#BlogLife146 - Truth hurts was my motto

I'm actually not sure if it still is my motto. I'm still blunt and direct and will tell you the unkind truth for your long term well being but so many people just want to hear their own version of the truth..

The lies they have told themselves to make being a pushover seem acceptable, when really it is not. I'm glad that at least some people can recoil in horror but then quickly understand where I am coming from.

I'm not misinterpreting the scenario. I am not being mean. I am not exaggerating the facts. I am just telling you the reality and giving you options.

I am not dictating saying do this or that. I am laying it all out for you, what you do next, is your decision and you have to live with the consequences of your actions.

You picked on the wrong girl to ask for advice from. You thought I would be like a warm protective hug? Telling you that everything is fine and that you don't need to grow up and act like an adult.

Plus have a serious talk and assert some boundaries because all that is too scary and you would rather carry on being mistreated for the rest of your days..

Ooops. Big mistake. I am all about the personal growth and your happiness is what I care about. Right now you are in a cocoon of deceit.

This utterly delusional but safe bubble world. No bad thoughts can penetrate and ignorance is bliss. I mean you only have suspicions and zero trust but that's alright..

You just continue being stressed and anxious and wishing you were being treated with respect but not demanding it and see how it works out for you.

It's your life, do as your please. I am saying nobody respects someone who doesn't respect themselves. You will continue to be taken advantage of until you have the gumption to say...

Hey...... Listen up. Your behaviour towards me is unacceptable and offensive. Either you apologise and change your ways or I will leave your sorry ass alone and look for someone a thousand times better!

And if you lack the balls to confront without an ultimatum then good luck expecting any change for the better. Things will continue declining and that person will laugh ten times harder knowing they have you, right where they want you.

That they can get away with murder and you will let them because you have made no effort to teach them the correct way to behave.

You absolutely do deserve better but don't take my word for it. You have to believe in yourself. Feel that you are entitled to careful consideration and genuine affection.

Think about it...... You know I'm right :D

#BlogLife130 - Oh baby! Oh baby!! Oh baby!!! *Mature audiences only*

Giggles, if you are wondering what on earth, the title is referring too, well here goes. I mean I don't know if I could do it but I was thinking of writing a short steamy story.

To be perfectly honest, it's something I have thought about for a long time since reading trashy romance novels and not quite understanding them but enjoying them all the same.

I guess it would be a big challenge for me. I admit *holds hand up* I confess I read stuff like that from time to time. Typically when I get the surge of hormones.

My mood can just range from seething hostility to sadness to friskiness but I want an actual readable story. A nice interesting setting and something realistic-ish.

A hint of romance with normal emotions, nothing over the top or immoral. I can't really see me publishing it on here, assuming I could even compose it.

However there is a site I use. I don't know if I should mention it. It kinda would be a hoot to submit something and see if it would get any feedback..

Meanwhile I took the plunge and re-read Faithless Pursuit again from the beginning. You know I didn't cringe as much as I thought.

For a first attempt it came out better than I could have hoped for, better than I assumed really. It's definitely alright. I will just keep writing Lethal Curves Ahead and try to make it a good effort.

I've already made a start but I'll just make it short and see if I can develop it into something passionate or just leave it as a throwaway story that I challenged myself to write.

I pretty much failed on the short and racy themes. It is neither. Surprisingly it was easy to concoct and I have no shortage of ideas.

I haven't completely finished it, I just wrote one chapter and I know how to end it. I saw J last night and he said he might do a story too so we can compare notes.

Bahaha. Hysterical. I told him he should do a voiceover. He thinks we would be overnight sensations. What a loon :D

I'm still working on Lethal Curves Ahead. I just get disillusioned writing the same story after a while. I need fresh material.

I think if I can manage this whether clean or spicy, it will inspire me to come up with more stories so I can have that thrill of more publishing.

I just don't know if I have the courage to submit it anywhere...

J is not back!

I confess, I slipped up. I bumped into J and I honestly did stand fast in my resolution to dissolve whatever was between us and not communicate but even though I faced him and said I am not doing this.

We fell into old patterns. I hate that it is so easy to talk to him and he is just sooo irritatingly addictively easygoing to be with. I made it clear it was a one off conversation.

I am not backsliding or going soft. I think it hit me as I was thinking about it last night and trying not to over analyze what it meant.

He is just a terrible listener. For some reason I don't think I picked up on it before or maybe I had and forgot but I have told him really private specifics about my health and life and he just doesn't recall any of it.

Funny how the insignificant flirting, he remembers every detail. Ugh. That is not good enough. I think I get it now. If I had meant something real to him, he would have paid better attention and let the information sink in but he doesn't.

He just wants someone on paper that makes him smile for a bit away from life's strains and stresses. I deserve better. I need someone that takes it all in and cares and he doesn't.

It kills me a little that he will just act like he is super keen to prolong the time together and yet makes no effort to satisfy my needs just his own.

I am mostly over it. I haven't really thought about him of late. It was just seeing him out of the blue kinda made me stop short. 

I have a sneaky suspicion either he is playing dumb on purpose or manipulating me. I found myself repeating what the issues were and him being dumbfounded once more.

Arghhh! It is like talking to a brick wall with oodles of charm. On one hand he has a snake like charm enticing me further to stay and reconnect and on the other side there is just a blank personality.

I promised myself this time I wouldn't harp on about the phone calls so I put it in this way. That was the only thing I missed, the calls because that was when I really saw him.

The real him, unguarded. He didn't really comment and it struck me suddenly. That must be the whole reason he stopped calling.

He didn't want to unveil. He wanted to maintain a certain distance and coldness. I guess I take it personally. That he chooses not to be friendly but at the same time, will put off leaving in favour of staying close.

It made me a basket obsessing case before but no longer. That's his deal and mine is, I know what I want and need and I have the courage to speak out and ask for it.

It's up to whoever if they want to give it to me but it's also my choice to stick around. He said take care and I said goodbye. I maybe alone forever but at least I am not compromised.

I am not tearing myself inside out to please. I am standing my ground and fighting for what I want. It won't happen again. We won't meet and even if we do.

He is just not suitable. Take take take and not give and take. That is not how acquaintanceship works. It has to evolve.