#BlogLife1154 - Does stress overrule you and stop you moving forwards?

I wish it was a better night's sleep but some rest is better than none at all.

I didn't hear back from the penpaller so that's that. A pity but maybe I'm not in the right headspace anyway..

I keep forgetting about the chronic pain binaurals. I was so focused on the anti nausea, the hand pain was creeping up and now typing is pretty sore..

EDF (gas/electricity), wrote and said they are upping my bill by £20 so that £10 saving from EE (broadband), seems void now.

I'm tired of stressing about money. I'm as careful as I can be and whatever will happen, I'll deal with it.

I was freezing last night and took the blankie off prematurely. I still only put the boiler on every other day..

I don't want to make myself ill though.

I'm still enjoying Reddit, despite the immature downvotes. People thinking only their opinion matters and leaving gross comments on my posts.

Despite saying Keep it clean and respectful but some posts have taken off and the nice users far outweigh the negative ones.

I should have joined years ago :)

Something that was bothering me I recently addressed. I wrote about it on here first but probably ran out of steam..

The post titled Talk with words, not pictures..

Anyway someone asked for feedback and I thought because they brought it up..

I can safely admit, something your doing which I'm not a fan off is...

You use a lot of gifs instead of talking to me and that doesn't work.

I'm burnt out on gifs because I'm a word person and it's a bit meaningless to me.

I don't feel you've read what I've written or bothered to answer my question so that disturbs me.

And they took it onboard and said they won't do it anymore. Which I'm pleased about.

I was in the minority which surprised me, other people don't mind them but for me, it was affecting me a lot.

But I didn't know how to address it.

At home or around family, I could never speak my mind. That menacing look or tone, scared the hell out of me.

I got used to not talking at all, I'm presently still trying to unlearn that and speak up..

Well I wasn't expecting that. I completely forgot about the government heating allowance.

EDF wrote and said I quality for a £150 rebate so 3x months ish really or probably closer to two months paid..

The Warm Home discount scheme for the electricity only, not the gas...

But I have a gas combi boiler... I'm never sure how that works exactly but it's automatically applied so I can start using the boiler normally again.

Thank goodness. One less thing to stress about :)

#BlogLife871 - Comfort in calories

Ugh the boiler has been acting up, taking longer and longer to start working.

I just checked the status on the appliance and it says fine, however on the thermostat, the flame isn't coming on to show it's on.

It's normally the other way around, the boiler has the error message and thermostat doesn't register any abnormalities.

I cranked it to high and will see but I feel like ever since the engineer messed with it, it's hardly producing any heat from the radiators.

That's fine for now when it's warm but winter time is going to be harsh.

I really don't need these extra problems and the sink is still clogged, one minute fine and the next goes back to draining slowly.

Come on, please let me hear those ping ping pings of the radiator to indicate the heating is coming on...

I have been putting it on every day for a few hours, when I don't need it, yeesh why are they so badly made that they go bad so easily???

Ahhh that's my baby, phew it pinged. I wasn't in the mood to deal with engineers.

My stomach is cramping hard this morning and I just unpacked the groceries.

Oh it's a Bank Holiday this weekend as I'm writing this on Friday.

I didn't realise, no wonder Zoom keeps sending me offers but it's the wrong deals at the wrong time, when I don't need anything.

Actually if it works out cheaper, I might use the mini Ocado, instead of Just Eat for when I come home exhausted.

They still have the deal going with just paying for a main and getting the side and snack basically for free, for a fiver, I think?

And then it's another tenner to qualify for delivery, which isn't bad.

From Iceland I saw the luxury veggie samosas on offer, it's such a shame they don't do the chicken ones ready made.

I thought I would try it, it has mixed reviews, some say tasty, some say bland.

Some veggie stuff isn't seasoned at all, which spoils the enjoyment, but if it is, I won't miss the chicken aspect.

I also bought some lemon fizzy water for my stomach and I'm glad I did because I feel sicky.

I'm going to try and stop fretting about money, the situation might change or I might be permanently stuck but it's out of my hands.

Maybe suddenly after the savings are all gone, they will say Oh hey, now you're broke as we wanted you to be all along, we'll fully cover your rent, utilities and grocery bills too, isn't that decent of us?

Swines! I have to go back to the new story, I left it halfway or almost finished but my stomach is churning and I don't feel relaxed at all.

I tasted the veggies samosas, it's probably the nicest version I've tried, even though it needs more seasoning and black pepper and probably a dip to boost the taste.

It was mainly carrots and peas in a soft pastry, I should have cooked it longer but I was peckish.

I would still recommend it 4x£1, small to medium size. Oh and while looking for the regular ice poles, that were on offer but out of stock...

Arghh, I stumbled upon the limited edition blue raspberry ones, adore those, so as it was 2x£3 I bought two boxes.

I think it's 20 inside each box which lasts me ages, although in this warm weather, I add it to drinks to keep them cooler for longer.

It just reminds me of my childhood hot summer days, after a glorious hot swim, popping next door to the sweet shop and getting a blue slush puppy to enjoy as I walked home in the blazing sun, re-hydrating and refreshing me.

Those days I couldn't afford much, each purchase had to be rationalised in my mind and no treats that I couldn't afford.

Instead of getting snacks and a drink, it was just the drink. That's why I worry about money so much, I remember the days struggling to afford to buy food.

Wondering how I'm going to stretch the pennies and saying no, a lot of times to social events as I didn't have enough cash to be reckless with it.

I didn't want to get a credit card and load myself up with debts, just to feelgood in the moment.

I wanted to be mature and spend wisely, now I'm older, I feel I have earned the right to splurge every now and then but I still panic.

I don't want to be one of those people that don't pay the bills. Truth be told, I don't want to be like my family or past friends who spend what they don't have and act carefree about it.

 I aim to do the right thing for as long as I can afford it.

#BlogLife869 - Pranked?

What a peculiar morning I'm having, first the neighbours keep buzzing my outside door but not needing me.

Then I checked my bank, saw the reduced UC payment and called up to pay the rent, well I made up for the lack of service charge and paid it myself.

I realise now why the amounts looked different, whether it was my doing or theirs.. I don't know.

But I added £50 of the arrears to be paid off, included in the amount but then somehow had been adding on another £50+..

Heaven forbid the landlord would say, you're overpaying us. I now know the correct amount, which is £615.52 without the arrears debt.

May is going to be a tight month because afterwards I am left with £200 for groceries and bills and the groceries alone are £200.

Stress, stress, stressied. Anyway I'm gong to cover my own expenses and to hell with UC, that is supposed to help but is screwing me over, again and again.

After I paid the rent and it cleared, they called me back but it was silence and this happened about 3 times, so I just ended the call.

If it's anything major, they have my email, address, text options but it feels like everyone is pranking me.

It's a good job I have savings to fall back on, otherwise the debts would just keep climbing higher.

I am trying to do what's best and give everyone what they are owed but budgeting and re-evaluating it regularly is hard.

Sorry for the lateness I'm ready to wrap up today's blog. Two last things..

I heard back from the penpaller but he's married so not my type to converse with and I just politely ended it and told him that.

Secondly I was gaming to dilute my stress and wasn't having any luck so on the team chat bit..

I wrote something like.. Not having any luck, can anyone spare some, struggling here?

Except instead of luck, I wrote lick.... The chat sorta erupted into laughter.

I might go radio silent for a bit but I did apologise, well I blamed the phone really, bad pervy thing, tut tsk!!

#BlogLife862 -Turns out UC isn't covering all my rent

After speaking to the landlord representative yesterday, I wrote down all the details and I thought today I would go through the online form thingy.

I guess from my point of view, UC asks me about rent costs and then they confirm it with the landlord.

For some reason they had £615 something as my monthly rent cost, it is actually £666.81.

But when I was reading the form to submit, it said don't include any arrears you have, plus I'm not supposed to add the service charges either.

I assumed they were covering the whole expense. When I removed that service charge element, the new amount is £489.68.

I guess that means I'm going to be paying £125.84 a month, plus the £100 arrear debt.

Then all the other bills, which I will have to recalculate, per month.

TV licence - £15

EDF gas/electricity - £75

BT broadband/landline - £40.28

Groceries - £200

EE mobile phone - £18.78

Council Tax - £125

Thames Water - £40

The bills are £514.06 and the rent is £125.84, which totals to £639.90.

That's not even including the Oyster travel costs and contact lens care items, beauty items etc.

I guess I will figure it out, the next UC payment will be on the 30th April I guess.

It is, what it is. The earbuds are out for delivery and it's after 1pmish so due anytime now.

Ooh I got them, a special royal mail courier delivered them and surprisingly the case was dead and the earbuds too.

Normally it's partially charged. At 1.24pm I stuck it on the fast charger, maybe an hourish later it will be ready.

Oh also included was a lil handy cloth. I have never seen that before.

I just read inside the box, I'm supposed to scan a code to activate the warranty, then it mentioned it was for a lifetime?

That can't be right, I usually don't bother, but I might this time, later on.

Tomorrow I have a 9am UC meeting so if I remember after I've told him about the unsuitable course, I'll enquire about the rent.

I'm not going to go crazy or stress or get overwhelmed, there's nothing I can do about it so I will accept it.

Just seems like every time I turn around, there is a new expense.

On top of that, eventually the laptop, heating blankie and microwave will all need replacing, for several hundred pounts each.

Well aside from the blankie, that's under a hundred.

#BlogLife860 - We're going to flame out

I finally got around to checking the EE phone bill and there was this extra charge of just under £7 and I thought Noo, for what??

And I thought maybe it's just a transitional thing, or it's from calling/texting DL as he's away.

Turns out the representative reassured me that it was from the handset delivery cost, it just wasn't itemised.

I am so relieved and it made me smile that the 10% is coming out of the line rental, from £20 dropped down to £18 which is great news.

I feel less burdened already. Although a moment ago DL asked for the blog link and we've been having various shallow and deep and meaningful chats so he can handle it.

But he's still male and overall that seems to result in a negative outcome.

Every now and again, I have to be willing to put myself out there though and not only did I share it and die of cringe at the thought of him reading it..

I also encouraged him to search for the fiction and spoofs. I hate the thought of being critiqued but I usually play it so safe.

Too afraid to open up and share my words with someone that possibly may offer real feedback.

I saw these chicken and vegetable kebabs so I'm just cooking those and I have that special soft bread wrap and some dips, hummus or the garlic and herb will blend nicely.

I can't say I feel peckish but my stomach needs something inside it.

I'll probably leave half for tomorrow. DL says he really likes my writing but maybe he's being nice, to spare my feelings.

I'm just using humour to mask my insecurities, it's easier, than trying to figure out.. If I can captivate an audience.

The kebabs were nice, could have done with more flavour though and the veggies came out soggy, which didn't appeal.

I prefer crunchy and raw ones. I've just tried one of the pizza rolls that I saw.

It was £2 for a cannelloni sized portion. It reminds me of the mini ones they introduced over Christmas, except these are regular sized.

The breading is tasty, it's got the right amount of tomato and cheese, anymore and it would be a bit sickly.

I didn't find it too dry, most people would probably add some spice to it or dip it in a condiment for an extra boost.

For me I found it great as it was. It's a shame though, it's only in the cheese or pepperoni version, they completely ignore the chicken lovers, once again.

Oh I settled and bought a pair of earbuds finally £14ish. A bit more than I wanted to pay but I didn't see hardly anything with a long battery, it was only a few hours and that gets shorter after a while, so it isn't worth it.

And supposedly it has a 12hour battery life, hmm, we'll see. They are due before Thursday, I have the tracking link.

#BlogLife783 - It's money, not love, that makes the world go around..

Umm well today is the day the money is supposed to go into my account so I can pay my rent.

I was dreading checking it, thinking it's going to be delayed. The last payment I made was a fortnight ago and the arrears are climbing, whether they add interest or not, I have no idea.

I don't know how the landlord does it, but it always seems to be a higher amount than usual.

I checked my balance and thank heavens there was a payment there. I was so relieved and quickly called up to settle my bill.

Only to be told it's more than expected. I explained the situation about the switchover and I'm already just over £300 in debt.

I was given for the month, £666.81 and the rent is supposed to be £615.52 for the month but she said it was more than that.

They just seem to have poetic licence to charge whatever the hell they want.

I should have made a note, but I'm pretty sure she said it was above £615 hmm.

Anyway what she advised is to wait for my next payment, possibly on the 31st November, I have no idea, if there will even be a housing payment or maybe they will cut me off.

Plus there is the fine, hanging over. I have no answers..

She said they will assess it then and most likely I will contribute to the rent, to clear it.

I thought I am so used to doing that already, that it's pretty standard!

I was really tempted to just pay it off but I just feel like being cautious at the moment so I'm going to wait for now..

If the housing benefit stops, I'm going to need every penny to survive.

I wanted to use up the Just Eat stampcard balance but I'm too petrified of any non essential spending.

£16 is going to be wasted because I think they want me to spend a fiver or tenner minimum and I'm not sure I can spare it.

Ugh it sucks and this period is lasting 2 weeks, with no sign of stopping.

I'm fed up frankly of not knowing what outcome awaits me. It could have been worse, they could have delayed the payment further.

At least I was able to pay some of my rent, that's a good thing as I was really upset about that.

Next Tuesday I'll have my first official Universal Credit appointment so maybe they'll advise me of the payments then.

I wonder how often I'll be required to see them? Weekly? Fortnightly or Monthly?

#BlogLife778 - I've changed my mind, Gold-digging has it's appeal

I've just finished the Yes To Tomatoes moisturiser, I would buy it again for the scent and the fact it lasted a few months.

I'm now using the Clean and Clear, it's thin and lightweight and unfortunately unscented.

My combination skin is a lil bumpy and dry at the moment, from pmt, sugar and hormones.

It's nearly lunchtime but I don't feel hungry, I had a rough sleep, probably eventually knocked out about 4amish, I was tired but couldn't seem to switch off.

I saw that in the 1 calorie oil spray range from Frylight, they had a butter flavour that was new, I think last time I bought the olive oil or most likely sunflower.

I liberally sprayed the butter oil and it's like it didn't coat the panini press as the egg stuck to it.

I'm not impressed with that one at all, I'll use the others from now on.

I haven't seen the red Radox bath soak that I love but I have seen one I don't think I've tried, which is sleep therapy.

I checked and I don't think it has lavender which is common with these types of items, hate that scent.

I was also Googlying last night or this morning, to find out when the first Universal Credit payment would arrive and it could take up to 5 weeks, yeesh.

That's mid November, damn the rent arrears are going to be high.

There is no sign of an appointment either, plus I'm confused about the conflicting stories, some say you get paid once a month, others say, twice.

Ugh, it's all this not knowing which is stressful. Mind you I also read that the whole thing takes 3 months to process and my application went through quite fast, so maybe it won't be as long?

I hope not. 

Oh my God! I just checked the bank. I received a payment and I don't know if that's for the housing benefit alone and/or living expenses....

It's dated the 21st October and is for £38.61. How on earth am I supposed to pay all the bills with that?

The last payments were on the 4th and 7th October. Wow. Now I really am depressed.

What if that amount is to last me 4 weeks? The rent alone is £615.52 per month.

The bills are £201.89 for the month. The groceries are also about £160.

I don't know whether to just transfer all the money to my Bank and pay the rent or whether another one is due.

I was really hoping it wasn't as bad as this. Plus to pile on, I don't know how much the crippling debt will be.

I can't wait any longer tomorrow I'll get up early and go to the Post Office.

I'm still debating on the freepost thing but I'll feel better if I just put several stamps on it.

I actually don't even know if our Post Office is still open, I haven't seen anyone go into it for a long time.

If I buy a book of stamps, 4x should do it. I hope. I'm having second and third and fourth thoughts about making a downpayment on the debt,

I don't know what the best course of action is, to be honest. I hate owing money but I also need to be practical and still be able to pay the bills every month.

Now I'm in this predicament, I can see why women marry for money and security and not love.

It's sacrificing love and freedom but not stressing about money and being looked after is starting to look really appealing.

It's just a shame that I can't stand intimacy. Otherwise that would be an alternative out of this mess.

Plus I'm not cute or skinny enough to be a trophy wifey/mistress..

Hmm, back to the drawing board. What happens when the money runs out?

Answer - There will not be enough for food, maybe they will just barely pay the bills.

You don't need food to live right? I'll have the overall debt and then probably using the overdraft to borrow money which I can't pay back, so more debt.

And then no escape from it at all. I guess, eventually I'll be taken to court, fined even more, evicted and homeless.

Well, at least I won't have to worry about bills, I'll be living on the streets, no more blog, because everything will be repossessed to pay the fines off..

Alright I know, my brain is spiralling to the worst case scenarios but it's not that far fetched.

The savings won't last forever. I don't see how things will improve.

What can I realistically cut down on? Air? The only thing is the mobile phone contract.

Do I really need a phone? I barely talk to anyone but I think it's a requirement for emergencies and the Job Centre.

Sorry, I would for once, love to write something cheerful and upbeat.

I'm trying to keep it together but I don't know how all this is going to end up?

How do I navigate through this, even if I prepare the strictest budget possible?

*Shrugs*

#BlogLife766 - I don't know if I'll survive this time... Goodbye?

I said I was going to make breakfast and yet here I am writing tomorrow (today's) post.

Yesterday I thought I would get some trousers. They had the black, blue and brown shades.

I don't buy brown as it washes out a caramel complexion but I've already got the blue and black, so I thought to hell with it.

I haven't bought anything brown since I was a teenager but I have to change things up.

The reason I like these, is because I can choose the leg length and I go for 29" as I am a shortie.

I wonder if I should have chose 27. I just saw a purple winter nightie but at £25 that seems a lot, it does have good reviews though.

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Here we are again, I just got a call to say.. You've been reported and you're in trouble.

He went ahead and did it, how spiteful does someone have to be? And when it's your own ex family stabbing you in the back, well that's just life, I guess.

The most horrid people get away with doing the unthinkable and the rest of us deal with the consequences.

Again I'm not perfect but I am just trying to get through this life. I was supposed to declare something and I omitted it.

Because that specific thing was never asked about, I just told myself it wasn't relevant and forgot about it.

I've always tried to be responsible and upfront but for this one thing I just chose a different path to the normal.

Now I have to give a bunch of bank/paypal statements within 2 weeks of receiving the demands letter and I guess I'll probably be fined and possibly prosecuted.

All I want to do is pay my monthly bills and try to escape the stress and chronic pain/exhaustion/depression.

Most of my financial obligations are gas, electricity, water, council tax, phone, broadband and rent.

Plus buy groceries. This is a list of my expenses and a description of what it is every month.

My council tax is £16 a month.

My rent is £615.52 but not all of is covered, (£540.48 I receive and contribute £75.04 per month).

My thames water bill is £40 a month.

Oh yea forgot about the TV licence bill, which is £15 a month, when I don't watch television, just Youtube.

EDF for electricity and gas is £33 and £42, I don't know which is which. £75 in total.

My BT is £37 for landline and broadband and I don't use my home phone.

My EE mobile phone contract is £18.89.

Let's add all that up and that's not including groceries, extras,  household and Oyster travel expenses.

That's £780.41 including my rent contribution.

Now let's add the JSA monthly addition, £181 x2 because it's every fortnight.

That comes up to £362. Now let's minus my rent contribution and bills.

Rent £75.04, Council Tax, £16, Thames Water £40, TV Licence £15, EDF £75, BT £37, EE £18.89.

Which minus £362 equals £85.07. Let's say the Oyster is about £15 a month.

That brings it down to £70, that's £17.50 to spend on groceries and household per week.

The only problem with that is I can't do a manual shop, I can't carry that much.

The minimum spend for most online groceries is about £40 so that would mean, I could purchase food or household but not both.

By household I mean, kitchen towels, toilet rolls, bleach, fabric detergent, handwash, washing up liquid, tissues, sanitary towels, shampoo/conditioner, cream, lotion, eye drops, saline, cleaner, lens cases, shower gel/bath soak and toothpaste/mouthwash.

Even if I bought the cheapest brands which aren't always available I would still be unable to budget.

The supermarket own, irritates my skin anyway. Now I don't know what will happen with JSA or the new claim with Universal Credit.

All she said was let Universal Credit know, which I updated my the money part, to add it.

I don't know if they'll suspend all help and start me on a payment debt plan and confiscate all savings as part of that, with an ongoing bill?

Or they might just throw me in jail but then how would they get their money?

I feel like I should be tarred and feathered and pushed into a public arena and taunted mercilessly.

Possibly put in stocks? Maybe stoned to death?

I'm human and we are all infallible, we all do the wrong thing at times.

At least while it was possible, I was able to help Mama out, if she needed something extra.

I could treat her to lunch or whatever she needed replacing or fixing.

I guess from now on luxuries I can't afford are clothes, pedicures, makeup, bedlinen, a new phone contract, essential oils, takeout, body butters.

A new laptop, when this one dies. footwear and gifts. Oh crap cabbing it to Mama is also out.

With my hands deteriorating and the whole of my back stiffening, I'm not sure taking several buses is even an option now.

As I would have to carry the laptop case, the handbag, the overnight bag and maybe stand up, if no seats are available, for the whole 1hrish journey.

All festive trips to her might just be cancelled.

As usual I keep certain details private but now I just aired out all my dirty laundry.

I'm too sick to work but not disabled enough according to the Government.

I'm stuck stuck stuck looking for employment that I cannot physically manage to do and that's been my life.

I just have to wait for the letter, that she said will probably arrive next week.

I've completely lost my appetite and my strength to persevere. When it arrives I will head to the library and take my login details, as I don't have a printer.

And just give them 6 years worth of statements, from 1st January 2018 until now, from Paypal and my bank.

I will include that and anything else they tell me and post it back in the prepaid envelope.

This is why I said before that if I stop posting for an extended period, it won't be by choice.

It is because they have convicted me and thrown away the key and I don't see myself as having enough fight in me, to want to survive that situation.

With no support system in place for me. I will give up and this blog will die. I can't seem to wrap this up.

I'll try after adding these last bits. What struck me is the abusive sibling that I grew up with is claiming UK benefits and not even living in England.

Secondly, yesterday, the EE agent, was all animated about offering me multiple discounts as EE and BT have officially merged and I am with both of them.

It all just seems like nonsense though, as giving me about 3 separate offers, still did not deduce the price that much.

After all that bs, I was still asked to pay more for my contract then I usually do.

Now I'm relieved I didn't renew. Either I will stay and that way keep the same price or switch to Pay As You Go.

The one interesting thing that will come to light, is that I'm paying some of my rent, which I shouldn't be.

Secondly, the amount of times I have had to make full rent payments when the Housing Benefit has randomly stopped, is crazy.

The landlord just seems to flippantly say, every once in a while, Oh yea you're in masses of debt.

Yet I pay every 2 weeks. I would have been homeless a long time ago......

Finally (last bit I promise), I just want to add, that the person who called from DWP, took absolute pleasure in her role of scaring me to death.

There was no sympathy or understanding. It was just lil jabs and even dialogue to put me at ease and throw me off.

Asking about my unusual surname and vacations, like we were buddies.

I can't travel, my passport isn't valid but even if it was, I can barely get to a local place, let alone abroad.

It was like she was playing her own version of good cop, bad cop.

Then it was a cheerily Have an enjoyable rest of the day..... Yea while you've turned my world upside down, uh huh.

I've always tried my utmost best to be nice, to help others, to give them confidence and support and to nearly always do the right thing.

Surely that must count for something?

I'm cutting my ties just in case. I've said my Goodbyes to L and T, it's not fair to just disappear.

But if the worst does happen to me, then at least they won't worry, they can move on to better friends.

If I'm up to it. I'll talk next week, if not take care. It dawned on me, why I can't finish this post.

I've forgotten to say Goodbye to you dear readers. I'm going to miss talking to you most of all.

No matter, how small or silly the ramblings were, you listened to all of it.

And hopefully sympathised or laughed along with me, through all the silliness or exaggerations.

Maybe you thought I was a lil dorky with all the silly spoof posts? (Were they any good? I've always wondered if anyone giggled)?

Maybe you thought I was too easily angry, with all the ranty posts? 

(Although, you'll never know how much it helped to offload and have someone listen/read, without interrupting or judging too harshly, I hope).

The poignant posts like Dear Bully and Crazy Self Therapy and maybe even this one, maybe you're crying along with me?

Or at least can feel my pain. Those were agony, to open up all those wounds, that were left dormant and to confront all the misery and brutality of being constantly mentally abused and physically assaulted.

Especially when you're your own brick wall and it's not that you don't have anything to contribute, you just can't seem to speak.

This is gonna take a big toll on Mama.

All those fictional stories that I poured my guts into. I had many love/hate moments.

I adored the outcome, even if I never quite felt I measured up to the standards of a genuine writer.

As though I really don't belong in the writer's room but I don't belong anywhere, I never have.

So much writer's block, so much time wanting to quit. Those unpublished, unfinished stories that I just can't seem to focus on.

This year's Christmas one keeps playing on my mind, actually they all do.

It's not anything special but my favourite thing to write is the daily posts, which I turned into #BlogLife.

Even stressed or not wanting to talk to a single soul, I would be bursting to tell you about my mundane day.

Most of the time, nothing dramatic happened but hopefully I could spin it, into something entertaining?

Thank you for taking a chance on my itty bitty, tiny, pictureless blog.

I finally got to share. I opened up. I created a safe space for myself and my voice was finally heard.

I appreciate that, as someone who never experienced it before.

People always had an agenda, quid pro quo or just tell me your secrets so I can take advantage.

Here on Blogger from 2017 I grew up a lot and let some of my barriers down and let you see pieces of me, that no-one else saw.

I somewhat healed and the rest is beyond repair. Whatever happens next, whoever comes and goes into your life..

Be your own gatekeeper. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone hurt you.

Remember that you are one of a kind and I'll miss you.

I don't think I'll ever delete this blog, unless I want to start afresh or go into hiding.

But that also means I would have to delete Twitter.. I should eat, it's nearly 5pm and I've been talking nonstop..

#BlogLife711 - Energy bills no cheaper

Hmm not sure if I am relieved or disappointed. It's just over a month since the smart meter was forcibly installed.

It wasn't my choice, I was told I had to do it and I've just checked the latest bill and it's exactly the same, no higher or lower.

It would have been great if it was cheaper but it kinda doesn't surprise me.

I do think it's a scam. The way that you're not given the option to decline. The way that they harp on about saving you money, is all nonsense and lies!!

I haven't done anything different, I'm using the boiler less, as it's summer and I need less heat.

I'm still cooking the same, although once again no appetite. Plus I'm still charging all the devices nonstop..

Earbuds, laptop, fans, epilator, electric toothbrush, foot scrub remover and electric blankie.

My skin is mostly clear, a lil bumpy with the increased sugar consumption.

I just gave myself a pedicure, actually not sure when my next professional one is due.

I've decided every 3 months, should suffice, plus I wonder if the brow lady is back.

I did just pluck my brows, so they seem better but they need a re-shape so badly.

The neighbours are harassing me again but I'm not answering the door, 10pm at night, they buzzed, what the hell for??

Who does that?? I could have been sleeping. Schmucks!!

A lil update about the Yash lip balm, it's good while using it, but my lips are chapping badly.

I wouldn't recommend it, as it's no different to any other brand, except that it leaks like crazy and that is annoying me so much.

No matter how tightly I close it, the next time I pick it up, it's leaking, ugh, sticky mess!

Oh that was quick, I ordered the gel pens on Friday and they already arrived, woop.

It's Bic and they are the ugliest design I have ever seen, they look cheap, well they were inexpensive at £2.29, oh well, I will still use them at a pinch.

But I thought they were different colours, purple, pink, green, black and blue.

I like that they are thick and dark and comfy to hold but what is with the bloody deception??

If they are one colour, make them all blue!

#BlogLife635 - I'm taking you and your money for a ride..

Song of the day - Shawn Mendes/Camila Cabello - I Know What You Did Last Summer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTtxm1h8edw&list=WL&index=43

It's been a stressful day. I was beginning to suspect something was up with my direct debits.

First EDF keeps mistaking me for the neighbours and saying I owe them copious amounts.

Then another bill I regularly pay, texted me to say I'm seriously in debt and to contact them immediately to sort it out.

I can understand if I'm skipping payments or not giving them the full amounts but I've been carefully making sure I'm up to date.

I wondered if it was spam? I called them up to make enquiries about it and she said, no it was legitimate and I said, that makes no sense.

I pay you on time and I was just about to enquire where the flipping hell that money is going if not on my bills, when she said, Oh you're not due to pay us, you're fine and current, don't worry about it.

But I was so relieved after she said that, the anger disappeared.

It still feels off though, I'm continually paying and yet seemingly close to being in the red?

Highly suspicious, good job I keep the receipts in my email. I don't trust them 100% and I want to cover myself.

I feel like they are making up the numbers and making me pay excess, I just can't prove it.

I have to admit I wanted to put off that phone call until next week but I feel a bit stronger, like I can handle some confrontations, when I know I'm in the right.

I've had a busy day and totally forgot I started this post at the weekend.

Otherwise I'm not sure I had anything to say, I'm just getting a lot of cramps at the moment.

My latest craving and I haven't one of those for a while, was to get the multi dip and crackers as that contains no meat or fish.

I'm still on my mainly plain foods kick. I have tiny meals. I bought some ritz crackers, some jacobs and some mini cheddars.

I first had it at Mama's and it just hit the spot, normally I don't like half the dips, but this is quite tasty.

I routinely stick to hummus but I guess I wanted something different.

Oh oops, I thought it was cheaper than that it was £2.60, it contains onion and garlic, which is my favourite.

Then cheese and chive, sour cream and chive and thousand island.

That's dinner for me unless I fancy something additional with the pmt hormones raging.

Oh I also got some fruit as well, some strawberries and mangos. Very yummy for my fussy tum tum.

Oh I finally saw MC last night, I haven't spoken to him since December, we seemed to keep missing each other and I haven't felt like staying late to wait for him.

It was nice to catch up and have a laugh with someone that is down to earth and not grilling me with personal questions or making me uncomfortable.

#BlogLife578 - EDF are getting incompetent!

I woke up at 8amish and felt sluggish so I slept some more and got up a while later.

It's absolutely freezing so I was making some hot cheesy toasties and going through the mail and nearly had a heart attack.

This is the second time, that EDF has written to me, saying I'm in debt, over a £1k worth.

I've always paid my bills, even if I've struggled and I thought what have I been paying, if it hasn't gone into my account??

Are EDF stealing from me? Then I thought hmm, what if it's the neighbours as it says Business account and I'm a resident.

I looked at the address and name but there was no name. I compared the account number to mine and nope not a match either.

Yeesh that frightened me. I'm glad it's not me but EDF should still be way more careful and not get muddled.

I can't be bothered to call up and shout at them.

I have gotten into a new show, well it's old but new to me, called Reign.

It's another oldy worldy monarchy type show. A young King and Queen, Mary and Francis navigating through life, politics, scheming and heartache.

It's a bit dark magicy, which I'm not a fan of but the cast is great and I recognise a fair few of them which is nice.

I actually wasn't sure who I wanted her to end up with, she was torn between two brothers.

Lots of action, romance and lovable characters, I recommend it so far, just finished season 1.

#BlogLife497 - You pay me, I pay them...

I was just paying some bills and unless I can't get through, I pay on time but a while back, I was waiting for some cash to come through and it didn't.

But when it eventually did, I resumed my schedule, only to suddenly be told today, I was behind in the amount.

Plus the bills have gone up and during that period of when I couldn't arrange funds..

Um I guess they may have been charging interest so I owe about £200ish was the quote which seems a lil excessive.

I have to admit, I was kinda late with this latest settlement so next week I may either get up to date or I guess offer up a big chunk of it.

It shocked me though because this is the first time, they have mentioned it and this is from last year.... Weird!!

It almost feels like some companies make up debts just to be greedy and put you at a disadvantage.

First period of May has knocked me out. I literally woke up in the morning knackered and I actually slept.

I had to take 2 naps today because I had no energy. Yeesh I am struggling today to get anything done.

Plus I've been playing agony auntie and that gets grating after awhile when great advice is ignored zzz.

I don't have the patience for it, not now, not today! My mouth feels better, no more toothache or sensitive gums.

I did get into a new show Citadel with Priyanka Chopra. Umm I think I like it, it does have it's amusing moments and I love that Stanley Tucci has some cracking lines.

His dry wit is great. It's a bit violent, action packed though and you know it's gearing towards infidelity once more ughhhh.

Cheating is becoming the norm on television, tsk tut!! Oh and still no sign of Dic..........

2 peaceful weeks I think it's been. I'm glad, the mood I'm in, I would have probably ripped his head off with my bare hands..

May your weekend been full of lightheartedness and fun. I don't know whether to carry on window shopping or hold off from buying clothes... Hmm

Feels like I'm wearing the same thing over and over.

I'm not going to do Song of the day. I'm just listening to Christmas music, currently, to put me in a good head space.