#BlogLife826 - Dropped another two dress sizes

Altogether I think I've dropped down four dress sizes. It's not official but the clothes I got recently are falling down practically.

I've got house clothes that I wear and these are yoga type pants that are loose and comfy and because clothing sizes in each store are different, I tend to go up a size.

But by doing that, during a healthier lifestyle where the weight is consistently coming off, it makes it difficult to judge, which size I should be.

I decided to be hopeful and instead of buying my usual size, that seems way too big now, I went down a further two.

That seems too ambitious when I still don't see physical evidence of a change but even I can't argue with clothes that don't fit anymore.

I'm still trying to be careful with my spending. It will probably be taken away, anytime now.

Me and Mama were joking that the witch loves the holidays, so she'll probably stretch it out until Valentine's Day, Easter or my birthday in summer, to stick the knife in and twist it.

I wouldn't put it past her, someone that thrives on causing misery.

Anyway I saw these really cute wide leg palazzo pants. I hope they are on the thicker side.

I bought it in navy, instead of black as a change and they seem to be shorter than most, I'm not very tall.

Most trousers I buy drag on the floor as I can't wear heels but I'm hoping they fit, as they are designed to be casual wear and not tight.

I've got to admit, I'm not exercising regularly, most of the time, I feel sickly.

What I am doing is eating less, as I don't have as big an appetite as previously.

I'm not limiting myself, if I fancy a snack, I'll munch and not feel guilty and I went back to drinking water.

Not because of health, for some reason, it's the only thing I fancy and I know that is great for dropping the pounds too.

I'm going in the right direction, it doesn't now seem I'm sacrificing or torturing myself to look and feel better.

That's a huge difference, I used to be really mean to myself and say that I was unappealing, so I should not eat and not deserve food.

I'm maturing though and through this blog and getting to know myself I've realised a lot of things.

I felt compelled to shut myself off from others, to overeat to protect myself from being noticed and exploited.

That my comfort levels were hiding in the shadows and not being seen, so that I couldn't be picked on.

And that I took onboard and believed all the negativity that came my way regarding my looks, my weight, my personality..

Plus the people that came into my life and didn't show me affection, time and respect.

I blamed myself for not being good enough, I thought that I needed to change, to fit in with others.

It took an insanely long time to realise that I was alright as I was, that those people didn't deserve what I had to offer.

It was them, it wasn't me. I tried my best to be loving and supportive and it was ignored.

Sometimes that happens to people though. I'm just glad that now I recognise these patterns of selfish/one sided behaviour.

As I've said many times, I don't think I'm perfect but I know I deserve better treatment, than what I've always received, that's for damn sure!

Screw their excuses, they were not good people! And if in your friendships, you're constantly feeling bad and noone is reassuring you or appreciating you, that's a red flag right there!!

That felt really satisfying to offload all of that. I've actually seen a few more reasonable tops to purchase..

But I actually remembered that what I need is a tape measure, to see my waist, hips, bust sizes so that I'm not buying in vain.

I've been taking notes from 2022 and it's crazy the amount of difference I've seen in my shape.

Before that I just felt stuck and frustrated and now I can have dessert and snack and still maintain my goals.

It is possible to lose weight the sensible way. I would just say, figure out what works best for you.

Maybe there is something you can't give up or compromise on? In that case look at other areas, where you can.

Maybe you're at your perfect weight already, then good for you.

It's not about being skinny or slim, for me it's about being comfortable.

A balance between health and a weight I can maintain without stressing and sacrificing food.

When I was in a rush and did it quickly and extremely, it didn't take for long.

Unfortunately as much as I wanted to rush it and reach that size yesterday, it wasn't possible.

I was forced to slow down and take my time to do it. Experimenting along the way and seeing what not to do.

If I'm right about my size, than I can live with just losing 2 more stones.

I've come a long long way and at the end I won't be skinny or slim or a Doctor's version of healthy.

But for me, I'll be extremely happy because I'll be back how I was when I was a teenager.

That's more than good enough for me but I'll probably re-assess it and see if further changes are needed.

Just to satisfy myself alone and nobody else because it's my self-esteem that matters, not how people see me.