest time ever.

3 whole months. I think skipping 2 months was a milestone prior to this. I've never been straightforward.

Pmt signs without a period is still rough though. It's not as intense or long lasting thankfully.

I wonder if cutting out lamb and adding more vegan meals helped?

Talking of food, I did hit my international store and picked up the proper olive crackers, puffy crisps, unsalted cashews ( I don't know why they load the regular with excess salt, ick nasty).

I did fancy some cookies but nothing really appealed. I wasn't craving chocolate and that was all that was basically there.

The takeout place didn't offer desserts so I'll just make do with savoury goodies.

Ooh finally my slippers in my size were in stock. I think it's a dark blue, man-nish type but they are smartest and cosiest so I'm not bothered.

If I'm wearing men's socks, might as well wear their slippers too. Ha!!

I just really feel like an old person, scrambling to get a seat and rest up. The pains hitting me intensely.

The lack of energy to do anything. It took me a few days to open up a tub of food because I just couldn't manage it and felt like I was splitting my nails in two and bruising myself.

I am consciously trying to workout more but this latest wave of exhaustion is making it difficult.

I will persevere though.

#BlogLife235 - How do I process these feelings?

It's not a good day. I was chilly so I put my jacket on and even layered up. I was going to dress light and fluffy, in the new wrap purple top but it seemed too flimsy.

I was sicky all morning but when I put the mini fan on, I felt a chill. I even thought I heard the pitter patter of raindrops outside.

There was a slight breeze and then it got really warm and with the mask on, it felt suffocating. I don't know if it's still mandatory to wear or not so I'll keep using it.

Then I kept missing appointments. I just don't feel up to it. My stomach won't settle and I want to reschedule. I just don't know the number.

That is piling on the guilt as I just want some peace, to feel like crap, away from everyone, hassling me.

Now the cherry on the cake is. I heard back from the cleaning company which I'll now name because the customer service is shoddy.

Emop and instead of an apology, discount and some kind words, like I used, there was angry, defensive feedback.

If indeed the flush mechanism had been that flimsy, why has it lasted over 10 years without breaking???

I just wanted him to say, sorry I am at fault. It was a long, tough job but I should have been more careful.

Instead I'm left with this weirdness inside me. As I should have taken better care with my place and deep cleaned it myself.

At least I take comfort in saying that, although he broke my toilet, he did a thorough job and was personable.

I wouldn't trash someone just because of one thing but I am angry that he broke something, that was working perfectly without any issues and instead of accepting blame, he totally bypassed the guilt and shrugs it off.

I am left to get it repaired and deal with the fallout of, how big a job is it?

I guess I just feel a bit exploited. That I spoke up and expected a more respectful answer. That I would be heard and validated and treated better.

I could give a mean rating but that just seems petty and he did do the job required, that's the annoying thing. I want to rage but I can't.

I will just leave it unsettled. I really don't see the point in pursuing it as they don't seem interested in refunding the lack of equipment charge or dealing with my unhappiness due to the damage.

It helps to let it out and I'm starting to feel better about it. Live and learn.

Ahh almost forgot to mention. A new beauty place opened up but they only do threading brows which I hate, will check out the facial treatments though, sounds nice and it's in a convenient location also.

I got a purifying Himalaya Neem face mask for oily skin for £2.80 to try out and a Himalaya saffron mint face wash, not sure of the price.

I'll let you know when I sample them and how they turn out. I feel better, nausea has subsided and I managed to change my bed without vomiting.

I can't do the floors though. I'll probably get yet another cleaner for them as I am wiped out. There's nothing left in me.

My duvet is all lumpy and uneven and I don't have the patience to fix it.

The really nice thing is, I postponed the appointment and the woman I spoke to, was actually really sweet and understanding, she said possibly Thursday but not to worry about it.

I also called up about the toilet and have to wait back for an appointment so there's nothing left to do but eat, except I don't want to do that.

I may just skip it. I'm not getting into bad habits, the stress, pain, nausea and tiredness is just getting to me.

Tomorrow or next week, I'll shake out of it but for today, I shall now unwind and game and watch ER or Whose Line reruns.

One good attitude, cancels out one negative :)