Keyboard fried?

My Lenovo ideapad laptop is quite a few years old. I bought it from Amazon and have had very few problems aside from replacing the charger.

Last night I shut it down as usual and when I tried it today. Unusually the *Num lock* key was stuck lit up. I couldn't press it off.

I didn't really think anything of it but suddenly certain letters wouldn't show on screen like *y* and *t* The *backspace/delete* key wouldn't erase anything.

I was so confused as to why it was acting strangely. I hadn't done anything differently. I don't think I accidentally alerted some mysterious setting. 

I had to use my phone and Google it. Plus use the onscreen keyboard to take off the *Num lock* as an expert suggested.

I did and it turned off but it refused to turn back on so there is an issue there. 

Uninstalling the keyboard was an option I tried and then reinstalled it on the Lenovo site which didn't fair any better as was running the troubleshooter. 

Last step I am trying is system restore. I don't have a spare keyboard and this usually solves my issues as a last resort because it takes ages to complete.

I had to tweet from the mobile today and lunch was decidedly cold when I got around to eating it. 

The laptops restarting a bunch of times so I hope it's almost finished. I only set it to revert back to yesterday as it was working appropriately then. 

Wish me luck. I have things to do, of which are delayed due to this headache. Grr!

I really don't want to use the onscreen keyboard. I also gave it a good clean just incase there was too much dust. 

Shoot. The *Num lock* key is back to being illuminated and won't turn off. Delete key not working still. Ffs.

Next I tried editing the registry and put zero in the data field which is supposed to disable it at startup. Failed too. 

I wonder if my Function keys are off? There has to be some simple action I'm oblivious to. 

I tried going ino bios mode and then disabling hotkey mode. No joy. 

I need to try booting in safe mode apparently to see if it works as normal in that way.  They actually aren't working. *t* and *y* *delete* *num lock*

Really perplexing me now having to highlight, right click and delete errors. 

I just made sure the language keyboard is only set to UK as sometimes it switches to USA and one person said that was their fix. 

Actually USA is still appearing as an option. I can't seem to delete it and I'm too tired. 

To be continued tomorrow.. 

I refuse to believe it's beyond repair. I jus discovered that *caps lock* isn't working and left shift isn't either.

Ugh! Too much stressyness for me, the non techie!! 

Any experts out there who know all the answers? 

I rang up the Lenovo technical support team and he said because the onscreen keyboard works it's a hardware issue and did I want to send it to Germany for repairs? 

Ummm... Nopity! Or I should buy a new keyboard or repair it. Nah. I bought this one November 2015, so it has served me the longest and fairly well. 

I will replace it if I have to but first I will exhaust all my options. At least I can say I tried everything afterwards. 

I'll do a bit more reading and then reset it probably or restore it again. I didn't want to lose my files or settings though. 

I really don't need the expense of a new laptop. 

Final update, I reset Windows and kept my files as a last resort and 5 hours ish later. I found out, it didn't work! I will buy a new one soonish.

I didn't see that coming

It's quite strange as this will be the first Christmas in many years I've not spent with her. I don't really feel depressed just sort of a tad empty.

It's definitely for the best though as the alternative is me being on edge and probably calling an emergency cab to take me home. 

I have killer cramps at the moment so trying to just sleep late and relax as much as possible. I couldn't do that if I was away from home.

I got talking to a few guys in the same boat as me and some even asked me to join them but I could never do that. Meeting someone quickly without vetting them. 

I just don't feel that desperate need to reach out and take that risk and possibly be emotionally or physically hurt again.

I was talking to my friend tonight and just explaining how I like the idea of relationships and romance but the reality is just a trainwreck for me. 

Everyone I know has had at least one healthy normal relationship but I never did.

I don't understand why most if not all of them tried to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn't big headed. 

I may have joked that I was irrisistable but anyone that really knew me would know how I struggled with my body image and self esteem issues, so why did I always get the masqueraders?

They put on such a believable act, friendly, good manners, respectful and then the name calling and button pushing on my deepest fears would slowly begin. 

It confused my thoughts and I gave them the benefit of the doubt until it happened again. 

Toxic.

I would rather just not bother. The world can think what they like about me. I just want a quiet life and to be left alone to deal with my own dramas.

I spoke to my mum tonight and she told me matter of factly that the eldest child intends to be there for another Christmas this year so I'm not really sure how to take that. 

I assumed we would have alternate years with the family but it feels like I've been kicked out of all the festivities.

I almost said something about it but then I figured if that's the way they all want to celebrate, I'm not going to stand in the way. It is a bit of a kick in the teeth. 

To not even let me be part of the discussion but it's pretty much them always calling the shots and her being passive, so be it. I'll just have to create my own traditions and festive cheer.

She did invite me for New Years when the holiday season is almost over but I'll see how it goes. 

This year I'm still tied up with my schedule so it might end up the same way this December. No spending time with the family at all but it's starting to bother me less the more I think about it.

I am just beginning to care less and wash my hands of it all. Less fuss, no travel, my own spacious bed and my choice of goodies, which includes takeout as I am not a domestic goddess.

I'm a fraud!

I call myself a writer and have various stories and plots running through my mind at any given moment. 

I can talk to someone and make up a crazy scenario with no effort at all and even make it elaborate and filled with fun details but when it comes to my own precious stories, I draw a blank.

Those doubts creep in through the smallest crack and fester inside my head. 

I load up the book page and stare it, hoping that some ideas will burst through and I can move past this massive hurdle but it's just not happening of late.

I want desperately to finish book number one and achieve that goal of writing and completing my first book. 

I reread what I've written with a love/hate conviction, some of it I really love and it all makes sense to me and other bits I feel critical of and wonder who on this earth would find it appealing to read.

Writing is my passion though. I loved it from my childhood, these wonderfully intriguing stories that floated around my head that I could create alternative paths to. 

Writing long letters to my penpals and finally creating stories of my own.

Perhaps I am overthinking and being too negative. I don't really feel bad about my writing but I am not 100% convinced it's fantastic either. It's just fair, it's readable.

Unclog your ears

You are important to me. I always strive to do my very best for you whenever I can. I have time and patience and the willingness to listen to your woes, but damnit even I have my limits.

You asked for my help, that's fine with me. I try my best but this isn't the first or second time for this issue, this is like the tenth time I have taken time out, dropped everything to explain it to you. 

I even emailed instructions yet again, tried to break it down as simply as I knew how and still you come back to me asking me to talk you through it once again, which I did and afterwards you claimed I didn't.

Try switching off the music, the games, the television and everything else you have switched on and LISTEN, focus on what I tell you and maybe then you will finally get it and understand what I have been saying time and time again.

This isn't fun, this isn't normal. I am annoyed and it takes a lot for me to be snippy with you but I am. 

I hate confrontation and pointing out your flaws but I know you must have heard my voice slightly raised and an irritated edge to my tone.

You called me again after the conversation ended and I looked at your name and ignored you. Honestly I just wanted some peace and quiet. My night was ruined, I felt really frustrated and fed up with you. 

I doubt you will apologise or realise how wrong you are but from now on, this is your problem, not mine, fix it without my help.

Know when to quit and when to be steadfast

Writing doesn't always flow for me and sometimes I struggle a great deal just trying to find the right words to form a simple sentence so this was made especially awkward when I had writers block a day or so ago. 

It wasn't even a pivotal moment in the book just a point in which I wanted to create some sort of twist with my character and mess with the readers minds once more.

I also wanted to evolve my character and I just couldn't seem to find a way to make all the jigsaw pieces slot together. Staring at a blank screen is very frustrating and pushing yourself to write can be a good and bad thing. 

I was becoming frustrated and despondent that I had such a long way to go and nothing was sounding quite right but I felt guilty about stopping completely and giving up.

I have taken numerous long breaks from my story and at this rate I will never get it finished, so I was determined to persevere until the cramps set in and that was it, game over for me. 

I couldn't concentrate at all and decided to shut down the laptop and get some rest which was ultimately the best thing I could do for myself because I just felt nauseated also.

The moment I just forgot about the complications of the book and just tried to switch my mind off was the second that a brief idea came to mind.

I didn't have the energy to develop it until the morning came but more ideas sprang to mind which was such a relief because now I knew where to start and continue on. 

All the tension left me and I felt refreshed so I did a workout this morning and felt even more clarity wash over me.