#BlogLife91 - I am imperfect!

I am totally imperfect - but that is okay for me. I like being human and full of bad habits and shortcomings.

It was not acceptable for those around me, friends and family who expected me to be just like them. They didn't make me feel as though I could discover my own identity.

I was supposed to twist myself around in knots and become them. To totally change my personality and figure and be skinny and popular.

For a while I did try because when someone is constantly critiquing you, they eventually get inside your head and live there.

I forced myself to diet and not eat and not drink because it was too calorific. I hung out with people that were cold and distant and tried to make them like me.

I did all of that and was miserable and it still wasn't satisfying their need to alter their perception of me.

I eventually stepped back and in the middle of my crisis realised that I needed to make peace with myself.

It took a while but after some time passed, I just analysed everything and I did. Now I try not to let people have any influence over me, except if it is positive.

I am now fully recovered from my strain and when I told someone, you know, my volunteering is officially over.

The first thing they said wasn't, well done, good for you for completing it. It was....

Wow, so soon? Can't you do more of it?

I realised that although I am better. I actually do need a break from it. 

The stress of being upbeat and perky 24-7 and trying to be patient with people that think it's okay to do nothing but throw tantrums has taken it's toll on me!

I kept trying to take these same chats and putting pressure on myself to do it because I felt like it was expected not because I actually wanted to do it.

That is what I am going to do now. A much needed vacation from helping others and some self care and focusing on rejuvenating myself.

I feel lighter already :)